Paula

Theres been no weirdness this past week or so................i did speak to him in a round about way about it.........i mentioned that hed forgotten to wipe his history on the computer and id seen something worrying.he denied everything got quiete angry i didnt confront him anyfurther i just said that it wasnt appropriate and that if he was worried over anything confused ect then please speak to me or someone...........i left it at that. As an added precaution ive reset all the passwords on the pc and he no longer as acess..........hopefully it will break him of the habit of viewing strange things or stumbling across weird stuff............. Ive also stepped back a bit..by that i mean i kinda over saw his personal hygene ie made sure he was washed,shaved ect if left to his own devices he never washes or uses soap..........but ive kinda left him to it a bit more reduced my invovlement........in an ideal world his dad would sort out this part of his life but hes at work and my son is used to me being the carer............ Like people have said just because hes 18 doesnt mean hes 18 in the head hes looking for answeres maybe mixed up but the internet and its odd ball sites are not the place to find them...........i will try and find a book on the subject of aspies and sex......i get me books from that jessica kingsley place............. Oh for the days when all i had to worry over were bowel problems.............. Thanks

Sorry its taken me so long to get back.............my computer was sent of for repaire.Youre advice has been very helpfull.My son has never treid to touch me ...............

I just dont know what to do and dont even want to post about it but im hopeing someone can offfer advice anything. My son is 18 and his behaviour as always been a bit weird........dont want to go into loads of detailes but he wears femal underwear on a night in bed....i let him get on with it i attempted to put a stop to it but he just robbed it from his sister or the laundrey basket its been going on for years he says it makes him feel happy...........ive asked questions or tried to like are you gay he says no,do you feel like youre a boy/man yes he says i am a boy, do you want to wear full female dress,he says no just knickers on a night in bed.............Latley ive noticed him staring at me in a weird way ...........i feel utterly sickened........sometimes his dad my husband works away from home and last week my son said come and sit next to me mum i did he then proceaded to say would you like me to sleep in youre bed seem as dads away i immediatley said no youre a grown boy and its totaaly not appropriate he said but youll be lonely............i must admit i was scared and told me husband that i was frightened incase he entered the bedroom and my bed whilst i was sleeping..........today ive come home and hes been on the internet and has forgotten to clear his history...............i am utterley hrrified that hes been viewing sights talking about how to seduce youre mum and how to go about haveing a intimate relationsip with her............i dont know what to do im so shocked and disgusted.........ive not said anything to him i darent.............ive basically put a password on any sights that invovle sexual content so he cant look at these sights anymore............ Could it be hes confused...he has said he wants a girlfreind......could it be hes mixed up............i dont know but its something i dont know how to handle............ I understand that anone who wishes to advise or share there experiance of anything remotley like this may wish to do so in private so please message me. I think i may have to go see the gp and speak to her about this behaviour..............

My son 18 aspergers has just said he is unhappy and lonely and cant understand why he cant meet anyone.I questioned him and he says he wants a girlfreind.He attends a group one day a week and there are girls there all on the autistic spectrum.Ive suggested he approaches them and makes conversation but he says he doesnt know how and it always goes wrong. I just dotn know what to do to make him happy or boost his confidence.I realise his life is limited and i try to do my best to keep him busy............

Thats whats happend to me its crept up on me and like someone said you forget what a normal life is...........our son can be left alone hes 18 and can rustle up a microwave meal and i do go out to the supermarket or shops.....but i always go to to the same place .........i find i cant be bothered going somewhere different ive got too used to doing the same things.........i do have a little casual job ive done it on and of for years......i escort special needs kids to and from schools im a school bus escort but i only work a hour in the morning and one in the afternoon. I dont have freinds........lets be honest its hard to have folks round for coffee and chats when youve got a kid that screamed the place down if anyone came into the house or constantley shouted at you to shut up talking and kept putting his hand over youre mouth.........he thankgod doesnt do that anymore but the damage was done years ago........ A neighbour recently told me an elderly neighbour that the rumour going round the neighbours was that i abused and beet my son because they could often daily here him screaming like he was being hurt..........no wonder no one spoke to me..........i once explained to my immediate neighbours that he was autistic and hated water so if they heard screaming comeing from the bathroom it was because of that........... We could never get baby sitters ,and he wouldt go to his grandparents so over the years you just get used to things being limited........ I also have a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.........so combine that with a son with autism and lets face it youre hardley going to be top of peoples fun times list...........

