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About kerrybobs

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  1. Hiya, Many, many thanks for your thoughts & advice on this. I have tried to get in touch with the specialist who 1st diagnosed Robyn but he has been in meetings so I am waiting for him to get back in touch. I have also been in touch with the parent partnership and they are as confused as I am. They have said they will get a multi agency meeting together. Im sorry my reply is short, Im full of flu and I did'nt want you to think I was being ignorant by not replying to your replies. When Im feeling a bit better I will give you more information. Once again Thank you very much and I have read each and everyone of your replies and am grateful you took the time to help. Kind Regards Kerry xx
  2. Hi, I havent been on the site for a while, so Hello to everyone. I will give you a bit of background. My daughter Robyn was diagnosed AS in November 2004 aged 9 from a specialist from Alder Hey Hospital Liverpool. We then went through CAMHS and she was given the same diagnosis from the child psychologist. We had a family therapist who we visited once a month. We had problems with the school from the start who said Robyns behaviour was of no concern at school. She was & still is on school action plus for learning difficulties. We were told that Robyn thrived on structure so that is why her behaviour was so different at school than at home. After Robyn was diagnosed I did lots of research and it was like someone had switched the light on, I had now found the reason why my daughter behaved the way she did. She started secondary school and we have had a very rocky time with Robyn. She followed children home from school who she wanted to be her friends (but they did'nt want to be hers) She shouted at people and got into numerous fights on the way to & from school. She has no road sense. In the end we got a taxi from the education. (After a long fight). As the hormones are kicking in she is getting a lot more violent and her mood swings are unbareable. She was assessed by the Ed psychologist who did numerous tests on her and he advised that he put her difficulties down to aspergers. Our family therapist was given another job so we where given another one who advised she did not feel the diagnosis was right. We went for ADOS test today at camhs and I sat in the office looking through a window observing my daughter doing the tasks they set her. The video camera was not working and there was no sound so I could not hear what was being said. The child psychologist sat with me and asked me the same questions that I have answered for the last 3 years. Advising that she was 5 weeks premature that I had steroids whilst pregnant. That she was 4lb 11oz. Adv that she did not crawl she walked at 8 1/2 months. We then had to wait whilst they discussed between themselves the outcome of the test. We where called back in and was told 'Good news she does not have aspergers'. Talk about being flabergasted. They looked at me and said I should be happy. I said why are you going back on the diagnosis, if she does not have aspergers then what does she have????????? Are you ready for this??????????? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently she is supposed to have gotten it at birth and because she did not crawl she did not learn co-ordination so that her brain could transfer information??? I should be happy, they said????? I asked why does she have sensory problems?? Why does she bark & make stupid noises?? Why is she unable to have a proper conversation without shouting & screaming?? Why does she blurt things out that are not appropriate?? Why does she tantrum all the time?? Why cant she make friends with people her own age?? Why does'nt she sleep?? Why does she collect stones, carrier bagsetc?? Why is she violent I went on & ON & ON. The answer I got is that they did not know, but she passed the test with flying colours. They want to work with me and the family because this is something that she can come through and lead a 'normal' life. Do I believe it??? No I am absolutely fuming, confused and bewildered. Do I know my own daughter at all?? Of course I do, how can a test about her relaying a story from a book, playing with a spinning top and umberella be the answer as to whether she is As or not. Please Please any information or advice you could give me would be really appreciated. Kind Regards Kerry x
  3. Hiya, Thanks for replying, I would very much like to pm all the people who already have and who have offered to chat but I am having problems being able to do so. When I get back from work tomorrow I will look into it and hopefully get it sorted. Many many thanks Kerry
  4. Hiya, Im sorry I havent replied earlier, I have read and re read all your posts and have been trying to digest them all. I have tried to pm back, but am having problems ( it keeps coming up that I am not able to). I would like to say that I sincerely appreciate everyones kind words and thoughts on my situation. To be honest, I feel a bit stunned that it has hit a nerve with a lot of people. Maybe I have just grown used to the way the relationship is. I know I have to be strong and make the right choices for my girls, I think its because I havent been well and I am still not 100%, dealing with issues at home, in work, Robyn's diagnosis, Sophie(teenage stuff)& the baby and myself. It just feels like overload. I have an appointment at the end of the month to start cognetive behaviour therapy, so I really hopes it helps. Im fed up with negativity and need to start making plans for mine and the kids future. I will look into going to see a solicitor and find out what my rights are. As for the AS I do believe he has it. I think the violence and verbal abuse is due to the fact that he finds it hard to communicate and he loses his temper. I am quite a social person, my job is dealing with hundreds of people everyday, I have lots of