I have just found out I have Aspergers

[amberzak]

Hi.

 

My name is Rebekah and I am going through the Diagnoses process. I am 22 years old.

 

I have always been different. In school I was statemented, and I had to see an educational phycologist since I was 5. I recently found out that my parents had a real struggle to keep me in mainstream school. Infact, if I hadn't ahve passed my first year, I would ahve been sent to a special school.

 

I had very few friends in school and I was bullied terribly. I just assumed that the reason I hated being around peers, and my paranod nature was purely because of my experience in school.

 

I have always felt somewhat behind the rest of my peers, even friends. When I am out with my friends I find it hard to have fun. I seem to always be the last to get a joke and I can't keep track of conversations. There is only one friend that I feel completely at ease with, and I have known him since I was 4.

 

I can cope with one to one conversation, particularly if that other person is interested in films. I at currently at University, but I am finding it difficult. I don't feel close to my classmates, and I feel that there is only one teacher I really get on with. I was recently off for a short while because I was depressed, and I don't want them to know that was why I was off, but they want a doctors note.

 

I can't stand change. The company I work for is merging with another company and I can't stand all the changes. I did silly things like, when they changed our badges, I had to wear both badges for about 2 weeks, just to get used to it.

 

Today I walked in just to find out what my hours are this week, and there are about 5 new memos of change in policy. We have stopped selling some products, are now selling others and we have to fill in forms differently.

 

I also don't get along with most of my work mates. They make fun of me behind my back. I haven't told anyone about the Aspergers other than my manager. I get very paranoid in work, and I am really unhappy, but I am afraid to quit because I know how to do the job and so I feel I ca deal with any situation there. I have worked there for 3 years - my longest job.

 

I try so hard to get on with people, but find it near impossible, and even when I do make friends I find that I get paranoid when they are having a joke.

 

I also find that I get very panicky. I get too worried all the time. I am also very clumsy and I also seem to always say the wrong thing.

 

I need to be given step by step instuctions, and I get very restless if I am not entirely sure I am doing the right thing. I need constant reasurance, and that is something one of my teachers is not prepared to give. I think that is why I am finding it difficult at Uni.

 

I have no sense of time, or distance. Oh, and I talk alot, can you tell

 

I seem to annoy people with my talking, when all I am doing is trying to be friendly. I have been told that all I talk about is my interests and first impressions is that I am selfish, even though I am not selfish. I also tell things to people that I shouldn't, like I will tell something to a collegue that I shouldn't tell them.

 

I have a tendancy to trust people too, as in I trust everyone with everything, then I start to realise that I have told them too much and that is when the paranoid thoughts come in, but when i first meet people I am too trusting.

 

Well, if you managed to get to the end of this, you have more patence than I do. I would really like to get advise and a friendly ear from someone who understands where I am coming from, because the only person I know who also has aspergers is in a deep depression, so I can't go crying to him.

 

THanks for reading.

[rainbow queen]

<'> <'> <'> <'> welcome to the forum im sure you will find lots of friends here to talk to about your worrys

[amberzak]

Hey.

 

Thanks for replying so quickly.

 

So what are your boys like. Aspergers is more common in boys, isn't it.

 

I am a Christian, and have been since I was a small child, but when I was 16 we moved away from where I lived and I have been trying to find a new church ever since

[JenRose]

Hello rebekah, i too have AS, i found out last year.

 

A lot of what you have said is similar to me and i can totally sympathise with you.

 

The best advice i can offer you is that it will get better, you have had a shock and now you need to concentrate on yourself and dont worry too much about how other people see you.

Thats the advice ive been getting from my counsellor.

 

Are you getting any help from anyone or have you been referred for any counselling?

 

There are a few aspies on this site so you will no doubt speak to one of them also.

 

Hope this helps

 

Jen

[UltraMum]

Hello Amberzak and welcome to the forum. <'>

 

Hopefully you will learn more about AS and that will help you to understand more about yourself.

[sue45]

Hello Rebekah,

 

I'm sorry, can't advise much but reading your post made me really think about how my daughter will cope when she's a bit older. She's 13 and just been diagnosed AS. You sound lovely. I really hope you keep posting and I'm sure you will find people on here who can really help.

 

Take care,

 

Sue

 

xx

[amberzak]

Hey. Thanks to everyone. Mother Eve, what is HFA?

 

JenRose, I would like to talk to you more.

 

The system is so slow, I am still being diagnosed. I tried to see a counsillor last year, but they don't want to see people it seems.

 

The guy who runs the Christian Union, though, he knows someone who can help, so I am just waiting.

 

I really want to get a new job and get a new start, but though I have got loads of applications, I seem to have difficulty in giving them in.