Ive realised........no ive known for a long time......ive become exactley like my 18 year old asperger son because ive had to be like him i guess so he doesnt get aggitated and upset. What i mean is that i also hate going to new places so avoide at all cost........because of my son ive spent the best part of 18 years going to the same places so he felt safe.......now i only feel safe in places i know.I no longer socialise with anyone except my husband,son and daughter......I hate visitors comeing to the house......i dont answer the telephone unless in know who it is......i havent seen my sister for twelve months.......we used to see each other at least twice a month,i no longer visit my parents .........i used to go every week.I never go to anywhere different to eat, i always visit the same shops in the same order when i go out,i avoide busy times i like to be there and back before the crowds....againe ive had to do this for years so my son felt comfortable.........its got worse due to the fact hes been home with me these past two years so his ridged routines have become my ridged routines............I find i feel panicky if ive to break a routine ..........i hate being late........... My sister wants to meet up this week ive kinda siad yes but im already thinking of how i can get out of it............ Was wondering has anyone else slowely over time inadvertantley but through necessasity taken on autistic traites without relaiseing it............

I agree with A -S Warrier over women and weights.I do a lot of realy heavy weight training and im extreamley toned with a six pack stomach.........thing is though you cant go on what you weigh.Im five foot 7 and due to useing weights,doing kettlebell training also plus some cardio ive actualy gained over a stone in weight and yeat my clothes.............size 10 fall of me becasue im rock solid and toned............i see women all the time at the gym getting no where lifting tiny weights for months on end they need to up it a gear................I also make sure i eat well too because you cant work out and not eat..........i eat 6 meals a day all protein and vegtables and fruit.............. You wont turn into a muscle bound he women ive been at it for 6 years and i havent.............

My son now 18 hates brushing his teeth also.He will do it but its a quick in and out job and always after a load of argy bargie....... My son was refered 4 years ago at my request to the community dentist.........youre normal dentist can do this.The3 community dentist specifically deals with children and adults who have various learning or physical disabilities.My son was never scared to go to his dentist but as he got older the dentist at the normal practice was un undertsanding of his needs,abrupt and didnt get that he hated brushing his teeth ect he would just have a go at my son and at me anbd make us feel like we were criminals......... Anyway the community dentis is great plus they were willing and happy for my son to go once a week if necessary to get his teeth cleaned by the hygenist........free of charge...........and they also applied some sort of special stuff to harden the enamal every time he went it helps with decay.As a result my son has no fillings or cavities forming despite his lack of dental hygene........they also provided the none foaming no taste toothpaste for free........ Anyone who feels theire dentist doesnt get there aperger/autistic child should find out and get refered to the community dental service. First thing my son said after his first visit was " i was treat like a human today mum "........they take the time to speak to him and put him at ease stead of just getting down to business...........the appointments are longer too to allow time for this.

Feather My son is also 18 and stands over 6 foot tall he too can become agressive and at times ive been a bit warey of him especialy if hes shouting and stomping round.We too got the or should that be tried to get help from the social services.......they came out and assessed us and him.......we got nowhere basically they said he was well looked after,fed watered clean ect,he wasnt at risk and there for they didnt need to do anything.........they didnt seem to give a hoot that i was tearing my haire out or that hed been lashing out at me.....as long as wed not hit him it didnt seem to matter...........our son went through a 3 month phase of legging it his rage was so bad hed just run away........i was powerless physically to stop him.........we had to get the police out looking and we searched too thankgod we found him safe on all occasions. You ask if it gets easier...........it has for us.My sons worse agressive behaviour was at the time he was leaving his special school one hed attended since 5........i guess he was scared and worried about the future and what it held.........he didnt want to go to college but thought he had to.....we found out through carefull questioning that this was what was triggering most of his outburst at 16/17 once id said look its youre decision if you dont want to go then you dont go.he changed overnight. Hes been at home with me the past 2 years.........hes done one or two schemes run by the goverment for young disabled people and hes enjoyed it.......he attends a group once a week a social group for young folks againe there on the autistic spectrum.We look for work but dont have much success and i make sure i dont "bang" on about it i never compare and say look at youre sister working ,moveing out into her own house haveinbg a long term boyfreind........i dont want to "rub it in".I ask are you happy and he says yes............ We dont know what the future will hold for him its still realy early days.......we have good days and some days i just feel like screaming because we never seem to get any further forward.Then i look back and remember and realise weve climbed a mountaine these last 18 years but weve done it in tiny baby steps...........hes going to get there eventually its just going to take time.

