baranigirl

private nursery sessions are generally 8-1.30 and 1.30 - 6 or close to those times, whereas a preschool or nursery attached to a school is likely to offer 9-11.30 or 9-12 kind of times, therefore the shortfall in costs would need to be met by the parents for the difference between funding and fees (am sure you are already doing this) however where you are needing 1:1 provision the LEA may opt for the 'shorter hours' sessions and offer 100% 1:1 in those rather than 100% 1:1 in the nursery as that means they would need to fund for longer sessions Does that make sense? I know what I am saying lol

sorry I forgot to add the other link in scores over 32 are apparently putting you as potentially 'Aspergers' http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.c...he-autism-test/

Yes that is part of it, the frustrations he can't explain at work overspill when he walks through the door and it all comes tumbling out, have said to leave it at work, but he can't He is fully aware of where he sits on the spectrum and is actually pleased there is a reason for him feeling / behaving the way he does

Am not surprised, already been told my 3 yr old cannot have AS as she is a girl and her social problems are shyness, that was the SENCO at her nursery too. I am keeping a close eye on her, just in case she does have further problems, I am hoping the SENCO is correct tho

thank you I shall ask them next time I speak to them, so far most places have been great, such as the mortgage company, we want to hold our own but with 2 toddlers it is not feasible right now xx

I think there is an element of that there, I can't imagine how he feels if I am honest, he can't provide prperly, nor can he care properly, must make him feel awful

wow thats the sort of thing my DP would say you know, I need to show him that one, be interesting to see what he found

I guess we all see the reasons for DLA differently and that's what makes it so hard to assess for the DWP too, maybe we will try again once we have seen the psychiatrist and have a report from that depending what it says. DP needs a carer sometimes, but I can't claim carers allowance unless he gets DLA and nor can we claim additional TC unless he gets DLA, yet I still have to work and can't afford to pay for childcare as TC won't cover it all and with what I earn I would end up working to pay the childcare if we were to do it that way. So in the meantime he has to struggle along with the kids and the kids have to struggle along with him trying not to offend him too much! Til then we will muddle through, his Mum is goving up one of her precious days off to come and help him and my oldest daughter is giving up precious study time for her GCSE's to help him, it's not fair on any of them, but I can't see what else we can do? And Badad I have not found any of your posts offending, am grateful for all the advice I have received from everyone xx

interesting debate and yes I knew he can work and claim, so skipped over that bit lol I guess we need to maybe get a more formal diagnosis in place and reapply with some evidence supporting his needs, he has good and bad days, you can't see them coming and have to deal with each day as they appear, so the DLA forms askig how often things happen within a week can be misleading, as some weeks nothing, other weeks its every day. Maybe he isn't bad eough to qualify, but as he has had to change his work ad as a result had over half his wages gone cos the new job is minmum wage, whereas the old job was very good money per hour, but the shifts are what started this ball rolling and him almost jumping off a school building during his first proper meltdown, there was no way he could stay and although they offered him other jobs they were miles away or just really tedious jobs and as he has ants in his pants completely unsuitable, luckily he 'fell' into this job as someone was sacked where his mum works and it is more suited to him, but the pay is awful and of course we have a huge mortgage and 4 kids to feed. With me working the 20-25 hours a week I do I earn almost as much as he does working full time! The additional from DLA would have really helped us as he is really limited to what work he can do, surely that is classed as a disability too?

oooh where will I find that one? We did the 'test' on the Aspergers syndrome foundation website which is where the whole diagnosis thing started from

Hi Delyth Yes I do walk away when he has a meltdown and after he has calmed dow he will talk things through, he always wants to 'leave' when he is having a meltdown, but whe I point out to him the only difference would be him sleeping in a different house he realises it is not what he wants really. The kids are preety good with him and his anger does not spill over into anything violent, but he ca be quite scary for sure! He is likeing the timetables and I just need to print them off so he has a visual check on timescales for things, all I need for him to do is let the kids be kids!

