she has started senior school (aaaahhhhh)

[kerrybobs]

Hiya,

 

Robyn started senior school yesterday. The night before she was up all night crying, she finally went to sleep about 5:30 am.

 

She got up and dressed. I asked to take a photo of her on her first day, she went hysterical saying that I was making her scared. So photo was cancelled. I took her to school and we entered the hall were all the new kids were sitting, she wrapped her arms around me and burst out crying the kids all sat there staring, so I took her out of the hall and the year head came over and Robyn was shouting she did'nt want to go in there. She asked me if she could go home, if I could stay with her all day I said I would have to go and went outside. The teacher tried to take her in the hall and I could hear from outside her screaming. So I went in and the senco came and took us aside and had a chat with Robyn. Then a girl who went on the transistion programme with her came in and she seemed to relax a bit. So I left and went home and sobbed. All the memories of her first few weeks in nursery came flooding back.

 

I know every child even without difficulties are scared on there first day, but Robyn was totally on another level. I am worried that the other kids are going to remember this and see it that Robyn is going to be an easy target. She was shouted at for something trivial and she decided that school was [expletive removed] and boring and wants to go back to her primary school.

 

Well today, she walked to and from school with her older sister, As soon as they come in Robyn said she had a arguement with the year head. apparently she was chewing gum and the teacher told her to spit it out, Robyn said she will when she tells all the other kids in the school to spit theirs out. So after a few words from the teacher Robyn spat it out and then put another one in. The teacher shouted at her again and asked why has she just put another one in her mouth. Robyn said you told me to spit it out and I did, you did'nt say I could'nt have another one!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I have told them before she started about Robyn but they have only had 1 other child with aspergers and he was taken out for home schooling.

 

Well on the way home she shouted to a gang of 15 year old lads that she had 45p the lads ignored her so she started shouting that just coz they were boys it did'nt mean that she could not bang them and that her sister who she was with would batter them and she would get her half brother to get them. She then shouted that she could bang the big fat one!!! Sophie her sister was mortified, She then started arguing with 3 older (popular lads) as Sophie put it, she ran upto them and said "minger, fish finger" so they started calling Robyn names and her sister and then me. She also went upto a girl who Sophie said is a snotty cow, and shouted hiya in her face then bye, the girl then went on to call her names.

She also shouted to a couple of girls, that they were goths.

 

I dont drive and with work commitments I am unable to pick her up or take her to school. I had feared this and had requested a taxi, but because she has'nt got a statement she would not qualify for one.

 

I have spoken to her about this and said that if she is good and does'nt shout after people then she will get a surprise at the end of each week.

 

I really dont know how to handle this, and am scared that she will end up getting a smack off someone, I am also worried for Sophie as she has been free from Robyn for 2 years and has settled in well. I dont want Sophie going through any hassle because of Robyn.

 

Any help and advice would be very much appreciated.

 

Many Thanks

 

Kerry

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Montee to comply with forum rules

Edited September 7, 2006 by Montee

[oracle]

<'> <'> <'>

 

Kerry I don't know that I have any useful advice here but I think that you coule well have a serious problem and someone needs to sit up and listen and do something.

 

Starting with the gum why can't she chew it? Yes I know because no one else is allowed to but if it's acting as a stress ball then why not. How far are they going to go to accomodate her? Maybe if they meet her half way it will help her to settle down. Shouting out inappropriately is part of her condition and they have to make damn sure when they give an instruction it is crystal clear. IE you are now allowed to chew gum at all spit it out and DON'T do it again.

 

As for walking to and from school my biggest concern here would be for her sister. Sorry but it would because she will not be alone if trouble breaks out and her sister will end up getting thumped to. She can not and should not be responsible for her sister. This is awesome and no child should be put in this position. Statement or no statement there has got to be other arrangements made here.

 

Is there an outreach team that can be brought in to help. Why does she not have a statement? It sounds like she needs one to me. Her difficult behaviour is probably down to the fact that she is so anxious and afraid at the moment but by the time she calms down - if she calms down - the damage re walking home could well have been done. For Sophies sake something has to be done before it all goes pear shaped.

 

Oracle

[jb1964]

Kerry,

 

Moving onto senior school is so hard for them - I feel for you both - you need to go into the school and try to get something done. Our daughters just starting yr9 and it's been a long hard struggle but I feel they are at last starting to listen - unless the school help you and start giving her some sort of help/support this it's going to get worse - when puberty and hormones kick in on top of all the anxieties and stress this gives her.

 

Is she in mainstream?

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited September 7, 2006 by jb1964

[Kathryn]

Hi Kerry,

 

I know you've been battling for support for a long time and it seems to me that the school is ill prepared to provide the support and structure your daughter needs, especially now at the beginning of her high school career. As the others have said, it's not fair on her sister either.

 

Time for a meeting with the senco, and form tutor, sooner rather than later, I think. You may have told them about her before, but it obviously hasn't gone in. In a perverse way it's not a bad thing your daughter is making her presence felt, if she was quiet and withdrawn (as my own daughter was in year 7) it might be harder to convince people she needed help. Keep detailed notes of everything that happens. If you do decide to go for a statement, they will come in useful.