 

Can I ask, do you have problems with your memory? Do oyu find that you can remember one thing almost perfectly, but another thing is hard - like I can remember almost every line from Harry Potter, but I can't seem to remember to take my library books in on time, or when a hospital appointment is.

[amberzak]

Hello Rebekah,

 

I'm sorry, can't advise much but reading your post made me really think about how my daughter will cope when she's a bit older. She's 13 and just been diagnosed AS. You sound lovely. I really hope you keep posting and I'm sure you will find people on here who can really help.

 

Take care,

 

Sue

 

xx

 

 

Hopefully your daughter will find it easier when she reaches University age, as she has been diagnosed earlier. She will have more chance to start learning the skills she needs. Does she find it hard in school at the moment?

[phasmid]

Hi Rebakah.

 

Welcome to the forum. There are plenty on here who know what your talking about first hand as you have already seen. Others, like myself, are parents of children with an ASD. Either way this is a great place to be find friendship, answers, a shoulder to cry on or just somewhere to be yourself.

 

I hope we see you on here whenever you feel the need.

[Bullet]

Hi I am pretty sure I have Aspergers myself and can relate to a lot (but not all) of what you saying. Ok, the first thing I''m going to say is "don't worry about your work colleagues." The sort of people who joke about you behind your back are not the sort of people you want to be friend's with. Keep being polite to them, but you musn't fret that you're not getting on with them. True friends take into account the way you are and support and advise you.

Second, don't think of it as "needing step by step instructions". Think of it as being a very meticulous and careful planner who's paying attention. I never realised how much I relied on step by step instructions until I found my work so much easier if I could go through it stage by stage and have something to refer to at each point.

Getting the point of a joke. Sometimes it's not that with me. I often understand the joke, but don't find the humour funny or get distracted and miss part of it, or don't understand the background behind it. If that means I'm the last to laugh, or not at all, I'm not fussed.

Talking about your interests - oh god yes, I am definitely guilty of this! . I've found the best thing to do is let the other person speak first. Sounds simple, but if I talk first I have to force myself to stop rambling on . (this is just me).

Not being able to cope with changes. I have reached the point now where as long as I get enough notice I am not too bad. I don't like change but reason that if there must be some, I will get involved with the changes and thus have some power.

I have no sense of time either, but at the same time am very punctual. Ergo, I have a watch . mY DISTANCE awareness is rubbish as well, though could be worse.

I am also too trusting, but am trying to cultivate a cynical exterior . Although ironically I am less trusting on site. I think it's because I'm not trying to second guess the person's body language or expressions so just concentrate on the words.

Edited February 10, 2006 by Bullet

[amberzak]

Hey.

 

I know I shouldn't worry about my work collegues, and some days I really don't care, but then I will have a bad day, and it will all fall apart.

 

The way you described the joke thing, Bullet, that is how it is with me sometimes, where I don't get the funny side. BUt other times it just takes me a while.

 

Looking forward to making some good friends here.

[Kathryn]

Hi Amberzak,

 

Re: finding a church - this isn't easy when you move to a different area. We found that it helped to visit lots of different ones over a period of time to get a feel for the type of service and the people who go there (and whether the coffee's any good ). It's quite daunting to go on your own at first though, and it might help at first to go with someone you know to their church - they can then introduce you to other people there.

 

This site might help you check out what's available in your area.

 

K

[Suze]

Hi Rebeekah, welcome to the forum.My son has AS.You sound a lovely person hope you enjoy it here Suzex.

[redberry]

Hey Rebekah,

Glad to meet you.

This forum has been very kind to me with words from the wise and the wonderful!

Im NT with a borderline husband! an NT daughter and an AS son!

Take care

redberry

[amberzak]

Hey everyone.

 

Redberry, what is NT. Sorry, I don't know much about all this.

 

 

Thanks Kathrine - I looked at the website and I am going to be trying a few more churches in the next few weeks. I have been going to one locally, because I know the vicar from my college union, but it isn't really my kind of church. I feel bad, because he tried very hard to make me feel welcome, by trying to get me involved in helping. I am going to go tomorrow morning and have a chat with him, then I am going to another church in there evening service. I supose that I could do both really, his inthe morning and a more youth orientated church in the evening.

 

Thanks Suz for the compliment.

 

Thank you everyone and thanks in advance to all the help you will hopefully give me.

[Kathryn]

Hi Amberzak,

 

Not so long ago I was new to all these expressions as well!

 

NT = Neurotypical: a term used to describe people who are not on the autistic spectrum.

 

If you click on jargon buster at the top right of the page, just above "my controls" you will find a handy list of many other terms and their explanations.

 

Kathryn.

[redberry]

Hi Amberzak,

 

Not so long ago I was new to all these expressions as well!

