adult having a meltdown

[wishingwell]

What do you do with an AS adult when they are having a meltdown.

It is very hard to be understanding when an adult has one and the children are the target!!!!

 

Does he realize what he has done to their feelings. How do you explain to them why he spoils every important event that the family participate in.

And how is it that my AS son takes his dads place at this time and tries to ensure the day still goes ahead.

Sometimes I think there is more going on than AS.

But medical staff that I have asked just smile at him and tell him to stay calm!!!!

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

no idea sorry

<'> >< <'>

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My husband is suspected as being AS like our son. They're so alike. I just didn't see it for years, although did think hubby was just very quiet/reserved/anti-social/etc. It wasn't until R was diagnosed that my son's specialist seemed to pickup on it and suddenly lots of things made sense. Hubby's tantrums are sometimes worse than my son's. At the time hubby doesn't see the damage he could do especially because sometimes my son witnesses the strops, yet afterwards he's full of remorse. I find it incredibly hard to tolerate hubby, yet I do with my son because somehow it's more acceptable for a child to throw a wobbler than an adult. I'm afraid I'm in not position to offer advice.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

[llisa32]

Hi Wishingwell <'>

 

Tricky one, and can only go on my past experiences with J's dad..we're not together and I'm married to someone else now but we're still close in a brother and sister kinda way and we 'share' J, and consequently go on some days out, holidays etc altogether.

 

When 'daddy' has thrown a paddy as I call them, I've just told J that dads in a grumpy mood, and that we should just carry one with our day/outing etc regardless. Once daddy's in a less grumpy mood I've reminded him that he needs to try and contain those moments so that J doesn't suffer for them. J's dad will get his tension out by regular gym trips and he goes running on his own regularly - he finds both these things help him to release built up tension.

 

I find with him the tension mostly builds up cos he's not so comfy with 'talking things through' like I might be, and hence he finds a physical release which on the whole works for him and makes him less likely to erupt.

 

I know how hard it can be to live with the 'unpredictability', and it's equally hard to discuss things after a blow up, but perhaps you could help him find a 'outlet' which may help in the long run

 

feel free to pm <'>

[bid]

I don't get aggressive, not sure whether that's because I'm a girlie, although I can snap at the children especially if they try and hug me as I so can't bear being touched if I've reached sensory meltdown stage

 

I feel awful that they have to grow up with this weird mother, and I honestly think I probably shouldn't have had children and I worry because sometimes I think they feel they have to look after me I actually feel really, really inadequate as a parent because I'm not like other parents

 

The trouble is, it's almost impossible to describe the overwhelming feelings of panic and chaos that I feel when I go into sensory meltdown: this poem is the nearest thing I've found...

 

to live

is the most difficult

thing for me

 

to others it comes naturally like breathing

but

for me

i must fight an uphill battle

just to exist

without falling in on myself

 

(Mary Margaret Britton Yearwood)

 

Anyway, I have to be on my own somewhere quiet. I cry a lot and bang my head with my fists and pull my hair I really, really hate being myself at those times.

 

Bid

Edited October 11, 2007 by bid

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

I feel awful that they have to grow up with this weird mother, and I honestly think I probably shouldn't have had children and I worry because sometimes I think they feel they have to look after me I actually feel really, really inadequate as a parent because I'm not like other parents

 

 

Bid

 

oh hun <'>

u think i like other parents too ???

we are all individuals some just more than others, and when they all growed up :crying:

they will have something to say about our methods of childcare, as we did bout our parents,and want to do it different

(unless of course i am way diffenrtnet form everyone else! now there a thought!!!)

 

dont beat u self up hunny bout it all, mine had to lok after me when i had huge endo probs, and they are right now too,

take care xxx

[bid]

One thing I do need is plenty of space just generally...I have to be allowed to 'lose myself' in certain things (mainly the pootie or reading) as I need this escape to be able to cope with the world for the rest of the time.

 

Don't know if that's helpful at all?? Maybe sometimes you might think your DHs are being stand-offish or rude or something, when actually they need to escape to balance their coping the rest of the time??

 

Also, should add that I am perfectly capable of just being cross and tantrumy like the rest of the world, nothing to do with AS!!

 

Bid

 

I will ask Jester if he will post, as he has to live with me!

Edited October 11, 2007 by bid

[reggubasti]

Interesting question considering recent events on here.

