darkshine

I have to respond to this one point you made to BD, in terms of acceptance the discussion has interesting facets, but I wonder if you forgot that these parents have had to accept AS haven't they? And worse, they watch their kid and they don't always have instant access to how AS feels and stuff so they have to work pretty hard to learn and accept all this. I know it is not the same - but it has similiarities. Also is the feeling of loss that has to be got over, some parents seem to mourn for the normal child that never was, isn't this like you or me mourning for our lost youth? for our lost experiences and everything else? I know we have to experience it and for some that's hard, but I know if I take a step back I would really hate to watch my innocent child go through this and find there's sod all I can do but watch them suffer and feel helpless about it. Just a consideration......

And for the record I think I speak for all of us when I say "we don't wanna see ya balls"

OMG!!!!!!! I have so much to say to all that! But briefly since you are still going on about gender (which I have a pre-prepared response for btw)I'd like to point some things out: 1. I'm passive right now 2. No matter what - I am not telling yet 3. I aint rising to tactics to provoke me either And your thoughts about this - quoted below: "I think you are a woman, if somebody questioned my gender I would be like "NO! I'M A MAN!!! A MAAAAAYYYYUUUNNN" and post a picture of my balls." Is not completely logical, because I do not wish to divulge this info I have to resist all comments in such a fashion - this is not easy bet hey, I chose this I'll reply properly shortly - but - for anyone's information if you want to see my pre-prepared answer about this topic of gender I will happily post at someone's request

I wonder if you are planning on moving in a few years? If not the new baby will grow and you'll have the same problem... If the other advice given doesn't work, would it really matter if he is so attached to his room and stays there? And if you are moving then this situation could be resolved then instead? Life shouldn't be about a bedroom, from someone who virtually lives in one the whole time, I'd say that the amount of time spent in the bedroom should not be the majority of the day, in which case and assuming your son uses the rest of the house, does it matter if his room is on the small side?

I know I'm so impatient and its only been around 14 hours but.... Is this hopeless?

I do courses with the open university (OU), have been doing them for a while now, and every time I do one, there will be times where I want to quit. I'm so predictable (sigh). So as time goes by I come to expect "these moments" (the moments can last several weeks)... Here's my problem - hinted at by the topic title - I can't concentrate at all!!!!! I'm trapped financially into doing this because of financial support given previously and many other very complicated reasons the OU basically struck a deal with me saying I had to do this course and the one I finished in January or I won't get support next year (and the course next year is very expensive - in my subjective experience). I'm not allowed a break or to defer it. I have the choice of do it - or don't. Now, I cannot afford to lose the deal, I can't afford to quit now and pay for this one to be done again AND the one I can't really afford next year either, they've given me a really good deal, but there's no support, no lee-way, and I feel like I'm drowning in it. My tutor is as helpful as she can be by email. So..... Has anyone got any concentration tips cuz right now its like someone has thrown 30 pieces of a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle at me and is saying - understand that! Everything is so fragmented, I just can't pull it together - this is probably representative of daily life as this is static and falling apart also. Please please please no food or tablet tips (vitamins or whatever) - I really don't like either and am already battling eating, and taking prescription meds as it is - thanks in advance

Thanks, I look forward to your response - also to seeing where the hughey/baddad debate leads us next!

Your so funny Hughey "I'm making it relevant" It doesn't make a difference just now

Ah ok, age: 30, sex: not relevant at this time... location: England - that's narrowed down enough for me just now so hope that'll do

I'm tired too - what's A/S/L? Anyone answer this please

even though I knew what was coming as soon as I read the first sentence it still made me laugh

Was thinking about what I posted earlier and am not happy about this bit - I'm having a bad time of things and this paragraph was unnecessary - Sorry if it seems a little harsh As for the rest of what I said - although a little argumentative - I stand by, although if it upsets you, I'd regret saying it cuz I don't want to upset anyone. I have a bad habit of challenging something if it doesn't make sense and asking questions to the point of being annoying - but to be fair Hughey, you aren't challenging yourself about it at this time so maybe someone should...

