indiscreet

Asperger's Syndrome was only standardized as a diagnosis in 1994, which means that logically many people in their 70s, 60s, 50s, 40s, 30s - even 20s - were on that spectrum but had either not received any help or the help they had been given was not effective. In order to make any kind of a life for themselves they had to learn to act and/or fake and become good liars. Of course, it's a strain to do this all the time and I can relate to Darkshine's OP where she asks whether, after diagnosis, we should continue to do this. My own feeling is that when dealing with officialdom in the shape of doctors, hospitals, etc. I would find it easier, now I have the diagnosis, to admit to having this syndrome. In other areas of my life I'll continue as before except with a couple of close friends and my partner.

Of course, it's a growth industry. Only now are those who have, unknowingly, been on the spectrum all their lives coming forward to ask to be tested to see if this is the case. It seems logical if 1 in every 100 young people are on the spectrum the same must apply in earlier generations. Have you considered that before autism and/or Asperger's was 'discovered' people learned that the only way to live a reasonably tolerable life was to 'fit in' with those around them - even if this meant faking and acting? But you are not on the spectrum and only looking at things from the prospective of a concerned outsider i.e. the father of someone who is but you can't get inside his head or the head of anyone else any more than I can.

I also related to a lot of things said in the clip. I'm considerably older than that woman and I've been acting all my life and now it's automatic. If I ever feel "dishonest" in my dealings with other people I justify it by thinking that if I moved to a country with a different language and a different culture I would have to adapt to their ways in order to life a relatively normal and happy life. I dislike social kissing. If sometimes kisses me on the cheek I inwardly shudder. I've found that if I respond positively with a fierce hug it isn't so bad and afterwards I can surreptiously wipe the area they've touched. Better, surely, than hurting their feelings by letting them see I don't want them to touch me? Also, I dread social events where there are a number of people involved. Once a year my street has a 'party' where everyone brings food and drink and joins together for a 'fun' evening. It isn't to me. It hangs over me like a cloud in the weeks beforehand and on the day itself I feel the way some people regard going to the dentist. But I tell myself it's only once a year, take a deep breath and act. Afterwards I agree that it's been a wonderful evening and give silent thanks for the fact that it's over for another year.

In my opinion there is a benefit in obtaining an official diagnosis of ASD. You say you suffer from low self-esteem and depression. Knowing that there is a reason for being the way you are and that you are not alone can feel like a burden being lifted from your shoulders. Regarding employment, putting down ASD might well be better than admitting to 'mental health issues'. Most people now know that people on the spectrum are often of average or above average intelligence and a number of well-known and successful people both now and in the past suffered from ASD. I didn't obtain a diagnosis until after I retired so my experience is quite different from yours. I always worked and made a life for myself but I'm convinced that if I'd learned I was on the spectrum in my twenties I would have done better and been happier.

I hope the American Psychiatric Association can be persuaded to change it's mind. Lyndon says in her post that "it seems to be viewed as less of a disability, possibly because people class it as 'mild' autism." and as an adult who received a diagnosis last year I'm happy with that. Before I heard about AS I had never seen any similarity between my disabilities and autism but as soon as I read an article about AS in women I knew that I was somewhere on that spectrum.

For most of my life I didn't know about AS. I thought that all my troubles and problems were my fault but I did struggle to fit in and adapt to the world around me. Still, I basically saw myself as a failure and for much of the time - especially when I was younger - I lived in a kind of grey area of depression. After diagnosis last year (well after my retirement age) knowing that I wasn't to blame for my difficulties, that in fact I had coped extremely well, was like a burden being lifted off my back. I have no way of knowing if being diagnosed when I was younger would have given me a happier life. Maybe I wouldn't have struggled so hard to fit in to what I now know is a neurotypical world, which in so many ways is like a foreign country to those on the spectrum, or maybe if I hadn't struggled to fit in I wouldn't have succeeded as well as I did. I don't know, it's all so complicated and since the degree of AS varies from individual to individual who can really say how they should look at life. It must be heartbreaking in many ways to have a child on the spectrum and watch them struggle and not be certain of the best way to help them.

Hughey, I think you need a new, up-to-date IQ test. Whatever you say it's hard to believe from your posts that your present assessment is correct.

