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Hi Trekster, thank you for your reply. Yes I think he would read the book that you suggest, I will look for a copy on Amazon. I will ask my son's teachers if they can recommend an older boy who could help in the way that you suggest. I have observed that he likes to play with younger children because they are more likely to let him dictate how the game is played. Boys of his own age and older tend to expect some give and take, and my son struggles to see why he should let others have their own way in games too.

Hi Sally Levi is doing quite well academically, he has found the last 2 years a little better because they have challenged him more and this year especially is wonderful as he has a heaven sent teacher who has helped him cope so well from an anxiety point of view. He continues to struggle with the social side of the class room and the confusion of kids getting cross with him and not being nice because he only wants to play on his terms, we will battle on with that one. He is just finishing year 5 and heading into year 6 and we have a fantastic school lined up. I started shopping around for High Schools last year but thankfully the school he is filtered into is the one that I would have chosen anyway. The SENCO is fabulous and works so hard to meet the needs of all kids xx

I feel certain I can come here for some advice on how to cope with a particularly stressful situation at the moment so lots of thankyous in advance! My 10 year old ASD son is a very gentle kind boy but I think he is having a rush of hormones because just lately his method of play is getting more and more boisterous and I am trying very hard to accept this as normal whilst at the same time supervise that he doesn't get carried away (obvious problems with knowing enough is enough) and hurt his younger brother or whatever child he is playing with. The problem is at school where I am unable to supervise (sounding familiar?) There have been a few reports making their way back to me of younger children "attacking" ds then he "attacks" them back. My younger son is there and reports back to me that the younger children think it is fun and all just a game but still I have been worried and certain it will end in tears, literally. As feared, a few months ago, ds was particularly stressed and when a younger child persisted with "attacking" him, ds lost his cool and hurt the younger child. Ds was so frustrated because he had followed all of the "rules" he had taken himself away from people, he was trying to do his breathing exercises, he asked the boy repeatedly to leave him alone, but nothing worked, he saw red and clonked him one. This was dealt with at the time to everyones satisfaction but the problem continues. Yesterday the Dad of the younger boy had a "kind word" (holds up sarcasm sign!) with me in the playground, and pretty much told me that Ds had grabbed his boy, threw him on the ground and given him a nose bleed. After speaking to the school and my NT son who was there, you can probably guess that this version of events is not 100% accurate but it was again the "attacking" game ending in tears! I am certainly feeling very emotional about it as I feel that Ds is being portrayed as some sort of bully but I guess the specific advice I would like is, how far do you go to manage situations like this? How much should I interfere? Boys were always scrapping when I was at school but does that make it acceptable? Should I get the school to monitor him closely at lunch time? Any input would be gratefully received thank you xxxx

Hello, I was here for a brief time a few years ago but was not very active so I thought I should reintroduce myself; I am Sally, Mother to 2 sons, Levi is 10 and diagnosed with ASD and Ollie is 8 and NT. I welcome advice and look forward to having a good read through the topics xxx

