darky Report post Posted February 27, 2006 hi guys, im asking for your advice i have a little problem that im trying to solve but i dont know what else to do. part of trying to stop R from stealing the boys stuff,and teaching c about respect of others feelings etc, i gave the younger 2 permission to swop and borrow each others stuff. when it goes well its brilliant. each of them borrow one anothers stuff and its fine. BUT the problem i have is when one of them does not want to swop. niether of them can understand that if the other does not want to swop they dont have to. R will constantly go on at the boys, saying will you swop and ive got this you can borrow if i can... etc, it drives the boys nuts. R cant understand that the boys dont have to swop if they dont want, because ive given permission this is what she sees, she cannot understand its still up to the boys if they want to lend her their stuff. then theres the problem with C. he very much likes things on his terms and they might agree they can borrow something for the weekend say, but even when R gives his stuff back, he dont get it and we get the screaming ab dabs that he has to return her stuff before the agreed timescale. because hes so literal, he just dont get it!! so yesterday i had enough of the arguments. i banned them all from swopping and borrowing. trouble is, this morning C was teasing R and saying you cant borrow my stuff na na na na! thing is, i know its going to be hell when HE wants to borrow something and he will, he likes her v-smile pocket and some of her games on gameboy. i can see it all ending in tears. i know i wont be able to set a time aside where they are allowed to swop because C being the annoying little pain he is sometimes, will refuse there and then and say he dont want to borrow at that time! im trying my best here to prevent problems, and my younger two just seem to make such hard work of everything. with their literal concrete thinking, niether of them understand rules unless its black and white. so when i give them permission to do something then in their eyes its full permission regardless of the "by laws" i am sick and tired of being referee all the time. im this close to ridding them of everything they own!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
adamsmum Report post Posted February 27, 2006 can't be much help. In my hose all things are shared. my boys are used to this. If ther is a fight thay take turns i will say who go's when. This works nicly in my house. The only time i had a real problem was when thay fout over the leapster so now i own 2 now it's a happy house Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
witsend Report post Posted February 27, 2006 Hi darky, sorry not much help to offer but do ahve one of these <'> . I know what you mean about ridding them of all their possessions, it's tempting sometimes isn't it? Cos then what would they have to fight about? Be warned though a freind of mine once described how her son and daughter (both NT) fought about everything she did her best to remove all likely sources of fights then said they started to argue about who was taking up the most air by breathing most!! I kid you not!! Take care, turn the music up louder, whatever!! Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jen Report post Posted February 27, 2006 you could have a set hour once a week where they are allowed to swop and play with the other toy for one hour only each saturday Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted February 27, 2006 Hi darky - Maybe completely wrong here, but i wonder if this has more to do with control/wind-up than literal thinking... In your shoes I'd be playing the 'because i say so' hand very heavily - whether they like it/agree with it/accept it or not YOU are the adult and they are the kids... If one lends something then wants it back before the agreed time - tough! Tell them they can either accept that they get it back as per the agreement or not at all. Then ground them!! Sorry, i'm not making light of your situation, but i do think it causes more problems than it fixes if you don't have firm boundaries and stick to them... Sometimes with kids you can compromise. When compromise goes out of the window, you have to re-establish authority in other ways - regardless of the kids take on it... (and lets face it, they're going to cry 'unfair' awhatever you do if it's not to their liking, so it might as well be unfair and to your advantage...). L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted February 28, 2006 Hi Darky, I would agree with Badders here about strict boundaries. With AS kids especially you can't keep changing the rules because it just causes worst problems. Make a decision and stick to it like glue, Bl**dy difficult I know when you've got all the kids screaming "not fair" at you but believe you me it makes life easier in the long run. I have five kids and sometimes I have to run this place like a boot camp just to keep AS meltdowns and teenage moments and toddler tantrums to a minimum other wise I'd be bouncing off the walls. I'm not saying life is perfect by any stretch but once a rule is a rule it's a rule whether that's 2 hours each on the computer or whose turn it is to sit in the back seat of the car. Ever watch "Malcolm in the Middle" - you know the mother, they based her on me! 1. MAKE A RULE 2. STICK TO IT 3. DON'T WAVER Otherwise you end up like the Government and no one knows what they're doing! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
