eye contact with us..

[Brook]

Hi all,

 

my son has quite good eye contact with his immediate family, I say quite because I know sometimes

he looks just above your eyes.

 

But with some others it is really obvious that he avoids eye contact, today was a real example:

 

a little friend of his who lives up the road came and knocked our door, she wanted to share her new

book with him, (she's a nice kid and never questions some of the off topic talk he does) anyway,

we sat out on the step and they were looking through this book, then her mum came for her,

my son was talking non stop to her mum but never once did he look in her direction, infact he even

had his body turned to the side and gave brief flicks out the corner of his eye, but I think that was to

make sure where she was standing.

 

We've known this girl and her mum for about three yrs now, although we only really see them now

to have a brief chat as we pass by.

The mum said "he doesn't give eye contact anymore" (without my son hearing) then she looked a

little embarassed and said "oh, I hope you didn't mind me saying that", I assured her I didn't mind

and that I am kinda grateful that she said it to me as sometimes when you are together all the time

you tend not to notice things. And for her to actually notice something that I noticed hit home a bit.

 

The thing is, he has never really given her eye contact before but he has turned himself in her direction,

also, now his language has improved I think that he tends not to look because he is concentrating

sooooo hard on finding the right words and processing what to say and what has been said.

I also noticed that his eye contact was VERY fleeting when he visited the paed a while back.

 

I have NEVER tried to force him to give eye contact and never will but what I'm interested to know is how come he gives us quite good eye contact, but with certain others it's evident that he has great difficulty,

dont get me wrong I do know that some people have great difficulty with this, but just interested in

any experiences.

 

Thanks

 

Brook

[Flora]

Brook, I don't know the answer, but Ben is very much the same. He'll look at me, even bringing his face close up to gaze into my eyes but he never ever looks at anyone else. He'll gaze to the side when he's talking to most people. Bill on the other hand rarely has eye contact with anyone

including me!

 

I can't explain it, that's just the way it is.

 

Sorry that's not much help is it ?

Edited August 19, 2006 by Flora

[Suze]

My boy has eye cotact with his close family ............when you can get him to take any notice of you .With strangers or people he knows less well he darts his eyes about looking everywhere, his body language will be very awkward to and he usually moves his arms and hands alot and does alot of waffling .

[KarenT]

I've always thought J's eye contact was normal, but the assessment a couple of weeks ago showed that it was unusual. There were times with the OT that he didn't look directly at him, avoided his gaze etc. Since then I've realised that there are times when J isn't looking right into your eyes when he talks but slightly off to one side. I guess it's been there all the time but I hadn't noticed it.

 

Karen

x

[Brook]

Thanks for sharing your experiences

 

Brook

[TheNeil]

It doesn't get any easier with time. I will avoid eye contact at all costs with just about everyone (including my mother, neighbours etc.). The only exception to this is Mrs TheNeil and I will look at her more but quite often choose a spot just behind her head and focus on that - she knows I'm not being rude though

 

As a defence against giving offence I often adopt that 'I'm looking far away as though I'm actually thinking about what you're saying' posture although I'm pretty sure some people get really frustrated with it

 

As a child though I can often remember getting into trouble for not looking at people while they were either talking at me or telling me off (which then got me into even more trouble for 'not paying attention'). Parents ehh - Who'd have 'em

[Tally]

I'm an adult with Asperger's, and I rarely make eye contact. I can do it fleetingly with people I know well, like my parents. I am beginning to be able to do this with my husband now after knowing him for 4 years! As for strangers, friends, colleagues . . . no chance . . . never.

 

I watch people's mouths because I have trouble processing speech if I cannot observe lip movements along with the sound. This is a good excuse to use if anyone asks why I don't make eye contact - I just say I have a hearing difficulty and need to lip-read, I don't go into the full details of my Central Auditory Processing Disorder with most people.

 

It's not something I wish to improve on.

[Lynden]

Logan is the same - he'll quite happily have eye contact with us (although not always extended) and then with strangers he'll simply close his eyes - he doesn't even look away anymore, just closes his eyes bless him!!

 

Lynne x

[elaine1]

Toms school days are peppered with sen's asking him to look at them look me in the eye no matter how many times i tell them he wont do it they still add it to his ISP every year since primary - hes 13 now.

 

when will they get it!!!! just cos he isnt looking at them doesnt mean he isnt listeneing or doesnt want to speak to them, he does look at me and his dad though but noone else - why is it so important in some ppls veiw to do this???????

[Sojourned]

When I was young I never made eye contact with anyone outside my family, and preferred to avoid it with people within. I don't know if this is standard, but if someone looked directly into my eyes it gave me an intense feeling of vulnerability. Hasn't changed much with time.

 

Now (at 19) I can cope with eye contact, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable and I try to avoid it when possible.

 

It's good to hear all the parents here seem to be understanding of the condition, at home my unwillingness to make eye contact just gets me snide remarks.