Sorry havent been on the site for a while............my son was awarded the employment support allowance..........wed to get a medical certificate from his GP but that wasnt a problem shes known him since birth and has known me for over 20 years.We had to fill in some other sort of form around a month ago also it was an indepth thing about how his disability effects him,whether he can read and write day to day stuff.........not heard anything back from that .......... Hardest thing is that basically were in limbo.............he goes to a social group on a Thursday for young adults with learning disailities and he realy enjoys it but the rest of the time theres nothing for him........he was invovled with real emplyment but apart from it being somewhere for him to get a cup of tea they couldnt realy help to find work.......only work he could do was charity shops voluntary againe he did this but the people in there only allowed him to shake a can and do nothing else.........he was fed up to the back teeth hes got aspergers hes not braine dead i thought...........we look every day for paide work anything but theres nothing he could even apply for not unless he was supported............. Hes happy enough i try to keep him busy with the dog,getting out most days helping me.............I dont want to make him feel like hes failed in someway.....because he hasnt....its hard enough for any young person to find work let alone someone who is going to need a lot of extra support and what he can do is limited...........it took a freind of mines asperger son 7 years to get a cleaning job for one hour a day..........

My son now 18 was also the same and still can be at times.....his speech can be very abrupt and often comes across as rude and shouting and barking orders............i too found that responding to him in kind and questioning him just made everything escalate and worse and we too learnt the ahrd way to just respond as though hed not shouted or barked orders at us to not take it personally..............i would then later on though in a different situation say mum /dad doesnt like it when you shout,swear bark orders stomp about.............he would dismiss it and be in denial initially but very often later on in his own time say im sorry ................... Teans arent easy at the best of times id often just walk away leaving him to rant and shout because what ever i said at the time would just fule his rage.........

Its years since i filled in the dla form for him cant remember what i put on it ive only ever had to fill one in twice in the past 18 years...........i was advised that if say he didnt for some reason get emplyment support allowance then hed just claime the Job seekers ............ill just have to see what happens.......

No he never attended college when he left his special school.....itll be 2 years this June since he left school.Instead he did various schemes none of them academic..........one invovled gardening,erecting fences,felling trees,dry stone walling al sorts......he atained duke of edinburugh bronze,sucessfully passed health and saftey certificates,got a certificate for doing first aid in the workplace which he had to pass,manual handling stuff like that he realy enjoyed it out and about working with youth workers and a small group of other young lads,my son was the only one with a learning disability on the course He also attends a goup once a week doing stuff and were in the process of getting him refered to a organisation that just helps young folks who are on the autisitc spectrum.........hes happy and kept busy enough with stuff to do....... We still have our issues.......he can still be a paine in the backside ,likes routines,stubborn as they come,refuses to step out of his comfort zone without a load of argy bargy and can spend days at a time if the mood takes him unwashed ,and in the dreaded dressing gown that appears at times to be glued to his body...........but thats me son what can you do but let it wash over you..............

Has anyone claimed this. Made a claime today for my son.

Cant beleive it my son is 18 today doesnt seam two minutes since they placed him in my arms........god i feel old im now the mother of two adult children...........his sisters 20. Im so very proud of him and all hes achieved.When i look back and remember how things used to be.....a boy who hated leaving the house would down right refuse..........all the agro regarding the dreaded toilet issues.........the reason i first started posting on this site.......you wonder how you /he got through it all to reach this point. Hes a lovely young adult...........capable of useing the bus alone,going into town alone and stop the press hes even got a girlfreind whom he meets once a week.though he isnsits there just freinds but the deodarant comes out and he brushes his teeth for these meet ups........ Im very proud of him and told him so and who knows what his future holds because its already held much more than we ever thought was going to be possible...............