Good grief guys give me chance to take in the first lot of replies before a whole other debate kicks off that I have to respond too also I now think it is impossible (for me anyway!) to respond to each suggestion and comment so I am going to just make some general responses and hopefully clarify a few things My son is 6 years old and both me and the school recognise autistic traits within him so we are pursuing a diagnosis. I feel strongly that I ought to discover if he is on the autistic spectrum so I can manage his behaviour appropriately and to the best of my ability. I feel equally as strongly that if his behaviours are not routed in autism then I STILL need to address them and help him but an entirely different path might be considered. The most important thing to me in the whole world is that my children grow up to be happy, successful adults who can navigate their way through the world using the skills I have given them in the few short years that I "have" them. I don't care where they work or what they do just as long as they are happy and it breaks my heart that my little boy is so often unhappy and I will never be able to thank enough anyone on here that has taken the time to volunteer information that might just help my little boy grow towards being a successful adult, autistic or not. I have asked advice both on this forum and from others knowledgable and experienced with autism on a number of occassions because it appears likely that he is on the autistic spectrum and each and every time I have implimented the strategy that seems most appropriate to his needs and lo and behold they have worked wonderfully. I have even implemented things that I was sceptical over such as social stories and the change in him was remarkable. Whether or not my little boy is autistic or not the advice that I have been given has been sound and practical and has helped him to move on from whatever was causing him particular anxiety at the time and I am extremely grateful for that. The advice I have received has NEVER allowed him to dodge around an issue or avoid dealing with a situation rather it has helped me to reach him and "coach" him through things that he finds difficult and that are confusing to me as I just don't understand why he would feel like that; please remember that this is all very new to me. The refusal to write is a classic example of my confusion over my son. I have never been looking to be told that "Ah, he doesn't like writing because he's autistic so don't make him!" and I think it is testiment to the sensible nature of the posters on this thread that no one has even remotely suggested such a thing! I have been given a variety of personal experiences to consider and a number of practical suggestions to take on board and I thank you all. I fully understand Baddad's words when he says "I believe in giving children any and every bit of support that they might need, or that can be given without having a negative impact on others....[but]not making assumptions about what's needed without evidence..." However I would add that this is a public forum and I do think there is great value in bouncing ideas around if it for the purpose of extracting the ones that seem most relevant to the situation being discussed. I think of it a bit like when a group of first time parents are sitting around with their babies and one is crying, you will hear "are they tired?" "are they hungry?" "are they teething?" "are they unwell?" it might be one of those things, it might be a variety, it might be none, but should new and inexperienced parents not talk to more experienced ones just because they are not guarenteed to know instantly what the actual problem is? I think talking is good because sometimes someone will just hit the nail on the head and help you out. Granted, in that scenario, one parent might choose to blame a temper tantrum on teething or tiredness when the child is actually just being naughty, but that is their choice and the spoilt child will suffer later on. Back to the context of this forum however, perhaps some are looking to excuse bad behaviour, I wouldn't know as I do not know any one from this forum in real life, just as no one here knows me. I am just going to worry about myself and my own motives. Anyway he is going to be observed next Monday by a speech and language therapist who will hopefully refer us on to a child pyschiatrist so my journey continues! I'd really like it if my hand could be held a little longer

Wow!!! What a variety of information and opinion, thanks to everyone that has posted. To be truthful it is very late and I can't quite take in all of the replies, my head is spinning!!!! I think that I will come back to this thread in the morning and re-read all of the posts and I thank you all again. I am trying SO hard to be balanced; neither diagnosing him in my own mind and "blaming" his behaviours on Aspergers (or anything else on the autistic spectrum) nor, on the other hand, ignoring resources that could be benefitting him right now. Each behaviour that has been highlighted as having a potential connection to autism has been very much easier for both him and us to deal with when I have followed the advice of people that have posted on here or from his SENCO or other professional person that I have had contact with thus far. I am sorry if I have given the impression that I am looking to excuse his unwillingness to cooperate with his teacher in his literacy work but something just doesn't sit right with me and I just wondered if there could be a connection. I never would have previously thought that there could be a connection between his anxiety at lunch time and autism but I mentioned it on here and was amazed to discover just how common that problem is. Anyway I will come back to it tomorrow but in the meantime wanted to thank everyone for their input