Hey Hughie, I'm trying to stay awake (lack of sleep - really tired) cuz today has been pretty bad and the rest of the day is ruined anyway so I might as well stay awake and suffer every living second of it, sorry lost my point there - so I'm gonna respond to each of your answers (that's my point btw) and this is gonna take me SOME time cuz I can't work out the multiquote Grrrrrr I'll do it in order so this one first..... Ok, so I don't really care whether you accept it or not, I don't even know if I accept it myself so I'm in no position to argue the toss about that What I meant about wasting you time is that you say your sitting around playing MOA and eating Dorito's and so essentially doing nothing but building this incredible anger... Well, my point was that if you have this amount of energy and passion why not do something about it? I don't know if I buy all this AS was needed for Einstein to do blah blah blah, but just saying its true, for a few seconds, IF, its true, a person would need a very high level of focus, energy, determination, passion etc to do what he did in the first place, now it so happens that AS traits include these features... And for the record I don't think it requires high IQ's or any of that rubbish, it just needs someone who can look at something in a different way and learn everything about it - to an obsessive level and do something with that information that a 'normal' person wouldn't ever think of... And as far as I'm aware - you look under cure and it still says none for ASD's, so that's why I don't understand what your point is, because your not actually doing anything about this mission you have to destroy it. But you just said you don't accept AS!?! So how can it be AS to blame? Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy, I do nothing, I feel no achievement, I should never have even existed, I didn't know about AS til recently so everything I thought was based on me and not something else. I actually cried for about 20 seconds today, I was having a heated debate with my carer about AS and appointments and everything else and suddenly I just said "its all my fault - this, its all my fault" and that did it. Losing my point again sorry.... You've forgotten that there are some things you could do about it if you were inclined to make that choice Now, ask most people and they'll tell you life isn't a war but god doesn't it feel like it sometimes? Are you referring to manipulation regarding this statement about anger - for instance to get results/make things happen? I wondered because there's a story - Aesop I think - about the sun and the wind arguing, and they challenge each other to separate some man (who just happens to be walking along at the time) from his coat that he's wearing... So the wind blows and howls and batters the man senseless but all he does it pull his coat tighter, the wind gives up and the sun has a go, he shines and beams and the man takes off the coat. I've always remembered it because anger and aggression don't always win and I can think of loads of situations where I have found this to be true... And I don't buy the "I wasn't taught" line either, cuz "I wasn't taught either" and all I can say is do what a lot of people have to do - learn - teach yourself along every stupid painful and demeaning little step you take, because I have to, and I think I have more right to moan cuz I want some of the things you want in terms of 'normality' and at least I'm trying to learn, and trying to understand how to reconcile this learning with feeling like its so so hard and like living a lie. Or failing that you could always get a new high score on MOH (personally prefer COD) but oh well... You intrigue me Hughey because so many things you say I identify with, but for you its AS's fault and for me - its mine... I was right btw - it did take me a LONG time to write this!!!

Talking is a problem for anyone I figure, but if he's feeling like how I do (just gone through dx) I'm angry, depressed, and yes, in denial as well (even though I joined this forum) I keep cycling through these states while generally existing in a nothing type void, which is a problem as I keep lashing out when one of these states peeks through my non-existence... Anyway, unless he's willing to face this on some level I don't see what you can do, at times you can have all the people in the world trying to help you but it does no good unless you want to help yourself, so really he needs to face asking for help either with his feelings, a AS dx (sigh so many abbreviations sometimes - sounds like the army) OR he needs to face his communication difficulties - whether he sees this as being separate or intertwined with AS (assuming he does - should really check this out!. A first step is him acknowledging there's a problem.... If he does, then deciding what he feels he can do about it and whether he feels he wants/needs help. From your side, you obviously are very committed and are doing your research, but if he feels you are pigeon-holing him or rushing him before he is ready, might cause contention between you? Also this kind of thing (AS) takes time to digest... For me, everyone else involved with my diagnosis is like "right, you know what's wrong, you should be happy now" and I'm like - just hang on a second cuz I'm about 50 miles behind you! Dunno if this helps.....

