justine1

Higher rate mobility(HRM) Lower Rate care(LRC) Well done Dekra,must be a relief to all of you. When Sam got his in 2010(age 7) it was awarded as an indefinate award,so it will end when he is 16,that was a real shock as I have'nt heard of any child that age with ASD getting such an award. Makes life much easier not having to fill the forms every year.

Hi Sam(9,ASD) told me last night that he had pain in his knee,I assumed its just bruised as he was playing and jumping around as usual and other than mentioning it once he did not carry on about it much. This morning he woke up and as he got down from bed(bunk) he again said his knee is really hurting.I don't really like him missing school unless its very serious,on the occassions he has missed school he has slept most of the day so it has been genuine. I insisted he gets ready for school,first thing he done was to hide his school trousers(two) before he went for a bath.I told him I would look for them whilst he bathed,then I heard him muttering in the bathroom saying the toothpaste was nearly out and then I heard his toothbrush been thrown only to find it in the toilet. He went to get dressed and whilst in his room sat on the bed moaning about everything and saying we never give him food and that it is child abuse(this from a child who eats non-stop!) He did'nt get completely dressed but went downstairs and took his shirt with him,when downstairs he began playing with his younger brother. I told him sternly to stop playing(it was 8am and his taxi comes around 8.05am) as he still was'nt ready,he then said it was his brothers fault and slapped him. I told him off and said he will lose time on xbox when he gets back. He got ready and went to school. I quickly wrote in his diary about the refusal and mentioned the knee pain they spoke to him and called me saying they will let me know how he got on through the day. What I want to know is how do we know when the pain is that bad that he should be at home? He mentions pain but not expressive enough for me to tell how serious it is.It happened just under three years ago when at mainstream,he told me his eye hurt and I sent him to school only to get a call an hour later saying he punched his TA,I took him to the GP and he had a severe eye infection and got antibiotics. If I knew it was that bad I would'nt have sent him in. He does kick off more when he is unwell or in pain,and I believe thats the reason for the outburst. He is generally very good when getting ready and on time for school. The school even mentioned how he rarely complains about any type of pain and he usually has 100% attendence. I really want to understand when he is in pain so I don't send him in when he is hurting and should be seen by a doctor.

I think yes but I believe at a different rate(age) to your neurotypical peers. It is also about adjusting to the social norms of society,that can be very hard to do but it is very possible to act mature in public and immature in the comfort of your own home. Most people do this everyday,when going out to work we go into "work mode" we have to behave in a certain way sometimes wear uncomfortable uniform to look professional etc but when we get home we unwind put on comfy pyjamas and slippers,act silly with the kids or pets....be ourselves. There are many adults who have soft toys or other items of comfort or a hobbie/sport, which can be used as a way of releasing the stress of pretending to be "grown up." I once watched a documentry about dwarfs' who stated that when they are out they have to adjust to "big" people's world but at home everything is adjusted for them and they have various aids to help them. So I guess this can be translated to any disability,you can be you at home but have to adjust yourself accordingly when out.

Thank you Jollypig for commenting I had completely forgotten that I put this post here! Sam has just started year 5 so I am due to start looking at secondary schools soon,we will be discussing it at his annual review meeting next month....I am very nervous about it all to be honest. Thank you to all who commented it is very helpful indeed.

Best thing you can do is just ignore him. If he goes at a similar time to you try and change the time you go to gym. Its only if/when he continues to pester you then speak to the police if the gym are'nt doing anything.

In my case I think I overcompensate with my eldest son,Josh, who is neurotypical. I spend 1:1 time with him more because there are many places where I just can't take my other two boys(with ASD.) I have always spoilt him anyway because he does very well at school and because he is now at the age where he wants to look good etc so I do spend more cash on him to. However I don't think its just about him having brothers with ASD,he was physically and emotionally abused by my ex husband,father of all four of my boys,and I did not know about most of what was going on as it happened when I was at work so I think its guilt as well. I do think its hard for my eldest as he struggles to have a meaningful relationship with his brothers and he does express sadness over this occassionaly. I believe Josh will easily say he does not get the same time or attention from me but if you ask Sam(ASD) the same question he will say he does'nt get my time and that I give it all to Josh...I don't think anyone can ever truely be happy. I know I felt the same with my older brothers and none of us have ASD,think its just a jealousy/sibling thing.