I don't think "tantrum", "paddy" or "strops" is fair. Severe panic is a better description. Does anyone in a severe panic realise the effect on others feelings? "try to contain those moments", contain severe panic? How? Can anyone?

These important family events can be incredibly stressful. The obvious solution is to remove the stress. When your son takes his dad's place there is not the same pressure on him. Any attempt will be praised as a good try. But everyone is looking to Father to be perfect and show everyone how it's done, but if he's like me he hasn't a clue and is terrified. But he's a man. He's not allowed to be terrified. More stress.

All I can suggest is try to arrange family events so that there is less expectation on him. It's difficult, if you reduce his involvement too much he will feel hurt and left out but if he is expected to be more involved than he can mannage he will probably have a meltdown. What exactly is "his dad's place"? Can this role be redefined to one that he is more capable of achieving? It may help if there is an escape so that if he feels the family event getting too much he can slip away for a bit.

Your question, though, was what to do once meltdown has started. Nothing much anyone can do, it's too late. The family event is ruined and he's a failure again. I know just what he feels like, just wish I knew the answers. Don't expect an Aspie to be something he isn't, I suppose.

[bid]

Brilliant reply Reg (sorry, or is it a 'q', I can't tell because of the underlining?? )

 

Bid

Edited October 11, 2007 by bid

[Cat]

I agree it is usually severe anxiety which will induce what I call a melt down in my eldest son who is now 20. A couple of weeks ago he needed dental treatment which included an extraction. He was terrified and the hours leading up to the appointment were hell. It was all of 'my' fault for not knowing that some of his baby teeth had never fell out because I never bothered to look in his mouth. By the time we got into the car to go to the appointment he was ranting at me like a mad man. I was worried that hubby would end up crashing the car. He knew that he had acted inappropriatley and even told the Dentist how badly he had behaved but I just let it all wash over me and never said a word. I am no push over and will stand my ground when I need to, but I knew that what was happening was because of extreme stress.

 

It's not just bad things that trigger outbursts either. He loves Ice Hockey but going always makes him anxious and so he needs to follow a strick routine - which is not always easy in a house where there are four other people. If he can't follow the routine then he easily be tipped over the edge. He is getting better as he matures but only because we have worked hard at identify trigger points and how he deals with them.

 

Now I also have another son with autism who is nothing like this at all. He can do all of the things with ease that his brother finds so difficult. The elder is supposed to be the one least affected by the his dx of AS as the younger is diagnosed with autism. Everyone is different.

 

Does Dad really have to go to these events - I know it would not be nice for you but nor can the meltdowns be. Would it not be better for all of his autism was taken into consideration and he was allowed to opt out? Dad or not he still has a disability and being a Dad does not canel this out.

 

Cat

[llisa32]

I agree with Bid, that was a great reply Reg

 

You've given a very thought provoking insight, and I confess to not giving much thought to the term 'paddy' when referring to an adult meltdown. Your description of 'severe panic' does to me make a lot of sense.

 

Everyone has alway's accepted J's dad as just someone who doesn't like socialising...and if family do visit he usually hangs out in the study, before I knew much about AS (and I've still got a lot to learn!) I just thought the same...that he was being 'anti-social'...yet I knew with a pint in hand down the pub could be so different.

 

The 'severe panic' makes much more sense than 'antisocial'

 

Thank you <'>

[Jester]

Greetings all - I'm back by special request of Bid; apparently she wants me to explain what being married to her is like...but since I want to STAY married to her, I'll restrict myself to the AS-related bits.

 

In no particular order of importance or 'wisdom' :

 

I find it difficult to apply my special needs teacher stuff to home situations and consequently still feel like a bit of a <deleted obscenity> when Bid overloads and I ignore it ...but it is the fastest solution. It isn't easy to ignore the sounds of sobbing and headbanging but I have learned that to try to 'comfort' Bid just increases the input and therefore prolongs the incident. When the storm has passed (it may be next morning) we can talk about it.

 

Same goes for silly rows; the 'sensible' ones are as per any married couple and proceed normally! AS rows (if successfully identified as such in time!) require backing off and giving in; when the potential meltdown has passed (it may be next morning, see above!) I seem to be able (usually) to reopen discussions with 'Actually, I've been thinking about {whatever} and I'm sure I'm not completely wrong'......... life can move on without anger.

 

I don't try to make Bid do things socially. Sometimes she does want to, sometimes she doesn't. The trade off is that I am allowed to socialise if she doesn't want to; so, for example we might host a poker evening one month and Bid plays, the next time Bid doesn't want to so we play at someone else's house and Bid spends a happy night on the forum while I lose all our matchsticks.

