Sally44

Hello and welcome. I think that for some diagnosed with autism or aspergers they fit the diagnosis completely. But remember that the probable cause is genetic and neurological and therefore any genetic difference causing a neurological difference is going to manifest itself in any number of ways. It is now being recognised by professionals that rather than a separate box for each diagnosis, that many people have traits of ASD, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Specific Learning Difficulties [such as dyslexia], Dyspraxia, Sensory Processing Problems etc etc. So each person can have a different 'salad' of traits that may or may not be enough to tick enough boxes to get a diagnosis in that specific disorder. I think the more 'able' the person is, and the more 'complex' their mixture of traits, the harder it is for those individuals to get the right support and therapy they need when they need it when they are children. So basically it isn't easy. So I understand that some adults may feel a diagnosis has not benefitted them at all and maybe a label of 'eccentric' would be more acceptable to them and wider society. And I also completely understand how some 'neurotypical' children and adults can be so absolutely vile that you wonder how they can be termed 'normal' when our ASD children and adults can be so much better behaved, responsible, kind etc etc.

I know that my son's school does boarding. Does the Dyslexia one? If both do, then look at what the main needs are for your daughter. Is it ASD first and Dyslexia secondary, or the other way around. Ask the dyslexia school how many pupils at their school have an ASD. Ask if the teaching is ASD friendly, and if the therapy is also ASD specific/friendly - incase the LA argue that the Dyslexia school cannot meet her ASD needs. So make sure they can. And if there is anything your daughter needs that they don't currently provide within their standard fees, ask them to let you know and ask if they can find out how much it would cost additionally to get that therapy in. Also ask for the cost of weekly boarding and coming home at weekends. Same applies for the ASD school. Ask what specialist dyslexia teaching they can provide within their standard fees and how much it would be in addition to the day placement costs, and also ask for the weekly boarding costs too. My son has a teacher who comes into the school every Monday. Remember it is all about needs. So make sure you are clear on which school can meet her needs, and then you argue that ONLY that school can meet all the needs. And meeting those needs may also include the need for being residential due to the distance [i'm not sure what is the cut off point for in terms of daily travelling mileage to/from school where SEND would agree to residential - find that out.] Remember that although this is all costly, there is no monetary limit on what a Statement can fund so don't be shy about the costs of meeting each and every need. Statements are about identifying needs and meeting them. It is therefore a total waste of money to send a child to a school where they will not cope, where they will fail to make any progress and where they will not be able to become useful and productive members of society.

I agree that children, or adults, with low confidence and self esteem can often be identified by bullies. Or the bully tries their tactics on a couple of people and the ones that retaliate verbally or physically they leave alone. The modern way of "reporting bullies" does not appear to work. Even if the bully is reprimanded the child or adult that reported them can then get bullied by the 'wider group' for having reported them. You only have to look at large organisations such as the NHS. There is supposed to be encouragement and support for "whistle blowers", but time and time again those very people are ignored, shunned or even lose their job due to being bullied about having reported something. This seems to completely sideline the fact that whatever was reported must have been very serious for the person to have reported it. I think it is a basic flaw of human and animal nature to be a bully. There is good leadership, and then there are bullies or dictators that lead who are atrocious leaders, but they control people or the masses by fear. And it is not something that humans learn from history as we have 'bullies' as leaders in many countries time and time again over the generations. If we could truely settle our differences by talking there would be no war.

I think that you could just print out your questions and responses on this forum. You give alot of detail in them of what your difficulties are. Making choices is another difficulty typical of an ASD or a specific learning difficulty or an anxiety disorder or executive function problems. I just wish you could get it sorted asap. It seems so basically flawed that the people that need help have to somehow identify that they need help and somehow navigate their way through the process of seeking help. If they could do that they probably wouldn't need the help in the first place!!

Yes I would tell everyone. It sounds like alot of people are involved, but no-one is making the connection. If you write down the things you have posted on this forum such as: Do you have water, heating, electricity - are you managing to pay bills? How are you cooking, shopping and budgeting - you said something you spend a similar amount on your food as you do for the cat. That is not much food for a human. Give examples of what you are eating every day. It is clear from your posts that in many ways you are very capable, and probably come across as that. And so professionals may think you don't need any help. So write it down.

