Felt helpless today..

[Brook]

Hi all,

 

My two boys were invited to their cousins birthday party today at a kids playcentre, I must admit that I was in two minds whether to take them. My ASD son who is seven, has started to actually enjoy parties, but I was weighing up the odds beforehand, I thought 'well, he doesn't know any of the other kids going, he has been indoors alot lately and will it be too much for him, then I started to feel guilty about not taking them and decided that they may enjoy getting out and having a run round, so I took them.

 

Went terribly wrong.

He was very up and down throughout it, one minute doing earpiercing screams, the next laughing hysterically.

When they sang happy birthday and the boy blew his candles out, my son screamed as loud as he could and said that he'd missed a bit of the song and wanted them to do it all over again, (bearing in mind he was seated next to the birthday boy and all they got in the video was my son screaming) luckily it was family so they were a bit understanding and everyone sang again and the candles were re-lit.

 

Then at the end he was totally stressed out (me too) I tried to take him to one side to calm down and he began shouting 'get off me, I hate this party'.

Then when I finally did get him on his own, he broke down crying saying 'I'm a baby', I asked what he meant and his reply really choked me up he said 'I always get upset and cry, the other kids dont do it, I'm a baby'.

 

It was as if he knew he was doing it and had no control, but also he was realising that the other kids behaved differently.

 

It also dawned on me later, that I overheard a little girl saying 'he's like a baby', I wonder if he heard her and this kicked in.

 

I really felt for him today, it felt like a right blow in the pit of my stomach.

 

Just when I think I'm getting tougher, something comes along to knock it out of me.

 

Brook

[something_different]

<'>

[Brook]

<'>

Thanks SD

[oracle]

<'> <'> Brook <'> <'>

 

Just when I think I'm getting tougher, something comes along to knock it out of me.

 

Boy can I identify with this. I really thought that we were home and dry with Matthew until about six months ago when he had a definite regression. Then I remember his Speech Therapist telling me years ago that life on the spectrum was all peaks and troughs - she was soooooooo right.

 

Hope you have all recovered. If you are anything like me you end up asking yourself why did I do that?

But youhave to keep trying don't you

 

<'> Carole

[Brook]

<'> <'> Brook <'> <'>

Boy can I identify with this. I really thought that we were home and dry with Matthew until about six months ago when he had a definite regression. Then I remember his Speech Therapist telling me years ago that life on the spectrum was all peaks and troughs - she was soooooooo right.

 

Hope you have all recovered. If you are anything like me you end up asking yourself why did I do that?

But youhave to keep trying don't you

 

<'> Carole

Carole,

 

I have been thinking about regression for a few weeks and was going to put out a post on it, but to be honest didn't really know what to put. I basically have blamed everything on christmas lately, but although I dont think it helped, I also dont think it is just the reason. He has gone back to doing things that he did ages ago,

ie.. if he hears you laugh and he is in a different room, he will come in screaming for you to do it again, and that counts for anything that he misses, he even wants the tv programmes rewound if he misses a slight word.

 

Thanks for your reply, it means alot to know your'e not alone.

 

Brook

[oracle]

Thanks for your reply, it means alot to know your'e not alone.

 

DITTO - I have to say that since the end of the summer hols we have had a torrid time with Matthew. I will hold my hands up and say that I thought that we had it sussed and that Home Education had saved the day. You should never allow yourself to become complacent I know that now

 

It would be nice to swap a few notes in the New Year if you are up for it?

 

Carole

[Brook]

DITTO - I have to say that since the end of the summer hols we have had a torrid time with Matthew. I will hold my hands up and say that I thought that we had it sussed and that Home Education had saved the day. You should never allow yourself to become complacent I know that now

 

It would be nice to swap a few notes in the New Year if you are up for it?

 

Carole

I'm up for it.

 

Brook

[Viper]

Hi Brook.

