Zemanski Report post Posted November 20, 2005 Com has a big issue with detentions to him they are a flag of failure and, with his 'marked sensitivity to failure' they throw him into a complete frenzy. the affect of giving Com a detention is to make his anxiety levels rocket and trigger severe behaviour problems - screaming fits, classroom smashing, lashing out, refusing school, suicide threats...... we have been over and over this through the last year and we thought school had got the message but on Friday he came home with 2; one for forgetting a homework (personal organistation) and the other, just to add insult to injury, for missing a detention there is no record of him ever having been given in the first place. anyone else have this problem? any ideas on how to resolve it? Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest flutter Report post Posted November 20, 2005 <'> <'> dunno sorry but we are heading down same road! i have bought a new wipe board so i can aks her every lesson what homework she has, but again that puts onus on me doin all the work( and i am getting weary) would Q the one u didnt know bout tho?? take care C xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted November 20, 2005 Detentions were the bane of my life when Alex was at mainstream. Apart from talking to the teachers and SENCO, which you've obviously already been doing, I really don't know what the answer is, I could never find the answer when Alex kept getting them. I was forever trying to tell the school that I understand the reasons for detentions being given, but giving them to a child with Aspergers for their bad organisational skills/slow handwriting (forgetting homework/not finishing work), is like giving one to a blind child for not being able to read from a blackboard. It didn't stop them from being given. It all goes back to a lack of understanding.......again. The detention for missing a detention , lack of communication on their part, if they're anything like Alex's old school, they probably wont admit to that Annie <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted November 20, 2005 Zemanski Kerre used to get detentions quite often at school and was perfectly okay as long as he felt they were justified - all hell broke lose when he felt they weren't. I never really resolved the issue but had a friend locally whose AS daughter never did homework and continually got detention and just never went to them. Her Mum always supported her and even when faced with Saturday morning detentions just ignored school. I think that because she always got good exam results school eventually stopped bothering. It always surprises me that schools give so many detentions to our children when they so obviously don't work. In fact, I think they create a totally negative image of the school and actually make behaviour worse. Kerre's school did eventually get the picture but by then it was too late. I think you should underline to the school how counter productive their insistence on detentions is and avoid them if at all possible. Two in one day is excessive. I used to underline the fact that Kerre was being given a detention BECAUSE of his SEN and problems with organisation and communication rather than a deliberate intention to avoid homework and thus they were being discriminatory. I hope this gets sorted. Barefoot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted November 20, 2005 When I was at school my Dad firmly believed against detentions. He put it in writing that I was not allowed to stay back after school for detention. I didn't get any after that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted November 20, 2005 Well said Barefoot This is where I have a problem with ASD children in mainstream high schools. My experience is that mainstream schools expect ALL children who go to them MUST be treated the same way. If they are willing to accept ASD children, they must be prepared to be flexible. Unfortunately flexible schools are very few and far between. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted November 20, 2005 we have even tried quoting the disabilities act at them on this and they had agreed that detentions would be avoided 'where possible'. Not really satisfactory but he hadn't had any since then. even the word sends Com into meltdown - he missed 2 lessons a few weeks ago because some idiot teacher made a passing comment as he left the room, to calm down due to stress, that anyone else would would have been given a detention and he hit the roof! the trouble with saying he can't stay after school is that then he will do them in lunch times or if he misses 3 he gets put in 'inclusion' - isolation - with the EBD kids. either way the situation just gets worse suppose it's a trip to see the DH on monday again! I think I'll email his consultant if they won't back down and get him to write a letter - usually pretty effective. Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted November 20, 2005 lack of communication on their part, if they're anything like Alex's old school, they probably wont admit to that Bizarrely they seem to be quite proud of the fact that in the latest school audit they were told that appalling communication between staff and staff, staff and pupils, staff and parents, management and non-management, etc. etc. was their main failing. They seem to be now using it as an excuse: "We did something crass and slightly illegal? Bad communication ." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted November 20, 2005 And if their communication is bad how can they expect a child with communication problems to know what on earth is going on? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted November 20, 2005 well, my communication with the advisor is excellent, even on a sunday she is ringing them first thing monday morning her response was: I can't believe this Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted November 20, 2005 lack of communication on their part, if they're anything like Alex's old school, they probably wont admit to that Bizarrely they seem to be quite proud of the fact that in the latest school audit they were told that appalling communication between staff and staff, staff and pupils, staff and parents, management and non-management, etc. etc. was their main failing. They seem to be now using it as an excuse: "We did something crass and slightly illegal? Bad communication ." If this was highlighted by an Ofsted then they will have had to draw up plans to address it in the SIP (School Improvement Plan). Far from being proud of them this they should be putting it right, certainly not using it as an excuse! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jeni Report post Posted November 20, 2005 had the same problems with regards to detentions with ds1 when he was in yr7. all the teachers at the school made exceptions for him except for 1, she didnt like him using his alpha smart in class and wouldnt remind him to hand in his homework diary so she could write down any homework he had. this ended up with him not doing the homework and eventually he got a detention. it was only 10 minutes but he came home from school and was absolutely distraught, took me a good couple of hours to calm him down and finally get out of him what had gone on. i eventually had to explain that detentions were not all that bad, that i had got lots of them while i was in school for not doing homework and that he should not let them stress him out so much. its not what i wanted to tell him but it was the only way i could see to stop him being so worried about them. so far it has worked, he no longer has the same science teacher altho the 1 he has now also thinks he is lazy and quite capable of writing by hand in his excecise book - spose we will have to see what happens towards the end of term... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Report post Posted November 21, 2005 Hi Zemanski. <'> I feel sorry for you and your son, what does the school think they are going to achieve by stressing him certainly not a better organisation skill more likely the opposit, can't they find some kind of reward to give to him every time he is doing well and he is well organised, is that not suppose to be a better attitude with AS children? What a lack of understanding of his condition. Hope things will get better. Takw care. <'> <'> <'> Malika. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted November 21, 2005 the detentions are part of the issues we thought we had dealt with, he reacts in a very extreme way to them and he is well beyond persuading that they're not such a bad thing - they are flags of failure which he cannot tolerate. Saw the senco this morning - she had no idea about them, or even that I'd been asked to see her! she has been told in no uncertain terms that Com will not be doing them and has said she will sort it out Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
