darkshine

Well I guess you misunderstand me in understanding me BD.... nearly!!! I meant that you understood me on this one point. That's it so far for today though. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day. And tbh honest, I don't understand myself, so what chance you got?

Is it just me who thinks this... but why does your partner call you that? or when? Is it when you say good morning? or during dinner? or only when you argue? or cuz she gets angry or something? Do you think its her fault? or yours? or both your faults? ........................................................................................................ Who cares about cassandra BD? The biggest thing you could moan at sally44 for is assuming that it is the dx that effects emotional communication etc, and not necessarily because the OP is a man?!? (I really don't think gender was mentioned in this way?) There's a slight assumption that communication was the issue (but I kinda made this assumption too tbh) and personally it had nothing to do with gender....

Yeah, your ears definitely must've been burning you finally understood me!!!! even if you did feel the urge to expand further!!!

I would just like to say that this behaviour is best dealt with while he is still young, I am 30 and am now trying to change my own behaviours and it feels very difficult, there is no guidance, no expectation, no input. It all has to come from me. I wish that my parents had helped me deal with certain things when I was younger, as sometimes having that input helps, and of course, I wouldn't have to be dealing with it now It might be hard, putting your foot down while he is this age, but it won't get easier as he gets older so the sooner the better I think. Having said that, I think you can teach an old dog new tricks - it just gets harder and takes a lot more time.

Hello, I am 30 and recently diagnosed, I also feel that I have been "parked in a layby going nowhere". You are right, first gear is a start For me the diagnosis is changing the way I look at things, making me think of other ways of doing things and achieving things. It is a way of understanding myself in order to improve my life. BD (a member on here) says that some people use a dx (diagnosis) and it disables them, and that it should be a way of enabling yourself instead. I think this is the way to look at it. If you try to see how you can enable yourself to do what you want instead of looking at why your situation prevents that. Best Darkshine

Hello

And that is exactly why I stopped doing little experiments that can produce a negative effect. Try this instead - when I was going through a "good phase" a few years ago I had a friend I went and stayed with in London. He was pretty well off at the time and arranged a tour of London for me in the back seat of the latest Mercedes at the time. I loved it. I felt like royalty. While I was in this car I decided to do a little experiment, it was summer and very sunny and warm, so I rolled the window down and leaned out of it slightly and tried to see how many people I could get to meet my eyes and then smile back - you know what? Most people did. Some even waved. Some even said hello when we were sitting in traffic. I had a short conversation with a biker at some traffic lights and a "race" and conversation with a cyclist who kept on over-taking us (he kept teasing about him being quicker on the bike and waving and pulling faces). Sometimes people do what you want them to do.

I'm not gonna fill the page with quotes, I'd just like to say thank you for your honesty, it is a subject of interest to me, and I appreciate the candid way you allow people to see your life, maybe they can take things from it, like learn from mistakes and tips on how to try doing things. Don't you think it's slightly risky if parents don't use techniques like this properly? Cuz that's giving more mixed messages? What always amuses me is when people say that JF is teaching the kids how to behave and its totally the parents who need to learn first, in order to show the kids. I used to watch a program called dog borstal (loved the angry swearing guy) well he always said - we aren't training the dogs, the dogs are fine, its the bl00dy owners that need the training. Similar principle? Or way off the mark? Best Darkshine

I also used to do these little experiments and these guys are right, if you are staring at them, then they will stare at you. Out of curiosity - how many seconds would it be for a look to be different to a stare?

BD the kiddy technique guru eh? Bet that didn't come easy to start with. Bet it took work and lots of it. The little angry bedtime lad? Well I just meant that when I watched him he didn't really seem to be all that angry, it seemed a put on, like he was just acting angry, like the anger version of crocodile tears. If you've seen enough of the other programmes you'll know what I am trying to say cuz some other kids have gone completely psycho (it seems) where they appear to have lost control in their rage... this boy just didn't really seem that mad. Yes it was controlling behaviour and because he was allowed to get away with it. I still think he was trying to let her know he wanted the boundaries and routine and attention. Maybe circumstance forced you to look at things in a new way? Like when in life something happens that makes you stop and think? Not everyone does... Some people leave their blinkers on. I agree its not about blame, and there are ways that without too much effort time can be spent with children, I think there's too many hours spent staring at screens. I also don't understand why it appears a chore to some, and your right, it is an opportunity, one phrase I like is what a parent said to me about it being the most life changing adventure he had ever experienced, it totally changed him, opened his eyes, taught him lessons that he'd never have learnt. It is an opportunity. You sound like a good dad - or if you prefer - you sound like you always aspire to be a good dad (as a continuing process that requires failures to succeed - if that makes sense?) I always wonder something about these JF programs... Do you think parents learn from them? Do you think it opens their eyes?

Gone off onion can be surprisingly puke worthy too

Yes, the things you say sound good, and there should be more things like this across the board for other people who don't apparently fit the "normal" mould (for whatever reason). I guess I'm just sceptical of other less scrupulous people out there who could see it as an opportunity to do these things for the wrong reasons. I didn't mean to just go on about the negatives of your OP - just wanted to point out that its a factor to be considered. The environment you are describing sounds positive so I'll leave it on that note

That's pretty much what I was trying to say - badly maybe?

