reuby2

I was wondering whether we make our childrens behaviour worse when we make excuses for their behaviour (it's the ASD etc) and by trying to be too understanding??? Please bear with me on these thoughts, it's just that as a parent I try always to see things from his point of view and not to push him when I think it is too stressful for him. However, since starting his new school in september he has come across lots of things that have made him anxious ( and at home this comes out) but he is dealing with them.I suppose I have avoided things that I think will upset him and made lots of excuses for his temper etc. But I noticed on one of the social stories links that they said one boy was "cured" of his asd behaviour through social stories. I know we can't change the way our children ( my son is classed as "being on the spectrum") process and feel about things and I'm not thinking about our kids that are more severely affected. But I know I can't be there for my son all of his life and want him to be able to "fit in" as best and comfortably for him as possible.How as a parent can I encourage him to "come out of himself" a bit in order to build his confidence.If I allow him to not take part in things that he doesn't want to or avoid things because I fear his reaction, aren't I just teaching him a pattern of Avoidance in his life? I have an anxiety disorder and realize that I too avoid things if they make me feel uncomfortable, I don't want him to think that that's the way to deal with things. Any thoughts??

We have found a big difference as time has gone on, at first eating out was a nightmare and we weren't able to do it as a family, even earlier this year. But the last month or so, my son has really suprised us and has eaten out with us without a fuss and i would even go so far as to say he enjoyed it !! In fact yesterday as we were passing Pizza Hut he said " too bad we can't go to Pizza hut today" . He was now 8 (in october) and has really changed in the last couple of months, it has helped me to be slightly more positive about the future. His behaviour this CHristmas (in terms of going out and visiting people, eating out etc) has been wonderful. Also i have tried to be firmer in terms of we ARE going out, or you ARE going to stay with Dad for an hour (whether you like it or not) and although initially he has a tantrum and tries to stop us, he is accepting it far quicker. <'>

The big one is NO! Haircut !!!! Poison use your knife and fork !! going out! There are more just can't think yet.

EMBARRASSMENT!

lemon

Oliver ( as in "please sir can i have some more")

This Christmas our son has really suprised us too, we visit two relatives that we only see once a year and last year he wouldn't even stay in their house but hid behind his dad and made a real scene, so we were dreading this year, However he was so well behaved and smiled when he was spoken too, answered a couple of questions and then sat as good as gold and very patient on dads knee playing his gameboy. So i suppose each year things are changing, I was so proud of him too because i knew he was bored. Glad your christmas party went well ,

candle

I really don't know what to say ,except that i hope it all calms down and that you have a better day today <'> <'> <'>

<'>

Groves

Fish

AL

Sharp

elainem, that's interesting, i hadn't thought of that .We'll see i suppose .

I have sooooooooooo needed to hear other people having the same problem. My son will not eat anything wet (gravy etc) nor cooked veg, he will eat raw carrots, melon, oranges,apples, grapes.He will eat cooked pasta with no sauce, just white, i have got him to eat potatoes occasionally, nothing green (it might be poison ). I had at one point got him eating a main part to the meal such as chicken nuggets, fish fingers, fish coins, chicken satay or billy bear sausage....................BUT now he says everything tastes horrible and will not eat those main things. I struggle to think what to give him and not feel like a rubbish mum. However he is healthy and he will eat a lot of fruit. But his food is more like finger food all the time.He still wont use his knife and fork unless forced and if i turn my back he is still eating with his fingers!!

My son has ot input at school although really it is just a program that the teachers do with him for fine motor skills, coordination etc. My sons teachers are excellent and he goes in early 15 mins every day and they do his exercises with him. Now he is doing SPRINT activities which i am not sure if that is the autism outreach program or the schools. I haven't found that the O.T department do much at all to be honest (sorry to be negative) we did have special cutlery given to us and they are supposed to be sorting out an alpha smart for him to use at school but i don't hear from them much at all. My experience is that they give the teachers advice where they can help. such as pencil grips etc. My son is 8 and still can't ride a bike without stabilizers. I do feel however that if he is having difficulty holding his cutlery, pencil etc, that is exactly the kind of thing that the ot is supposed to help with. Last year the o.t brought in a program for the school to use with my son called pindoras box, and this was very good. It was a set of activities inside a box that was changed for a new set every week, inside were things to do such as catching buubles, throwing and catching a bean bag etc ,the score was recorded and with a stopwatch they tried to get a better score each time. My son loved doing this and the purpose was things like hand/eye coordination, fine motor skills etc. I would ask again for some input from the occupational therapists. Hope you get a good result. <'>

Hammers.

