Hello Im new/Need help with toilet fear!!!!!!!!!!

[Paula]

Just wanted to introduce myself.

 

My names Paula.I have a son of 11 who has Aspergers syndrome.hes got a sister whoes older shes aged 13.He has been attending a special school since he was 6 years old and is doing really well.

 

 

The maine problem i currently have with him and i hope please someone can help because ive tried every where is that hes frightened of toilet paper and thus wont wipe his own bottom.

On the surface this sounds daft and not important but its a realy problem.Ive tried everything differnt coloured paper incase it was the colur,wet tissues,asking if he wants to wear gloves but nothing works.

Has anyone else had this type of problem if and how and when was it solved or like most things will it eventually fizzle out and pass to be replaced with another routine or fear.

 

Any help will be much appreciated.

paula

[Hectorshouse]

Hi Paula and welcome aboard.

 

I have a son that is 12 with AS, we've never had a toilet paper fear, but T has always had extremely bad personal hygiene and needs help with this particlar aspect of his life ... lucky old mum me, always get the best jobs

 

Tricky one this and it seems you have done a lot to try and work out the reasons behind his phobia, all of which I would've suggested as well. For T it is just a lack of awareness to his hygiene, but for your son it be many things and that may have turned it into a trigger zone, it could be the texture, smell, all sorts.

 

Sorry not been much help here, but I'm sure someone will be along with better advice than me.

 

HHxx

[Tez]

Would he use a bidet and if he would could you apply to social services to have one fitted?

 

I do know the problem. A is 14 and still has a toilet phobia, for him its the noises , smells, textures etc. Getting very difficult and tiring as at 14 he still wants his mum to accompany him to the toilet. Have managed to get to the stage where I can sit outside and talk him through it.

 

Hope someone offers you a solution.

[Hectorshouse]

Tez have been there as well, its not quite so easy in public toilets though, thats if I can T into one, and he wouldn't dream of going in the ladies either cos he's a boy!!

 

When T's at home often he has a shower directly after he has had a pooh, that seemed to help a bit, but you can't take a shower everywhere with you either ... bless our children, life is never dull is it

 

HHxx

[Paula]

To be totally honest my son has never ever wiped his own baottom.

 

Like you say at first when there younger you do it for them.Then he went through a stage where he wouldnt go to the toilet for a poo at all and was terrible constipated to the degree where he had constant anal leakage.He was given supositrys and stuff what a nightmare that was.They forced his bowel to contract and he had to use the loo.

 

In between all this i just kept going to the loo with him wipeing his bottom ect in order to keep him clean and tidy.He didnt appear to care if he was messed up and so rightly or wrongly i took over the job.

 

Then wham years have passed hes 11 years old and youre still doing it.

Its got to the stage where hell touch a kandoo wipe.But and this sound so daft.He has a ritual surrounding this.He place 5 sheets on his hands in a certain way and then gives me the paper to do the job.

 

I guess its progress if only i could get him to wipe his bottom.

 

He doesnt like talking about it so there is some sort of embarresment factor there.Hell only allow me to do it.Brill being a mum hey.

 

He doesnt like the smell and when hes in a more talkative mood he has said hes scared of it going on his hands germs dirt ect........ Hence i suggested gloves.

 

People laugh they say just leave him when hes stinking and uncomfortable hell learn to wipe his bumBut come on my son doesnt bother about being smelly or uncomfortable it seams not to effect him

 

Im so worried that hes gonna be a hulking 18 year old man with me still doing his personal hygeien.

 

 

Im desperate for help.Been to the gps no go.They dont take it seriously.Some clinical physcologist came round and waite for it tried to hypnotise him what a saga.My son even said what a load of mumbo jumbo.

Ive read books alsorts.

 

Any any help especialy form an as person who maybe has gone through this would be most welcome.

 

Paula

[sue1957]

I have some information on phobias, (my son was food and water phobic and agoraphobic). This might seem a bit of an odd question, but are there any other fears or phobias, apart from the germs, and can you give me the ingredients list of the kandoo wipe. You can PM me if you prefer.

 

Sue

[Hectorshouse]

People laugh they say just leave him when hes stinking and uncomfortable hell learn to wipe his bumBut come on my son doesnt bother about being smelly or uncomfortable it seams not to effect him

I've had people say this to me as well, for a lot of our AS children this kind of problem doesn't seem to bother them, T would and still does come home from school smelling rather interesting (I have pity for the other 5 boys in the Taxi, they're ASD as well so it must impact on their sensory issues) and then have to head him in the direction of the shower.

 

I still at times have to get in there and do the wiping and T has only just become more compitent, he never used to mind going infact he would be in there for some considerable time, taking numerous books to look at and toys to play with, its just the other side of it.

 

OK and on a rather embarressing note, when I was younger I never really had any bladder control, and it didn't really bother me, HH going very red now ... awful memories of child hood coming back. I have had IBS pretty much all my life as well, and this caused some very embaressing moments when I was at school ... I wish there was something I could offer that was really constructive. The only thing I can suggest is perhaps using social stories and a reward scheme (although reward schemes don't always work with our children) but making it a really positive issue and ignoring all the other bits. I used to get cross sometimes with T and this just made him more reliant on me to do it (awful parent that I am .. but it does get a bit frustrating) ... ok rambling now ...

 

HHxx

[oracle]

My son also has issues with smell - his own - while he is on the loo so he is continually flushing while he is sitting there. He has so far broken two loo handles on our new loo He is only 8 and still prefers me to wipe his bottom and will not even try if his poo is in the slightest big sticky (sorry too much information I know)

 

There is another Mum on a list that I am on whose son has HUGE issues with grems. I do not know if this includes his toilet habits but I do know that this lad is 16 now and such are his phobias that he will no longer allow anyone to wash is plates, cups etc except himself. He also now does his own cooking because of this. His main phobia is being sick. My own son has similar phobias and also does most of his own cooking and rewashes any plate that he is going to eat from.