I was just wondering if anyone knew when my son gets to 18 which isnt vbery far away will i still be able to claime the carers allowance or will i have to reclaime or claime a differenbt benefit or doesnt anyone know aht happens due to the benefit system being over hauld. Thanks Paula

Im happy with the scheme its taken a long time to find something he wanted to do and was hands on instead of academicaly based........ Im feeling a lot better in myself .........its been hard and i still.... well we still have days where you think "why cant things be normal" but there not ,and so were makeing the best of it.We got a dog ,a rescue dog nearly 12 months ago and thats helped my son a lot hes a lot calmer ,hes got a doggy freind now. A few months ago things werent going well and wed to get the social workers invovled but that turned out to be a realy good thing........the social worker did a report and it made me stop and think.........basicaly the social worker said i was to fussy and that i needed to let my son have more freedom if he wanted it ,that he was capable of doing more stuff than i allowed him to, that i was doing to much for him and no wonder i was stressed and my son frustrated.........at first i thought what do you know............but after id slept on it and mulled it over and thote i began to realise he had a point.I started letting my son do more stuff on his own, if he wanted to, i realised i didnt have to be there all the time ,i took the pressure of myself and fealt better for it. Ive recently got myself a job..........not much just 1 day a week........i havent worked for 20 years. My son now request a bath !!!!!!!! and sometimes actually puts deodarant on without a battle...........lol........ Were getting there............

Hi Its been a long time since i posted and i dont know if anyone will remember me and my son.Hes 17 and left school last year to cut a long story short he didnt attend college because it wasnt the right place for him lack of support,big enviroment after attending a special schoolfor all his education. Anyway things are going well.Hes now invovled with a scheme called Engage Green .....they do stuff like tree felling,path building,fence makeing .dry stone walling plus manual handling certificate and first aid course......also they go on some residential breaks doing stuff in the country side and they have links with other training providers...........hes realy enjoying it .Its a small group no more than 12 kids they aint all with a learning disability bedcause the course isnt exclusively for a certaine type of young person. My sons realy realy come on sincel leaving school its amazeing.Hes gained loads of confidence can travel independantly to places he knows ...we recently got him a concesionary bus pass which makes it easier for him as theres no cost invovled.Hes still got issues but im confident things are going to go from strenth to strenth. Just wanted to let people know that there is life after school and it can be realy positive. Paula

Thanks for all youre input. Yes he made it home safe. He was armed with a mobile phone and the support workers knew he was comeing home alone and they said theyd make sure he had his mobile switched on....he often doesnt turn on coz he says hes saveing battery power........ he knows the bus route realy well hes been traveling on the same bus for the past 14 years so he knows it like the back of his hand........the support worker he works with dropped him of at the bus stop and my son texed me to say he was waiting for the bus........i then phoned him and he texd againe when he was on board.hes traveled home alone now for the past couple of times and he has a new sence of confidence.Im fealing happier also more relaxed. The next big step will be hell go alone to the scheme and come home alone.Im going to give it another few weeks o f him traveling home alone then ill take him into town and let him walk up to the scheme alone.......then after a few goes at that he can do it all alone......i know its sounds rotton but itll save me the bus fare.......we got turned down for a concesionary buss pass with the companion part they said he didnt meet the criteria....... he is resoanabley able i guess......but i dont know what hed do if something went wrong and hed to sort it out himself........god knows........all i know is hard as it may be fussy as i am if i want him to be able to lead a resonabley normal adult life then i have to let go and let him try otherwise i think ive failed him as a parent.....yes i want him safe but i also and i know this sounds like im a rotton mum i also want him out of me haire doing his own thing so i can get some freedom back myself.........

if this behaviour is triggered by seeing his father 1 day a month then harsh has i may sound id just say forget seeing the father one day a month isnt worth it in my opinion.........I know i dont know any of the back story concerning the father all the ins and outs but theres something amiss.........it isnt woth the hassel and upset....... Hope youre son is ok.