friends many from when I was growing up with & we stay in touch. He is 10 years older than me but acts like one of my kids. My friends rarely come to my house as he makes them feel so uncomfortable. As for AS behaviour being the same in most situations, Robyn is different at home than outside. Dont get me wrong there are times when she shows these behaviours but they are subtle to outsiders. She rarely shows aggression outside, it only seems to be when shes in her comfort zone. One thing that did strike me from one of the above posts is the Bi Polar, His mother suffers with this and has done for many years. His son (from a previous relationship) has just been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia and depression and was hospitalised. I know that no medical condition should be any excuse for physical and verbal abuse. I think I need a kick up the bum or a really good shake. I have lots to think about and act upon, its just getting my confidence up so that I can deal with things without setting me back (depression). Once again Thank you for taking the time to advise, support and share your experiences with me. It has warmed my heart to know there are people out there who care enough to do so. Lots of Love Kerry
  5. Hiya, After Robyn had been diagnosed and after all the research, I realised that my partner shows all the signs of Aspergers. He wont come to meetings with me or give any support for Robyn or anything else. Its as if he does'nt care and is a very cold person. He is very self centered and throws a tantrum if the kids get more attention than him, or cant get his own way. He gets angry over the slightest thing, He is very highly strung and can be verbally aggressive and hurtful to me and the children. He has been violent a few times mostly towards me, but he has hit out at the kids too. Then straight after his outbursts its as if nothing had happened and he cant understand why we have a cob on. We have a number of these outbursts (verbal) every day. He finds it difficult to socialise and has no real friends, and resents me having mine. I cant sit and talk through any problems with him as he just flies off the handle. I cant have a laugh with him either, when we are in company and I am having a laugh he will be sitting there all smiles but when we are on are own he will tell me to f off and to grow up. Its either his way or the highway. He hardly shows any affection, even to the kids. The number of times he has pushed me away after me wanting a cuddle is too many to count, Ive given up now. I have suffered with depression for a number of years ( I wonder why), and I have had a bad 6 months but am gradually getting better. I was that stressed, one time I was sitting on the floor in the kitchen crying hysterically and my mum came round and got the doctor out, I was given a tranquiliser. He just sat in the livingroom watching the tv, he has then proceeded to tell me there is nothing wrong with me and I should try coping with his worries. They are whether he has enough money for a bet, or what time the match is on or any other sport. All the responsibility is on my shoulders. He wont sit in the same room with us and if he does the verbal starts. If the kids are watching something on the tv he will just walk in and grab the remote control and switch over. The kids hate being with him on their own as he shouts constantly. I came home from work a couple of weeks ago and Robyn had recorded him on her mobile, It was of him just shouting and screaming and swearing. He wont do anything as a family and wont socialise with us, even to the point of me celebrating a couple of christmas's at my mums on my own as he has just announced on the last minute that he was'nt going. His language is terrible he swears constantly and name calls all the time. Outside the house he is this lovely man who people think is the bees knees. No one sees what we put up with. He wont accept responsibility for anything. All the bills are in my name. He will sit and moan if there is no shopping, he will actually walk past the shop to go to his beloved betting shop and would not dream of picking up a loaf of bread. Then I will have to come in from work then have to go shopping whilst he lies on the couch watching the tele. He wont even mind any of the kids even Robyn who hates shopping and gets distressed. He tells me to take MY kids with me. We are always to blame for everything. I have been with him for 15 years and it has always been this way, but to be honest everything is just highlighted now because of Robyns diagnosis. I suppose I have been niave in the sense that there was this part of me that hoped one day he would change, but now I know for definate he wont. I have split up with him in the past but he always worms his way back in, he sort of stalks us and is nice for a day or 2 then will revert back. I must be a coward as I cant muster up the courage to end this relationship half of me loves him whether its habit I dont know, and the other half of me hates him for making me & the kids so unhappy. My 13 year old actually said to me a few weeks ago that if I ever wanted to split up with her dad, that she would'nt blame me. She wants me to be happy. We have a mortgage that is in both our names ( comes out of my bank account) and my main concern is that I will lose my house, I was homeless when I was younger and my home is my castle. I have had to fight for everything I have and I know its all material but I dont want to lose the lovely home I have now. Im sorry to have gone on a bit but I just feel totally alone, with no support, love, laughter or affection. We had a family therapist from cahms come to our house last week and he mentioned to him that he thinks he has Aspergers, the answer we got is that as he is 43 he has managed all these years without a diagnosis, so he did'nt feel there was any point in going for one now. Thanks for reading my novel. Kerry
  6. Hiya, I forgot to mention our borough is Knowsley. Take Care Kerry