 

I don't collude with Bid. If her Aspyness is pi**ing me off I tell her; but I don't ask her to stop; she can choose to, but at least she knows that if she carries on I will 'start acting funny'!!

 

Bid needs time on the forum and she needs to do some things in some ways; I have examined how much it might get on my nerves and act accordingly. If I need to talk to her I feel fine about saying 'stop that a minute...this is important' but if I just WANT to talk to her I wait; that way she knows it IS important when I interrupt the forum browsing!

 

That should do, except for the pluses.

 

Bid is happy for me to go out with the boys or pursue my hobbies (as long as no-one talks to her!)

She understands the stress of living with AS requires a lot of Chocolate and 'Old Speckled Hen' (don't tell her this is a fib )

Bid has put up with me for 16 years now... no one else could possibly stand me (don't tell her that either).

 

Finally ...the HUGEST bonus....An Aspie girl doesn't keep asking "How do you feel?" ENVY me other blokes for I can live without examining my feelings every night

 

HUGE bonus 2 - Bid simply doesn't realise how weird I am... at a school 'do' once, my TA (after a few gins) actually said "I think you're just right for him...'e obviously doesn't embarrass you"!!

 

HUGE bonus 3 - like all women Bid wants to choose our soft furnishings etc...all other women ask a bloke what he likes then persuade him to like what they want! Bid just accepts that I don't care and happily chooses the colours of everthing in our lives Hoorah!

Edited October 11, 2007 by Jester

[Bard]

One thing I do need is plenty of space just generally...I have to be allowed to 'lose myself' in certain things (mainly the pootie or reading) as I need this escape to be able to cope with the world for the rest of the time.

 

Don't know if that's helpful at all?? Maybe sometimes you might think your DHs are being stand-offish or rude or something, when actually they need to escape to balance their coping the rest of the time??

 

Also, should add that I am perfectly capable of just being cross and tantrumy like the rest of the world, nothing to do with AS!!

 

Bid

 

I will ask Jester if he will post, as he has to live with me!

 

Oh wise and clever Bid, this is exactly what my other half does.

Remember the thread on marying an Aspie? He finishes work at around 5.30pm, but often doesn't come home until gone 8.30pm.

What does he do in the spare couple of hours?

Walks along the promenade, watches the sunset, explores the Regency bits of Brighton that he finds interesting. People have commented that the Marital chain should be shorter! but it's what he needs to keep his balance. In the same way that I need my stuff to keep my balance.

He'd never leave me for another woman, but a very quiet mountain in Scotland? Maybe!

 

And 16 years for you Jester, 21 for me. Apart from the pronouns, I could almost copy and paste your words with very little editing. I like a man who doesn't need to own me, criticise me or any of that NT husband stuff that I hear so often from friends and acquaintances.

 

Forgot to add. When he has a meltdown, he goes silent, flaps his hands and walks off. Sometimes for miles and hours. So far he's always come back...eventually.

Edited October 11, 2007 by Bard

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

jester that was great

and bid is lucky to have you

but you are very lucky to have her

nice to see you

<'>

[baddad]

I think one difficult area here is highlighted by bids post - she is:

 

perfectly capable of just being cross and tantrumy like the rest of the world, nothing to do with AS!!

 

To have an underlying assumption that everything somebody does relates to their condition (AS or otherwise) is not a reasonable one.

From what we have seen in this thread there are a variety of responses and strategies that different AS people use in situations of 'meltdown', and these responses have as much to do with nature/nurture (i.e. personal psychology make-up, which is not the same thing as autism) and environmental,developmental,social,support experiences & expectations as they do with the imperatives - good, bad, or indifferent - of the condition itself.

Autism aside, we see a similar 'range' of responses in the neurotypical population arising from exactly the same sort of imperatives that are, in context, equally 'valid' to the person exhibiting them, but we take a very different view of manifestations in that situation that impact directly and dramatically on the happiness, wellbeing and emotional security of others. We have expectations of self management and control that may be equally 'impossible' for the neurotypical with anger management issues or psychological barriers and 'judge' them when they fail to meet those expectations...

Of course, support, understanding, consideration, love all have their part to play in helping anyone to overcome these kinds of problems, but if you offer those things unconditionally, without implications of accountability or consequence and offer reward without expectation of achievement you actually do the opposite of helping...