Sounds like a tough day. Hope you are feeling better this morning. So you are being assessed for a diagnosis of being on the autistic spectrum? That should also help with any referral to Adult Services. Has anyone come to see you yet about how you are managing day to day with money, food, bills etc? If not can you contact CAB, and ask them why Adult Services did not accept the referral. You could also go to your GP and tell them the difficulties you are having after your parents died. Tell them you are being assessed for autism and that CAB had tried to get Adult Services involved, but they refused and ask the GP to refer you again. If you can, write down all the things you are struggling with and how you are managing things currently. Give that to the GP and tell him you have been told [via an autism helpline forum] to ask for the GP to refer you to Adult Services again as you are a Vulnerable Adult that needs assessing and who needs help with all your daily living skills.

Good luck on the visit. With your LA dragging its feet, have you talked to SEND about your appeal. Because you need to get the placement sorted and the statement legally binding. At this appeal you are supposed to be looking at SEND Ordering the LA to issue a Statement. Can you ask SEND, as part of this Appeal, that if they Order the LA to issue a Statement that SEND word that Statement on the findings of your reports and name your parental choice of school so that she can start there for year 7. Because other wise you will most likely end up at another Appeal about the contents of the Statement and where will your child be going to school in the meantime for year 7? You should have a transitional Review of any Statement in February for you to have time to appeal to SEND before she starts secondary school. Might it be in your interest to ask SEND for a telephone case conference to identify the main issues of this case to see if an Appeal can be avoided and the LA agrees to issue a Statement. Your argument would be as you have said - no progress and falling further behind - and that you need to have the option of appealling the Annual Review of any Statement in February 2015 for the start of secondary school in September - especially if you need a specialist placement, which is what your daughter needs. I am entirely sure that your LA is dragging this out in the hope that you will miss the start of the secondary school academic year in September 2015 because you will again be in the appeal process. When you visit your choice of school, ask them if they have a place and IF they could keep it available for your daughter to join her year group later in the academic year. Does this school do any assessments on your daughter during her visit there? IF my suggestion above is not an option don't panic. If your daughter does not have a Statement/Appeal in place for your parental choice, then she will end up at the mainstream secondary school and you will have to leave them and wait for it all to come crashing down. Don't help or advise or anything. Leave her to fail, because that failure proves your case. Unfortunately the system is like that as you know.

It is a very hard question to answer. In school children are always told not to retaliate and to tell a teacher. Problem is that many children with an ASD just don't know how to handle this kind of thing [and how does any kid?], but those with an ASD even less so. I remember being called into school about my son having pushed another child so they fell over and banged their head. Apparently there was no reason for him having done that. But when I asked my son he told me that this same child had pushed him off a wall and he had badly scraped his leg. It was just that that had happened a couple of days previously and no teacher had seen it and he hadn't told anyone. So it appeared "out of the blue". My own parents advice to me would be to hit them back and hard. But you aren't always able to do that. And sometimes it is more than one against one. I think most people have an episode of being bullied at some point. But there isn't any set formula to resolve it. I suppose being scarier and crazier than the bully usually stops them. But might get you into severe trouble yourself. All organisations should have a policy on bullying. Whether that is in education or the work place. I think the only way I have seen it work is where older pupils - and the ones the other kids like and look up to - are mentors that stamp out bullying of younger pupils. Making bullies look like the ones with issues is the way to do it. Use people who are not scared of them because they are bigger, older, higher up the ladder etc so that they have control over the bully. And name and shame them. Because once the bully has lost their 'power' they lose their control.

Anything a child needs to access education is an educational need and that is how the SEND Panel will interpret it. On IPSEA.org website it has a section about LAs saying that SALT is not an educational need. That point has been argued and won in case law, so ALL SEND Panels will fall in line with the previous judgement. If you have evidence that your daughter continues to fall further behind, then that is good - from your tribunal point of view. My son has OCD and I have been looking into whether that would be considered a 'health' need. Under the new Statements [cannot remember what they will be called], it states that professionals have to quantify and specify for health needs too. So in our case the 1:1 support and constant and consistent Behavioural Therapy approach for his OCD should be detailed in part 2 [needs] in part 3 [educational provision required to meet those needs] and also in part 6 [health]. As long as it is in part 3 it is okay for it to be in part 6 as well.

I would also ask the CAB to find out why Adult Services did not accept the referral. You are a vulnerable adult and should be accepted by Adult Services.