  7. Hi Pepper, I got in touch with the education authority and they told me as the school is not the nearest to our house and because she has'nt got a statement then she would not qualify. She is under Camhs, social services and I have had the parent partnership get in touch with them also. I will raise it at the next meeting and hopefully with what has happened it might sway things. This is the beauty of this site and all the knowledgable people on here, without it I would'nt know half of what I know. Many Thanks Kerry
  8. Hiya, Thanks for getting back to me with your kind words of support. Robyn was an "angel" in primary school, she thrived on the structure there. The school did not believe Robyn had aspergers for a long time. She was diagnosed through Alder hey childrens hospital and everything we have had to do has been long winded, due to not having the schools support. She was assessed by educational physchologist (We had to get him through social services because the school would not allocate her any time) and although he advised them he believed she has aspergers, he would not support a statement because she seemed to cope in school. He has stayed on board as I have had major concerns about her transition to senior school. All my fears came true yesterday. I have a meeting next week with all the outside agencies including the ed physch and senco. My main worry is her actually getting to and from school and I have for a long time raised my fears over this. She is in Mainstream school that supposedly has the best sen department in our borough. That is one of the reasons I chose the school, also because her sister goes there to. Over the holidays, her relationship with Sophie has deteriated, Sophie cant even be in the same room as her without the pair of them fighting and arguing (Robyn winds her up). Sophie has been offered help from the flexi support team, but wont go because she feels that people will think there is something wrong with her. No amount of explaining will budge her. All my fight has been for Robyn since the diagnosis and I feel that Sophie has missed out on my time and attention. Sophie is coming up to 14 years old and I so dont want her to suffer because of Robyn. Robyn gets dla and I transfer money to a savings account for her, so I think I will use that for her to get a taxi to & from school. That way Sophie can still walk to school with her friends and I will at least know Robyn is getting there safe without causing mayhem along the way. Once again thanks for replying to me. Take Care & wish us luck. Kerry
  9. Hiya, Robyn started senior school yesterday. The night before she was up all night crying, she finally went to sleep about 5:30 am. She got up and dressed. I asked to take a photo of her on her first day, she went hysterical saying that I was making her scared. So photo was cancelled. I took her to school and we entered the hall were all the new kids were sitting, she wrapped her arms around me and burst out crying the kids all sat there staring, so I took her out of the hall and the year head came over and Robyn was shouting she did'nt want to go in there. She asked me if she could go home, if I could stay with her all day I said I would have to go and went outside. The teacher tried to take her in the hall and I could hear from outside her screaming. So I went in and the senco came and took us aside and had a chat with Robyn. Then a girl who went on the transistion programme with her came in and she seemed to relax a bit. So I left and went home and sobbed. All the memories of her first few weeks in nursery came flooding back. I know every child even without difficulties are scared on there first day, but Robyn was totally on another level. I am worried that the other kids are going to remember this and see it that Robyn is going to be an easy target. She was shouted at for something trivial and she decided that school was [expletive removed] and boring and wants to go back to her primary school. Well today, she walked to and from school with her older sister, As soon as they come in Robyn said she had a arguement with the year head. apparently she was chewing gum and the teacher told her to spit it out, Robyn said she will when she tells all the other kids in the school to spit theirs out. So after a few words from the teacher Robyn spat it out and then put another one in. The teacher shouted at her again and asked why has she just put another one in her mouth. Robyn said you told me to spit it out and I did, you did'nt say I could'nt have another one!!!!!!!!!!! I have told them before she started about Robyn but they have only had 1 other child with aspergers and he was taken out for home schooling. Well on the way home she shouted to a gang of 15 year old lads that she had 45p the lads ignored her so she started shouting that just coz they were boys it did'nt mean that she could not bang them and that her sister who she was with would batter them and she would get her half brother to get them. She then shouted that she could bang the big fat one!!! Sophie her sister was mortified, She then started arguing with 3 older (popular lads) as Sophie put it, she ran upto them and said "minger, fish finger" so they started calling Robyn names and her sister and then me. She also went upto a girl who Sophie said is a snotty cow, and shouted hiya in her face then bye, the girl then went on to call her names. She also shouted to a couple of girls, that they were goths. I dont drive and with work commitments I am unable to pick her up or take her to school. I had feared this and had requested a taxi, but because she has'nt got a statement she would not qualify for one. I have spoken to her about this and said that if she is good and does'nt shout after people then she will get a surprise at the end of each week. I really dont know how to handle this, and am scared that she will end up getting a smack off someone, I am also worried for Sophie as she has been free from Robyn for 2 years and has settled in well. I dont want Sophie going through any hassle because of Robyn. Any help and advice would be very much appreciated. Many Thanks Kerry Edited by Montee to comply with forum rules