Hi I had terrible time with Dan(6) from when he was 18mths until age 5. Dan would go sleep just fine,then two hours later would wake up crying then ttake another two hours to go back to sleep,this would happen 3-4 times in a night. Some nights he would wake and just not go back to sleep and still have plenty energy during the day. We found out he had hypermobility syndrome which was mostly why he would wake,he did'nt want to play or anything he was just in constant pain. During his diagnosis we were given melatonin(slow release) this helped alot but I stopped using it a few months later and somehow he has not had any problems since,except that he does get up at 5am. My youngest boy Elijah(4) has the same problem,until my daughter was born 7mths ago he would come into our bed in the middle of the night. He then seemed to be ok for awhile but for about two months he comes in with his duvet and sleeps on our bedroom floor. He is a very light sleeper to. He has always got up at 6am since he was about a month old! Luckily I have to leave home for placements at 6.30am,but I very rarely get more than 5hrs sleep...and thats broken sleep! Seems you are doing everything right with removing any stimuli such as telly etc. Maybe you could speak to whoever disgnosed him?

Hi I see you are moving,did you explain in advance that you would be moving,prehaps keeping pictures of where you moving and possibly he is room? He could be reacting through anxiety of the move. Have you got visual timetable/now and next etc? I know you say its not boredom but it could be he is not aware of what is expected of him how he keeps his days filled.You can use timers for him for various activities and give him warning when time is almost up. We use good strips for all the kids,not just with ASD. The good strips work hand in hand with the timetable...so typical weekday will be 3.30-4pm snack and chill time on timetable then on the goodstrip they will put a thumbs up(velcro) when the task is achieved,if task is not achieved they get thumbs down and lose 10min from the next activity i.e telly or computer time. There have been occassions where they lose the entire time for that day sometimes even for two days,it is very hard as this in itself causes anger and destructive behaviour. However they need to know certain behaviour is not acceptable. Keep up a list of house rules,add pictures to it and to the timetable. When you give him timeout make sure its in a room or corner with nothing that he can play with and nothing stimulating(no games telly anything) must be a quiet zone.Another idea is if he has issues with one sibling in particular you can get them to work on their relationship by giving them tasks to do together..simple things like setting the table,when they work together they can put dried pasta into a jar once the jar(not too big) is full they get to go somewhere nice just the two of them(with yourself) it really works.

I am now really considering getting him assessed. Had concerns for ages but just tried not to think about it now he is at school it may be worth seeking advice,especially as my other two were dx'd in a different county and not sure how long the waiting list is over here.

You have to enter your DOB on your profile. Not sure if its changed(I don't come here as often as I used to) but it used to show birthdays at the bottom...where they show who is online/loged in. Then its all down to who actually spots your name at the bottom and whether or not they will put a message up.

Thanks Mannify. I do get why they may want him to go home to feel more comfortable,but when I fetched him he was playing outside(albeit alone while others ran about) He has no dx or statement I have put it off and decided to wait and see how he gets on at mainstream. He has been to varies settings since age 2.5 and most have expressed concern,well all but the pre-school he went to from last september,they just said he is quiet/shy. I worry that because I got two with ASD dx they may think I imagine things,despite the fact I have an eldest who is very much NT. Thanks again for the replies.

Thanks LisaKaz. Thats what I thought,although Eli has no dx they do know he has two older brothers with ASD and even if that were not the case there are children in his class that are 9/10months older than him....how on earth can you treat them the same! He has only been trained for 6/7mths and still occasionaly wets the bed he also does'nt sleep very well at all.He was'nt happy about going into school today and I am very worried. At home he is so chatty and on the way to school once in class he stops talking,he has been like that since he started at a childminder age2.5. I do think if he had this type of "accident" before then I would'nnt feel that bad but makes me wonder why its happened...is he anxious or he just unfamiliar with things or staff just not doing what they should be!

Thanks I have PM'd you.