 

I really do feel for you and your daughter. It's a tough time. Make a nuisance of yourself with the school till something is done (oh, how I wish I'd done this!) and remember it's the system at fault, not you. <'>

 

K x

[pepper]

oh dear, sorry to hear things arnt going so well at start. Its such an adjustment - i remember it well! Its a panic when - as a parent you have to consider whats best for both of your daughters and so many pupils dont understand. My lad generally manages to fit in - but had huge problems getting accepted in yr 7

 

 

Theres an awful lot of info online - that most school staff seem to be clueless -( again - alas - experience) i can only suggest a meeting ( yet again ) with senco and main staff and plopping all the print outs in their lap.

 

My son is in year 10 now and yr 7 was undiagnosed........year 8 was a DX and learning curve and yr 9 he coasted, things seem ok so far ( hahah 2 days in?) I class self as lucky as hes academic they seem to try and make adjustments ( on the quirky / odd / brainy angle LOL! excuse my flippancy)

 

I think the MAJOR point - that i hadnt realised myself for ages - and worked when speaking to staff , is the accepted point on AS that all children are emotionally delayed on development. I saw a big change when i mentioned my 12 year old son was catogorised as 'mentally/ emotionally - 8! and i expected the staff to realise he wasnt 12 years old - he acted 8, looked 8 and thought like an 8 year old and chucking him in school and expecting a 4 year advanced development was actually 'child cruelty'. That sort of description may help?

[kerrybobs]

Hiya,

 

Thanks for getting back to me with your kind words of support.

 

Robyn was an "angel" in primary school, she thrived on the structure there. The school did not believe Robyn had aspergers for a long time. She was diagnosed through Alder hey childrens hospital and everything we have had to do has been long winded, due to not having the schools support.

 

She was assessed by educational physchologist (We had to get him through social services because the school would not allocate her any time) and although he advised them he believed she has aspergers, he would not support a statement because she seemed to cope in school. He has stayed on board as I have had major concerns about her transition to senior school.

 

All my fears came true yesterday. I have a meeting next week with all the outside agencies including the ed physch and senco. My main worry is her actually getting to and from school and I have for a long time raised my fears over this.

 

She is in Mainstream school that supposedly has the best sen department in our borough. That is one of the reasons I chose the school, also because her sister goes there to.

 

Over the holidays, her relationship with Sophie has deteriated, Sophie cant even be in the same room as her without the pair of them fighting and arguing (Robyn winds her up). Sophie has been offered help from the flexi support team, but wont go because she feels that people will think there is something wrong with her. No amount of explaining will budge her.

 

All my fight has been for Robyn since the diagnosis and I feel that Sophie has missed out on my time and attention. Sophie is coming up to 14 years old and I so dont want her to suffer because of Robyn. Robyn gets dla and I transfer money to a savings account for her, so I think I will use that for her to get a taxi to & from school. That way Sophie can still walk to school with her friends and I will at least know Robyn is getting there safe without causing mayhem along the way.

 

Once again thanks for replying to me.

 

Take Care & wish us luck.

 

Kerry

[pepper]

u shouldnt have to [pay] for a taxi - u dont need statement - with u mentioning alder hey that means ur in lpool borough?) and i am too in a fashion and i do work as a pupil escort so sorta know how it all goes in area)

 

u DONT need a statement to get one - ok. go to education authority and say what u said in thread - shes not safe traveling alone - simple as that.

 

look - my son tried bus 3 times and got picked up by police/ park keeper/ school secretary!!!!!!! ok - i chose for him to make own way but thats cos im fairly sure he can cope ( im a pusher of a Ma hahhaah) but ur girl sounds like she needs some support - right now - might change in time but no way she is ready at present

 

If u can get a taxi sorted it will take pressure of elder daughter - even on social grounds u have a reason immediately - can i suggest CAHMS referal - son got taken off books for being too 'well rounded' hahahah least it amused me...............and nice to know mines classed as too well balanced*thud*

 

speak to social services if education authority is dragging heels

Edited September 7, 2006 by pepper

[kerrybobs]

Hi Pepper,

 

I got in touch with the education authority and they told me as the school is not the nearest to our house and because she has'nt got a statement then she would not qualify.

 

She is under Camhs, social services and I have had the parent partnership get in touch with them also. I will raise it at the next meeting and hopefully with what has happened it might sway things.

 

This is the beauty of this site and all the knowledgable people on here, without it I would'nt know half of what I know.

 

Many Thanks

 

Kerry

[kerrybobs]

Hiya,

 

I forgot to mention our borough is Knowsley.

 

Take Care

 

Kerry

[oracle]

Also a valid point and one which I advise our parents to use is that ASD is a developmental delay. I have been told by a leading speech therapist that if you take one third from their age then will leave you the emotional and maturity age. So if your daughter is 11 years old then would you be sending a child of almost 8 to school alone? Her sister should not even come into the equation and I would be tempted to leave her out of it as they may use this in their favour. Help is needed to get your daughter to school it should be their responsibility.

 

Oracle