purplegail Report post Posted July 27, 2006 Hi All I'm interested to hear from anyone with a teenage aspie (particularly girls - pmt element!) My daughter has always thrown spectacular tantrums but over the last couple of years they have become increasingly violent. I finally persuaded the doctor she needed medication after a particularly harrowing weekend which resulted in me locking myself, my 8 year old and the dog in my eldest sons bedroom whilst she was on the rampage with a kitchen knife! Another doctor recently made a big thing about the weight gain side effect of the medication and she refused to take them - roll on another weekend of terror!!! I feel so useless as her parent. Some one once told me that parents of children with problems are 'chosen' because they have special qualities which help them to cope. Well I think 'they' made a mistake as I am really struggling to cope these days. Laura is 14, has not been in mainstream ed for a year , hates herself, claims to love me every evening at bedtime but spends most of every day abusing me mostly verbally (with foul language) but often physically. How do other people get through each day? How do you safely restrain a very large 14 year old without hurting her? How do you continue to show affection when you want to hurt her for hurting you. I love her so much but most days I really don't like her. Last weekend I had to leave her alone and take my younger son to safety because it seems the only other help I could get was to call the police to arrest her!!!!!! How can I do that to a 14 yr old very confused child?? Sorry for rambling. I think I've found it harder since I broke my leg as I know and she knows that I can't defend myself very well! Every morning I wake up ready to try again but feel as though I'm fighting a losing battle by mid-morning. Love to hear any advice. Gail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tracey Report post Posted July 27, 2006 Hi purplegail My daughter is also 14 and I have had similar problems with her PMS is also a major thing and at that time little things can really work her up I also have a younger son who in the past has taken alot from her I must admit now he is older 11 he wont take it from her anymore and will fight back which is sort of a diterant I mainly get verbal at the moment but there was a time when she took her temper out on me. since my daughter has been taken out of school things have improved I think she brought alot of stress home with her when she starts a new school nx term the problems could return but im hoping we can sort school probs out as they come up instead of her bottleing things up Iam thinking about herbal remadies for pmt but most things omega 3 and eye Q have not helped am going to see whats on the market or speak to the nurse. Tracey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted July 27, 2006 Hi Gail, I understand completely how you feel. It is so difficult - my daughter is 13 and the past two years in particular have been pure hell. On top of the normal behaviour that can be so hard - the aggression and verbal 'hurting' is non-stop. Her mood swings and depression are soul destroying. With the massive change in schooling from primary to comp. plus hormones and periods it seems neverending. I have a three year old who still sleeps in with me and most evenings I have to stand the other side of the bedroom door holding pulling the handle with all my might to stop her entering the room and physically hurting me - whilst screaming and screaming - I'm sure the neighbours think we are hurting her and I don't know what damage it does to my little one. Some days I can remain calm(er)!!! and cope! better - other days I simply cry my eyes out - and again I don't know what effect this has on my little one. My daughter can go from wanting a hug and telling me she loves me to screaming and hurting me or herself within the blink of an eye - and it is so hard not to build up a wall to stop yourself hurting inside - and I've always told her that no matter what she does I will always love her and I will always give her a cuddle when she needs one. Afterwards she can sometimes be very frightened by what she's done - or lack of remembering what she's done - and she then hates herself - wishes she was dead is convinced everyone else hates her etc and becomes very very sad and depressed. But it's just a vicious circle that goes round and round. I asked CAHMS about medication of some sort but they said they wouldn't prescribe anything as nothing is licenced for under 16 yr olds (although I've read on her that many people have been prescribed medication) - they have been at the house when she's been full on meltdown, aggression and self harming and have gone through various techniques to try and help - but none did. They also said that from 11-16 is the worst period in their lives (with puberty and school) and that when they leave school things can improve !!!! We have been battling for the past two years to keep her in mainstream but her attendance is less than 30% and have been pressurising us to withdraw her - probably at the next review meeting in October they'll get their wish. Most times she explodes over something - this is normally because someone has said the 'wrong word' i.e. 'lied' etc - or not understanding what has been said or is expected of her. We really try our best to remove other triggers that we can see coming - and keep to routine, rules etc as much as possible. She doesn't hardly ever go out (has no friends), and I try to internet shop for everything so that we remove the 'shopping' nightmare. I try my best to think that whatever I'm feeling when she's 'upset' it's probably 100 times worse for her. Although my husband has much less patience than me and he is worried that she'll hurt our other little girl. Chin up and take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Martian Martian Report post Posted July 27, 2006 Hi Gail, It must be really awful for you, and I'm sorry I don't have any experience in this matter that I could share. But it sounds as if your girl's behaviour is posing a real danger to herself and the rest of the family. I really think you should get back to the GP asap, explain about the medication issue and your difficulties with a broken leg, and DON'T LEAVE THE SURGERY until he/she has offered to get some help for you, because you SHOULD NOT have to cope with this on your own. It sounds to me like you are doing a superhuman job in very trying circumstances. Get some help - things will get better! Best wishes... MM. