unpredictable behaviour -writing on all sorts

[bramblebrae]

My son S (ASD probably HFA/AS but no one wants to pin it down - almost 7) is a reluctant writer due to poor fine motor control and the ASD too i suppose destroys work if it looks wrong. This school year just past he has been much more willing to put pen to paper and the look of the lettering has improved some however along with this came a strange obession with writing on everthing at home but paper. He has written on the drawers of his new desk put pen arrows from one door of the living room to the other "to mark the route" he says leaving little arrows on door, frames, walls, ironing board and table. His latest exploit has really annoyed me as he has written his intials on the top of my beige sandals in blue ink and it's resisting all attempts at removal. Previously I asked why did u write on that ...answer I don't know ...I said well you should not write on the walls ...answer oh I didn't know, you didn't tell me I couldn't..this happened a couple of times til I said I can't tell u all the items your not allowed to write on so just do not write on anything but paper..reinterated as only write on paper..ok he promised ...then when it happened again he just says he didn't remeber me saying that...the not remembering thing happens over everything I tell him. Like when he nearly killed our fish - he knows not to put in too much food but we had got a new catfish and new type of food and he put in half the tub -cloudiest fish tank u've ever seen..they survived but it took me hours of emptying water and refilling whole tank 3 times. Maybe it was the different food I suppose but he can never explain why he did it although he did admit he knew it was wrong. Thing is it's not every week or anything and it just comes out of the blue alot of his most unwanted behaviours are like that he's totally unpredictable but fine 75% of the time but then I'm left watching his every move (as much as I can there is just the 2 of us) for what mostly is no reason but I just never know. It begs the question as well for next year when I'm filling in his reapplication for DLA and they want to know how often this or that happens ..well not often but I've got to watch for it all the blinking time!! mmh maybe it's not happening cause I'm watching.... infact the sandal thing happened right under my nose I was wearing it and didn't notice so not watching that carefully even when there ..engrossed by big brother ... see I'm befuddled

 

sorry it's a bit of a ramble thats why I'm bramble

any one got anything similar? or help / ideas?

 

thanks

Lorraine

[Amanda32]

Hi lorraine <'> <'> for you

 

Sorry if your having a stressful time at the moment, I can understand what your going through and other parents on here more than likely as to. My son is 10 now but he was doing the same thing for example:

drawing on the walls about age 6-7 approx he stopped

writing his name on our leather suite...

writing Actionman on doors but mostly furniture

He wrote Actionman on our car... using a stone and noughts and crosses with it too..

He has got out of it now though thank god, I could say hide all the pencils etc but not sure that will achieve anything from my experience anyway. Give it time maybe perhaps reward him on a daily or weekly basis for not drawing elsewhere or if you draw yourself draw with him perhaps make it a fun thing. Sorry not sure what else to say, I draw myself it's all in our genes my dad was very artistic and my daughter draws well too. My son just tells me I dont know for most things when I ask him or says cant remember where he leaves his hat etc...

 

Let us know what you have tried to do to deal with the problem they can be little terrors when they want to be... you could even say like if he has a comic or treats regular stop it when he does it might make him think differently.

 

Take care

Amanda <'> <'>

[Elanor]

Perhaps in a sense he's just discovered writing and is thrilled with it. If he were 4 or 5 (ie when most kids get excited about writing - like my little girl) you'd be less surprised at this outpouring onto everything you own. I hope you get those shoes clean.

 

Elanor

[oxgirl]

Hi, oh dear, your poor sandal! My son went through a thing of wanting to label everything. He hates writing as well, so in the end we gave him one of those little clicky machines that you emboss words into little sticky strips (not sure what they're called) and let him loose with that. They were everywhere, but at least they pealed off. You could give him a pad of stickers and let him write on them and stick them on the walls, etc. and then you'd be able to remove them when he's bored with it maybe!!

 

Take care.

