witsend Report post Posted March 3, 2006 Hi, I know the topic our kids having difficulties with freinds and/or not having freinds at all has been posted about many times on this forum. It's one area of this whole ASD thing I find most upsetting. My son has had various, mostly short term frendships, they always seem to end without any specific reason. He has few freinds at school and they are not constant, he tries so hard now he's older to be a 'good freind' and is often baffled why other kids leave him out of stuff. Anyway until fairly recently the freinds he had near where we live had all stopped calling for him, then a few weeks ago a new lad moved in and he and my son have become 'freinds' or so we thought! D has invited this boy round many times they play on the playstation and play out a bit etc, this boy also took D to the youth club with him last week, and D was so excited to be asked it would bring a tear to your eye. Thing is now it all seems to be going wrong again, and even I'm baffled now! I've kept an eye on the relationship and have to say I've noticed D going out of his way to be nice and a freind to this boy, he has learnt from past mistakes and makes sure this boy always gets a turn on PS2 etc etc, I've been really proud of him......but last night this boy and another boy called for D and when I said he was in the bath the next thing I know is my windows are pelted with pickled onions!! Then today D went out to play with this boy and others and then came home a wee while later obviously upset but trying to hide it, because they had been playing snowballs but all the kids (including v much new freind) had decided to snowball my son only! It sounds like they were basically picking on him and laughing at him, he asked them to stop but they didn't, he came home almost in tears (he's not soft) and I think it wasn't the snowballing that upset him but the fact he kind of knew this freind was being horrible to him in some way he couldn't quite verbalise or understand. I've got a horrible feeling this boy is now gonna join ranks with several others who have bullied my son in the past, and I just feel so cr*p for my son, he doesn't deserve it and I'm so worried this will be another blow to his fragile self esteem! God sorry didn't mean to rant so long. Basically was wondering whether any one has found these problems get better as they're kids get older? Or dare I say it worse? Just don't know what to do to help him, you can't force kids to be freinds I know, but if only he had just one good freind it would make such a differance. Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted March 3, 2006 My sons peers are extremely supportive but he always says he has no friends. A little girl came to me a while ago and said 'M says he has no friends, I always ask him to play and he walks off, does he hate me?' Could see she was upset but I had no words to explain his problems to this little 6 year old who genuinely cares for my son apart from 'he sometimes likes to play by himself'. Unfortunately after school I can't let my son out of my sight as if the slightest thing upsets him (last time it was because he tripped over but didn't fall but was annoyed with himself') he runs away, and keeps running, so I always worry that this will happen. He only ever wanted one child to come here and play, a little boy we used to take to activities we did, but he moved away last year and my son misses him. He keeps asking if we can go to see him but as it was a seperation (and not a pleasant one) noone knows where they have moved to . Anyone else comes in the house inc adults and children he hides. I have no idea if things will improve as my son gets older, I sincerely hope so, but the thing is he doesn't seem bothered that he isn't socialising, he prefers to be alone most of the time. We have managed to get him on a social skills course waiting list so I am hoping that will help. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zaman Report post Posted March 3, 2006 I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid, having posting something similar myself yesterday about the playground. It's unfortunate that little kids can be so mean. I held a birthday party for my son last month and invited half the class in a bid to artifically make him some friends. I know that one of the kids has had a party since, and didn't invite my son. I really don't want to make a big deal about his being AS with the other parents, as those that I have confided in have got a pretty wierd idea of what autism is, and started treating him with kid gloves. (Yes, I know, I want it both ways). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted March 3, 2006 I'm sorry to hear you are both going through this, it's heart-wrenching isn't it. <'> <'> My AS son seems to have 2 or 3 genuine friends which is lovely but he also believes other kids are his friends who are obviously not. My boy is very naive and the other kids always get him into trouble. Like today for instance the kids had been told they couldn't play on the grass at school and Martin knew this because he told me this morning, then he comes home from school and says he got into trouble for being on the grass when **** had told him teacher had said it was OK. He also said to me today. The kids in my class all think I'm different because of my rages and stuff but Mrs H says to them it's not my fault, it's because of my Aspergers. I don't think that's helping, it's just emphasising his differences. Be strong, at least your boy knows he has a friend in you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 3, 2006 one of the things i have always wanted is for steve to have a special friend,well to be honest any friend,i get upset when i see kids his age in town,he dont seem bothered but i find it very sad Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted March 3, 2006 Witsend. Life can be so cruel. <'> <'> <'> I really don't know what to advise. William has gone through this so many times. He doesn't even bother with kids at school now (one boy was nearly expelled last year for bullying him, he started out as a 'friend' too). He has one really good friend who he met in reception but this little boy lives in Newcastle, they do get together though for visits. What I have done with William when this sort of thing has happened is to try to distract him and focus his mind on the people that love him and are nice to him. I really feel for you and your son. It's so awful when our kids are let down by others. <'> Lauren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted March 3, 2006 my 4 year old has no friends either-he talks about one boy but says hes only his friend cause they both have the same coat[my sons logic] he started mainstream in sept and is already being picked on i feel-hes coming home saying so and so is nasty to him and hes been pushed over alot/pushed and called a baby what broke my heart was i always say to him that hes a big boy when he has done something new for him that he finds hard-well i think he must of said this in the playground and kids have laughed at him and said your not a big boy[being as hes 4-there logic] and he cant understand why they saying it. this is a really upsetting subject which i dont know what the solution is but im not happy with the school in fact id rather he was in a different one. i feel so strongly about this and if my son gets bullied i will get extremly angry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted March 3, 2006 I been in this situation so many times with K, it hurts like hell and instinctively you want to go out there and have a right go at those boys but it will only make the situation worse ( i have learnt the hard way). I have no wise words to help you out i am sorry but its also one of the most heart wrenching parts of parenting a AS child for me.. I have spent many a night very upset by the kids in the neighbourhood.... I wonder what turned this boy?? is it the other kids in the neighbourhood They can be very cruel, good luck justamom <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
witsend Report post Posted March 5, 2006 hi just wanted say thanks for all the replies, as always it's nice to know we're not alone with this. Haven't seen anything of the 'freind' this weekend and son has just retreated back to his PS2. It's sad but things are often easier and quieter for us when there are no freinds around, but it still upsets me 'cos I know D would love to have freinds really, I'm sure lots of you can relate to that. Thanks again, Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted March 21, 2006 Hi Witsend, sorry I'm a very late to this thread. Just wanted to add that you are really not alone in this. My son went through something very similar when we moved into a new neighbourhood. He was so eager at first to make friends with other boys, but he fell flat on his face with them, because they invited him to go out and they picked on him and called him stupid names just to laugh at his expense. My son realised it very quickly and told them some offensive things that I never heard, but the boys didn't come back again. It was sad and still is because my son since then has never gone out to the street alone, he always stays indoors. He's also a quiet boy who spends most of the time at the PC or PS. I was sorry to read that your son has a similar problem. I hope he's happier now and can make friends at school. <'> Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