 

I hope I will not be attacked for sharing my personal views on a very sensitive and important subject. I hope my views on a general topic will not be taken as comment on any specific situation. I hope my view, whether different or similar to your own, will seem interesting and 'valid'.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Bard]

Did you miss my hedgetrimmer thread?

I agree, and if an Aspie is sometimes hard to live with, a martyr is MUCH harder.

It's just that if you are wise, you pick the areas that you are going to get annoyed about. No point in wasting time, effort and good china over things that are not really 'changeable', stuff that is hardwired into people.

Now, at least, I get a phone call, a short message, when he's out once he's cooled down.

I bought him the phone, because he'd never seen the need to have one.

I find it near impossible to change my weight, lack of organisational skills or the fact that I talk too much, so he recognises that and doesn't ask pointless and challenging questions about those areas.

In the same way that he doesn't do adult social events, but is fine with the under 5s.

He's good at looking after the baby whilst mum eats or has a conversation. Most assume it's because he is kind and thoughtful, and that's fine.

[wishingwell]

Thank you everyone for your replies, its a relief to read them. And to have a better understanding of how he feels, I could not understand why when he comes back out of the bedroom he acts like nothing has happened. By this stage i don't what to talk or have anything to do with him. Someone mentioned leaving him at home on these occasions but that would hurt him more because he is very proud of what the boys have achieved and can do, (things that he could not do) he has said that they have introduced him into a whole new world. Which makes the whole thread very sad and puts his true difficulties into perspective.

 

On a lighter note I'm going into hospital tomorrow, we were reading the notes on preparing for surgery 'You must arrange a responsible adult to accompany you to and from the hospital.' Well he says 'thats me out!'

[bid]

To have an underlying assumption that everything somebody does relates to their condition (AS or otherwise) is not a reasonable one.

 

Mmmm, this is a difficult one and I'm not sure how I can articulate what I think (no surprise there, then ).

 

One the one hand, I think that as my AS is as much a part of me as my eye colour or my sex, then everything I do is, de facto, 'autistic'.

 

BUT, as far as meltdowns go, me shouting at the kids because I had a bad shift at work is not 'autistic' in the way that me having a total sensory overload meltdown is, e.g. after driving for 4 hours in hellish traffic (stress!!) with my mum (bless, but stress!!) who needed the window open which in turn assaulted my auditory processing (the noise of the wind/traffic distorted by the open window ) so that by the time I got home it was as if my nerve endings had been sandpapered for 4 hours and everything just shut down

 

So, I don't quite know how to equate the two ideas...don't know if I'm even making sense

 

I hope I will not be attacked for sharing my personal views on a very sensitive and important subject. I hope my views on a general topic will not be taken as comment on any specific situation. I hope my view, whether different or similar to your own, will seem interesting and 'valid'.

 

 

Not at all...I for one agree with your basic argument, and if I didn't you have expressed it in a very measured way anyway, so

 

Bid

Edited October 11, 2007 by bid

[baddad]

So, I don't quite know how to equate the two ideas...don't know if I'm even making sense

 

 

Not at all...I for one agree with your basic argument, and if I didn't you have expressed it in a very measured way anyway, so

 

Bid

 

No, you are making sense, and I think 'sensory overload' is very much a situation where 'impossible' to negotiate applies... i was just drawing attention to the fact that 'impossible' imperatives are not necessarily exclusive to autistic people but the responses to them can differ hugely where they are assumed to arise from the autistic condition. I was also making the point that the expectations of how people should behave when they have reached that 'impossible to negotiate' crisis point should allow consideration for those within the fall out radius as well as the individual at the centre. If they simply can't meet those expectations, they should be supported accordingly, but never should the expectation be disregarded purely on the basis of the assumption or projection that it is beyond them...

With regard to 'everything being related' to autism, I do - with the greatest respect - have to agree to disagree... I think we all - AS/ASD/NT: whatever - are 'the sum of our parts', and that autism is only a factor within that sum. An autistic person growing up knowing they are autistic, with a knowledge of how and why the world judges them as 'different' and with the support and education to understand that 'different' doesn't necessarily mean 'less' will have a completely different world view from an autistic who has grown up an environment that has rejected every aspect of their 'difference' from day one, for example. On the other hand, an autistic person who grows up in an environment where every 'negative' aspect of their personality is accommodated as part and parcel of who they are, with an underlying precept that any challenge to that 'who' is an attempt to 'challenge' the legitimacy of their world view will grow up with a completely different set of perspectives to one who is brought up in an environment with expectations of reasonable compromise...

