School meeting tommorow about hitting ....HELP !!!

[linss]

HI all ! I've got a school meeting tomorrow and i could really do with some help

My little lad who's 7, As and a little bit ADHD (for good measure! ) has been having a really hard time since he started back after the hols .Understandable as i know it's a big change in routine and he always takes time to settle .

The problem is his hitting out ,often it will be due to his over enthusiasm - a rough game in the playground where all the boys are playing and he's got over excited and took it too far. Or - a situation where he's flinging his arms about and someone gets hit. Or - on occasions he will hit out in anger at those who have caused his upset and even those unlucky ones that haven't !

This meeting tomorrow is with his teacher and T.A to discuss strategies to control this hitting out .

I'm at a loss to know what line to take - - are some of these inevitable situations due to his condition ? Should i condone his being punished for them? How can we deal with this in the best way?

I do want him to understand that hitting is something he must not do we've told him over and over again but it just keeps happening.

If anyones got any ideas it would really help ,I've got a head cold and this is more than the old turnip can manage at present!!!

[annie]

Hi Linss,

 

Does the school work on your son's social skills? If not, then perhaps they could start. When Alex was younger, he used to do the same thing. No amount of telling off or punishment would stop him doing the same thing ten minutes later. Alex was very impulsive, which is how your son sounds (if you don't mind me saying so).

 

Perhaps playing games (2 or 3 children at most) to learn turn-taking or social stories.

 

Annie

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[phasmid]

The problem is his hitting out ,often it will be due to his over enthusiasm

 

Exactly!

 

a rough game in the playground where all the boys are playing and he's got over excited and took it too far.

 

He is misreading the social cues and cannot see that this is play. He is simply copying what he sees as acceptable behaviour that others are engaged in and is trying to join in. The problem is he cannot tone his activity to the same degree the others are. He sees them play fighting so he is trying to emulate this - he's just getting it wrong.

 

 

Or - a situation where he's flinging his arms about and someone gets hit.

 

His spatial awareness is out of kilter with his size. This flinging is akin to hand-flapping, it may well be a stress relief technique he is using without even knowing it. If that is the case he may not even know he is flapping his arms around till they connect with something/one.

 

Or - on occasions he will hit out in anger at those who have caused his upset and even those unlucky ones that haven't !

 

The staff need to keep an eye on things - he may not be lashing out without provocation. They just might not be seeing it and he might not be able to verbalise it to them. What has to be remembered throughout is the fact he has a dx'd socio-communication problem. Therefore the school need to be proactive in dealing with him.

 

Run that past them and see what they say.

 

Hope that helps.

[linss]

i completely agree with your replies . They still can't help comparing him to the other kids.

His head teacher told me that whilst he had AS she thought he was also a " naughty boy" !

She said his Aspergers could explain some behaviour but the rest was just naughty

I'm trying to get my head round this comment - ??????????

[annie]

They still can't help comparing him to the other kids.

His head teacher told me that whilst he had AS she thought he was also a " naughty boy" !

 

 

That is where the problem is, apart from not understanding Asperger's, the HT is comparing him, she shouldn't. Even if the Head Teacher compared two children with Asperger's, no two would be the same .

 

As for 'naughty boy'..........

Edited January 11, 2006 by annie

[linss]

If he hits someone ( and sometimes it has been a teacher , TA or meal time assistant) How should we discipline him ?

[phasmid]

Whatever form the punsihment is to take should be something he can understand. It is also vital that this takes place as soon as possible and it is explained to him why it is happening, he may not equate a punishment being implemented for something he did 30 mins ago. Therefore he must have it explained to him. What form this should take is debatable. It's almost like asking how long is he piece of string I'm holding!

[annie]

and preferably away from other children's eyes. Once they learn they can get a child into trouble, the child could become a target.

[linss]

Yep i completely agree with that , he's like the classes object of interest!

[OPooh]

This is what happens with my ds.

They are going to help him more with his social skills during circle time. Make use of social stories etc. Many of the games kids play on the playground have changing rules - and my ds can't handle them. Also the school are planning to have more structured play at playtime, such as board games, reading comics etc - and this means they will be more supervised.

 

Good luck with the meeting .

[Jill]

Rather than considering the punishment, I'd take a step back and consider the trigger.

 

The Boy also had a tendency to lash out. The LEA had a great idea (I thought) to understand what the cause of this was - rather than trying to stop it once it had happened, they wanted to prevent it in the first place.

 

So, each time he did this, the person monitoring him (he has a key worker at nursery) would write down what had happened in the lead up.

 

From this they were able to establish what caused the hitting out & put strategies in place to prevent it occuring in the first place.

 

Not easy & quite time consuming, but it did stop a lot of the lashing out.

 

We also have strategies for "controlling" the lashing out if it does occur. We've got him now to hit our hand or head butt a cushion when we hold it up. We've also bought him a kick boxing punch bag and are currently trying him to direct his frustrations against that. We're trying to get him to use a cushion himself, rather than rely on us holding it for him.

 

I appreciate this is time consuming & we are only able to do it because we have such good support at nursery. It's all also geared towards a 4 year old, whereas your son is older, but I hope you can get some ideas from this anyway.

Edited January 12, 2006 by Jill

[Fagsandbooze]

I can't offer much advice but I know exactly how you feel. My youngest son who is not diagnosed has exactly the same problems with hitting at school. His older brother has aspergers and it seems likely that younger son does too. My younger son is 6 and has been excluded at least 20 times for hitting, I have to bring him home for lunch at the moment because he cannot be properly supervised by the school at lunch time. I've tried all sorts of punishments but nothing makes a difference. Over the last week or so I've stopped the punishing and have started to explain to him things like, how it makes the other person feel when he hurts them and have told him that when he gets angry he should count to ten and take a deep breath or tell a teacher how he feels. He hasn't hit anyone this week (yet) which is a small miracle!!

Also looking back over the years I have realised that punishing any of my boys for things they've done at school has never worked, it's just made them and me miserable, they're not naughty they have AS, patience, understanding and explaining every situation as it occurs has been the best solution for me but it does take time. Hope this helps in some small way.

[phasmid]

Fags and Booze, the school are operating an illegal exclusion policy by making you take your son out at lunchtimes. Please go and read the 'illegal exclusions' thread on 'Education'. They should be making proper supervision arrangements for your son at lunchtimes by not doing this they are breeching the CoP and because the issue is (probably) connected to a disability (if as yet undiagnosed) they will, if a dx is made, also be in breech of the DDA as well.

[Fagsandbooze]

Thanks for that Phasmid. I shall be having words with the head.

[pumpkinpie]

How did you get on?