I wonder because while I dream a lot my dreams seem to be quite different from those of other (neurotypical) people. Although there are people in my dreams they never talk to me or I to them. I always feel anxious and isolated and I'm often lost - sometimes because the people I was with have gone ahead somewhere and while I can hear their voices I never catch up with them. Other times I'm just lost and can't find my way to a station or if I'm in a station I can't find the platform. The odd thing about it is that everything is very detailed - the buildings, the landscape and the layout of th station but it's all strange to me, both in the dream and when I recall it after I wake up. I know I've never been in these places in real life.

... at the age of 36. There was an interview in yesterday's Sunday Telegraph with actor Paddy Considine where he talked very openly about his life both before diagnosis and after. I imagine it's still accessible on the newspaper's web page.

My partner heard the program in the morning (just because he had the radio on) and told me about it so I listened to the repeat that evening. I thought they both did a great job of explaining what it's like to be on the spectrum - not an easy thing to do. Maybe there will be a follow-up featuring women with AS.

Yes, but I know it can be a conversation-stopper.

As I've said elsewhere on this forum I was 75 when I was diagnosed (this year). Like Bid I found myself doing a great deal of reevaluating my past and at times felt very depressed about what I'd missed out on. After a time it does resolve itself and I take comfort from the fact that the psychiatrist who carried out my diagnosis thought I had achieved a great deal and when I'm feeling down I remember that and it helps.

Seasons Greetings to everyone here.

Not so very long ago AS in adults was never discussed and presumably never considered. Now that it is it's logical to assume that more and more adults realise that this has been their problem all their lives and will seek diagnosis and confirmation - one way or another. A big problem I can see is that AS varies so much from person to person NTs are becoming a little cynical about claims that that certain individuals have AS, partly because it's said to be so rare and also partly because many adults have taught themselves over the years to 'cover up' and 'fake' so effectively that not even those close to them would believe that they are different from the NT majority. It seems to me that we really need diagnosis by brain-scan - if it can be made as efficient and revealing as in the case of other brain abnormalities. In this way there will be none of the doubts and uncertainties that arise from the present method of diagnosis. Also, I suggest those of us with AS will find that we are not as small a minority as is presently thought.

Smiley, thank you so much for what you said in both you posts. I really appreciate your understanding.

My diagnosis came well after my retirement date. I had spent all my life knowing there was something wrong and feeling depressed and guilty about it but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I found out from an article in a magazine that women could also suffer from AS. I had to struggle to get a diagnosis at my age but knowing what has been my life-long problem has given me some peace of mind, while the psychiatrist's comment to me that I'd achieved wonders despite my 'handicap' did a great deal for my self-esteem. However, it's made me wonder. When I was growing up people shied away from mental disabilities - in themselves and in other people. Too often the only help was to enter a mental hospital (voluntarily or otherwise) so there was an incentive to cope with problems and keep them hidden. In my case I learned to copy the way other people spoke and acted until it became almost second nature. In other words I became a good actress. I suffered greatly from obsession/compulsion but I never heard it discussed and thought that it was a kind of madness that I would do well to cover up. As a result I was able to limit the amount I did in front of othe people and gradually cut down on what I did in private. It's never left me but the way I am now enables me to live a relatively normal life. I also found it difficult to work but in those days there wasn't an option and I learned - from trial and error - that while I thought that what I wanted was an exciting and demanding job what I was most comfortable with and found least stressful was doing something routine with set hours. What I guess I'm trying to say is that I became my own therapist and I can't help wondering if that wasn't the best way to do it, although knowing what was the matter and that there were others like me would certainly have made life easier and, I think, happier.

Nice to meet you GoOner. From experience I would say that making contact and sharing experiences certainly helps. Most importantly it's good to know there are a lot more of us out there.

I've been attempting to attach a post to a quote but without success. Last night the quote came up but without a post. Anyway, what I intended to say was that I had no idea women could have AS until I read an article last year in a magazine. As a result I contacted the National Autistic and did a test. I was lucky enough to have a sympathetic GP and in July I was seen by a psychiatrist who confirmed I am AS.

I've only recently been diagnosed as AS although I'm past retirement age. It's an odd feeling knowing for the first time in my life why I am as I am. It's a relief but at the same time it's causing me to look at so many things from a different angle. I look forward to reading posts here - and learning from them - and maybe joining in from time to time.