School refusal

[Elenes]

Hi,

 

I wonder if anyone can advise.

 

My 9 year old child has got stuck in a cycle of school refusal since the middle of March.

 

The EWO have been brought in at ours and the schools request to see if they have any solutions.

 

She attends sporadically, depending on whether her 'conditions' (demands, i.e. that she has a table on her own, or the Head is not allowed to engage with her at all) have been met. She has only been to school for 2 hours this week, and roughly 50% of other weeks. I can understand that her attempts to control the situation are driven by her rising anxieties with school, and her previous form of inhibiting in that environment is taking it's toll.

 

However, all the measures that EWO, the school, and ourselves have employed don't seem to be changing this trend. Quite simply, she is in control just now! She decides if she is going! No steps/interventions have changed this tact. She rages badly, and destroys things..so forcing her is not possible. I would worry about what this would do to her mental health if this development is her way of saying she can no longer cope at school. She lies around the house in her dressing gown, reading,..once we have finally given up. If she does go, but things don't work out,..she refuses to come home because we made her go to school! She had a 'scuffle' with the Head last week after 2 hours of refusing to come home.

 

She doesn't have a statement, because she still inhibits to a large extent at school. She got a note in lieu of a statement a couple of years ago. The only way she displays her anxieties is in actually not attending school,..which does not give her a 'need' that a statement could assist with anyway!

 

Has anyone else had this situation? If so, what happened? At a recent meeting the EWO said that prosecution, etc is not an option, as we are doing everything in our power to change the situation and working in partnership with all the outside agencies and school. They mentioned Home and Hospital Educating for a while as a last resort,...and there is a planned Multi Professional Meeting.

 

I would appreciate your experiences and suggestions.

 

Thanks.

 

Elenes

Edited May 4, 2006 by Elenes

[Guest flutter]

i would wonder if she doess need a statement and then put in a different school

i personally feel there is a fine line with whether our kids are acting up cos they want own way or cos they are stressed beyond belief and it is they only way they know how

sounds to me like she is stressed,

others will have better ideas

tc

C x

Edited May 4, 2006 by flutter

[denise2]

We were in exactly the same situation and the school we were at felt that our son was controlling them, but he was really just trying to cope. We de-registered him and started teaching him at home. Once he had de-schooled he was able to explain to us that he was living in a state of fear 99% of the time. Everything was noisy and his senses were totally over stimulated. He told us that within 10 minutes of the teacher starting the lesson it was as if she was talking in a foreign language and he could not hear or understand what she was saying. He eventually became school phobic and he has been home schooled ever since. He is now a totally different child.

 

Obviously this is not the option for everyone, but it seems it was the only option for us and it's working out well.

 

Good Luck

 

Denise 2

[stressedmumto2]

Hi, your situation was the same as mine. It got to the stage of despite me getting him there and through the school doors the school wouldn't actually hold him back for me to go, eventually he learnt that if he started to throw, bang, smash stuff, lash out he would get excluded and this is what happened. We are on exclusion no' 7 since feb.

 

Then he refused to go back altogether so we started a re-intergration plan using social storys with day of week and how long he would be in school for with me remaining on property but teacher taking him off to do stuff and me saying I jsut had to quickly nip to shops to try and get him used to me not being there all the time.

 

I don't know if something like that will work with you and we only done it this way becuase I felt if it was just a case of him being to anxious for school then me being there may have reduced this. It certainly actually manged to get him thropugh the door but it was not ideal.

 

The thing is he doesn't really realise why he has to go to school, what he will be doing when there how long he will stay for so using viuals reminders of whathappens throughout the day, social stories of what he will be doing when in school, who will be teaching him, what work he will be doing may help and to make going to schoolhigly rewarding, if he participated in doing some work then he was allowed to do something motivational like play footie or go on pc.

 

I don't know what else to suggest but maybe you could ask the school if they will do viuals and all that kind of stuff with your child.

 

Best ofluck and hope you get this sorted soon <'>

[Flora]

Our situation is similar with William. It hasn't come to him refusing school, but he either makes a fuss about going or morosley complies and becomes very passive. He tells me that he frequently doesn't understand what the teacher is saying, that her words are just a jumble of sounds. Because he is the oldest there (he is repeating year 6 so is already 12) his teacher has got it in her head that he is uncooperative and that really he understands everything but pretends that he doesn't to get out of doing stuff. Like your daughter, he is very passive at school and due to this we have been refused a statutory assessment. I'm within inches of taking him out of school until September.

 

I really don't know what the answer is. From observation of other people either it gets so bad that the LEA finally agree to assess, or it gets so bad that the family decide to de-reg. All I know is that it isn't possible, as a parent, to see a child go through so much stress and let it continue indefinately; something eventually has to give and it shouldn't have to be the child.

 

Lauren

[jb1964]

Hi Elenes,

 

We've had loads of trouble this past two years (since the changeover to comp) with my daughters attendance (she's now in yr8) - and roughly on average her attendance has been between 20-40% over this period. At the past couple of review meetings the school and EWO have both been pushing for her to be excluded and we accept home tuition full stop. However, the LEA have been thankfully on our side and flatly refused to agree with the school - they have agreed flexi-schooling where she goes part-time (mornings only) to school and has a tutor for 1hr x 3 afternoons per week much to the annoyance of the Deputy Head.

 

The only thing I would say though is that each time my daughter has refused/not wanted to go/raged/screamed and cried her heart out about not going to school there has always been an underlying reason (or many reasons) that is causing her so much anxiety that she just cannot cope and she has been unable to communicate to us her problems to us.

 

My daughter also isn't statemented but diagnosed AS.

 

I hope things work out for you and that she makes some headway through this soon.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited May 4, 2006 by jb1964

[Elenes]

Thank you for your replies. It just makes me realise that this situation is repeating all over the place!

 

I was even wondering if a fresh start somewhere else would help. If I identified a school that seemed particularly capable with ASD children (just a regular mainstream school, but with more experience), and it had space,...would the LEA agree to a trial?! However, the school i have seen is in a neighbouring LEA! So that would invole two LEA's communicating and agreeing!!! 'Nuff said!!

 

I wish I was not so cynical!

 

Elenes

[Guest flutter]

is it worth contacting the school u like and see if they can support you

then parent parntership and then ipsea?

[Elenes]

Hi again!

 

Thanks Flutter.

 

I was wondering if parents are allowed to attend the multi professional meeting? Does anyone know. Would you advise against it?

 

I believe Health, Education, and probably Social Services will be there.

 

Thanks.

 

Elenes

[stressedmumto2]

Go go go.

 

I would strongly advise that you go, take notes and add comments, even take a list of things you wish to discuss with photocopy's that you can hand out. Also ask whoever is chairing the minutes of the meeting to ask you to be included in them and for a copy to be forwarded.

 

I have attended many now for my son and yes they are very daunting and quite horrible if you have to listen to any negatives about your child butat least you can have your say.

 

I would also advise you to take someone with you.

 

Best of luck <'>

[Mother in Need]

You're a better professional on your child than all those so-called professionals put together! Ofcourse go there and attend, and even ask them you weren't officially invited.

 

We've had so many problems with school, wrong time to go into them now, but the whole school thing where they never listen to parents and simply refusing to believe, let alone act and help, is grating up my nerves!