suggestions for xmas presents!

[lindy-lou]

my 3 yr old daughter doesnt play with toys and i want to encourage her to use role play(which she doesnt do)i am getting her a toy kitchen and a dolls house,but im stuck as to what else to get her really,also she has an obsession with dvds,and i have got her some for xmas,do you think its right to feed an obsession or do you think i should try and withdraw it?i dont really want to as i know its the only thing she really gets pleasure out of but there is also the behaviour that goes along with it,i.e-having to make sure the film starts at an exact point and at 3am its tough going having to trawl through a film to get to the right bit,so im undecided on the best course of action?any suggestions will be gratefully received

[LizK]

We have similar issues with toys for Adam. Many age appropriate toys he's just not interested in as they are imaginative and he struggles with this. More mechnical toys for younger children easily bore him though he will play with his baby brothers toys for a short period of time. The consequence is one bored preschooler, sometimes feel like I have Kevin the Teenager on my hands!

 

Adam has recently started doing some symbolic play so will copy me making pretend cups of tea or making pretend meals on his cooker for example. He likes having tea parties for his dolly. However he will never initiate this sort of play on his own or extend it and will follow the same pattern every time. We played shops this week which he enjoyed but it was largely in silence as he didn't know what to say until I told him (he has a 12mth speech delay too) and although he keeps wanting to play shop again we have to follow the same pattern each time! Still it's a start. I don't force him to do imaginary play as that's jsut counterproductive but do try to model it to him when he's in the mood. I also use situations that he's familiar with in real life so do pretend shops (he loves going to the supermarket) or cooking which he enjoys too. Doing something more abstract like pretending to go camping or on holiday would be over his head and pointless.

 

For Christmas we're getting him a duplo aeroplane as he loves Come Outside on CBeebies and has really got into planes as a result. I know try to focus presents on what his interests are rather than what I think he should be playing with iyswim. He got Marble Madness from ELC for his 4th birthday and he loves that. My parents are getting him Brio Builder wooden mechano as he loves anything mechanical. Buying presents for him is difficult and I know we'll end up with lots of useless gifts of age appropriate toys that he'll not be interested in that will go in the cupboard and come out in 2 yrs time!

 

The obsession thing is difficult. We try to take a middle road of neither overly encouraging or denying obsessions. Adam's main obsession is with doors (hence why he loves the supermarket!) and this now extends from the cupboard doors, electronic shop doors to the door of the CD player. When we got shopping for example he's only allowed to run through the doors at Sainsburys twice. He'd be there all day othewise. He sometimes gets a litle upset if he's in a doory mood but we've made this part of his routine and he generally accepts it. At home if he's stressed out or hyper I'll sometimes put him in his bedroom and let him play with his CDs and CD player in there. Listening to music and opening and closing the CD door on his player seems to settle him down. Again he would stay there for hours absorbed in that but after 30-45 minutes I'll bring him downstairs. We do buy him some toys that relate to his door obsession. He's got a wooden railway level crossing bridge that he spends ages just opning and closing.

 

My attitude is that I can't change Adam and he'll always have some form of obsession or other. It depends on what the obsession or routine is resulting in. If he's getting so locked into it that it's affecting his learning or making him withdraw from the outside world then we'll try to distract him out of it or limit it. Sometimes we can use his obsession positively, sometimes they are a way of helping him deal with stress and prvide him with familiarity. Sometimes he just enjoys it! Sometimes it's just a PITA that we have to put up with When he watches videos he has to watch it from the beginning and see the letters of the advert-type things that come before the actual programme or else he gets really upset. He has to watch a video right until the end even if he's lost interest in it. Turning it off half way through means a melt down so we have the conflict between a child with a short attention span but who also has a thing about completeness

 

HTH!

 

Liz x

[tsmom]

lindy loo

My daughter id crazy about DVds she is ten now but when she was about 3-5yrs old she would wake up at 2am every night watch barney then go back to sleep.I asked the pead about how i should stop this,her reply was get a pillow and sleep on the sofa whilst she watchs it if you try to stop her she will become anxious and so more obsesive about it.It worked she did eventually stop.

I think we should buy what they want and enjoy.

[baileyj]

Hiya, I would say buy what you think she'll enjoy.

 

My son Max (5) ASD has obsessions, but where we can weve tried to use them to reduce his anxiety levels, and to teach him things too, so for XMas this years its DVDs, PS/2 Games, Gameboy Games & PC Games, because that is what he gets pleasure from. "Normal" toys just don't interest him.

 

Some one would perhaps say its not the right thing to do, but it works for us and Max is a happy chappie.

 

Cheers

 

Jo

[lindy-lou]

hi thanks for your replies,its diffficult to know what to get,ive just wrote a list which include the kitchen,dolls house,dvd's ,dressing up clothes and playdough which she loves,cant think of anything else at all and feel stingy just getting her a few things when my other girls will have much more,but i suppose its the quality of the gifts that count and not the quantity.

[Nikki]

liz - I just read your message and saw the bit about the duplo aeroplane. We recently bought one for our 5 yr old son and when he plays with it it keeps falling apart ie it does not really stay together ! We even tried to superglue it together and although Samue lis not rough with it - the thing soon fell apart again afer about a week and he cries all the time when it doe so! He now has totally lost interest.We bought lots of duplo lego as he really enjoys it but thid has been a really bad buy ofr us -so if you are going to buy it try it for yourself in the sjop and see what you think. We were very dissapointed and I would hate anyone to have the same sad breakdown we had about it

cheers

Nikki