ASD and honesty

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Kai (7) has always been very honest, he doesn't lie and always owns up if he's done somehing "bad". Typical AS trait i know.

 

Anyway, yesterday in school the teacher commented how all the rubbers had gone missing. Kai being Kai instantly owned up to having pinched one (even though it was last September!). The teacher put 2 and 2 together and came up with 5, so now Kai has been blamed for stealing ALL the rubbers .

 

He was in a right old state about it when he got home yesterday, he said he'd told her he only took 1 but she didn't believe him. There was a note in his home-school diary asking if he could spend some of his pocket money to replace them . I may be over reacting here, but i was really annoyed with that comment. I found the offending rubber in his pencil box, so i've sent it back to school with him today with a note explaining.

 

Thing is, i remember him taking the rubber in September, but i completely forgot about it. Now i feel like it's my fault he's in trouble b/c i should have sent it back straight away .

 

I'm glad he's honest, but sometimes it's just best to keep your mouth shut!

 

Loulou x

[jb1964]

There was a note in his home-school diary asking if he could spend some of his pocket money to replace them . I may be over reacting here, but i was really annoyed with that comment. I found the offending rubber in his pencil box, so i've sent it back to school with him today with a note explaining.

Loulou x

 

I don't think you're over reacting - I would be so annoyed at this. As you say lying is one thing my daughter could not do and if she said she only took one rubber - then one rubber would be all that she had taken.

 

Personally I think Kai should have an apology - their behaviour is disgraceful.

[CarerQuie]

I cannot see where they made the leap from one rubber to all 5.Their reaction hardly encourages honesty in the other pupils,either.Hope they apologise.xx

[kirstie]

I wouldn't be happy either. Accusing him like that is so unhelpful to him. Sometimes i wonder if folk think before they open their gobs. Kai deserves an apology and i hope he gets one!

[OPooh]

TBH the suggestions of paying for them all out of pocket money is ludricrous! I'd be straight up to give them a piece of my mind. Hope he wasn't too upset.

[witsend]

I wish schools would realise how these so called small incidents can affect our kids hugely. loulou your son must feel outraged about it all! I know mine would, but then sadly they do often get resigned to being blamed for stuff they haven't done. Personally I know where I'd like to stuff those rubbers! And yes it would involve part of the teachers anatomy through which she is currently speaking!

Don't let them grind you down.

Luv Witsend.

[justamom]

hi loulou,

 

I was wondering if you got a note back today from Kai's school? Did they respond to your letter and the returned ruber...

 

Honesty is the best policy but not in this case - poor kid hope he is ok!!

justamom

 

By the way i love the name Kai - its very unusual

[Lucas]

As a youngster I could not believe the lengths that adults would go to to punish honesty, this is why I think certain Autistic children develop their own way of deception as a survival skill: they tell the absolute truth but do so in a way that encourages a falsity to be accepted.

 

If my mom asks "Did you take the biscuits from the cupboard?" I could reply with a simple "No" and she would assume it was someone else, when in actual fact I had eaten the biscuits but stuck my head in the cupboard at the time.

 

There was always a strong, internal taboo about lying. The truth always felt instinctively like the safest place, so saying something that contradicted the truth was always hard. But I could only tell one side of a story and it would be the truth, but the parts that I didn't tell were blanks that others filled in themselves and asked no questions(no theory of mind, my ass-burger).

 

But seriously, being taught that the truth is WRONG by adults throughout my childhood did nothing but harm for me. It wasn't until I went to residential school and I was spoilt and let off for everything because I was truthful that I felt somewhat normal. Of course there were limits but I was given a lot of freedom because it improved the behaviour of other kids to see it.

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Lucas, i love the thing about the biscuits. Excellent! I know when Kai's been sneaking biscuits b/c there are crumbs every where. I ask him if he ate a biscuit and he says, "No, i ate 3!"

 

On the rubber incident, his teacher called me and appologised. She said she wasn't bothered if he pinched a rubber. She said she told him off b/c of the way he owned up. She said he was cocky about it, as if to test her reaction. Don't really know about that, but it's all forgotten now anyway.

 

Loulou x

[Hectorshouse]

On the rubber incident, his teacher called me and appologised. She said she wasn't bothered if he pinched a rubber. She said she told him off b/c of the way he owned up. She said he was cocky about it, as if to test her reaction.

 

This is something that T gets in trouble for, often teachers believe him to being 'cocky' 'bulshy' etc ... this is a common misinterpretation, often those with AS do not respond or do not respond appropriately, its all about communication!

 

I'm sorry your son was so upset, HHxx

[lil_me]

My sons blatent honesty shines through and gets him into trouble. Can be quite cute, like at Christmas he'll be asked have you been good ? And he'll usually say sometimes or NO!! The biscuit thing with Kai sounds very familiar