Are you a partner with somebody who has AS?

[tmf]

Hi,

 

Just after a little bit of advice really, I beleive my df has AS and just wondered how you went about living with them, how you behave with them.....god that doesn't make sense!

 

You see i have a son with AS and am beginning to know how to deal with him, but i don't want to deal with df in the same sort of way. I want to be a good wife (to be) not his mother. Sometimes when i speak to him i feel like i might sound patronising/sarcastic towards him.

 

I really want this to work, but with a dx AS son and a potenially undx df i am finding things tough at the mo.

 

Any words of wisdom from any of you??

[Tally]

I would recommend reading "Asperger Syndrome and Long Term Relationships" by Ashley Stanford.

 

It talks a lot about how Asperger's can present in adults, and might help you to understand better how to communicate with him.

[justamom]

Hi TMF, i don' t have a partner with AS but my father has AS (self dx) and he lives with us and i tell you life is not easy. It's like having another kid... God love him he has a good heart but a right so and so at times, i feel sorry for my mother because she really does have the patience of a saint with him..

 

He does not form good relationships at work and is constanlty arguing with people because they dont see his point of view even if it is a bit "jaded" to say the least...

 

All i can say is patience my dear thats how we cope!!!

 

justamom

[Mother in Need]

It's now years after my separation, but I can now clearly see the asperger's in my ex. One of the reasons my son was diagnosed so late was that he took after his dad so much... and now I can understand why. However, dad himself is totally not interested in finding out about what ails his son (diagnosed 9 months ago), so any hopes of him accidentally stumbling across similarities of himself and him starting to realise he is AS also, seem pretty slim.

 

tmf, I would magine that it depends on whether your df is aware of the fact or not, and how he then reacts to it. There are loads of wonderful people on this forum with AS who I think would be willing to try and work tgether on any issues that need looking at. But if he doesn't, than yes my experience is like justamom; I always felt I had another pubescent teenager in the house, but one I couldn't tell off nor tell what to do; the tantrums were a lot worse and there was nothing I could do to help him in any way.

[ceecee]

Tmf

<'> <'> <'> <'> Have some of these.I would guess life isn't easy for you sometimes.I think like others have said it is a case of trying to be patient.

[tmf]

Hi All,

 

Thanks for the advice, i will try and get hold of the book, it sounds like it might be a good starting place.

 

Luckily df has accepted ds dx (took 7mths mind) and since reading up on it, he is now also seeing he may well have AS.....in fact although i could see traits mths ago i kept quiet coz i didnt want him to think i was blaming him for ds dx. I let him come to me and tell me he could see these traits in himself.

 

<'> <'> received loud and clear, thank-u! Patience isn't one of my strengths (unfortunately) guess i have a lot to learn and fast. I know he is the best thing that could ever have happened to me and he is a fab father to the kids as well, and that is something i want to hang onto! ....or not!