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted July 27, 2006 Gail-don't feel bad that you are finding it hard to cope-anyone would in your situation.Personaly I think those who come up with ideas about people being chosen to parent children with problems are attempting to come up with nice words to deal with their discomfort-I don't feel I have any special qualities that make me specially gifted in caring for a son with ASD and it appears to me that many of us just work to do the very best for our children in the situation we are faced with.I have not got experience of coping with a level of violence that would threaten my safety.However I think you need to make professionals aware of your situation-If you have contact with CAMHS I would contact them and request an urgent appointment.Regardless of whether medication is appropriate you need support to put a plan in place to protect yourself and your younger child. <'> <'> Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
board Report post Posted July 27, 2006 hello can i ask anyone my dd6 is like this know was your children like this when they wre young or did it just happen when they got older i was hopeing she would out grow it all the best jill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest flutter Report post Posted July 27, 2006 hey my dd is 12 ( ooh next week lol) and we had more than ususal violence, ( she has always been very violent, and consultant says that is her asd) which we put down to pmt and asd, it was so bad we got the script too, but neva gave it her, we worked our way through, god knows how i have to say, but staying calm and not being frightened for me was the biggest thing, and getting her to her space to chill, now i would have assumed that that was giving in, but it works, ( her space tho is my bed!) and when she is calm, i then talk, but it is few words, and salt even commented how hard it would all be for me cos i talk lots and lots, ( and it is hard) now her cycle is settled, life is cool, the only indication is a need for choccy, and tiredness,I have a gynoclocigcal condition to that makes pmt worse and it can be passed on so i at the mo am relieved the oils we are all supposed to give them for concentration may also i think help with hormones i was given advice form 5 of professionals and the best one was the salt get help where eva u can, C x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted July 27, 2006 hello can i ask anyone my dd6 is like this know was your children like this when they wre young or did it just happen when they got older i was hopeing she would out grow it all the best jill Hi Gill, Yes my daughter too has always been like this practically since she was physically able - although probably not so much self harming when she was younger (probably just head banging and pulling hair since she was little) but from around the age of 11 - when she started comprehensive school and since then periods on top - what I thought was difficult and hard to cope with seems to have got worse by ten-fold. Obviously the aggression and hurting is far more difficult to handle from a physical point of view than when she was younger because she is bigger now - when she was younger you could contain her to an extent. Also the verbal hurting is far more deeper too - and of course there is obviously the ordinary teenage angst that goes with it to boot - but all children are different and I keep hanging on to the hope that things will eventually get better. Take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted July 27, 2006 No advice but just to say .... <'> <'> <'> <'> to all of you coping with this. Well done to you as parents Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted July 28, 2006 Oops - laid awake worrying that I sounded condescending in my last post - if that's how it read I'm sorry Just that J is quite gentle (except when in meltdown mode and that mainly affects things rather than people) and I don't know if I could cope like you do ... Please forgive me if I upset anyone ... just want to <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
onlycrazygal Report post Posted July 28, 2006 hey gail, i know what its like to be attacked love, my sons 10yr old but hes 5ft 2 already , size 6 feet and a very hefty lad......when he rages we tend to walk out of the room if poss, but sometimes it can get confrontational, unfortunately thats were my eldest son usually steps in and takes the blows.....ive found that our bean is very oppositional, hes not abusive as in foul language but tends to challenge anything i say, calls me silly names etc.... he has habits like slapping me over the head, pulls my hair etc, at the moment im trying to get him to realise what hes doing as i dont feel hes always aware..... you have my admiration for coping , im sorry i dont have any answers for you as im struggling with this too....... but id like to send you a very big hug..... <'> paula Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ush Report post Posted July 28, 2006 (edited) Hi All I'm interested to hear from anyone with a teenage aspie (particularly girls - pmt element!) My daughter has always thrown spectacular tantrums but over the last couple of years they have become increasingly violent. . Edited November 29, 2006 by Ush Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