The problem is ive spent 16 years fussing round and looking after him no wonder hes fed up with me......like any 16 year old lad he wants to gaine independance do stuff on his own not always have mum fussing round worrying but i do worry..........i worry about what might happen mainly other teanagers spotting theres something amis with him whilst hes out alone and either targeting him or takeing advantage when probably the reality is they wouldnt even notice him and nothing would happen or it would be rare or no different to a normal 16 year old going out and about alone the risks and worry would be the same.My daughter whoes now 18 had loads of freedom at 16 she went everywhere alone if she wanted to had a boyfreind and would go to partys and yes i worried and fussed but i didnt stop her so i guess i should give my son the same things if he wants them. I have to admit though ill be glad when he walks through the door............ I remember years ago i watched a news report and a young lad/man had divorced his parents coz he said they didnt allow him to do things...he had a disability but fealt his parents even though they meant well were controlling every aspect of his life and he was fed up with it all........i remember thinking then im nver going to be like that......yet here i am. Youre right its a fine line..........in future ill ask my son what would you want what should i do ,do you want help and if he says no mum ill be fine then i need to start listening........

The soical worker who c ame to see me and my son for an initial assesment around 3 weeks ago has written up there report based on observations and our conversation..........its 5 pages long............to cut a long rmbleing piece of writing short it basically implies im a fuss pott mother who needs to step back and let my son get on with it and we dont need any more in depth assesments and we dont qulaify for any aditional support.........basically it reads like all the problems are brought on by me........... Now at first i thought what the hell but after re reading it and mulling it over i think maybe they have a point........maybe i do fuss too much,maybe i dont let him do things on his own or for himself maybe i do step in and take over when he could possibley do it himself and maybe this isnt for the best........ My son read the report also and i said what do you think do i fuss too much............he said yes.......i said would you like it if i let you do stuff more on youre own......he said yes sometimes but not all the time. Anyway today hes got up made his own cup of tea and after a chat he said he wanted to make his own way home from town after his day at the odd job scheme...........i said are you sure and he said yes....so i took him and now ill just waite till he gets home.It finishes at 3 pm........ Its hard i know i fuss i know im over protective i know i worry and i know that to help to relay help i need to step away and allow him to try.......... Its hard for me to admit that even though ive always had my sons best interests at heart maybe sometimes you can as a mother be too helpfull and the long term effects of this arent good for the child youre trying to protect.....the social worker said i have to treat him like i would a "normal" 16 year old boy that the reason hes lashing out is because he wants space.......... It was hard to hear made me feel like a bad mum...........but at least im giveing change a go........ I hope he arrives home ok though ...........

Thanks wish you didnt understand because then you wouldnt be in the same situation. great news exciteing stuff Social services have realy come up trumps realy earned there wages.....ive been sent a leaflet through the post........full of phone numbers for stuff that isnt relevent one bit...........thats the best they can come up with coz im not a priority were just not that disfunctional enough..........i guess i should be happy were not.............You gotta laugh hey........

Ria My son 16 also left school a special school in June this year didnt want to attend college....he only got grade fs in his gcse and entry level 3 in certaine subjects. I contacted my local mencap and theyve been brilliant...........they hooked us up with ideas on social groups for kids with learning difficulties which my son now attends one evening a week...they get together all play snooker,football alsorts of stuff he realy enjoys it and hes makeing freinds something hes never had outside of his school...........they alos ran a scheme called odd job.......basically theres a support worker and he works with 3 special needs kids at a time and they go out into the community and do all sorts of odd jobs such as gardening ,furniture removel ,you name it they do it..........my son doesnt get paide but hes doing something hes enjoying in a small group hes kept busy and hes learning skills........the centre the local mencap centre also has a cafe that the folks help run also......were hopeing that when other job oppurtunitys come up paide jobs then mencap will like they say be able to give a reference and our son will have gained some much needed confidence in a work enviorment. There are all sorts of schemes out there but unfortunatley you have to search them out yourself and i found over the past 3 months that mencap for us was the best option.......i just telephoned up explained i had a son with aspergers and was wanting to know what was available in the form of work.voluntary oportunities and social groupsm where he could make freinds they were on the case immediatley and things were sorted within two weeks. Do a search on the web also youll be surprised whats out there. good luck and dont think theres nothing because there is ........

lady gaga is totally overated .............and its all been done before..........madonna has worn a lot of similar outifits to lady gaga in her younger days and carried it of far far better..lady gaga thinks shes original but for folks in there 40s who can remember madonna in the 80s we know shes just copying her...........