Thank caci. Thats what I wanted to know as I had read somewhere that they don't change number two's but I thought its ridiculous,sorry but my mum works with kids from birth to age 7(its abroad so they only start school age 7) and she has to change them regardless,they too have very strict child safety regulations etc but maybe its more to do with the fact parents there pay almost half their wages on childcare. Anyway...no he did'nt have any illness and like I say it has not happened in the past.Its just that he is still young in my opinion.Sam was also one of the youngest when he started but he was on half days until the last school term. He has no diagnosis I just mentioned that I do have concerns but want to see how he fairs at school. The issue I have is until yesterday he did not even know where the toilet is,so for almost three days he did'nt even use the toilet. Another thing is when I fetched him they could not even say if he went to the toilet and did'nt make it or he had just not asked to go toilet. He is very quiet and shy and he does'nt like asking for things and thats why I did say he needs reminding. Sorry maybe I am the one who is wrong,but at the end of the day I am also a full time student nurse and work so if I have to keep going to clean him its going to be a real issue!

I did and thats the problem I have. He was changed into the clothes I left with him in his bag...yet still asked to take him home. He has been to pre-school since last september and never had this problem...not even a wee! When the others have had a wee accident the school have never expected me to take them home on occasions where clothes were not provided they would put their PE kit on for the day. Don't see why he had to come home!

Hi all Sorry to post here,I did post in education with no reply as yet so thought I would post here. Just wanted opinions really. Eli started full time school on Monday and today I had to fetch him at 12.30 as he had a toileting accident(number 2) they had cleaned him and changed him but still said he should go home,is this normal? Before he started school the teachers came for a home visit during which I informed them that he has two brothers with ASD and that he had health issues at birth. I also told them he needs constant reminding about going to the toilet,at home he is fine though has only been fully toileted for about 6-7 mths now and does not like using a toilet outside the home. I do worry its the start of things to come given its only the first week! Forgot to add he is one of the youngest he just turned four mid July.

I have hardly ever had hayfever until June this year I got it really bad as I was doing a placement at a very rural school. My ears did itch slightly as did my skin on my cheeks and hands,I don't think it was the hayfever directly rather my bodies reaction to the allergen. As for itchy ears there are many good products to helps clear out the ears which are not too expensive,if it still itches then see the GP. Don't put anything smaller than your elbow in your ears...so earbuds are'nt advisable.

Hi Dekra Glad to see that you feeling more positive and great that the school are trying,although annoying that you have to fetch when he is tired. I had to fetch Eli today and its his first week(day 4) of school grrrrr!!! I know how you feel regarding the "jacket" incident I have had this in the past,it does get easier. It happened during the jubilee I had bought Sam a polo shirt blue,red and white and he decided he did'nt like it....two months later he notices the shirt in the wardrobe and said "thats nice where did it come from? Can I wear it?" I give up! I try not to give choices though,I usually chose his(and Dan's) clothes the day before and sometimes he will ask for something different but I tell him once he decides thats it. It does'nt reduce the meltdowns but it does help the confusion when making a decision and saves time on the day. How is your course going?

Thanks. I know Eli is'nt my youngest but he only just turned four so he is still my baby,and last boy,so it is hard. I was surprised today as he had a toileting accident and although the cleaned and changed him they still told me to collect him,is this normal? I have'nt had experience of this my other two had wee accidents but that was in pre-school,maybe once or twice in school with Dan,but never poo.

Hi Could it be that the residential school is for more severe end of the spectrum than where he is? Just going by his comments. I worked in a resi school fo 3 weeks as part of my placement and whilst I think there is not much difference between those on the lower end compared to my boys on the higher end,I really doubt I could ever send my boys' to that kind of school. It was hard for the children who were quieter to actually gain any sort of education or even structure to the day as there would be at least three major incidents where staff or other pupils were hit then the whole lesson/s would be disrupted. As mentioned the PRU may be a good option at least to get him out of the house for a bit and have more structure to his day and prehaps he will meet others tht are at same end of the spectrum. My 9yr old attends an ASD unit at mainstream and it is definatley the best option for him,the boys in his class are all similar to him and they have the same rules etc to follow,they are also more able to control certain behaviours compared to those on the lower end of the spectrum as they can communicate when someone is annoying them. As long as the staff are trained to work with children with ASD then it may be ok.

