social problems - can anyone relate?

[qthewingedserpent]

I'm so pleased to have found a forum for Aspies and their close relatives. I didn't think one existed.

Can I run some social problems I've had by you to see if anyone can relate? It's a relief to know pretty much for certain I have it because it explains so much.

 

When I was at school I was bullied a lot esp. at secondary school. Here it was mostly the girls who used to constantly put me down. I couldn't understand why they picked me. It was literally every day and the teachers were totally unsympathetic and did little to stop it. What I could never figure out was why my friend Steve didn't get this at all when I thought he was very similar to me. I was very quiet and unassuming and still don't know why all the girls hated me with such passion.

I thought it would improve at 6th form because everyone would be grown up and there out of choice. Well the actual name calling stopped but I made no friends. Nobody talked to me, hardly, and once I had a reputation as not speaking myself it was impossible for me to undo this image so I wandered like a ghost for 2 years around 6th form!

Since then I was lucky enough to meet a soul mate who I'm now married to, but the social problems have never really gone away.

Now I'm older I have more confidence, the confidence that comes with age, I guess; but I still feel very much an outsider in nearly all social situs.

I don't have any friends at present, apart from work colleagues, which doesn't bother me most of the time. Even with close friends in the past I get so exhausted being with them for any length of time. The worst situations are works dos because I just get so confused and lost in groups,(worse if you don't know the people that well) I either don't enjoy it or end up getting horribly drunk and embarrassing myself!

I've always wondered why my contemporaries are always on about young stuff like how good it is to be in a vibrant city etc etc and having a buzzing social life, but I've never understood it. Until recently I didn't understand why I just didn't gain enjoyment from the normal things others do.

The guy I work with is perfectly nice but most days when he's talking to me I'm screaming inside for him to SHUT UP because I can't stand it anymore.

 

The worst thing I find though is the confusion. Like I mentioned about other young people, I have these kind of conflicting views. Sometimes I think I wished I'd had a more exciting life, like all these 20 somethings around me seem to have and brag about all the time. I feel depressed that I've missed out on the social things people do in their twenties; but then I'll be doing something with colleagues and I'll be unable to cope and realise that it could never be, kind of. It makes me really mad, though, and I find myself angry and frustrated and often it's directed at random twentysomethings who seem to be so full of life.

 

Sorry for rambling - hope this makes sense. I just had to get these things off my chest - can anybody relate?

[ceecee]

I would say that perhaps you will never have the same need to interract as someone else.Do you like your own company?If you do then so what as long as your happy.I would though for your own sakes try to work out a way of interracting to a point should the need occasion arise.Don't worry about being different from other people.Your you there is nothing wrong with not being the same as everyone else. <'> <'> <'>

[bid]

Hi there

 

I can relate to just about everything you've written!

 

I have a 16 year old and a father with AS, and I have very many AS qualities myself (just waiting to see if my GP will refer me to Elliot house, the NAS adult diagnostic centre, after my youngest's paediatrician suggested it! ).

 

Just out of interest, how do you find eye contact? This is something I have always had problems with...

 

Glad to see you on the forum, and hope you find the answers you are looking for, and perhaps even have a laugh along the way!

 

Bid

[qthewingedserpent]

CeeCee,

Thanks for the reply. I LOVE my own company! More so than anyone I've met. Sometimes, though, I have cravings for a social life and this is when I get depressed. I get maudlin that I've missed out on so much. This is usually after a long time of being cosseted in my family. Then I'll so something social and realise that I'm happy to be a loner!

 

Bid,

Glad you can relate! For an awful 10 minutes I thought I'd get replies of 'What the hell are you talking about? You're in the wrong forum!

I do have a problem with eye contact. I can't sustain it for long. Job Interviews are the worst because it'sw kind of rude not to, but I find myself getting sort of hypnotised if I hold it too long. Do you have difficulty expressing emotion on your face? I've got a classic poker face.

[adamsmum]

I'm so pleased to have found a forum for Aspies and their close relatives. I didn't think one existed.

Can I run some social problems I've had by you to see if anyone can relate? It's a relief to know pretty much for certain I have it because it explains so much.

