Admitting that I need help

[Viper]

stay strong girl, it will pass. You have done the right thing, don't let him see any weakness or he will use it to get back in. You will feel better soon and then the relief will hit you.

Well done. <'>

[DaisyProudfoot]

<'> <'> <'>

 

It's a tough decision you've had to make and you know it's going to be alright. Don't budge an inch.

[rainbow queen]

oh and i forgot to put

the only solution i found to all the trouble i had with my boys father was the no contact rule-because it stops u feeling guilty and stops you going back

i ended up back about 40 times before i made the final break and i needed lots of help-i got help of the police[are they aware of your trouble?]

i had panic button in house connected to police station-if pressed they came out straight away

had police mobile phone

alarm to carry in bag

had regular contact with domestic violence officer

attended support group and had outreach worker to do with dv who i could ring to talk to and see.

had protection of the courts

help of family

and my boys have no contact with father at all[did try that but it was just excuse for him to try to get in my head again].

and dont feel bad for crying ,i cryed for months and even do now-it will take you time to deal with it and heal,dont be hard on yourself .

if u ever need to chat pm me

luv marie x

[Tally]

We don't have any children, which is good because that means less people to hurt. It also makes it easier for me to leave quickly if he insists on coming back. He has certainly caused me a lot of hurt though. I don't have anyone to talk to, I thought it was normal until I told my mum he threatened to hurt the cat, I knew this was wrong, and when my mum reacted so upset, I told her the rest of it and she was even more upset, but not with me. I thought it was me that made him this way, but even if I am as awful to live with as he tells me, he has had the opportunity to tell me, or leave.

 

Talking isn't getting us anywhere, is just making it easy for him to keep burying his head in the sand. When we talked he came up with a list of things I can do that will make him want to stay in, and when I do these things he says he will try to stay in more. Thing is, he's been trying for 4 years. He needs to ask for help, and he refuses. I thought this might be the shock he needed in order to realise what he's doing, but he still blames everyone else. Now it's the fault of the friend he's staying with.

 

He won't speak to his family. The one friend he has left is rapidly getting sick of his behaviour. How far does he have to go before he realises that a major part of this is his own decisions.

 

He says I am making his life hell just to prove a point. Today he rang me to tell me he has nothing, only 10 TV channels. Oh the hardship All his clothes are dirty. I told him we could arrange a time for him to collect the rest of his clothes, but he says he doesn't have room. I asked if his friend would let him use the washing machine, or he could use the launderette. He says he will not lower himself to using a launderette. I said he'd just have to smell like a tramp until he is ready to swallow his pride then.

 

He says I keep moving the goal posts, and that he's done everything I've asked and now I am asking more. This is not true. I asked him to get help with his drinking and spending, now I have suggested he see a debt counsellor at the CAB, not as an extra thing, but as a way of getting help with the spending. I said that cutting up the credit card would be a 1st step to taking control of the spending, have been saying this for months, but he still hasn't done it. He just keeps telling me that he doesn't have time.

 

He rang me this morning and shouted a lot. I think he must have woken up his friend by shouting, cos the friend took the phone and they are coming round tonight to try and sort something out. He rang again a bit later and asked to change the time. I said no. I said I didn't want this to descend into another argument, and if he raises his voice that will be the end of the discussion, and the same goes for on the phone too. He said it won't turn into a row, so I am a little bit hopeful that he's got something positive to say. But after the past few days, not too hopeful.

[rainbow queen]

<'> <'> hi tally

you never mentioned what support you are getting?

i take it from your post your husband is living elsewhere?

i think you are worrying to much about him -you concentrate on yourself girl-your number 1 priority

dont fall for his hardship storeys too right he can smell if he cant be bothered to wash his own clothes.

 

i didnt relise u hadnt children -sorry.

 

about the alcohol probs-my boys dad was also an alcoholic-and the truth is tally no matter how much you try and change him it wont work

the change has to come from him

sometimes the only time they change is when they have lost everything

you can hang around for ages waiting for there promises to come true -they never do

in the meantime your life is ticking away being utterly miserable and you deserve more tally.

 

about the sleep thing u said about my ex used to do that too-keep me awake most nights,come home drunk accuse me of seeing other men,the list is endless

you should write yourself a list of all things that are bad

then write another list of all the good things you will attain by getting rid of him

 

PEACE OF MIND is the best thing in the world-and you never have it living under his control

A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP

NOT FEELING FEAR IN YOUR OWN HOME ECT ........ even if they seem small things -they soon all mount up to the horror of what living that sort of life is

 

 

you say you didnt know what was normal? is your husband the first man you have had relationship with?

i also didnt have much experiance of what a normal relationship should be-thats why he had such a grip on me at the time.

but when you break free you will relise that all that hes put you through was very wrong and that is not love.

take care tally <'> keep strong