You can argue for a Statement on lack of progress, or the gap widening between the child and their peers. Or that they have difficulties that are not covered by delegated funding ie. specific recommendation made by a professional of xx hours of speech and language, or occupational therapy or specialist teacher for dyslexia etc. School have funding for 'access to' professionals, not for detailed 1:1 hours documented in reports as needed by the child. It is hard to get any LA or NHS professional to recommend specific hours, but they should and you can ask them to quantify and specify as that is what the Code of Practice says they MUST do. Or alternatively get independent reports. Find out what the amount of delegated funding to the school is. Find out what that would cover. Find out what the child is currently receiving. If they are NOT receiving all of the delegated funding then ask the school why. Use ALL of the arguments above. If the child is not receiving all the delegated funding the Panel may ask that the school provide that to see if progress is then made. But if the child needs specific professional 1:1 intervention, that will NOT be covered by delegated funding because it costs too much.

Diagnosing at a younger age is now more common. A diagnosis of Aspergers usually means that the child has had typical language development up to age 3 at least. Your child does not sound like that if he is "repeating" TV dialogue etc. That is echolalia. It is something that many children on the autistic spectrum do. My son learnt to speak like this. Problems with speech and language can have a knock on effect with education. If you struggle with english you will struggle with the 'language' used in school for all subjects. There are also many other traits of autism that can be picked up very early ie. social skills and interaction skills. Imagination and repetitive behaviours. At his age there will be alot of observation and probably some play used to see what he does. Try not to worry to much about it. They will also ask you alot of questions about his development. My son was assessed and seen over a period of 18 months before he got a diagnosis. And his difficulties became more apparent as he grew up. He is now 13. We also acquired a number of other diagnosis along the way including dyslexia, dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder, speech and language disorder, auditory processing disorder,. anxiety disorder and most recently OCD. Unfortunately my son was not diagnosised until he was nearly 7. He struggled mainstream for years. He is average cognitive ability, but all his difficulites make it impossible for him to cope mainstream. But he is not special school material either. Eventually we managed to get him a place at an independent ASD specific school - which he now attends.

Children with an autistic spectrum disorder have difficulties in specific areas. For example speech and language and social communication. And those with a diagnosis can have a range of difficulties within that specific area. For example one child might be totally non-verbal, whilst another may have problems acquiring language and understanding the meaning of language. They might use echolalia. They might take language literally and not understand double meanings, sarcasm. They might only talk to give information and not know how to 'chat socially'. They might not understand verbal instructions. They may find it hard to form or sustain friendships. They might have specific areas of interest that totally obsess them and that is all they want to talk about. They may have a speech and language disorder. Having problems with speech and language can have a knock on effect on education. Some with Aspergers may do really well in areas that are of interest to them ie. science, but fail at english or languages. Some may get an additional diagnosis of a learning difficulty such as dyslexia or a learning disability. You can have a look at the DSM IV diagnostic criteria for an autistic spectrum disorder and Aspergers. It is all about the degree to which things affect the person. Having problems with speech and language and social interaction and maybe having a lack of imagination in all areas [as imagination in areas of interest is common], and being immature emotionally or having problems with understanding emotions in themselves and others and having strict areas of interest can affect their ability to make friends in school/college/work/relationships. That can make the child/adult feel isolated, anxious, upset and lead to low confidence and self esteem etc. So it is a knock on effect and accumulation of difficulties that do affect all areas of life. And sometimes it is only through time that we get to understand our own children, as each person is diffierent, with a different personalitiy and different combinations of difficulties - but they all fall under the autistic spectrum. Those without knowledge of an ASD will often not recognise what is the cause. Sometimes even professionals get it wrong. It is hardest for children in the educational setting when they are not understood and are not supported. It is harder if the medical profession does not refer and get a diagnosis. That can lead to adults that fail within education [or even do very well in education but find they cannot get a job because they don't come across right at interviews - or even those that do get a job but repeatedly fail to get promoted or who feel misunderstood or treated badly in work, or even bullied in school and/or in work - and feel a failure in society and feel alone and isolated. That is what most parents try to avoid by getting the right help at the right time and the right support for education and as an adult.

As no-one has responded, and I don't know myself - might I suggest you try the NAS direct? Alternatively, when I was completing DLA for my son, I got in touch with an independent benefits advice service which was run by my local authority. You might have something similar in your area. And you need to make sure it is INDEPENDENT advice you are getting and help with completing the DLA form.

Hi and welcome.