 

I hope that someone has a suggestion that may help you.

 

Carole

[Paula]

No he hasnt realy got any other phobias.This si the biggy this toilet carry one.

 

 

Youve all really helped if only in showing that im not the only one going through this.I thought it was just us.

 

Its not something that you talk about with other mums like is it, oh by the way i wipe my almost 12 year old sons backside every single time he uses the loo and he stinks to high heaven.Lol.

 

Yer have to kinda laugh else youd scream about it.

 

I guess im just gonna habve to hope that like his stepping of the pavement at only certaine spots,his obsession with the Simpsons,The only wearing one paire of socks or sleeping fully clothed including shoes,i kid you not!!!! that this too will eventually pass and be something we can joke about.

 

I love the little terror to pieces hes fulfilled my life beyond all expectations.Hes an angel with sooty wings as his great grandma used to say.Thers nothing i would change nothing i wouldnt have wanted looking back to have gone through.

But ill be glad when he says get lost mum im a big boy now and i dont need yer help in the loo no more.

[oracle]

The only wearing one paire of socks or sleeping fully clothed including shoes,i kid you not!!!! that this too will eventually pass and be something we can joke about.

 

I can give you hope. My son David worse the same socks and trainers, which were 5 times too small for him by the time he gave up his obsession' for four years How he walked in the trainers is beyond me but he did. This was between the age of 12 and 16.

 

He is now 18 and changes his socks daily and also has two pairs of shoes OK he is now very particular about his personal hygiene and clothes but hell it's better than stinking.

 

It does get better given time

 

Carole

[Hectorshouse]

Hes an angel with sooty wings

I loved that ... what I fab saying and so apt.

 

Paula you are very definitely not alone, looks like you stumbled into the best place here at Krism. I know what you mean, its not like its something you can really talk about with other mums they just look at you as if your mad or daft ... but a day in our world is totally different.

 

Carole you have just given me hope as well, T is still wearing the same pj's to bed he's had since he was 7 will not wear anything else and boy they must be so uncomfortable now, and as for the shoe thing, I have finally managed to ditch his sandals from 3 years ago ... his toes were literally hanging out and he will insist on wearing them WITH socks (no sense of style for my little angel) that all his socks had holes in the toes, and yes I have found him bed with them on ...

 

Oh our lives are truly barking .... isn't it fab!

 

HHxx

[Paula]

My son also insists on pulling his trousers up very high almost under his armpits.

 

Dont matter how long i buy them he always manages to get them looking like there two sizes too small.

 

Its a talent hes perfected over the years.Bless him.

[loulou]

Hi Paula,

 

I loved the "angel with sooty wings" too. Nans always come out with the best phrases don't they?

 

I can't offer any advice, but just to say my son (7) won't wipe his bottom either. He is petrified of anything getting on his hands, and he has now started panicking when he goes to the toilet. I put baby wipes by the loo, and he runs about screaming and waving a baby wipe about when he's been. I have to wipe it for him. I've tried ignoring him, but he goes ballistic then .

 

He recently started a special school and i was worried about him going to the loo at school. He either waits (desperately) until he gets home, or if he can't wait, he'll go at school then come home stinking .

 

I thought he was just being a lazy little beast, but now i know i'm not alone.

 

Hope someone comes along with advice.

 

Loulou x

[Paula]

Im so so glad ive stumbled upon this forum.

 

Its gonna make the world of difference to me my son and our family.just knowing theres people who understand out there.

 

 

Yu do feal isolated and alone at times.And sometimes if i say to say a neighbour oh hes got these problems or he does this the standard reply is" oh but he looks so normal" That can be so so annoying.

Yes he looks perfectly normal but he has all these hidden problems that go unnoticed unless you spend loads of time with him.

 

 

Im glad you like the angel with sooty wings. Unfortunatley his great grandma died almost 3 years ago.Bless her she was in a way the only person who accepted my son no matter what treat him as normal,and sometimes her comments of hell be alright hes a bobby dazzler and a grande lad were just the ticket when i fealt nothing would be ok againe.

[nellie]

Hi Paula, welcome to the forum,

 

I haven't had time to read the whole thread but think I've got the gist of it. My son is 27, he has always had toileting problems but he can now clean himself........after a fashion! Well it's progress.

 

I think your son's fear is perfectly natural, some children hate having any mess on their hands, even food. Maybe you could get him to practice wiping his bottom with a cloth when he's in the bath and clean.

 

Good luck.

 

Nellie xx

[loulou]

Hi Nellie,

 

Fab idea about the cloth in the bath . I'll try that one tonight.

 

Loulou x

[mossgrove]

It's quite timely this thread!

 

J who is 8 and has Aspergersand has always refused to wipe his own bottom.

 

He has wiped his own bottom on two occasions tonight without any prompting!

 

 

I think you would need to be the parent of a child with Autism to understand how big a step this is!

 

Simon

[rainbow queen]

my sons 4 and will not wipe his bum aswell

i actually thought he was trying it on and being lazy so i told him i would no longer do it -trying out a bit of "supernanny" tatics

but it only resulted in him saying"right so your not going to wipe my bum""i wont go loo and poo then" and he holds it in

so have gone back to it again-wiping

what is the answer to this-cant see this ending???

[Jadensmum]

Hi Paula,

 

Welcome to the forum J is still in nappies so no words of wisdom I'm afraid!!!

 

Denisex