I know the two examples I've given are fairly 'black and white' but obviously there are a myriad of shadings between those examples that can equally apply...

 

Sorry - I am so tired tonight even I might not be able to get my head round that lot in the morning!

 

L&P

 

BD

[pearl]

Ooh I have so enjoyed reading all these marital insights.

*modest cough*

We have just notched up 30 glorious years. And I could so identify with the gracious home lives of our dear Bid & Bard.

We all must be doing something right.

[bid]

With regard to 'everything being related' to autism, I do - with the greatest respect - have to agree to disagree... I think we all - AS/ASD/NT: whatever - are 'the sum of our parts', and that autism is only a factor within that sum. An autistic person growing up knowing they are autistic, with a knowledge of how and why the world judges them as 'different' and with the support and education to understand that 'different' doesn't necessarily mean 'less' will have a completely different world view from an autistic who has grown up an environment that has rejected every aspect of their 'difference' from day one, for example. On the other hand, an autistic person who grows up in an environment where every 'negative' aspect of their personality is accommodated as part and parcel of who they are, with an underlying precept that any challenge to that 'who' is an attempt to 'challenge' the legitimacy of their world view will grow up with a completely different set of perspectives to one who is brought up in an environment with expectations of reasonable compromise...

I know the two examples I've given are fairly 'black and white' but obviously there are a myriad of shadings between those examples that can equally apply...

 

Sorry - I am so tired tonight even I might not be able to get my head round that lot in the morning!

 

L&P

 

BD

 

But surely the things you are describing here are external factors...the hypothetical person in question is still and always has been autistic, dx or no dx, collusion or no collusion, support or no support, etc. If I had been brought up as a boy, I would still be a female; if I had been born 300 years ago my life as a female would have been dramatically different, but I would still have been fundamentally female...sorry, clumsy examples but it's late

 

Bid

[bid]

And I could so identify with the gracious home lives of our dear Bid & Bard.

We all must be doing something right.

 

Before everyone is ( ) I should just point out that it has taken every one of those 16 years, huge adjustments and accomodation on Jester's part, and a lot of AS counselling for us to have reached this point

 

Jester has definitely made the greater adjustment...the 'bonuses' he talks about aren't really that much from me as they aren't a conscious decision because I genuinely don't care about those things

 

Bid

Edited October 11, 2007 by bid

[pearl]

Sorry, yes. I didnt mean that to sound smug. Mr pearl & I sometimes look at each other & say, well at least we arent making two other people unhappy!

[bid]

Oh, I didn't mean it about you and Mr P, I meant about me!

 

Bid

[pearl]

Tis true for us as well though.

I think its a mixture of sheer good luck in who you choose to marry, & ****** hard work!

[baddad]

But surely the things you are describing here are external factors...the hypothetical person in question is still and always has been autistic, dx or no dx, collusion or no collusion, support or no support, etc. If I had been brought up as a boy, I would still be a female; if I had been born 300 years ago my life as a female would have been dramatically different, but I would still have been fundamentally female...sorry, clumsy examples but it's late

 

Bid

 

Sort of! Certainly at 'initialisation' they are external factors, but each of us is also the sum of our experience... they are internalised to become part of the 'whole' mindset - as fundamental to the complete person as the genetically 'programmed' elements...

In a nutshell, it's all the 'Id/Ego/Superego', 'Nature/Nurture' elements of development that apply to us all... While there may be some adjustment's that need to be made to take account of autism (strict Freudian interpretations, for example, would imply that experiences in the first 7 years were of paramount importance, whereas in autism - where milestones of conceptual understanding are far less predictable - this would be less 'rigid'), the basic principles would still apply.

 

HTMS (hope that makes sense!)

 

L&P

BD

 

PS: taking your example of a female brought up as a male - there are many who feel their 'physical' gender to be completely alien to the gender that 'nature' intended, and while it's unclear exactly what role (if any) 'nurture' might play in such a scenario, it's certainly the case that it will impact on some level to how the person in that position would relate to the world and their 'status' within it...

That bit really was an 'afterthought' on re-reading your post as i went to add mine, so forgive me if it's even clumsier than the rest!