Thank you one and all for your comments. I believe in my heart that the problem is that he just doesn't see the point of writing things down but he has not been able to tell me in his own words what the problem is yet and I am often surprised once he finally opens up! Tomorrow we are going to have some alone time to talk. I feel very strongly that a 6yr can not just opt out of the things that he doesn't like BUT on the other hand there are so many problems that have been easier to overcome once I have relooked at the situation as though we were further down the line with a firm diagnosis. Both his teacher and I have reasoned with him as to why he should concentrate on his literacy work and why it is unfair to talk to and distract the other children and he really takes it on board and agrees at that moment but evidently when it is next literacy time he isn't changing. He defiantely can write, the other week he decided to write a book and sat down and wrote 4 entirely fictional pages, a really lovely story so it is not about ability. He writes letters correctly but very lazily and hurriedly with no spaces in between unless I sit next to him and remind him after each and every word. He normally can follow reams of instructions but the only way I can describe this is that I truly believe he is not being deliberatly disobedient but it just seems to slip immediately off his radar and his teacher is unable/unwilling to give him extra time/attention for literacy as she believes he is making a choice to not do his literacy work. I'm just not sure

Thanks for replying Karen The problem is not so much to do with his physical ability, his fine motor skills are alright, it is the way he zones out and acts as though he has all the time in the world. I don't think I am very good at describing the problem, sorry guys! I am just frustrated because it is one small area in his schoolwork that his teacher is finding him difficult and she wants me to suggest ways to get him to improve and I feel a bit lost!

There are so many issues going around in my head right now that this post may be rather garbled so I apologise in advance! I have been called in to meet with my 6yr old sons teacher 2 weeks in a row to discuss the fact that he avoids writing at any cost possible. He avoids it himself and distracts and chats to the other children which is clearly starting to tick his teacher off. He wanders off both mentally and literally and she says he will only knuckle down and write when she is right there sitting on his shoulder, nagging him. He is one of the smartest kids in the school so she shouldn't have to give him all this extra attention when there are other kids right there who struggle to read basic words! We are still ploughing through the diagnosis process and he is going to be observed in a fortnight right inside the classroom and I am hoping that something might come out of that. However in the meantime I really get the impression that his teacher either does not think there is a diagnosis to be had or is uneducated with regard to ways to help him. So my big dilema is (and I think this is a very popular problem for parents of the undiagnosed child!!!) if there is "nothing wrong" with him, he needs to knuckle down, do as he is told and do his writing nicely and when told to do so. But I really feel that he displays so many autistic traits and is otherwise such a compliant little boy that he isn't being deliberatly awkward when he wanders off to do other things. I don't think he sees the merit in writing, it is all in his head so why write it down? He looked so sad when his teacher was talking to him about it and now just won't talk to me about it. She says that he was giving her "attitude" but I saw it differently. I am not the sort of parent who is blind to her childrens wrong-doing but I wonder if it is me on this occassion who is seeing it wrong. I am just not sure that his teacher is on board with me AAAHHHHHAAAAHHGGGGRRRRRRR!Please someone help me!!!!

I also am not sure of what practical use I can be but I wanted to let you know that I follow this thread and send you my love xxx

Well Yesterday went very well, he was fine, no upset at all. Today we had a bit more resistance to him going so we'll see how he got on when I collect him shortly. He did say that they had an extra play time and their lunch outside as the weather was so nice so I think the additional fresh hair helped him (he's a different boy out in the open air!) Today is glorious weather again so at least he can go straight out into the back garden and be a bit "free" when he gets home. Big hugs to everyone <'>

Well he has gone in without problem, just one small complaint of feeling unwell along the way and one small reassurance needed that his notebook was in his bag! The positive diary that we have started is working really well so I hope he manages to cope today. So here's to the next 6 hours when I will find out how his day went .........eeeek!

The day went very well. Because I am more aware of what might cause him anxiety I sat him down and had a good talk before we left. Previously I might have avoided this for fear that it would put the idea in his head that there might be something to worry about. Now I realise that this new and noisy place is almost certainly going to stress him so I need to prepare him for it. It turned out that he was far more worried than I realised so we talked about the positive things, he was looking forward to the picnic and the playground etc. I reassured him that I knew the way (another thing that worries him) and also talked about the "positive notebook" and we agreed to look in the gift shop for one. I think this all must of helped because it went really really well. We had our picnic in an old railway carriage and he really enjoyed it and kept talking about what he was liking about the whole experience. I think it was a bit much because we have come home and he is feeling poorly (non-specific) again.