  10. Hiya Clare, I have just gotten over a severe bout of depression. I have been on sertraline for 5 months after being swapped and changed for the last 4 years and I can honestly say, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know my daughter is'nt totally to blame but all the stresses and strains have taken there toll. I too, dont sleep, Its not that I dont want to, its just my mind races and thinks of all sorts of stupid, and sometimes quite upsetting stuff. I also never went out for 4 months. I was referred to a pyschiatrist and am starting cognetive behaviour therapy (Im on a waiting list). Clare, I totally understand how your feeling and would just like to say that things can and do get better. When you are depressed you cant see the woods for the trees. Things that we normally can cope with are magnified a hundred times. Although I know I have a long way to go, I am back at work and even went out on Friday night for a drink with the girls and actually enjoyed myself. Just tell your doctor everything your feeling and tell him you need help. Dont be afraid, You are special with a special family and at the end of the day you are only human. Take care, Please let us know how your keeping. Kerry <'> <'> <'>
  11. Hiya, Robyn has only just started getting a bath without me dragging her kicking and screaming within the last couple of months. The thing is she will try to have at least 4 baths a day but will not wash she just sits there pouring water out of a cup. I have to take her and wash her. I have walked in a few times and she has been sitting in the bath with her knickers & vest on???? She is scared of bubble bath. She has also got a b.o. problem and has had so since she was 6. She actually likes the smell and will sit there sniffing her arm pits with a look of bliss on her face. I have bought every deoderant under the sun and she hides it. Also she hates brushing her teeth that is a nightmare trying to get her to do it. Also brushing her hair she cries with every stroke. The thing is that if someone else smells she does'nt hesitate to tell them. Im dreading it when she starts her periods. Take care Kerry
  12. Hiya, Robyn also talks like a baby when stressed and growls like a dog. If I ask her to do anything she will sit there growling at me or start talking in baby mode. Recently she has started talking with a lisp whilst in baby mode. She is 11 and I have a 2 year old and she talks to her either by screaming, shouting or exactly the same as the baby. One worry is that the baby is copying her and the pair of them hang out the livingroom window growling at people walking past. Kerry
  13. Hiya, I heard the same and I do believe it to be true. Robyn gets viruses , colds, ear infections etc quite a lot. She is starting senior school next week and I had a visit from the school board on Friday, asking if there were any problems as Robyns attendance in year 6 was less than 80%. I told him of Robyns diagnosis and that she has lots of outside agencies involved, he seemed to be satisfied that we had cahms and social services on board. It wasnt till I read this thread that I realised she has always been a sickly child and I certainly did'nt realise how much schooling she has missed due to being ill. She is Iron difficient and wont take the medicine (mind you I dont blame her). She is very pale, this is probably is a factor why she is ill a lot. Well roll on next week please wish us luck for her first week in senior school. Kerry
  14. Hiya, I thought I would give you an update to my previous post regarding my daughter Robyn. I had a visit from cahms. They have been in touch with social services and had a meeting with them. They have decided that it could well be a sensory issue regarding Poo. Apparently as one of the posts I received last time indicated that some AS people do seem to like the smell and texture. Cahms seem to believe this is the reason for Robyn behaving the way she has been. Also they have said they dont think what she did to her sister was sexual and that it was a case of Robyn checking to see if her baby sister had any poo in her bum. As being still in nappies she often has a pooie nappy. They are starting next week with one to one work with Robyn and we have been advised that supervision has to be in place. Which obviously we are being extra careful for her not to be left alone for any amount of time with the baby. I received funding for 2 days a week at a holiday club for her and she seems to be enjoying it. Its also giving her older sister a break from her, and all the fighting. She is still wiping poo everywhere and I am still putting a cloth and disinfectant in her hand and making her clean it, yet she continues to do it. I just hope she will stop doing it. And also that these sessions will make her understand that it is not right. Once again thanks for your replys to my last post. Take Care Kerry
  15. Hi Emum, Im sorry if I made you feel you had upset me. I could not agree more with what you have said and my main concern is for Rhianna. But I find it difficult to comprehend that Robyn could have done this to her baby sister and in a way wondering if it is down to her not being able to understand that there are boundaries that she should not cross. I really hope that the one to one starts soon and she learns from it and us as a family. That way we can move forward and put this behind us. I would like to thank everyone for their kind words of support and also sharing your own personal experiences, as I know it is difficult to talk about. I will keep you all posted especially with her progress (hopefully). Once again thank you very much your advice is very much appreciated. Kind Regards Kerry
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