Zen Dragon

Hi Rob I too went to my local group and felt different and alienated, but I suppose that was always going to happen for two reasons. 1 Thats the nature of Aspergers! 2 As paul says its a very broad spectrum and its unlikely that anyone is going to mirror your exact quirks. I too have considerable social skills (just read that back and that sounds very grand, sorry)but no friends in that I can't let my guard down and be myself. I'm always mimicking the NT world but somehow not part of it. I can do eye contact most times and can listen, pick up social cues OKish but somehow there's more and i'm just not getting it. I dont think even baddad would spot the cracks on a good day but inside its a totally different story and you just know. I guess we just have to know our limitations and get on with it. Good luck Jon

"I also care very much about what others think of me. It is the reason why I have gone so much into myself, because I know that if people notice me they may think bad things about me. Of course, they then judge me harshly for being so quiet, so it doesn't actually help give off a positive impression. Sometimes when I don't appear to care it is because I don't realise people might judge me for this." Hi I've just read the discussion and I just wondered if what worries us is not that other people have their own thoughts, views and perceptions but that in having them this seems really threatening to us. I myself am OKish at empathy because I had a very violent Dad who could erupt at any moment so I was forced to try and recognise the subplot of feelings from a very early age. I can still walk into a room and sense the overall feeling...is it safe,ok to be here. i think I got theory of mind as a child but i still struggle with the problem that if someone thinks something different to me I can't really exist. And I'm now fifty! Is this common for other people?

Hi I just try and keep any distractions to a minimum, but some days are certainly better than others. During times of stress my concentration can go out the window! But i think its what works for you, playing soothing music, calm lighting that sort of thing?? After exercise its usually easier to concentrate.

Hi I became a Zen Buddhist, in an attempt to understand myself and my role in this world. My family are C of E although its probably more of a social thing than for any real belief. The Dalai Lama says that you should look closely at the reasons for not following the religion of your culture. For me I didnt like being preached at, I didnt have a good enough Christian teacher and I couldnt believe all the necessary stuff to be a Christian. Also perhaps I'm not just any good at joining groups. I'm a bit of an outsider in my own group... if thats possible!!! Being a Zen Buddhist means I dont have to believe anything other than my own experiences although funnily enough it has taught me to respect other peoples beliefs and I'm much more open and accepting than I was. I think Aspies have a natural affinity for spirituality similiar to their connections with animals, but this affinity doesnt always fit in to religions. Spirituality is beyond thinking, logic and religion. Hows that for a statement! So yes your AS children could be more inclined to follow another religion, although probably not through what they learn at school, which in my experience is not well taught and rather boring. (Sorry I love sweeping statements) http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/style_im...icons/icon4.gif

[quote name='joose' date='Aug 3 2009, 11:13 PM' post='266070' I also have lists for everything else, i.e. all the jobs I need to do at home, for each room. At work I use Outlook to organise everything by a flag system. I look at a job and give it a priority, then just work through them. It's a struggle though and I always feel overwhealmed at work because I can't control everthing. Yeah too much info everywhere. I cant make too many lists cos that would get to me also. I just know after a while there are some important things I've been avoiding then i make a list and try and work thru it. I always feel better once its done. Its like getting stuck and then being able to move on. Mind you, i have too much clutter in our house and even too many plants in the garden at the moment! can't seem to get motivated. Having a new baby doesnt help...noo time. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/style_em...ault/crying.gif

Hi MrB I'm going to be 50! this year and I've too just realised I have AS. My son, my eldest now 24, told me he was having tests so I looked into it and wow what an eye opener. I thought my father was just a cold callous man who drank too much but I now know his AS was very strong and thats how he tried to cope particularly in his later life. I havent told my parents yet...I dont think they'd really get it. Fortunately my sister does. I'm self employed and really struggling with this downturn. My problem is putting myself forward, like you I have to be invited into the conversation. Most of the time I just stay quiet. I am so fearful/shy. Doing things for other people somehow is easy, doing things for myself is really problematic for me. I can usually cope one on one but any group situations i find very hard. Also if I know people are being judgemental. This whole thing is very strange. i've spent years doing all those holistic things...yoga, tai-chi, shiatsu and Zen, also marriage and divorce!!, in an effort to understand myself, to try and come to terms with my Strangeness and then suddenly some things are starting to fit. Anyway i'm starting to ramble too..its a strange world MrB but dont forget your biggest weakness is your greatest strength. Good luck

Hi Willow-Tree I'm new to all this, in fact its my first post. But i wouldnt be so hard on yourself. Not being able to make friends is surely an Aspie trait. Before I knew about Aspergers i always thought it was because I moved so much as a kid, so I never knew anyone for longer than three years. But actually it's just me, I cant do it For me there are several problems...not necessarily in this order!! There are times when I dont want to communicate with people...its just too much. NT people seem to be on a slightly more even keel and just think you're moody or not really friendly. I'm too scared, confused to be myself so how can they really get to know me. I'm fine at socialising and being with people up to a point but I dont let them get too close...again too fearful. I can only be a certain way with certain people...like I have a work persona who can be really friendly at work but i wouldnt know how to be at home or at their house with these work friends. So billy no mates, its hard at times but OK if you can feel OK about yourself.