Thanks again for your input, yes I am inclined to think that it is very much a visual sensory thing and I love the suggestion of a positive diary! We have been talking about being positive a lot just lately. Every day when I would ask how he was feeling, the answer would be "a little bit poorly" so I tried to turn this around and explain that he must therefore also feel a little bit well! It didn't really work though because now when I ask how he feels, he pauses, remembers the positivity thing and says "Just a little bit well" in the same sad voice He loves social stories and writing lists so I think if I get him his own "Positive Diary" and pen that he could carry around, that might really help. Do you think it would help him when he is without me at school if I encourage him to write in it when he feels unwell, to look around and find something positive to write, do you think it might help turn the feeling of unwell around? We are going out today with a group of friends to a science discovery place, this will either be a raging success or a disaster.......but being positive I am sure it will be FABULOUS

Thanks Diane, i can really relate to what you are saying, your experiences are very helpful Sally x

Hi Well the dx process plods on still, Levi is going to be observed in school and referred to a Child Psychologist which pleases me but I am started to realise just how long this whole process is going to take! In the meantime he is spending most of his days at the moment complaining about feeling unwell, sick, having a headache, having a stomach ache. I am certain that these are all routed in his anxiety levels. For example we have just been to the co-op and he went white as a sheet and said he felt really sick. Just to explain I try to keep him off as much dairy as possible because he is very very prone to ear infections, but I have tried to be very relaxed about it so that he would not become obsessed with the matter. Anyway, back to the co-op, after a little chat I realised that this sudden nausea was just because he had seen the chocolate bars. I tried to explain that he could have chocolate if he wanted, that I would make sure he didn't have too much though but I know he is becoming very worried about it! Can anyone suggest any techniques that help with anxiety - he is only 6 years old. We write lists when he is worried about the order that things will happen and that works wonders, a bit like social stories I suppose but I don't know how to help him when he feels this sudden nausea. I can't predict what will set him off. Thanks guys xx

Currently it is Transformers, not just watching the movie and the cartoon and re-enacting every scene but it is the actual transformation process. Levi has certain clothes that he likes to wear because he can "transform" in them. He stands on the same spot making the transforming noise and dropping to his knees then making the noise and standing up again (his arms perform a vital function also that only he understands!!) He also transform anything he can lay his hands on, books can transform it turns out and coat hangers are especially good at it I do wonder though if the tide might be turning slightly as he is watching "Night at the Museum" a lot and re-enacting that with his (fortunately) very willing little brother.

Well done you!!! Keep us posted on how you get on, we will all be rooting for you

My sons school were telling me about another boy that had been through their doors with laminated cards like you describe. Apparently his parents made differents sets of them and linked them together a bit like a mini flip chart and he always had one set or the other in his hand. The teachers were saying that the cards in themselves were quite a comfort and he used to look like he had rosary beads sometimes bless him He would have a get dressed set and a getting into school set and a lunch time set, they sounded a brilliant idea but because they linked them just with some string, they could not get out of order and stress him further xx

That's a good suggestion Tally. My son has been like a different child since I discovered "the power of the list" as I refer to it. I wish I had thought to use photographs before he could read!

I know that it is probably something that you have already tried but how do reward charts work for him? Sticker charts or extra minutes on a timer for watching tv? My son for example will sit ALL day on the laptop playing games if I let him so we have to use a timer not only for his own well being but also so that his brother can get a look in If I need him to focus and do a job quickly, like getting dressed without getting distracted, I might say "If you can go and get dressed and come straight back you will earn an extra minute on the timer/sticker on your chart etc" When he was younger though I used to challenge him to a race "I bet you can't get to the toilet and back by the time I count to 30!" He would dash off with my shouting "1,2,3,4......" and would always take longer than I said but if I was happy that he was not faffing, as soon as I heard him coming back I would continue with "....26,27,28 etc etc" He used to get such a sense of satisfaction for getting back in time. If I would hear him faffing though I would go to the bottom of the stairs and call "15,16,17 etc" as a reminder and would soon hear him dashing to the bathroom