 

NT = Neurotypical: a term used to describe people who are not on the autistic spectrum.

 

If you click on jargon buster at the top right of the page, just above "my controls" you will find a handy list of many other terms and their explanations.

 

Kathryn.

 

Thanks for explaining Kathryn!

I have just gotten used to a whole lot of new expressions, crazy that I expect others to be familiar with what Ive just learnt

redberry

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi Rebekah,

 

Welcome to the forum - you'll find many like-minded folk here - and those who aren't like-minded at least know how you feel.

 

With regards to new jobs - have you tried sending your cv to a few cinemas in the area, especially any smaller ones - if you have a good grasp of movies you will at least be working in an environment you love.

 

What are you studying at Uni? Do you have time to join or start some kind of movie appreciation club to meet people who enjoy your own interests? There are always of plenty of clubs at Uni's.

 

Daisy

[amberzak]

Can't you guess what I am studying? Filmmaking. It's moving Image, actually, but close enough.

 

I have a habbit of taking on too much at the moment to be honest - I am starting a dramatics society in my neibourhood.

 

I did think of applying at other cinemas, but I don't drive, so it is hard to get back late at night. The only other cinema within walking distance are only looking for voluntary staff.

 

I am sure I will survive at work. My manager had a chat with me today about what can be done with making my work atmosphere easier. She is speaking with the main horrid people, and with the changes that are happening, she is making sure all supervisors are aware that they will need to tell me of any changes at the start of my shift, so I don't get on the till and find there is a new button, or that the prices have all changed, while serving a customer.

 

Though I am looking at Media jobs when I have finished my course. Do I put that I am Aspergers on the application form, or will that put them off?

[OPooh]

So much of that sounds like me

Hope you get the love and support here you deserve.

What I'd say though is don't be afraid to be who you are. Tell people you have aspergers and be proud. If they don't like it or even don't like you then that's their problem!

 

<'>

[sue45]

Hi Rebeka,

 

You asked if my daughter is doing ok at school, well, she has lots of time off (always has, really, but lately she's picked up one throat infection after another). Besides the ilnesses, she is doing quite well academically but struggles sometimes under pressure with her peer group. And I sometimes really struggle to get her to go to school. I was told recently by one of her teachers that she's not badly behaved as a rule but sometimes she does things that she shouildn't to fit in. He used the "pretends' to misbehave. I think that's to fit in with her friends.

 

Thanks for asking. I think it's great you're at university studying Film making. I really hope my daughter does so well. She's interested in films, dancing, and music.

 

Sue

 

xx

[amberzak]

Hi Rebeka,

 

You asked if my daughter is doing ok at school, well, she has lots of time off (always has, really, but lately she's picked up one throat infection after another). Besides the ilnesses, she is doing quite well academically but struggles sometimes under pressure with her peer group. And I sometimes really struggle to get her to go to school. I was told recently by one of her teachers that she's not badly behaved as a rule but sometimes she does things that she shouildn't to fit in. He used the "pretends' to misbehave. I think that's to fit in with her friends.

 

Thanks for asking. I think it's great you're at university studying Film making. I really hope my daughter does so well. She's interested in films, dancing, and music.

 

Sue

 

xx

 

She sounds like me when I was in school

 

Though what I didn't realise was that the govenment wanted me to go to a special school, and my parents fought to keep me in main stream. My first year was a test to see if I could stay in the school - not because I was bad but because of my difficulties accepting change and my struggles with my peers.

 

My head teacher took my under her wing. She promised my parents that she would do all she could to keep me in school. She was amazing, and she seemed to know exactly what I was going through. I was only statemented then.

 

If I got on really well with a particular teacher she did all she could to keep me in his/her class, and when I did my GCSEs I always had the same person in each exam with me - I had a scribe and reader and extra time.

 

If your daughter ever wants someone to talk to who has gone through simular things and has simular interests she can email me. I will PM my email address to you

[lotty]

Hello I have aspergers dyspraxia and dyslexia, I have three boys, one little, one aspergers one dyspraxic, a husband who is autistic (high functioning) and I know exactly how you feel, I think I can relate to everything you said, i would give to and help anyone, i would go without for anyone i get such pleasure from waking on a friday, and such hate for sundays, i love my routine but it takes two to be one parent, its so complicated its unberlievable, sometimes on chat sites i have to reregister as someone else because i feel paranoid and as though i have said the wrong thing and no one will speak to me, my life is disorganized and wonky and i dont know how to get the sort of help my whole family needs?? so hi I am a bit like you to

Edited February 13, 2006 by lotty

[phasmid]

Hi Lotty welcome to the forum. Glad you have found us and hope you like what you see. I am sure everyone will hope you stick with us.