I have this happen a lot (don't you just love cats?) I don't ever worry about it, but if you are, then you could ask your GP if your tetanus booster/injection is up to date - other than that people generally don't catch much from briefly handling a mouse (I'm assuming you washed your hands!) Should we be more sorry that you got bitten or that the poor little mouse, who was probably having a nice enough day, got grabbed by a cat, dragged through a cat flap, grabbed by a human, dropped, and then killed by a jack russell..... hmmm.... I'm leaning towards the mouse You could always borrow my jack russell, he wouldn't have even noticed it, if we play ball you have to throw it in the direction you think he's going to run or he doesn't see it, he doesn't like being followed by people and has to stop to let them pass, he won't accept treats from strangers, or steal food, and in the day he won't eat without an audience and at night he eats in secret - and I thought I was weird

Oh and I forgot - there should be "don't know" option on the poll for those of us who are in the depression, denial and passive anger stage

I think your doing a pretty good job of beating up your AS already Hughey You know what? If you don't feel ready to accept your AS that's fine, but there's something that doesn't make sense.... Why use all your energy being angry at something you can't change? I mean, fair enough if your angry, I'm angry, there's probably a hell of a lot of angry people out there and the only thing it does is worry people, you seem to have a lot of passion and you describe your feelings brilliantly, but the amount of energy you are focussing seems a little obsessive, do you think you might have got a bit stuck on the feeling of being angry and forgot everything else? I also wonder cuz I find anger can be quite exhilarating, like a thrill, I feel stronger when I'm angry, like I could rip the world into pieces and destroy the very fabric of existence.... It actually feels good in a way - well its better than feeling nothing.... Just thought I'd ask

Thanks Tally for starting this post, it made me smile, zoos, big cats, gun licences - who could ask for more?!? Actually, it adds another tiny grain of hope to my very small pile - so ta for that

Hi Adam, thanks for your response, I've got an appointment with the psychiatrist who was in charge of the dx at the end of next month, everything is so complicated with mental health services, I'm hoping they will be able to help me come up with some sort of plan to deal with my issues, but here's my biggest problem, they don't seem to know and I sure as hell don't The thing that makes me angry is that they are supposed to have training and stuff, shouldn't they know? Without going into the full history of my life.... this is what's happened over the last 2 years... I had a care-coordinator, she set up these meetings once a month with a psychiatrist and a psychologist and we went over everything, this went on for a year, I constantly said I didn't see what the point was and nobody really gave an answer, I asked during session 3 if it was supposed to be some kind of therapy and was told no. As these meetings came to a close they were talking about trying NLP (neurolinguistic programming). Me and my carer both thought seeing a psychologist might help, we said this on several occasions and were told that because I'd seen one a few years before I had essentially "used up my quota". Anyway, the next thing that happens is the psychiatrist gets a job elsewhere and the psychologist holds a resolution meeting to bring it all to a close. this left me and my carer with more questions and no answers and the psychologist was never seen or heard from again. Next, I am referred to the developmental disorder clinic and my care-coordinator has maternity leave - 3 months later I see this psychiatrist (sept last year) he starts the diagnosis, this takes 3 or 4 appointments and a nice long letter outlining his findings. This was in Feb I think and regarding my issues with this and all the previous issues I am trying to resolve absolutely NOTHING has happened, and to be honest I don't think it will. I have problems talking to people and I don't know what I should say, I know my chance is in a few weeks, and I'm not sure if there's anything I should ask....

Maybe add hoses to the taps so that there isn't a thundering sound when you fill the bath, those shower attachments work quite well (the things for washing you hair with in the bath when you don't have a shower), just remember to take it off as it'd probably look scary. Is the bath too full? I like some of the ideas given already, the glow stuff looks cool, and finding ways to see what is wrong might help her to feel as though she has some control of the situation, if she can tell you what she doesn't like, it might be possible to act this out, especially things like is it too hot (ow)cold (brrr) or empty (where's all the water face??) full (pretend its up too high), etc or using picture cards as yes/no questions. Years ago a friends little brother was scared of going down the plug hole - bit of a weird one - but phobias can be. The last thing I can think of that may be some use is trying to get her to see the bath as a good place for some other activity - like a game that does not require her to get in the thing - maybe making little boats or swans, using the bath in other ways - imagination required - I used to play with my hamster in it (when it was empty) and make potions from shampoos, and roll marbles in it, its a good place for cleaning up a mess!!! this might help to reduce the negative association. Good luck

Thanks Tally, I don't think I'm an Everest type of person Do you reckon there's some kind of metaphor there with the climbing mountains? And do you necessarily want to get to the top?!? I don't mind if no-one replies to this, just wanted to say thanks