Wow Dawn, that is just like my life! The ups and downs...feeling like I have made it all up when he is having a good patch......PMS (I currently have it!)........summer/fresh air=better times..........younger brother.....bright with sense of humour!! I think that my problem is that because this is all quite new to me still and especially because we don't have a confirmed dx, I don't yet know for sure what I am dealing with. Because of this I look at other people's experiences with Aspergers and worst of all READ STUFF and get myself convinced that we are heading in the wrong direction because he gets most jokes or has days when routine is not SO important. I have a particular relative who's son has Aspergers and at the age of 21 is not able to be left entirely alone, when they go on holiday for example, because he will just forget to eat, and I think well Levi is not like that so maybe I am projecting this on him? My logical head absolutely knows that each human being is different to the next so of course each person with AS is going to be different too but I just get caught up in a worry that I am getting it all wrong and therefore not doing the best by Levi. It can be very hard to get the balance (in my head anyway!) between pursuing a dx because there is one to be had and pursuing something that isn't really there!!!

Thanks Mel He is just so exhausting, mentally and emotionally, but then he can have a really smooth patch which might last for weeks. If you asked me how he was then I would tell you that he was no bother at all and not a challenging child! It is as though his anxiety goes in massive peaks and troughs, do you find that? He will be fine and "normal" for weeks then stressed and agitated for weeks. I think we are hitting a peak at the moment. When I went to post on here I realised that I hadn't posted at all THIS YEAR!!! I think that sums up how he is; when he is fine, the coping strategies work and we manage situations just fine. When he starts to get stressy though it seems to be for an equally long period of time and I need a little reassurance that it will all level out again at some point (or rather that I will be able to cope again!) Actually having written that and bearing in mind the previous comment, I wonder if actually he is the same all of the time but that I just cope in peaks and troughs? Perhaps he feeds off my stress when I am not coping with him so well? Hmmmmm food for thought......

Does anyone mind if I just write it all down here and get the things that are whirling around in my head out there? (Sorry guys but that was a retorical question as I am clearly just going to do it anyway! ) My 6yr old son still has not had a dx but we suspect Aspergers. He is such a puzzle to everyone though as his behaviour is very typically ASD but the extent to which he displays these "typical behaviours" is not great and by using a variety of skills suggested it is very much possible to "move him on" from things. We went to see a Paeditrician (apologies for spelling!) and she was great, listened to me for ages, asked very insightful questions but concluded at the end that we need to observe him for longer for the aforementioned reasons, he displays all of the traits but in other ways in so very NOT on the Autistic spectrum. Next week I am taking him to a SALT and goodness knows what will come of that. We had a very bad day at home yesterday, he is worn out and very anxious over everything. I told him off for ignoring my 3 warnings to not come to near the hot oven and he had a mini meltdown. A minute later he came back and informed me that sometimes he wishes he had a different family. I was tired and stressed and it really got to me, when his Dad made him apologise for hurting my feelings he then had another meltdown over his remorse! He has been at home today and swinging wildly between almost a depressed like state and, when I got him out in the garden for some fresh air, he was a different child again elated and healthy looking. Apologies for the incoherent nature of this but I really just needed to jot some things down. I guess I just want to be given a definate dx one way or the other, to know why he is like he is and what he can and can not control about himself.

Thanks Lynne, I appreciate the timer suggestion. Today has been a dream with regards to food. He has referred to his chart himself throughout the day and has not nagged for food He has had his evening meal and not even asked for either pudding or supper which is amazing. Since his SENCO suggested doing social stories with him I continue to be amazed at how he drops things when he sees them written down!