HI everyone, I have started this september to do craft classes and art class during the day, so i am trying to fill my time.I think it has more to do with feeling trapped and my loss of independence.I felt a bit better when i read what you said Kathryn about when your son got older and went to college it got a bit easier.My son is 8 and i guess i am just seeing my whole life in this place. Also i find it hard to come to terms with the fact that i don't want to be with him all the time, it may sound silly but because he idolises me i feel that it would hurt him so much if he knew this. After these difficult few days i am accepting that i have some resentful feelings towards him (didn't know i had), but it isn't his fault and actually since i have realized this, i feel better towards him and see him far more positively. Thanks to everyone,

Thanks for your replies, it feels a bit better just to get it down on paper as such instead of just pretending everything is okay.

Hi, my son was diagnosed in staffs at camhs through the paediatrician at the hospital, i'll p.m you.

Hi, I'm going throught he same thing now really and it is a year since my son was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. I thought i was coping fine, had a positive attitude that we could do this and that nothing had changed, always try to support and encourage him, not take offence when he is rude or angry, but really earlier this year i fell into depression, i was already being treated for anxiety but i just couldn't cope. I keep trying to bounce back and be strong with myself but i am just realising that i can't just ignore the situation and that it is hard as a family.We sometimes feel prisoners to him as we can't go out without a huge fuss and he doesn't enjoy things that we would like to do, so it's easier to just not do them.I think i was/am also in denial, thinking that it isn't asd really and that he would grow out of it but in fact it is showing more now. I am just starting to post again today as i feel i need to be in contact with other parents, to know i am not alone and to find ways of coping and adjusting. Chin up chuck , <'>

HI everyone, Thought i was coping okay but really am not.Son was diagnosed as being on the spectrum last october, He still has ot exercises at school, speech therapy and the autism outreach go into school periodically for him to make sure things are okay.I finished my job this last march so that i could be there to pick him up from school every day as he hated being picked up by my mum, in fact he hates being with anyone without me, even dad. The problem is that since finishing work i have dived into depression and anxiety, it came to a head in the summer when i was ready to top myself because i thought i was going to hurt him. I am having counselling now, very good counsellor but i am feeling more negative towards my son the more i talk about how difficult things are sometimes.I have panic attacks when i have bad thoughts towards him and although it doesn't show on the outside, i am always extremely kind and patient with him even when others aren't.But i don't feel i can keep going . He is so anxious and repeats things over again on the way to school etc, counting clouds etc or a favorite one is... he looked funny at me, he's not going to kidnap me is he? then repeats it for most people he sees. Or can i eat my pepperami this way, the anser..yes, then " can i eat it the way i don't want to?..the answer..yes....."can i eat it both ways".....etc etc etc etc He asks me if he can do the simplest things, but i have to answer or he gets upset and angry until i answer. He is very good at school but when he gets home the things that bother him all come out. My hubby is getting depressed as my son jumps on him and covers his face even though my hubby keeps telling him not to do it, he keeps on doing it over and over untill hubby loses his temper. We are both feeling down and i am having to take librium the last few days as i am so anxious i feel i am going mad, splitting personality or something.I already have antidepressants but aren't sure they are working anymore. I'm sorry to post such negative ###### but maybe someone can remember me on here and maybe i need to be in touch with other parents in the same situation.

Hi Hev, I haven't been around for ages but just popped in today i'm really sorry to hear you are having a rough time.Sending some <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> How long does he usually take to calm down?

hiya Hev, I haven't been on here that much lately so I have only just seen your post. You are fantastic, do you realise? Every Day you do your very best and we all know what a great patient mum you are. I don't know the answer to how steve is talking to you and making you feel but just know that we all care about you and hope that it gets better for you all. Is there any way that you can get any respite help at all? <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>