There is the argument that everyone is racist. And I think that probably is true. I have lived in other countries. People have been 'racist' to me. I have seen racism between other cultures. It is inherent. But here in the UK we tend to think that it is just between white UK citizens and any other person or any other culture, colour, country. It isn't. It is everywhere. I remember a friend of mine [white british], was dating a Canadian Italian and he was making very racist jokes about black people! So it is kind of built into everyone to be that way. BUT alot of the things that people get accused of as being racist are not racist at all. It has got to the stage where you cannot talk about certain subjects without being accused of being racist. Quite recently there was the case of the Paedophile ring that was basically Asian men grooming white girls. And although everyone knew about it, no-one was prepared to tackle it because of fears of a racist backlash. That in itself is a preconceived racist idea in itself. It is assuming that all Asian people are going to be offended by a police force that exposes asian paedophiles. Surely they would be happy for them to be exposed. BUT that is a whole new explosive topic.

Firstly, on the web, people are not "face to face", and so any "filter" they might use in everyday face to face contact is not used when posting things, or responding to posts. Some subjects will always get a very strong response ie. politics, race, religion, sexual orientation etc. You could try posting as a question rather than a Statement ie. "Do you think that some TV programmes use ethnic characters to be politically correct, rather than give them well formed and interesting story lines?" That might get a different response. I have had the same response to something I posted about a TV programme I was watching. There was one black participant. I put on-line that I thought the "coloured" person was the best. And I was denounced for being racist for using the word "coloured". Yes I realised afterwards that that is not a PC word. But it is the word used by my generation growing up, and I simply could not remember which was more PC ie. coloured or black. In my youth using the word Black was racist. Anyway got a lot of abuse, eventhough I pointed out that I had said I thought he was the best one and should win! And eventhough I pointed out that I was in a mixed marriage! But NOOO, everyone jumped on the bandwagon. So I jumped off. Not worth the hassle. I know what I meant. And remember there are also alot of Trolls out there that just love to get vile on-line. Don't take it personally.

I think there is a way of limiting who sees what she puts out on facebook/twitter or other places. Maybe ask the school computer department for advice on that? I know my daughter says that only her circle of 'friends' can see what she posts. Although it sounds like the school are trying. She is just 12, and things could get worse as demands placed on her will become greater at secondary school. There are independent ASD schools out there for children who are capable, but simply cannot cope mainstream. My son goes to one of the SENAD schools, Alderwasley School Hall. There is also the Priory Group and a few others. My son is in a class of 5. There are two teachers, TA's and he sees the SALT and OT every week. He also has specialist teaching from a Dyslexia teacher once a week for numeracy and also for literacy. And he has even struggled there. He is on a part time timetable. School staff are now really being supportive of both my son and the family. Not all the children at this school will take GCSEs' but a reasonable number do, and many go onto college and university. It might be worth going to a visit to see one of these types of schools to see what is available out there. Unfortunately you will need a Statement and you will need to fight for it. And IF your daughter ends up refusing school that actually works in your favour, because it means the current school placement has broken down. You need professionals to be tying all these 'symptoms' together. It is all falling under ASD and Anxiety. And so the 'causes' need to be met on a holistic whole school day approach.

If she says she is not coping in school, then she isn't coping regardless of how family or school view it. She is 15 now? How is she doing academically? Does she have a Statement. And if so would it be worth looking at seeking a new placement at an independent ASD school that would typically go up to age 19? Write down all the things that your daughter has said make her unhappy. From your post it appears to be around school, not understanding the teachers, feeling different and that she is not liked etc. Or an alternative is to seek a reduced timetable at her current school. The Local Authority Educational Psychologist would probably need to be involved. The eating could be due to confort eating due to depression, anxiety or due to a sensory processing disorder. Does she have sensory issues? My son is also overweight when he never used to be. He has anxiety issues, OCD and ASD and dyslexia and a number of other diagnosis too. I think his eating us part comfort eating [he says himself that when he eats his brain is not thinking about other things that are worrying him - ask your daughter if it is the same for her. And if it is, then the eating is not going to reduce until the causes of that overneating and need to do something to give her brain a break from this relentless thinking and worrying]. There is very little support out there for parents, children. We have managed to get our son into an independent school, and even there he has had times when he has struggled and refused school. We have managed to get the NHS Clinical Psychologist to come into his school to give a half day workshop to staff in his school. It is some kind of miracle I have managed to get that. But she is not happy with the current situation, so that has to change to reduce her anxiety until she is coping.