Thanks for that, I did wonder whether he would qualify, but when you complete the forms it asks about daily tasks etc, such as can he go out alone? Which he can't, he drives to and from work alone but that is it! It is very confusing what they accept as a disability as my nephew with ADHD is likely to be accepted (my friends son has been and he is nowhere near as bad as my nephew), probably because he is a child, but what happens when these people turn into adults and still need some type of care? I have to fit my working life around my oldest daughter being here to help my DP or my MIL as he cannot cope with the kids and we cannot cope if I don't work! The DLA would have just taken some of the pressure off us as a family Yes I did write all that in the application too! Even my friend who has cancer has qualified, yet she can do much more than DP can, except she struggles with her mobility (a little) rather than a mental issue arghhh it just does not make sense He works cos I basically make him, given the choice he would refuse to go (just as he refused to go to school as a teenager) but I encourage him daily to do it and once he is there he is fine, then he comes home and explodes lol Maybe I could ask them to reconsider, I just don't know, be much simpler if there were just tick boxes on the form!

I saw this and have completed the online test as did my DP I scored 6 and he scored 46! http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.c...he-autism-test/ I know its only a very thin idea, but it is another item he can put down for his psychiatric referral whenever it arrives!

Completed a form for DLA for my DP, I thought I explained everything quite well, but they have refused it on the basis he is too capable? Any ideas whether I should try again or just accept their decision?

are you sure my ex and yours are not the same person? haha I think the lists are a great idea, I shall have a look tonight after work and see what I can draw up. No other family are near, his mum travels 20 miles as it is and all my family are abroad, so it is just us and his mum who works full time as well! Weds are the worst day as monday the 2 youngest are in nursery til 6 tuesday is my day off weds we have sorted thurs my oldest id home at 4.30 to help fri I work at 5.30 so am here for the first bit he is home and the 4 yr old is in nursery til 6 too Sats and Sun I also work, but he can go out for the day etc, I just need to give him arrangements else he won't do anything! Yes I do think him earning less is a huge factor in this, but at least he is earning and we can always sell up and rent if it gets too stressful! He is not a money orientated male, but I think he wants to provide for his family and is feeling he can't, I told him last yr when he was off sick I would find additional work (I was already working 16 hrs) which I did and I now average 20-25 hours a week as I cant fit in anything else!

Hi Justine, thank you for that, yes I know what you are saying and I am very conscious of that as my ex husband treated me in a similar fashion to your ex, I too lost a lot of contact with people he deemed unsuitable, but have re-established those friendships since splitting in 2001 from him. DP is not treating the older ones differently cos he isn't their father, he has known my 10 yr old since she was born and has been brilliant with them until the whole pressure of shifts exploded him. I have put some steps into place to help him learn to keep calm, as in his Mum is coming over Wednesdays when she can to help him with the kids. He is just not coping with 4 of them and the different demands they have due to their ages (ie 10yr old very hormonal, but unable to express her emotions properly yet, 4 yr old very demanding, needs to be occupied 20hr a day and then the toddler is just a baby, then the 16yr old is working for her GCSE's as well as being a huge help around the house) He needs to come in from work and have half hour to wind down before facing the family duties, unfortunately with me leaving as he walks in the door it is not possible for him to do this, if anyone has any techniques he could try we will give them a shot! The smoking and drinking was his stress relief and although he never did a huge amount of either it was the one or two that calmed him down to deal with day to day living, since that has stopped he has been unable to work out something else. As a teenager he was aggressive and refused to attend school, he was diagnosed with dyslexia just before he sat his GCSE's and therefore failed all of them, since we have suggested AS he has dealt with his dyslexia differently as he now believes that there is also other reasons for him not achieving as a teenager and he is not using it as an excuse, I have seen his confidence in this area rise, it is now just the anger we need to manage better. If I ffelt my children were suffering as a result of this I would not hesitate to leave however we are talking about a short period each day and I know we can get through this if there is something we can teach him to do He is aware I am seeking help on his behalf and constantly asking what has been said etc. so I know he wants to do this as much as I would like him to

short answer is I doubt it, as the ages of the other 3 and they are all boys means they could all share a bedroom, leaving you in one and then Sam in a room, I would send the medical notes and see what they say, you may get lucky

give him a timer that the teacher presses as he leaves and he has to return before it blings? my oldest dd had enuresis and at 16 she still refuses to use the toilets at school or anywhere public, the enuresis did pass by her 13th birthday tho!

