Younger Siblings

[madmooch]

Has anyone got younger NT child/ren to older ASD child?

 

I've been thinking alot lately about what effect having an older ASD brother will have on my daughter

 

As C is only 2 ( going on 60 ) has anyone been through this.......... got an older NT child??

 

 

Madmooch

[lil_me]

My ASD boy is 7, and his little brother is nearly 5

 

I'll be honest, it is the 5 year old who triggers most chaos between them, he has sussed te best ways to annnoy, upset, and wind up his brother and does this almost ever minute they are awake. I think he really hates the way his brother just doesn't want to play with him at all.

[madmooch]

C knows how to wind H up, she pinches his little wooden washing machine and all hell breaks loose

[lil_me]

Had a similar one last night at swimming, Mikey got a Cuttlefish toy and he took it with him, of course little devil knows how much he likes it and followed him constantly taking it off him. Been the same since the little one could grab something I think, and I don't think it will ever change.

[call me jaded]

I have 3 NT children all younger than my ASD boy. The eldest NT is a 6 y/o girl, then a 4 y/o boy and then a 2y/o girl. So far I'm waiting for it to make any significant difference whatsoever. What we don't do much of is go out as a whole family as we really do need one extra pair of hands (i.e. 3 adults) to get anywhere. This actually makes things slightly easier because what usually happens is the middle two go off and do something and the other two stay at home or go to Grandma's. Titch will start going out with the others soon. She gets lots of toddler outings when the others are at school. My ASD boy can be quite challenging, but on Wednesday my 6 y/o had her friend home after school and instead of chasing after them he got on with what he wanted to do. This friend had not been home before and I doubt whether she noticed anything about the big brother other than he doesn't talk. My 4 y/o is at his best friend's tonight. This little boy has anaphylactic reactions to anything and everything so the arrangement we have is that my son plays there and we don't have the boy back (couldn't take an ASD 'episode' and an anaphylactic one at the same time). We're both happy with this.

 

The person that is most affected is me

[call me jaded]

LOL just read the other responses.

 

My ASD boy is way too scary. The others have been taught to run when he's upset. I get the joy of sorting it out.

[Nemesis]

Hi MadMooch,

My AS DS (15) has two younger sisters - 13 & 8, both NTs.

The two oldest have been very competitive since they were very young - I think because DS was very specific eg about where he would sit, what order they should go through the door through etc etc etc. DD really bought into this and to be honest it has driven me mad. Of course a lot of that depended on DD's personality too and maybe another child would have let it wash over them.

DS and DD2 don't get on much at all and largely leave each other alone. The main problem now is that they both compete for DD1's time and attention which causes a lot of strife. DD1 is now getting very moody and hormonal and doesn't have a lot of patience with DS's quirks. She goes to a different school which I'm really glad about as she still gets some fall out outside of the house about her brother being 'wierd'.

I often wonder if we would have done things differently if DS had been the youngest and we had had more idea of how children 'normally' behave.

Hope that helps,

Nemesis

Edited January 13, 2006 by Nemesis

[hev]

katie is 2 and steve is 12,he has AS,he has no paitence at all with k,the older hes getting he doesnt seem to like her but i dont know if this is because he has AS or if NT 12 year olds are like this with there younger sisters or brothers

[OPooh]

It's sad to watch my two boys. DS with aspergers is 9 and just doesn't understand when his 2 year old brother jumps on him he's trying to play - not attack him

[Kathryn]

My AS daughter is 16 and her NT brother is 8.

 

We were really worried about him last year when his sister's behaviour became aggressive and outbursts were frequent. We thought that he would pick up on the trauma and depression she was going through because of school and that it would affect his school life. There were changes in her behaviour we couldn't explain to ourselves, let alone a 7 year old - like why she had stopped talking and was banging her head all the time.

 

Happily he got through it all with amazing resilience. He handled her calmly and maturely and at times was able to communicate with her better than any adult. He had no problems at school nobody would have known from his behaviour that we were a household in crisis. For many months he has been her only social companion and has taught her a lot - although he doesn't know it. He's brilliant. It was strange to see him in this caring role - I have photos of my daughter aged 8 holding him when he was just born.

 

Nowadays they get along really well although he has started to notice occasions where we make more allowances for her than for him - something we'll have to be careful about. Now that she is less fragile he will argue with her and stand his ground although he's very wary of winding her up too much as he's seen her in complete meltdown mode many times! I have to say in her favour that she has never ever in her life been physically aggressive towards him.

 

I don't know if this situation worries other people but I do get concerned that my son will have the burden of responsibility for his sister later in life.

[melly]

My daughter is older than my ASD son, she is 4 1/2 and he's 3.

 

She is vey responsible (when she feels like it!) and they can play some great games together, she does teach him a lot through this. However, we too worry about the responsibility in later life, but what can we do. Hopefully by the time we disappear sociaty will be a little more understanding and better placed to manage our little ones.

 

We can always live in hope!!!

 

Melly

[madmooch]

Thanks for all your replies

 

Because H bites, nips and pull his sisters hair ( He's a v. big 4yr old & she's a petite 2yr old) I worry how it's affecting her mentally, she already screams when H gives her one of his ' I'm going to get you looks'

 

I have tried to explain best i can to her that her Brother is different and he doesn't mean it when he goes for her ( I dont want her being frightened of him & hating him )

 

Madmooch

[lil_me]

You probably feel like I do sometimes, I usually describe myself as a referee first, Mam second. We always think well at least my ASD son is the smallest, he isn't small for his age but his little brother is taller and almost twice his weight. But incidents like today in KFC when Shaun tried to stand in front of Mikey in the queue, he just punched him full force in the face cutting his eye

Edited January 14, 2006 by lil_me

[Nemesis]

I usually describe myself as a referee first, Mam second.

I'm glad that isn't just me then

I'm afraid it doesn't seem to get much better with time

Nemesis

[loranderc]

Referee is a perfect discription for me with my 6 year old ASD and ? 4 yr NT boys. 4 yr old winds big bro up constantly as has worked out that negative behaviour like his brothers gets more attention which is driving my husband and i nuts at the moment. sometimes worry that 4 year old is showing ASD signs but then think that he is copying alot of his big bros behaviour.

Let round 2 begin!

L

[Will]

My ASD boy is way too scary. The others have been taught to run when he's upset. I get the joy of sorting it out.

That sounds horribly familiar... Unfortunately for my 3 younger siblings, they've lived me all through the highs and lows - I'm told it was the arrival of twin brothers (9 now) that caused the first set of problems, but these days it's a wonder that 2 of them are still normal with me - I often think my sister understands me better than anyone, despite the hell I put them all through a few years back, and even now I'm still unpredictable if I'm in a mood about whatever - not only do they not know what I'm going to do next, neither do I. (He says, snapping irritably at people who've come to drag him away from the computer for tea... It's 4:30...)