I think you need to get legal advice on this. I have never heard that you have to tell a child they are adopted. So get some legal advice. There is a charity called The Legal Rights Group. Try them as they also work specifically with families who have Childrens Services involved. This is a link to the info on this forum http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/30289-family-rights-group-charity-giving-advice-about-childrens-services/ Then if it is not a legal requirement I would lodge a complaint. You are the child's mother. Lots of families have step mums/dads that adopt their partners children. I simply don't believe that all of them have had to tell their children they are being adopted and that the adoptive parent is not their real mum or dad. This has the potential for emotional trauma. Especially if they are saying they will not agree to an adoption without you telling your son. He was just 4 at the time. You now know he has an autistic spectrum disorder. And even if he were to be told at a young age, you should have been given advice on how to do that ie. using a social story or similar. But first see what the Family Rights Group advice is.

Anyone surviving on £4 a week on food is going to get very ill. Did you tell the GP this? You really need someone to help you asap to budget your daily living expenses and to have someone help you with shopping/cooking etc. Is anyone coming to see you soon to do this?? If not can you go back to your GP or CAB and ask them to refer you to Adult Services? I don't think you can continue like this until 5th November. In the meantime, if you don't feel like cooking, do you have a local cafe that you could go to to have one decent meal each day? And have toast or cereal for breakfast and a snack at night? You need to be eating much much more than you are. You are much much bigger than a cat! Loss of interest in eating could also be a sign of depression.

I'm sorry I misunderstood your original post. I thought you had made up the story about the social worker. How ridiculous for a SW to tell you that you had to tell your 4 year old child that kind of information. I have had dealings with SWs myself and it is not easy. They tell you you don't have to do what they say, and then pass judgement on you if you don't do as they ask. And i'm sorry to hear of the horrendous situation with your ex. Children are resilient. For whatever reason your son has not remembered what he was told. Don't feel guilty or blame yourself. Look to the future with your partner. Children are adopted all the time and are not told they are adopted until they are much older, or never told at all - unless there has been a change in the law about this that I don't know about? Are Childrens Services still involved? And did you lodge a complaint about this SW and their advice?