Neutradol worked brilliantly when this happened to me.... Green can...

I'm not saying any of this will be easy for you but its all about what you want from life. I'm not going into huge details at this point - but in brief - my relationship with my parents had broken down beyond repair when I was 18. Or so I thought... Basically I decided that I wanted parents, and I wanted to build bridges with them. It took years. A LOT of lying (because I hated their guts to start with). And a hell of a lot of effort. Mainly from me. But over the years they started to make the effort too. And more importantly we let each other try. I talk to them often now. I see them a few times a year. I have them stay over and they visit for xmas. We have quite a good relationship. Yes there are many things that anger me, there is a LOT of baggage, but you know something? Parents are people too, they mess up, they get things wrong, they have problems, they don't know everything, they are not god, and the biggy - we are often a lot more like them than we want to admit. Regards Darkshine

Do you spend a large part of each day on the stairs then?

I'll take your word for it one the old wine box BD I barely ever drink so no wine for me... I watched it last night - missed a few bits due to my chains being attached to the cooker just kidding, but I did miss a few bits. I loved the little boy with his super hero costumes, I laughed out loud when they showed him the clock and explained it and he just trotted off quite happily to change (its amazing what clear explanations and expectations can achieve eh?). As for the other little boy - well, my housemates were watching the show under duress (I pulled rank because I only watch about 3 hours of tv a week and mostly not on the main house tv, whereas the ole HM's use it for hours and hours) Anyway, I didn't believe him (the little boy) his anger just didn't look convincing to me, I think it was all a ploy to get a reaction (or attention?) out of his mum. By this I mean that I didn't think he was truly aggressive, I think it was just his way of communicating his unhappiness (maybe about the lack of boundaries?). It was nice seeing him happy at the end The statistics shocked me (on the roadshow bit) - when they did that ad that was similar to ones on tv for child abuse - which I knew straight away what those statistic would be for - but the actual figures were still quite shocking!!! Does anyone else think this may be an explanation for the yoof of taday?

Hi It's just a concern (and not one particularly aimed at your employer) just that it crossed my mind about other companies in light of this. I think actively employing people on the spectrum is a good thing but I didn't understand why they exclusively employ people on the spectrum (I'm sure it said they only employ people on the spectrum? Or did I misunderstand?) Best Darkshine

Now I'm totally wondering what you were gonna say

Hi, I'm still at a point in life where I don't fully know what I think... Sure it's good if these people are creating these opportunities, but not all autistic people are I.T minded, and I do wonder if this is buying into stereotypes at all. I didn't like the use of the word "them" in the article either, because it suggests everyone is the same. Having said that, I do think positives may be overlooked - but as for the valid importance of autism in human society - well, I'm not sure about how that works I might be lynched for saying this but what the hell... It seems like there's a huge window for companies to use people with hfa/as as robots, because they may be seen as predictable little robots that will sit and do the same task over and over, and reinforce stereotypes. The statement about a huge untapped pool of resources" concerns me as I wonder if there is a risk of exploitation from other companies who may not take this extra time, care and management as the one in the article is claiming to do. Just noticed my accidental blank post above - duh

You know you love it BD sittin there in your armchair of an evening That's what they call viewin pleasure at its best

I feel like I'm living on the sea - I'm not even in a boat I try hard to regulate and stabilise my moods but to no avail. One week I'm sort of ok, next week I'm not, one minute I want to die (figuratively as these stages actually last FAR longer than that) and the next minute I'm high as a kite (this actually is for minutes ) On top of this is the general sea like quality of life, it can be calm or rough, smooth or rolling, it can pleasant and wonderful or it can drown you in a tsunami of problems. Even when I have tried to keep life empty and static - sort of like a calm sea, the little things still send me all over the place. So of course I might as well get on with it - I am honestly trying - even though I still feel depressed, and I don't see the point of my life, or me, or people and the world and pretty much everything. Does anyone think this is a 'me' thing? Or an AS thing? Or just life? Regards Darkshine

I agree (well its a start at least - even when adults don't always act like adults!!!) Actually - thinking about it, my 9 year old nephew is better at this than me sometimes You are over 18 and legally an adult yourself. So as an adult do you do these things too? Maybe we all do sometimes but not all the time!!! And I never ever get people in to trouble to save my own neck - and I never would - plenty of people do, but not all by a long shot. Darkshine

Although I can relate to the things you say, I can't help but wonder who else you are seeing about these issues? (GP etc) With regard to help, sometimes its really hard to come by, which only leaves one solution.. begin to learn how to help yourself - this might be in small ways, but is a beginning, we aren't all born knowing what to do, we have to learn - think about it... Also, I don't mean to be rude but it seems from some of your posts that you might not be making it very easy for your family to help you, and they may not be making it easy for you. If you want their help avoid stale-mate or aggressive scenarios as it usually doesn't incline people to react positively. Best D