and the screaming continues...........

[bjkmummy]

continuing on from my post yesterday, joe screamed the house down again for an hour this morning. all hubby did was to try and give him some milk!!!!

 

it so soul destroying

 

i think im getting frustrated now because its heartbreaking to see him so distressed and not know what he wants. i just leave him on the bean bag to cry it out but it seems to take him forever to calm down

 

hes now 2 and 8 months

 

he has now just for absolutely no reason at all at any time of the day saying 'mcdonalds'

 

last night after a screaming fit i caught him in the ocnservatory just walking round and around in a big circle for about 15 mins - obviously calming himself down in some ways

 

what really upsets me the most is his eyes - they look dead - there is no emotion in his eyes and he avoids looking at you but when hes happy and smiling he can break your heart - i just want to take away whatever it is in this world which is troubling him away and for him to be happy but he just wont let me in to help him

[Bagpuss]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

As a parent, we want to make everything ok for our children. Its awful when we don't know whats upsetting them or how to calm them. Just sheer helplessness. I continually questioned my ability as a mother. I thought if I was somehow different, it would make everything ok for the whole family. Getting support is so vital. Asking for help & advice is a sign of strength, not weakness, as I had felt unfortunately. I was always perceived as a strong person, who could cope with anything life flung at me. Even now I don't think those around me realise just how low and desperate I became for a good couple of years. Only my hubby really saw the reality. You need time to yourself, to recharge your batteries. I hope this is an option for you?? I know what you mean about your child's eyes, we had similiar feelings. Talk to those willing to listen, search for support, be honest with those who love and care about you. On a postive note, our daughter is now much, much easier to be around. Life has certainly improved. Emotionally I feel as if I've been on a rollercoaster and managed to some how get off now

 

Take care,

 

Debs

[Elouise]

I do not have naswers for what will help your family.

 

All I can offer are tips for what helped ours. Your not a bad mom, an overwelmed one yes , but you are NOT a bad mum.

 

1) Next time you go to the Homestart group tell them how BAD things are for you right now. The local homestart officers constantly work out who is in greatest need for support NOW.

My HS volunter came to my home from 9am upto 4.30pm and took a raving non stop Sam off my hands so i could spend time with Annie.

Its worth asking.

 

2) Have a look see if there are ANY special needs nursaries or outreaches in your area i.e. KIDS. http://www.kids-online.org.uk/ Contact a family may also be able to suggest specialist placements. Sam was so volitile at 2 he HAD to have a special nursary placement as no where else could contain him. I paid for this out of his DLA. It meant i got to spend some time with Annie instead of leaving her in the corner barricaded in from Sam.

 

3) I bought a superstrong Emmaljunga twin pushchair so I COULD get out of the house and upgraded to a mountain buggy for Sam and a Kelty backpack (suit up tp 5 years if your strong enough) once I had saved up for them That way Sam could scream bite kick and yell to HIS hearts content in a pushchair he could not tip and Annie was on my back playing with my hair and i could talk to her as the noise from Sam was lower down.

 

4) nathan was just like your 2 year old at 2. I got so sick of him screaming I went and took photos of 'things' in the house including Nathan in the bath, Nathan eating food, Nathan drinking a drink , Laminated them and made him a flip book all of his own. Okay so he did throw the picture of what he wanted at me and STILL screamed but it was a small start towards symbol communication.

 

5) I unashamedly took any and all time off offered. Nathan used to go to a childminder who specialised in one to one special needs when Pip was teeny I paid some, social services paid some. Sam i paid for a nursary as no one wpuld take HIM.

Nathan went to special needs summer playschemes as did Sam untill they outgrow them.

 

6) I targeted Holidays specifically FOR special needs in the Uk to begin with as both boys where so darn awful to keep explaining why your child SCREAMED none stop and no you where not beating them got old.

 

7) I think I camped out in assorted clinics and statutory service places with the monsters at full pelt just so statotory services got a little taste of what they where like around the clock. these days when I offer to pop down to sort things out with the lads its amazing how fast things are sorted for them both just so I am spared a trip to their offices.

 

8) Target education to get that statement ASAP and if you have the enrgy begin NOW for your younger son.

I began Sams at 2 and he was given his nursary place at an autistic specific special school by 3.

I also used the local councils 'sibling rule' to get him in too.

 

9) Ear plugs good strong ear plugs...sanity savers.

