peaches

What do you recommend pearl? I have had reflexology before and quite fancy a bit more of that. I would also like some massage ... anything that will destress. I am not particularly fussed about facials, but have never had one. Im not the type to put make up on and have an elaborate beauty routine. Might get a new hairdo I suppose.

Last night I started to have second thoughts about employing someone else to do the school run. R has become very clingy lately, and we tried to discuss it last night. He said he missed me when he was at school and it made him feel all wobbly inside. (bless). I know I need help somehow, but Im starting to wonder whether I can alter the girl's nursery pick up time, so I can pick up R on his own, then pick up the girls so he feels as if Im there just for him. Also its proving very tricky to get someone already OFSTED registered. Im hoping to have a moment of clarity at Centre parcs!! We have a lot of other family stuff going on at the moment which requires my support (daughter ... hopeless boyfriend ... adoption of 4th grandchild etc) and I am carrying around too much.

We have problems with our 6 year old at school similar to this. We all think (school included) that its very much to do with his Asperger's. He doesnt know he is hurting others, he just considers himself and not the feelings of others. Its a social communication disorder. This sort of behaviour is fairly typical of Asperger's boys isnt it? R gets supervision at lunchtimes in the playground. Other parents have complainted about him. Last half term something he injured another child who had to be sent to casualty. Ive walked through the playground at hometime and almost felt the daggers in my back from the other parents. It is hard to get through to them. R is a bit like this at home sometimes with his sisters. Recently I put up a notice in the kitchen on the adice of our clin psych (R likes notices). "These are the new rules. If you trap your sisters hand in the door, I take away your game cube for 2 hours. If you push your sister over I take your game cube away for 2 hours ...." etc etc. This seems to have had some success. But Im not holding my breath.

Karen, they probably cant provide enough days for my requirements ... Looking forward to it though. Even just one session would be better than none. Husband can be a bit thick skinned though, he has some Aspie traits. I have to make suggestions and hints very very clearly before he will realise that I need something.

Im sorry you are having problems ... I struggle to cope too. Contact a family charity has helped me find some respite for Saturdays which is a specialist respite playscheme for children with special needs, set up by a charity. The rest of the time I gradually sink ... I send the younger two to a private nursery which I partly fund by tax credits. If you want some extra childcare, get in touch with your local council's children's information service. They can give you a list of childminders, nannys, playschemes, after school clubs etc. If the childcare provider is OFSTED registered then you can claim up to 80% of cost back through tax credits. Your local council may also have a Home Visiting Service, or a family placement scheme. You dont get much help from them though, and if you do its time limited. I didnt get any help when I had my hysterectomy, so dont hold your breath. Homestart may have volunteers in your area who will give you a break, but it tends to be something very minimal like 2 hours a week.

Im no expert, but I would clarify what CAMHS could do for you by asking either your GP or whoever diagnosed him, as it seems to differ by area. Where I live, we have been referred to CAMHS for diagnosis, they have a ASD/ADHD/AS clinic run by two specialists in that area. But until our appointments come up for the latter clinic, we are being seen in the "general" clinic by a non specialist clinical psychologist who has taken our history and is giving us little bits of advice on how to manage and support him at home. He has been seen by an Educational Psychologist at school and this educational psychologist is wanting the same specialists who are involved in CAMHS to contribute to his statutory assessment, so he doesnt have to attend another hospital (which basically uses the same professionals for ADS/ADHD/AS). So the CAMHS team are, in a way, contributing to his statement IYSWIM. Well at least thats what Ive been told. Lets see if it materialises. See what the set up is in your area. CAMHS may or may not be a good move.

Really??? Well its so close that I might be too late. I must have another look at the website.

Booked centre parcs, Longleat. Got discount code if anyone wants it PM me. We have never been before, but the spa sounds right up my street.

My darling husband is taking us to centre parcs for a few days shortly so I can recuperate in the spa.

Thanks everyone for your good wishes. I am feeling a little better ... it was the usual sleep deprivation combined with us all trying to get over a viral infection. Mind you last night wasnt too good - 4 interruptions to sleep from 2 of the children. But you all know about bad nights dont you? I have been given a contact for some support within our parish, but also Im thinking in the short term of changing the nursery hours that our girls do, so that the school run is easier at least one way, or for a limited number of days.

Before I try for direct payments I want his assessments and diagnosis to be complete or his statement done. Then I will apply for DLA and possibly direct payments. I found someone who could do the child care and the school run today, but she is not OFSTED registered so this would be a problem with getting my tax credits. Im now looking into how someone gets registered on the voluntary register for childcare and how long it all takes.

Thanks Karen. The local authority have written back and in their lengthy letter they refer to Statutory Assessment many times but not once is multiprofessional mentioned, so I guess we are in for a Statutory one. Apparently I need to submit written evidence as to why he should or should not be assessed. Ive asked the senco for help in what to put, because I presumably have to say, school are doing this and it isnt enough.

