JUST WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A STONE AND NEVER COME OUT

[cmuir]

Hi

 

As you can probably tell, I'm really feeling sorry for myself just now. My 4.5 year old has just started mainstream school after months of transition and preparation for teaching staff. On day one, superb***h of a headteacher was completely insensitive and hard-faced and basically threatened what amounts to suspension or exclusion during Robert's first hour at school.

 

On top of that, mother and father-in-law have just sprung a nasty in that they can't help looking after him due to ill-health and coming out of retirement to go back to work. I work full-time and am worried about that because aside from financial reasons, I love my job ? it helps keep me sane! I believe I need it, but that's not to say I put my job before the little fella (I wouldn't). Of course, I also get slated by some parties because I work full-time.

 

And as if that isn't enough, big problems with neighbours and their kids. I won't go into it.

 

Just feel really c**p and can't stop crying. Poor Robert knows there's something up and I'm desperately trying to hold it all together for his sake (and not making a good job of it). He saw me crying and about all I felt I could say was that I worry about him because he becomes very cross easily and because he's just started school I'm worried about that too (added by the fact that I love him very, very much!!!).

 

Somebody tell me this is going to get better ? please!

 

Caroline.

[keyholekate]

Caroline

 

I don't know your full circumstances, but when my son started secondary school I had to go part time as he was unable to stay for dinners(his choice) all I seemed to do was be running to and from school dropping him off or picking him up. Then last year he went on reduced timetable (finished school at one) and now he's entering Year 10 at a tuition centre my hours at work will have to be adjusted again. The point I'm trying to make is that even though things seem totally working against you at the moment. things happen for a reason and find a way of working out.

 

Regards KHK

[Bagpuss]

Caroline <'>

 

I've been feeling for you reading your posts re Robert and starting school....and I think you've posted previously about your neighbours if I remember rightly. Wish I could offer wonderful words of advice to make things better...its seems abit lame to say hang in there, things will get better, but I find they usually do.

 

I can understand why your work is important to you, maybe theres a solution....could you work flexitime, or cut your hours/days? Do you rely on your in laws during the school hols? If so it may worth checking out afterschool clubs, nurseries and child minders.....maybe you have a friend in the same boat who could recommend something or someone?

 

What has struck me throughout all your posts has been your strength and utter determination to do what is right for you son. Please remember your not alone <'> <'>

[Flora]

cmuir

 

Sounds like you're going through one of those bad patches that we all, well I certainly do, go through from time to time.

 

Things WILL settle down soon and then you'll feel better. Meanwhile have a <'> and give yourself a break. Put the kettle on and have a nice cuppa, or if you prefer a glass of wine or something.

 

Keep your chin up <'>

 

Flo' x

[kirstie]

<'> <'> Caroline, i know these 'down' situations only too well where everything seem to hit you at once.It will gt better i promise. Do you get mail from SNIP (special needs information point) because i had their bulletin in the post (their recent one) saying about childcare for children with special needs and inclusion in childcare for them. There are two catagories ages 0-5 and then 5 upwards i'm sure if you were to phone them you'd get a list of after school clubs, child minders who include kids like ours so worth giving thema bell!

And for what it's worth i have been looked down on and frowned upon for NOT working while i raise my family so you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. We can't win but i can understand you need your job for YOU, boy do i ever know what you mean now!!

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'>

[Bullet]

<'> <'> CMuir <'> <'>

[pumpkinpie]

I used to work full time for many years and loved my job but eventually the stress of juggling meant I was ill with depression. We cant do everything and sometimes something has to give!

If you are feeling ill maybe you need to get a sick note from your doctor and have a bit of time out!

2 weeks could be what you need to get some sleep and see the situation clearer.

 

Remeber we are all human and no one can do everything perfectly all the time!

[cmuir]

Hi Pumpkinpie

 

I understand where you're coming. I'm glad that giving up full-time work has worked for you. In my case, I need my work because it gives me time out from the situation. I work flexi-time so it does mean that I can go in late or leave early when need be. Believe me, I'm certainly not trying to be superwoman. If things get really unmanageable then of course I'll put Robert first and give up work if that's the right thing to do. However, for the time being I think being off work sitting around the house with lots of time to mull things over would be a lot more damaging for me ? I would worry about things more and end up in a worse state. I think a bit of time is needed to see if Robert is going to manage to settle into school. If he settles, fantastic, and if not, then I'll do what's right for Robert.

 

Thanks for everyone's support and advice.

 

Caroline.

[col]

Shove over as i feel the need to join you, we can wallow together.

[Jill]

Cmuir, I know totally what you mean about your job. I too work full time & I would go crackers without this "break". People think I'm mad when I say I need my job, but it's my sanity.

 

I do hope you can sort things out mate. And yes, it does get better & then worse & then better. Not much help really am I? But we're always here to listen.

[dooday24]

i work 30hrs a week i have too if i didnt think id go insane. i look after 5 people with svere learning difficulties. but i love my job and looked after these people for eleven yrs and have become very fond of them, but people think im mad im a carer at work and at home. mad maybe!!!!!!!!!!!.

[tsmom]

I loved my job but eventually it got that i couldnt cope with T and work full time.I left when T was nearly 3.I now work in a supermarket part time not exactly mind blowing but in a way its my break.T is 11 now and about to start secondary she still needs me,she has so many appointments,she cant go on school trips without me no company is going to give me time off as much as i would need.

I think you have a right to woek full time if you wish and no-one should make you feel guilty you are still you after all,but for me it was to much.

Could you ring the NAS and ask if they have a list of childminders experienced in caring for kids with ASD?

you will make the right decision for you and yr son whatever it is i wish you well.