OMG thats terrible, you have to feel in your heart that it is right for your son! I work in a care home but for different kind of residents, have you seen what Royal British Legion could offer you and your son as they have a lot of schemes / jobs/ / houses etc in parts of the country that could suit you and your son xx

Hi Mandapanda Thank you for that My children are 16, 11 (not with my current partner) and almost 4 and 19 months with my current partner I have been to most of the GP appointments with him last year as he was signed off with depression, lots of anxiety attacks and other situations I don't want to go into right now, ultimately resulting in him speaking to the GP about AS, he had a referral to a psychologist at the same time and in fact saw 3 different ones, all of which said they were not trained to help him from what he was describing (this was before AS was even thought about) we are still waiting on the referral to mental health, which the GP initially refused to do earlier on in the appointments (I specifically requested this) as he felt there was no need, once AS was mentioned and he did an on screen test with my partner the mental health assessment became a necessity. He used to drink quite heavily and smoke, the smoking was given up a few years ago and as it was his stress relief he is now struggling to find another, the drinking got worse during this period and once he was on anti depressants he gave up drinking as well, he does have an occasional one now he is off the meds as they did nothing for him in 10 months! My nearly 4 year old is a selective mute at nursery and is quite an anxious child, she often tantrums when she gets confused and frustrated, ok yes something 3 year olds do, but this is a different type of tantrumming (not that she even has at nursery) in fact she is a child I do not recognise at nursery! He saw an occupational therapist at his last job when they were trying to get him back to work and offer alternatives for him, she said within 30 seconds of meeting him that he was not AS which immediately wound him up as she had said 'hello, how are you' to him really slowly as though his mental capacity was affected, he is an intelligent man, but has no idea how to deal with social situations (unless drunk) or empathise with anyone, am sure you all get this I will say oh my friends son is really poorly in hospital on a ventilator and could die etc. type of scenario and his reply will be something along the lines of oh well it could have been worse! He is highly explosive and over trivial things, chores not completed by the older children within his very unrealistic timeframe, they are not allowed to sit and be kids, they always have to be doing something constructive, he is taking their childhood away I am a member of many different forums, so I understand how they work and not everybody has the same opinions, but I am after more understanding and knowledge to try and give us all as calm a household as is possible.

I am convinced my partner used alcohol as his prop for his still to be dx AS, even he can see the link having given up drinking (he was not an alcoholic but 'needed to unwind with one' after work) just over a year ago, the past 18 months have been a living hell for me and the children

hello, you have described my partner to a tee! we are also working towards a diagnosis as the psychologist said they could not help, so have been referred to a psychiatrist next Really hope you can get a +ve diagnosis as although it doesn't gain anything it is an explanation as to why things go badly wrong at times xx

hiya have found this site as my partner is undergoing diagnosis for aspergers, have read up a lot on it and it was me who suggested he speak to the GP about it last year. Waiting to see a psychiatrist to confirm or deny the theory. Our 3 yr old daughter shows similar traits, but her nursery SENCO has said she feels there is nothing wrong she is just shy, time will tell on that I guess? I am coming here for advice on how to deal with the anger and frustration he feels when things go wrong, having just had another major meltdown week, I need some tips to get me and the 4 kids through his mood swings and dreadful behaviour towards them We have put routine into his working life as he was on shifts earning good money and is now working 8-4 mon to fri which suits him better, but his earnings are now half, meaning I have had to find more work and he has to sit the kids an awful lot more which is where the problem is... helps