 

When I was at school I was bullied a lot esp. at secondary school. Here it was mostly the girls who used to constantly put me down. I couldn't understand why they picked me. It was literally every day and the teachers were totally unsympathetic and did little to stop it. What I could never figure out was why my friend Steve didn't get this at all when I thought he was very similar to me. I was very quiet and unassuming and still don't know why all the girls hated me with such passion.

I thought it would improve at 6th form because everyone would be grown up and there out of choice. Well the actual name calling stopped but I made no friends. Nobody talked to me, hardly, and once I had a reputation as not speaking myself it was impossible for me to undo this image so I wandered like a ghost for 2 years around 6th form!

Since then I was lucky enough to meet a soul mate who I'm now married to, but the social problems have never really gone away.

Now I'm older I have more confidence, the confidence that comes with age, I guess; but I still feel very much an outsider in nearly all social situs.

I don't have any friends at present, apart from work colleagues, which doesn't bother me most of the time. Even with close friends in the past I get so exhausted being with them for any length of time. The worst situations are works dos because I just get so confused and lost in groups,(worse if you don't know the people that well) I either don't enjoy it or end up getting horribly drunk and embarrassing myself!

I've always wondered why my contemporaries are always on about young stuff like how good it is to be in a vibrant city etc etc and having a buzzing social life, but I've never understood it. Until recently I didn't understand why I just didn't gain enjoyment from the normal things others do.

The guy I work with is perfectly nice but most days when he's talking to me I'm screaming inside for him to SHUT UP because I can't stand it anymore.

 

The worst thing I find though is the confusion. Like I mentioned about other young people, I have these kind of conflicting views. Sometimes I think I wished I'd had a more exciting life, like all these 20 somethings around me seem to have and brag about all the time. I feel depressed that I've missed out on the social things people do in their twenties; but then I'll be doing something with colleagues and I'll be unable to cope and realise that it could never be, kind of. It makes me really mad, though, and I find myself angry and frustrated and often it's directed at random twentysomethings who seem to be so full of life.

 

Sorry for rambling - hope this makes sense. I just had to get these things off my chest - can anybody relate?

[Kathryn]

Hi, and welcome to the forum,

 

I think, like a lot of the people on this forum, since my child's diagnosis with AS I have started to see similar patterns in myself. I too can relate to the social difficulties you have. I like social gatherings but always seem to be on the edges of the action and detached. I can enjoy watching people and observing their mannerisms, then suddenly realise I haven't spoken for 20 minutes! I have difficulty knowing when to break into a conversation and when exactly to change the subject and I get stressed in an entire roomful of strangers. People assume I'm an extrovert as I do a lot of acting and I can speak confidently in public, but to me this is much easier than having to make 1 - 1 conversation: I am in control and there is a script to follow.

 

I think it's OK to like your own company. I like mine. I do the usual family things, but I often go up to London on my own and wander round and even go to the theatre. I think it's easy to do this in a big city - you can still enjoy all that it has to offer without being obliged to do the social stuff.

 

I'm happier when I'm involved something which interests me (like theatre) and being with people who share the same interest. Socialising is then easier as it is a by product of the activity, rather than the focus.

 

K

[adamsmum]

I'm the same. I get so down when i see people out having fun but i find it to much to join in. I wont to but can't. I also like my own company but have 4 boys and i must admit i fined ther company hard at times as well. I hate visiters as well. I look fowerd to it but when thay get here its to much the noise the disruption. So yes i can relat to wot you say. Its hard to explin isent it. do you find it hard using the phone. I hate the phone i supose its not nowing wots on the other end silly realy.As for emotion well people say im a cold person i try realy hard and i always mess up if i act myself thay think im cold and dont care if i try and be so cooled normal thay think im a weardo so know its me going on. but you are not the only one to feal like that. Adamsmum

[ceecee]

It is very normal for people with A.S. to have problems with emotions in some way.They either find it hard to show their feelings or they will be over emotional.or it maybe that they find it difficult when someone shows them emotion and react in a very negative way.

 

People with A.S. find it hard to control their emotions as well which explains partly why some people with A.S. have explosive outbursts of temper or they may have outburts of happyness.

 

Hope this helps.

[mossgrove]

You are making perfect sense.

 

Like Bid, I can relate to what you are saying, much of it applies to me too!

 

Simon