[Tally]

I don't really understand about meltdowns. I don't lash out, verbally or physically, but sometimes I wish I could. As a child I was never allowed to raise my voice, nor was I allowed to walk away, but as soon as I was allowed to walk away I would shut myself in my room and cry and self-harm. I would try to switch off and not listen, but sometimes I got so angry I would raise my voice and I would then get told off for losing my temper. Maybe I learned to tolerate it because I knew I would eventually be allowed to leave, and that would happen sooner if I didn't provoke the situation.

 

I do remember one time my mum decided to 'tidy' my bedroom. I was so upset at the thought of her rummaging through my possessions and moving everything that I screamed and screamed at her to stop it, go away and let me do it by myself. I don't know if that was a tantrum because I wanted to make her stop, or if it was a meltdown because I was so upset at not having control over my possessions and space.

 

As an adult, if I raised my voice even slightly, the ex would accuse me of screaming horrific abuse at him, so it was over quicker if I just let him carry on until he ran out of steam. If I cried he said I was trying to manipulate him, but I couldn't help it sometimes. So with him I had to save it for later as well. He kept asking me to stab him and I wanted to but I didn't because I knew it was illegal.

 

So I did have control over how I reacted, even though I often later ended up breaking down. But I don't know if that's unusual, given it happened as a result of the things he shouted, I think anyone would have cried about it. And that is not a meltdown if I had any control over what I did, and managed to save it for later, is it? But I don't think it's a tantrum either, because it is not something I do to control a situation or make a person do what I want, because the situation was already over.

 

The way to stop those meltdowns, or whatever they were, would have been to just not say horrible things to me in the first place.

[Frangipani]

Interesting question considering recent events on here.

I don't think "tantrum", "paddy" or "strops" is fair. Severe panic is a better description. Does anyone in a severe panic realise the effect on others feelings? "try to contain those moments", contain severe panic? How? Can anyone?

These important family events can be incredibly stressful. The obvious solution is to remove the stress. When your son takes his dad's place there is not the same pressure on him. Any attempt will be praised as a good try. But everyone is looking to Father to be perfect and show everyone how it's done, but if he's like me he hasn't a clue and is terrified. But he's a man. He's not allowed to be terrified. More stress.

All I can suggest is try to arrange family events so that there is less expectation on him. It's difficult, if you reduce his involvement too much he will feel hurt and left out but if he is expected to be more involved than he can mannage he will probably have a meltdown. What exactly is "his dad's place"? Can this role be redefined to one that he is more capable of achieving? It may help if there is an escape so that if he feels the family event getting too much he can slip away for a bit.

Your question, though, was what to do once meltdown has started. Nothing much anyone can do, it's too late. The family event is ruined and he's a failure again. I know just what he feels like, just wish I knew the answers. Don't expect an Aspie to be something he isn't, I suppose.

 

 

 

What do you do with an AS adult when they are having a meltdown.

It is very hard to be understanding when an adult has one and the children are the target!!!!

 

Does he realize what he has done to their feelings. How do you explain to them why he spoils every important event that the family participate in.

And how is it that my AS son takes his dads place at this time and tries to ensure the day still goes ahead.

Sometimes I think there is more going on than AS.

But medical staff that I have asked just smile at him and tell him to stay calm!!!!

 

 

Hi,

 

In response to both may I add: from another angle.

 

Recently, I was watching a US parenting program the other day promoting Dr Frank Lawlis excellent new book on parenting based on 'these same issue's'

 

Truly worth going into the website. There were many parents having 'meltdowns' NT's as well because their attempts at parenting were not having positive outcomes / parents having meltdowns or sheer frustration feeling 'poweress and ineffective' - and the kids were unruly and parents arguing because one was to harsh or to soft causing a rift between the parents. No win situation. Dr Lawliss summed it up perfectly. Parent meltdown/panic attack/ anxiety all the same AS/ASD/NT we all experience 'our limits' <'>

 

Many of the parents struggling to gain 'the happy calm' environment were loosing it when all avenues of success failed - in the end resorted to yelling - to be heard - which only made matters worse. The results and reactions to this book and strategies for parents - a must read. Brilliant. Dr Lawliss has written many books on ADHD and other behavioural problems. So he is drawing from all perspectives. If you feel as a couple there are some parenting styles that need to be reviewed. FWIW.

 

So just popping this here - so next time your at the bookstore check it out. http://www.amazon.ca/Mending-Broken-Bond-F...s/dp/0670018341 or better link here http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFami...=1&GMA=true

 

 

 

love

Frang xx <'>

Edited October 13, 2007 by Frangipani