Maybe a little bit but most mums have baby blues anyway for some in turns into PND for others it fades away after the first few months. I think in her case she is paranoid because of Michaels behaviour,the fact that she has lots of money and he has'nt I think anyone in that situation would be questioning whether the relationship is genuine or not. I also think she has always been someone who is wary of other people and finds it hard to believe someone if they do love her,you cannot really question ababy's love for their mother maybe thats what scares her,as well as her own emotions for her baby,but that stems from her youth not from just having a baby. On top all that she was told by Michael that she would never be a good mum which is twisted and even though is not true it could push anyone over the edge. I never had PND with any of my kids but I was told by their father numerous times that I am a bad mum it was part of his control and abuse to make me feel insecure and that I somehow needed him in order to be a good mum. Since leaving him 4.5 years ago I am a much better mum than I ever was because I take care of me and have more confidence.

In my case my eldest son(NT) has always struggled socially as he is gifted he has usually been more advanced verbally and emotionally than kids his age,I do think as he has got older it has become easier for him to make friends. Sam(ASD)has always been sociable,when he was 2 we used to go on the bus to take his brother to school and he would always talk to the elderly people on the bus,his speech was very advanced so they were always amazed,they would often give him sweets and some gave him money to buy some sweets. The problem with Sam is he struggles to maintain friendships he falls out with his friends everyday and hates apologising as he feels he does no wrong. Luckily he goes to an ASD unit so has 7 other boys in his class who are similar to him,one boy who is older is more like his younger rother who has ASD and they get on very well. Then there is a boy same age who is a good friend but they fall out more as they are a bit too similar! My last two boys Dan(ASD) and Eli(NT) are both the same socially,they take AGES to get used to people,they very cautious and like to observe people and don't interact very well at all. Dan is in yr 2 now and has made some friends but took him a year. Eli was at pre school for 6mths before he even spoke to anyone! I am quite similar to Dan and Eli and I don't like having many friends rather one or two that are good friends who I know I can trust and rely on so I do take my time when making friends.

Complete second year of uni,going to be very hard as normally we have to complete 262.5 hrs of practice in seven week blocks(three times in a year) but I have to somehow try and sqeeze in an extra 20hrs (282.5) in each placement. On top of that I have to be a mum and work 15hrs a week! I would really,really like to drive with five kids its really stupid not to. I tried in September 2010 but then we moved two months later,with the move and xmas I had no cash and its kind of been the last thing on my mind. I hope to start again Jan/Feb 2013. My other goal would be to get a bigger house but that is out of my hands,we still in a two bed house(all 7 of us!) and been on the waiting list since 2009 we are on the highest band now that they finally accepted the ASD documents.

Sorry for spelling mistakes,I am typing helping my son with homework and trying to get my very tired 7mth old to sleep.

Funny you mention costa coffee a friend on facebook recently shared a newspaper link where a couple were asked to leave as they had to feed their disabled son through a tube,I guess some ignorant customer complained and now I guess Costa havealot to answer for. Anyway,I agree with a card to prehaps explain that he has behaviour problems,however this won't obviously solve all the problems. It may be down to boredom are there things he can take along to keep himself occupied? I know it might not look good but Dan(6) usually just ends up playing games on my phone when we at a place where we are eating. Both my boys don't like being inside for long periods so I try and get somewhere where we can eat outside or at least where it on't take that long to wait for food. There is a place where we eat out about 4-5 times a year and they are very child friendly,we still get the looks and comments as the boys don't keep still and stand on the chairs etc but it does not last long,I try and keep them entertained and once We have eaten we leave straight away. I personally try not to avoid taking them out as I think it can go two ways either they will naturally grow out of the behaviour and gro up to go out without problems OR it may end up by keeping them secluded they have low self esteem and never understand what it is like in the real world,I dont want to take that chance. The way I see it they have never and are unlikely to ever hurt someone so they have as much right as everyone else to shop and eat out etc. Saying all that I do think we would go out alot more and to more places if they did not have ASD.