 

~ Mel ~

[Karen A]

Hi Lorraine .Just an idea.Do you know about social stories? A story is written in a very structured way specificaly relating to the difficulty your child has.You then read it with them and get other people to do the same,repeat frequently until the child learns what to do.The theory is that the child learns what is appropriate.I have used a social story but have not written one.If you have an ASD outreach specialist or EP they may help you.If you want to have a go I am sure someone here will be able to direct you to a website that explains how to write a social story.Or perhaps another member will explain better than me. One of the difficulties Ben has is that he does not transfer understanding from one situation to another.Hence he would similarly learn that it is not appropriate to write on the table but he would not then make a link that it is therefore not appropriate to write on a chair.It is very frustrating.Regards Karen.

[bramblebrae]

Thanks everyone for your ideas. The thing about the stickers is interesting because in between the writing he did get a set of harry potter stickers with a little book - they are tiny little square stickers with all the characters on them - anyway once book was filled up there where about 50 spare stickers or so and these now"observe" everthing they are all round the house I'm still finding them in unusual places - I don't really mind my house is a tip anyway but being observed by Ron Weasley in the bathroom is a little disconcerting

I have seen a social story book I tried to use it for general things like the toilet but I didn't really understand how it would work ... I suppose its the repetition of it I just looked and thought he won't remember any of it...though I never tried writing a specific one. We only had the book for a short time as it was borrowed... I'll look up more information on it and see if I can understand any better now and perhaps S will too now he's a little older.

 

thanks everyone

Lorraine

[Karen A]

I found a website with more info on social stories.[WWW.TheGrayCenter.org ]It is Carol Gray's website.She is an expert on social stories.Karen.

[stressedmumto2]

Another thing you could try that was suggested to me was take photos of all the things he is allowed to do and place a tick over it and a list of things not allowed to do with a cross over it. Make the list of things he can do bigger than things he can't do. This will then make him feel that it's not a whole load of no no's allowed in the house. Explain to him the things with crosses over them means he can't do them and the things with crosses he can do and just put them around the house. You could also put a cross and tick chart with a happy and smiley face next to them so he can see that when he does something correct it makes you happy but when he does something with a cross it makes you sad and everytime he has done something allowed on the chart smile at him with a happy face and say you've made mummy happy now, this is just re-inforcing it.

 

Hope this makes sense I confuse myself sometimes.

 

Also using social storys is a really good idea, they don't have to be very big or too complicated but one about the fish would be good using pictures of the fish and fish food, how much he can put in exactly and so on with explanation that if fish eat to omuch it can make them un happy and poorly. To make it fun for him you can make the story as i kind of comic strip with velcro pictures that he can take on and off etc.

 

Best of luck with it <'>

[bramblebrae]

thanks it does make sense wether I can get me lazy self around to getting organised and doing it is another. I'm defintely going to try the social stories though as reading is his passion and if I can get the story right and repeat it often enough I think it will have an impact on him remebering the 'right' thing to do. He really likes to please people which is half the battle I suppose he just forgets what is right and what is wrong which I forget that he forgets and lose me temper in the heat of the moment. Then when school does it I give them a row lol I'm a hippocrit but then i think well I got him a heck of alot more(good thing mostly:)) and no support mostly whereas there is alot of them and to be honest they have got a lot lot more experience of children in general than I do...so they should know better and there emotions aren't so involved or in an ideal world wouldn't be. (mini school rant!)

 

anyway thanks for the great advice and the link.

off on hols tomorrow afternoon so I'll bear it in mind for our return - I may even put the social stories into effect slightly on our way as we're stopping with relly's for a few days on the way to legoland see if I can get something down about que's (though we can use special stamp to skip them) or not running off ( I was thinking of taking his old wrist strap - in case it did get bad but i hate using it we've not used it for awhile and never did much but he's got too fast now.

anyway still not packed lol I'm really hopeless - I think I need some social stories of my own! - if u don't pack, u'll be late, your mum(granny) will be furious and you'll all set off in a bad mood!

 

take care

Lorraine

[Karen A]

Hope you have a great time on hols.Karen