 

I know how you feel, we went out today and it went wrong too, must be something in the air around here Ben has regressed to the state of mind he was in this time last year. He has restarted all his old obsessions and stims, I don't know if it's the season or just a cycle they go through. What I do know is he is back to his aggressive self that we thought had eased a bit.

 

Don't feel too bad, we do have to try these things, experience is a great way to learn and not just for us, your son may have gained some seance of himself today, he might be able to recognise when things are going wrong and get away from the situation in future. Then again he might not, you won't know until you try and try we must.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

Viper.

[lil_me]

Hope you are feeling better now, I think a few of us have been through this one.

 

Possibly an idea for next time, we started going to support group meet in a play area, so we have started taking Mikey to them up to a week before, explaining who will be there and what will happen, onl the parts we definately know will of course, its made it a bit easier, wonder if its worth a try with your little one for situations like this.

Edited December 31, 2005 by lil_me

[reuby2]

hi Brook,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I took my son to a family gathering last night and we had a terrible time getting there..tears, i don't want to go etc. When he was there he really enjoyed himself and behaved lovely , I was really proud. He did get upset when someone laughed at him (in a nice way but he gets so upset when people laugh) and reacted that way more than once. I had to explain to an Uncle that he has just been dx with ASD because they couldn't understand his reaction.But on the way home he was holding his hands out and muttering under his breath,then "imagining" which is his "own" time where he doesn't want to be interrupted or spoken to.I have found it difficult over the last few weeks watching him doing his "imagining" walking up and down over and over etc.

 

At the moment my son (7) is starting to say negative things about himself..I'm such a scaredy cat...I'm not the same as the other kids etc and it really upsets me.

I went to bed last night feeling pretty low as I read something on the news that upset me and then i started thinking how he would be if anything happened to me , how will he cope in this world. If he gets lost etc.

I think for us now that it is just starting to sink in.I am worried about next year when he changes school.

Most of the time I have been quite positive but this time of year affects us as well as our kids.

 

I want to send you lots of hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Keep your chin up chuck !!!!

 

We will all get there together!!

[lynyona]

<'> <'> I dont think i know anyone who doesnt get stressed out at this time of the year,and so far this morning kieran as been transformed to the (cant say child at 19 lol) person from hell.Nothing suits him today ,but im sure a lotof that isnt helped by him not going to bed till early morning and then getting up early,but no i take that back he s still the same if he goes to bed early and gets up late.Hiopefully once the holidays are over and the kids routiones are back to normal they may feel less stressed <'> <'>

[Brook]

Thanks for all your replies.

 

Viper, maybe there is something in the air here.

 

lil_me, I think part of it was the fact that we did not give him much warning, as we were undecided whether to go, he has been to lots of parties before at this place and I have always gone through the order of what is going to happen and who will be there etc.. so I think part of it was that, Carole is right when she says that you should never become complacent.

 

Reuby, the bit in your post about your son not liking people laughing, sent a shiver down me, my son absolutely hates it... he cant stand sudden loud laughs either, my sister in law has a loud laugh, and although my son likes her very much, he cant stand her laughing and will shout 'shut up', they were coming to visit the other day and my son started to hide things, when I asked why he was doing it he said, 'I'm hiding things that she might laugh at', when they pulled up outside he quickly switched the tv off and sat on the settee as stiff as a board, I asked why he had turned it off and he said 'it might be funny', he basically sat there thinking that if he didn't move or have anything going on, then she might not laugh.

 

Lynona, this time of year certainly hasn't helped matters I'm sure, you are right about the change of routine etc, but I have noticed my son does go through phases of being able to cope quite well with certain situations and I think he is making great progress, then he seems to go back and cannot cope with things that he previously had.

 

Thanks all again, I felt pretty emotional yesterday, I'm not the sort to admit that either, and I really did appreciate your response. It's strange but just seeing this smilie <'> welled me up, must be getting soft in me old age.

 

Brook