Thanks Js mum. I tried this when I was having my hysterectomy and got nothing. They are in nursery part time, but I would find it hard to get them up and ready and out to nursery before I get GS to school. Its a thought though. Im a bit rubbish in a morning to be honest. I have fibromyalgia amongst other things and until medication has kicked in I dont function that well.

Thanks Joy. I thought there would be someone else. I did wonder if you know who would put them off too! Im quite happy to do the school run if the girls are looked after but it is so difficult with them. At the moment an outreach worker from the council is going through a list of nannies, so far no luck.

Karen - SS aware. Not fostering.

Thanks Enid. Done that. There are people who will help on the odd day but no one wants it full time. As you can imagine, swapping and changing is really bad for Rs behaviour. I have thought of handing out flyers in the school yard ... or advertising.

Can you recommend somewhere for a short break in this country which does childcare or has a creche. Im ready to crack up. I did have a list of places but cant find them.

I have been trying to recruit a childminder or a nanny who will help me with the school run and give a few sessions of childcare too. I really feel Im at my limit. The City Council Information Link worker who supplies lists of nannies and child minders has worked through them with me but none of them can do the school run. Also no one in my immediate area has vacancies anyway. We have tried further afield, but of course no one wants to do the school run from another district. Social Services have already been asked to help when I had my hysterectomy and they couldnt. Then 4 months later they sent me 6 weeks worth of 2 hours a week support and this is due to finish. I dont need to tell you how difficult a school run is with an ASD child. Well add to that a baby and a toddler in a double buggy and its just a nightmare. If R has one to one he is not too bad to manage on the school run, but when my attention is diverted with the pram or getting his sisters out of the house and into the car, he is an absolute nightmare. I am making star charts and targets around getting ready in the morning already so I am working on that. My husband tried to get part time hours at work, but they only offered him shifts which makes our situation worse. His trade union advised him that the next step would be a tribunal and it would take months. I dont have months. He is due to start a new job soon, although the hours are better, they are still variable, so Im not hopeful. Have any of you come to any arrangements regarding the school run which work and could be applied to my situation, to make it run more smoothly?

I have thought about this too. Giving money and possibly taking it off him in fines as consequences. Recently it was suggested that I remove Rs Game cube for 2 hours when he injures his sisters. I informed him beforehand and put a notice up to that effect. When I mentioned that the action (which he was about to commit) would result in the removal of his game cube he went absolutely wild. I am back to square one. As R likes to go to the shop and choose a comic at the weekends I think I might try the money thing. Trouble is, his little sis is like some sort of mini human rights lawyer and demands parity for herself and her younger sister (unbelievable!).

Oh, no! Have I asked for the wrong thing? I asked for multiprofessional assessment, but did it thinking it was for the statementing process. This is what I was told to do at the meeting with the Ed Psych. Has the Ed Psych got this wrong then? Should I write another letter? By the way, I have no idea what SALT is.

Thanks everyone. I have written to the local authority to request a multiprofessional assessment. Now, what does multiprofessional mean? Many different doctors or many different disciplines involved?

This is a difficult one, also the only person who can make a diagnosis is a consultant psychiatrist. What do you want to happen to the marriage is the first question. If you want it to continue then maybe marriage guidance is more appropriate than seeking a diagnosis. If you get a diagnosis it may not solve anything. I suspect my husband has Asperger's too, but he gets through life. He too lacks empathy and doesnt know how to express his feelings, but we have learned how to work with this. But I must admit for years he thought there was nothing wrong with him and actually made me feel that I was the one with the problem. At his age, you have to question what a diagnosis would offer, if he would want it, and is there a way to salvage the marriage without him being diagnosed. Can a counsellor help you work together? Good luck.

When I enquired about homestart a while ago, there wasnt a worker available in this area, but I could have gone on a waiting list. But to be honest 2 hours a week or a fortnight (cant remember which) wouldnt really go very far.

Dont think for one minute that SS offer any practical support once you have the children. They dont. Ive asked and asked. Even when I had my hysterectomy this year - nothing. I even wrote to my MP. They do pay a residence order allowance for the children which helps, but you need this just to keep them from day to day. It is not as generous as a foster carers allowance. Nor do we get the respite and support that a foster carer gets. But lets be honest, grandparents like me would do it anyway and do it for nothing. I wouldnt be without these kids.

Thank you all. Thanks also Tally especially for the last paragraph. There are still many people who have no idea about Asperger's. I just knew about autism but knew she didnt fit all the criteria. But I still feel bad about it. That's why the I am pushing really hard to get my grandson diagnosed and I am exploring every avenue and interrogating every professional whom I think can help. This forum has been so insightful though. The number of times I have thought ... oh yes, he does that as well!