I think it is misleading to say that those on the autistic spectrum do not or cannot lie. They can. But they might not be good at it for the same reason they are not good at the Sally Ann test. They find it hard to see it from the other persons point of view and so their lying is not very good. My own son has lied. He has also stolen DVDs when he was much younger. It was a case of he saw a DVD about his favourite subject and he wanted it. He knew that if he asked me to buy it I would say no. He was so obsessed with the item that he had to have it. He gave a convincing lie about where he had got the DVD from when we found it. He had managed to secret it on his person in such a way that you could not tell he had taken it. It was a phase he went through, and now he does not do it. However my son is also very keen on "rules". And that those rules must not be broken. So he needs those rules for things to make sense to him. And so he was quite distraught with himself that he had stolen something and had then lied. He got himself into quite a state about it, saying that when he grew up he would have to be a robber. So we explained about making bad choices, about making mistakes, about putting things right, about the right way to shop, about you cannot always get what you want immediately. These are all life skills that have to be taught to all children, but especially to our kids who may not automatically pick up some of these skills are part of their natural development. All I can say is that we are all human. And that although a child/adult has to fit certain criteria to get a diagnosis, that does not mean that those on the the spectrum are totally without certain abilities or skills [and lying, or white lies, to a certain extent are an ability that allows us to be social animals. But we all know that you cannot all be 100% honest all the time with everyone.] So as a "general" statement I would say that those with an ASD can lie, but often not very well. And that they are often too honest and say things without thinking of the consequences of what they have said. My son can be quite good at pointing out others faults ie. spots, big nose, bad smells etc. So too honest. It is wrong to say that those on the spectrum do not have empathy. They do. But they may need the situation explaining to them for them to understand. It may not come automatically. For example, I am sure that my son would not automatically understand if his sister had an argument with her boyfriend and was then upset about it. He would have no idea why she was sad or angry or get annoyed or upset with him. He would think he had done something to upset her. But if I told him what had happened he would have empathy and he would probably say something kind and supportive to his sister. But I would also have to tell him that he had not done anything wrong, and that his sister was just in a bad/sad mood. Again, the Sally Ann test is something that children are supposed to master at around age 4 I believe. And again those on the spectrum have a "spectrum" of ability in this area. BUT they would all fail to get some of the higher levels of this test, as it can be made more and more difficult. My son can get the Sally Ann test correct. He could at age 5. He can get alot of things from TV and DVDs. So if you ask about what he has watched he will get most of the details and storyline correct and in very precise detail. But put him in the real world and he would not get it because the real world is not relayed to you on a TV screen for you to see all the characters and all the things they are saying and doing. In real life you have to get the clues and draw your conclusions. On TV you just watch the story as it is fed to you. In real life alot of things happen "off screen" and you have to guess what has happened from the information available to you. Him just believing everything you say is a kind of black and white thinking with no grey areas. To make decisions and come to conclusions and beliefs you have, and to be able to look at something from a number of different perspectives, you have to be able to "imagine" different outcomes and "predict" what certain outcomes will be from actions taken. That is very complex. Again those on the spectrum will have different abilities. At age 4 he may not be able to work this out himself. So at his age he will have total trust and belief in you. What you say is right. So even if he has believed something before, if you give him an alternative he will most likely latch onto what you have said as being fact. Many things will not make sense to him, so if someone tells him the answer he will accept that rather than trying to work it out himself. I think that most children go along with what their parents tell them until they are teenagers. Then they start to form their own opinions and beliefs from their own experiences, personality, understanding etc. So I think you may be expecting too much from a 4 year old. Him not remembering the conversation you had with him could be down to the complexity of it. He may not have even understood what you had told him. He may have a speech and language disorder [typical of having an ASD]. He may also have short term memory and working memory difficulties. My son often cannot tell me things that happened on the same day. Yet at the same time he can also have very precise vivid memories for things that are important and of interest to him. For example he often cannot tell me what he ate for dinner. Yet at age 4 he was able to correctly tell me that his nanna in Greece had two fans that were identical that she let him play with. We thought she only had one, but when we asked her she confirmed she had two identical ones. And he had remembered that from when he was 2 years old. Language itself is not necessarily that important to many on the spectrum. They communicate in other ways. They can record some things verbatim and yet not remember very simple instructions. Being on the autistic spectrum means that there will be some things you are good at and some things you are poor at. And that can even be within the same skill ie. memory. Brilliant at some types of memory and poor at others. What you said may have 'worried' or confused him and caused him to have those nightmares. Or it may have been totally unrelated to what you said. TBH I don't understand why you told him the lie that you did, and tried to explain it as you being forced by the social worker to do that. What was the point of that? I think any child would have struggled to understand that. At 4 years old with an ASD he just would not have understood what you were saying. And we have to be open and honest with our children if we are to gain their trust. If your son finds out that you have lied to him, he may find it very hard to trust or believe what you say again - due to black and white thinking again. Your child will not be able to tell the difference between truth and lies at his age, he will expect you to tell him the truth. And being on the spectrum will make this area a lifelong difficulty anyway. So I would advise that you are always as open and honest as you can be. That does not mean you have to divulge things that are not appropriate for him to know or that he will not understand. I hope that has answered some of your questions. Obviously I am just another mum, not a professional, so that is just my opinon based on my own experiences.

My son goes to one of the SENAD schools, ie. Alderwasley School Hall. He's refused school again today. Nothing had happened yesterday to cause it. It is OCD intrusive thoughts and obsessions today. And nothing more school or home can do to help. So we just try again tomorrow.

There are good people out there. But when money becomes involved, coupled with someone vulnerable [like yourself], there will also be many people that would take advantage. So never discuss with people what you own. That is your own private life. If someone had thousands of pounds under their mattress and kept telling people about it, it would not be a surprise if they were burgled would it? So don't make yourself a target. I am sorry the solicitors let you down because they should not have. You can trust Citizens Advice Bureau. And any advice they give to you in writing. You can trust companies such as Accountant firms that specialise in tax advice for individuals. CAB maybe able to give you a couple of names of reputable solicitors. What you need is advice on how your inheritance should be used to support you and how to pay the least amount of tax possible. And maybe a solicitor for other legal things you may need to do. If you are assessed by Adult Services you should receive DLA and you should get a carer, that you pay for or who is provided by Adult Services to help you with your daily living such as paying bills, buying food etc. But don't ever let anyone else get access to your inheritance. Don't get a joint account, putting another persons name onto your account because that means they can withdraw your money without you knowing. If you must have another name on the account, maybe that could be a solicitor that could access your account if you were unable to.