 

10) Distraction box with twidlles in like bubble mix to blow or sparkly paper to twidle or holgraphic cards to flick or pegs to line up or whatever works for your lads, you do have to make one box each though.

 

11) Both boys have their own rooms *thank GOD* and each has their own 'chill zone' Nathans Bright with lots of flashing lights and spinning things and is like a white room.

Sams is dark as a pit with a single glow ball that omits soft changing light in a 'hidey hole'. Both now use these instead of simply kicking the doors off and biting me if they get wound up.

 

Your poor little boy must be so frustrated. Nathan used to get so tired trying to make sense of the world he would 'switch off' and fall asleep on the spot and drop down.

He has a safe spot, the bean bag, let that be his special safe place he does not have to share with the others or you. Nathan had a bean bag too it was screamed at thumped and hugged to bits. he used to sleep on it too and as long as he was safe that was fine.

 

It might not be a case of he will not let you in to help him, if his communication is as severely affected as nathns he may simply not know you are 'safe' to let near.

 

I spent ages sat in the corner of the room being quite and doing things slowly not looking at Nathan untill he stopped banging his head against the floor screaming and began to come out from under the table to pat me. That however took 12 months to achieve.

Nathan did not begin to make progress until he was finally at a special autistic school.

At 16 he still has his 'moments' where he screams and head bangs and his communication is still awful but he is also happier and has achieved far more than I thought possible based on how bad he was between birth and 5.

I had moments I wanted to give up and leave him with social services as there were many times I felt I was getting no where and wasting my time. Now I think it was worth it.

 

When in hell keep going and take any help offered you can find to get through parenting autistic toddlerhood.

 

*just a note Westco make beanbag beds suitable to sleep on if thats what your son finds the right tactile for him to settle on.*

 

Hang in there, your parenting the hardest part *and that is compared to a teenage autistic kevin stage*

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'>

 

My heart goes out to you its so so soul destroying haveing to watch them scream and not be able to help.

 

 

 

Id just like to say though that when my son was between the ages of 2 and 5 we learnt sign language and showed him some of the basic words like biscuites,drink,and stuff.This meant that he could communicate in signs wehat he wanted and he did so.It helped imensly.It realy did.He had language but very limited and hated to speak.

 

It was the deaf association type people who helped us with this.Its worth a try.Because my sons screaming and frustration did calm a bit when he could be understood a little.

 

Please pleas beleive it does get easier my son is 12 now and looking back i dont know how i survived those early years.Yes ive whole new set of problems but with time comes experiance and more knowledge.

 

Take care.

[lorryw]

Hello,

Im so sorry to hear you are having a tough time.

I clearly remember a time when my non verbal son went through a stage of crying for no apparent reason. It was impossible to comfort him and eventually he would stop. My friends lad was going through exactly the same kind of thing and I think thats what kept us going. It feels a little easier when you know you are not the only one.

Have you tried rubbing his feet with lavender oil when he is upset. We were also told to wrap him in a quilt or sheet in much the same way as you swaddle a crying baby. My son found that very comforting. In fact he still wraps himself in his quilt when he goes to sleep (hes now 20) and Ive no idea how he does it!

Believe me things will improve take care of yourself and remember you arnt alone.

Love Lorainexx

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi,

 

You must get to the GP with your concerns especially as you have an older one who is already dx'd.

 

It sounds like he could be getting too much stimulation and input. Has he got worse since he started nursery? I see no reason why he can't be suffering from the same problems many of our AS kids have when socialising just becomes too much like hard work and the only place they can let rip is at home.

 

Is he reacting to stimulus within the home - textures, clothing, noise. He may well be able to pick up noise you can't even hear - my son does that all the time, get irritated by things we just regard as background noise.

 

Unfortunately he is also a terrible two which is hard enough I know as I had a girl and boy twin in addition to my older boys and it was always the AS twin who was the hardest work. Is there a quiet place he can go like the conservatory where you can put ear phones on him or play familiar gentle tunes to him, wrap him up really tight with a weighted quilt or try darkening the room slightly.

 

Just thinking of what used to sooth my AS kid when he was little.

 

<'> <'> <'> Hope you find the reasons.

[Guest hallyscomet]

Keep strong

 

Saying a prayer that your little one settles soon thanks to the wonderful help that is there and you get all the answers you need to help your little one.

 

Be gentle with yourself, have faith.

 

Hailey <'>