In public

[MrsR]

Hi

 

Sorry for starting yet another thread! I just have so many questions!

 

When I'm out in public and S is going on and on and on quoting Harry Potter, waving his "wand" and will only speak to people off the Harry Potter scripts, how should I handle it? Usually I just ignore him and the stares. Sometimes I tell him that I want to talk to S, not Harry Potter, but it's becoming more and more prominent and if I'm honest, it's doing my head in. How do y'all cope?

 

Thanks again. xx

[loulou]

Hi Mrs R,

 

The answer to that is keep on ignoring the stares!

 

My son (7) makes train sounds all the time (especially when we're out). I can't talk to him or get any sense out of him when he's in full swing, so i just wait for the right moment. If i interrupt his "train", he goes ballistic, so i just let him get on with it.

 

I know what you mean though, because it does my head in too. He only really talks about trains and i'm fed up with hearing about them!

 

A relaxing bath and a nice glass of wine always seems to help!

 

Loulou x

 

ps just noticed we have the same avatar

Edited November 16, 2005 by loulou

[smiley]

How do i cope - hmmmm good question! Damn good sense of humour helps!!

 

My son does something similar - i just try to ignore it now. If he's getting really silly, then i have to either find him somewhere quiet (- he gets worse in crowds of people, too much noise and things going on for him) or i go home.

 

For the stares - i used to find that increadibly difficult. But i don't like the idea of putting a 'i have aspergers' kind of badge on him. The happy medium for me is small cards you can get from the NAS - although i'm sure you can make some of your own up - It just says 'This child has Aspergers......' and explains a little about it. If someone is staring, and i fell uncomfortable - i had one over!! The majority of the stares come from lack of awareness.

 

Hope this helps <'>

[curra]

I've been through this for many years, my son is 12 and he still talks and talks about his own stuff when we are in the queue, or worse, he starts talking about the other people who are waiting next to us!! He can come up with something like "Don't these people realize how wrong they are giving more money to a supermarket instead of buying at the corner shop?"

I can:

- ignore him and look in the other direction hoping he will get tired of talking (it usually doesn't work)

- tell him in a low voice that it's not the place to discuss this and could he please wait until we are in the car? He has learned to wait and he does realize that it was not the right place, but there's still a looong way to go till we finally get there...

 

I've also learned not to mind too much about it and sometimes other people look at him and smile

 

<'> <'> Gloria

[oracle]

It's a coping strategy. Well that's my take on why this happens with our kids. David is now 18 but he feels the needs to talk his way through any event or activity that he is having difficulty coping with. Matthew is the same. As well as the none stop talking - we have only just left the Crystal Maze behind us phew Matthew now spins his way through a Shopping Centre which can evoke numerous stares and comments. I cope by calling him Billy As in Billy Elliot. I am very lucky because Matthew has a wonderful sense of humour and so he understands why I call him Billy and does not object. That is how we try and cope with most things in this house ? humour.

 

David can talk and whistles at the same time ? this means he is VERY stressed. Matthew talks and a burps at the same time ? this one is fabulous and draws lots of hard stares. I was once in Morrisons with both of them doing this in unison. That has to be the best EVER

 

David speaks computer while Matthew took part in the Crystal Maze. All in all we must look like the crazy gang - But - it no longer bothers me. Maybe I am crazy now too

 

Carole

[KarenT]

"The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter". I keep saying it over and over to myself, and it works. Sod the lot of 'em, your son is more important to you than they are.

 

Karen

x

[lynyona]

MrsR

my son 19 is the same when we are out he cannot stop talking and like someone else said in an earlier post he turns into a steam engine making whooshing noises like an engine or doing the moves of yosimitsu from from one of his computer games i cant remember which its a fighting game.Soul caliber i think..And when he gets real stressed he always pipes up quite loudly(especially if its crowded doesnt do crowds)why cant all these people go and shop somewhere else and i find not reacting to him helps but i do remind him that he isnt a train or a computer game character and he is a person.

[witsend]

Hi Mrs R - I can sympathize (should that be empathize?) here, my sons behaviour in public has caused me much angst over the years. I've never been great at dealing with it, but since he was dx and and since I have learnt and understood more about the reasons he behaves as he does it has got easier.

I've found if you act really upbeat about what you're child is saying and don't cringe in a corner most onlookers will simply follow suit. I just often tend to act like whatever my son is saying/doing is really normal/entertaining and actually make eye contact with the onlookers to 'let them in' on it too Quite a lot of them are then actually quite pleasent and the ones that aren't, well who cares about them anyway?

Your son is not doing anything so awful, it's not illegal or hurtful to anyone so so what? Have to admit when I'm out with my boys I feel a bit like Carole - we must look like the crazy gang but maybe we are! But so what?

At least Harry potter is pretty mainstream, my son used to ask people what they thought "The Punishers" (marvel character) best torture technique was - blank stares all round!!

Take care - keep smiling - luv Witsend.

[MrsR]

Thank you! I feel a lot better now. S's favorite PC game is Army Men, so that with Harry Potter and some Blue's Clues, are what he goes on about. It's actually quite interesting to be walking down the street sometimes and hear him say altogether "STOP, STOP, STOP! My wand! Look at my wand! Ahhh, a flamethrower...burn baby, burn!"

 

He did that yesterday, and some of the looks we got from the elderly people were...interesting. I just ignored him and carried on.

 

I've been noticing that his voice volume increases when he's excited and when his dad and I are trying to talk. He's ALWAYS got to talk over us, which is annoying, and the other night I was actually playing army men (the actual plastic ones) on the floor with him, and he'd said "calpol" for "Corporal" and it made me laugh, and while I was laughing I was hiding my face so S couldn't see so it wouldn't make him upset, but he just launched really loudly into Harry Potter until I stopped laughing and told him I was ok and to settle down. Then he seemed to just resume playing with his men!

 

Anyway, all your responses make me feel better. It's nice to know other's "get" to face this besides me! Thank you again!!

[baileyj]

Max (5) does it too, with him its advert speak, especially if I am asking him to do something like get off the computer, he launches into "your not making any sense", something he's got off somewhere.

 

Ive learnt to cope, and answer back in the same way. Often its Thomas the Tank langugage, if he wants to express he is angry, he shouts out some angry Thomas txt. Iknow its just his way of communicating his feelings, and the only way he knows how. People do stare, but Ive become hardened to it now and take no notice of em.

 

It does get easier I promise.

 

Jo

[kirstie]

oh yes!!1 lewis talks over us too. Never really understood why i kind of thought it was because he didn't really know about the social rules of conversational turn taking. When Lewis does this talking incessantly pretending to be either a superhero or cartoon character i go along with it, just like when he had imaginary friends. We had to put seat belts on them and everything, the funny thing was when i asked him one day if ed was having any tea Lewis replied, " No he's not real you know" Doh, talk about feeling like a plank!! But i found it was in some way his way of 'allowing' us if you like, to interact with him. It can get a bit much but i don't care if people want to stare. It does sometimes get a bit tricky if he tries to interact with his peers, they just looka t hima s though hes some sort of weirdo. which hurts my heart. we are using this in his IEP, how to start a conversation appropriatley. Other than that, anyone who stares gets an icy one right back!!!