Lyndalou

I don't take offence to your comments Warrior but if you don't mind me saying so, it does give your age away somewhat. I had to have a wee chuckle when you say you've avoided screaming babies so far! I've got a fair few years on you and I can tell you as a woman, no matter how careful you are, sooner or later you have an accident (or two or three). That's why a lot of women choose to go on the pill or use some other method of contraception other than the condom if they are in a long term relationship. The thing is, you've mentioned what appear to be casual sexual encounters. If it's a one-off thing when you've come home from a club and fooled around and been 'creative' and you've perhaps not given it a second thought afterwards, I can assure you that there will be a percentage of your partners who will worry themselves witless after, wondering if they've been careful enough and looking at the calender and asking themselves when their last period was. They might just hop on the bus down to the nearest chemist after they've left your house and buy the morning after pill and how are you to know unless they tell you? I knew a man some years ago who slept with any woman with a pulse. He denied responsibility for at least one child and the poor mother was slagged off all over the place and called a 'slut' and an 'ugly whore' (yes, this still happens!!) until the results of a DNA test provided irrefutable proof! This is the thing, even in this day and age if a woman does not make decisions like this quite often the end result is a baby. You, as a man could easily walk away and there's no guarantee you'd stick around but the woman can't!

Apologies Calum The SALT acronym bamboozled me when I first came on here so I perhaps should have thought! It is simply an abbreviation of Speech and Language Therapist! Lynda

Quite simply Aeolienne, when the subject arose with regard to setting up a support group, there were 2 of us, both mums with children on the spectrum. We both realised that the issues that parents who have ASD who also have children with ASD can be very different to those with ASD who don't have children (or have children on the spectrum). I include in this, sensory difficulties and the many organisational issues which arise from having children. I can say this with conviction because I've experienced the single life and the problems that went along with that, including difficulties at university and in the workplace, the problems of being taken in by people who didn't have my best interests at heart and the A&E admissions with panic attacks! As it has turned out, the group has attracted mainly single people with ASD and of those primarily men. The issues which have been discussed affect everyone to an extent but as I thought would be the case, for me a lot of what arisen has had a 'been there, done that' tone as my life is now shaped by parenthood. I developed many coping strategies as a single female but now I am still in the process of having to develop a whole new set of coping strategies to deal with life as a mum. This is something that the majority of the group cannot identify with. In fact, the stresses of parenthood and my own difficulties has meant that I have had to take a big step back from the group and members are in the process of taking the group forward themselves.

I looked at all the options available before I settled on this one. Must admit, the coil didn't appeal but I'm uncertain why...think I had some vision of it dislodging and floating around although I know that's not physically possible!! The big 'V' has been mentioned

You are probably right although it is something that I just can't get my head around, that people can be so deceitful and manipulative in pursuit of the mighty pound/dollar etc... Did you see on the news that the 'Advertising Standards Agency' has made the website 'Babyjabs' withdraw a statement that the MMR may possibly contribute to 10% of autism cases. They said it was 'misleading'. Can't help but think that the Government may have a hand in this 'independent' organisations decision?

Hi Calum I'm not long home from visiting Insch tonight - we were at the Kool Kids Special Needs night. It may be worth you popping along some time to meet other parents with kids in a similar age group informally. We live in Inverurie and my son has attended St Andrews School nursery and will be going into P1 there in 2 weeks. Gary Wade does run the Garioch branch, I believe in a voluntary capacity. The branch caters for children 8+ and mostly offers social activities. In terms of advice, you'd probably be better off contacting the people I've mentioned. I'm quite happy to speak to you and will PM you with my contact details. I don't know of the Speech Therapist you have mentioned or the person who did the observations. The community Speech Therapist my son saw (over 6 months) wrote her report which highlighted the speech and communication issues my son exhibited then referred back to the Community Paediatritian. Are the behaviours you mention the SALT observed in a report of any kind? I wonder if the woman who did the observation was the 'follow up' from this? I do think an hour is a very limited time frame for any observation. Going back to Dr Crum is probably a good route to go down. My son is under Dr Phillips who is on her team. Lynda

Where in Aberdeenshire are you Calum? The diagnostic process has, in my opinion become more difficult in Aberdeenshire recently with the closure of the Raeden Centre in Aberdeen where my son was diagnosed at just under 3 years old. Saying that, my understanding is that there always was a 'cut off point' in terms of distance people lived to Aberdeen in order for children to be referred to the centre for diagnostic assessment. Now, things are not so 'joined up' in terms of all the professionals working together towards a comprehensive assessment. Again, this may always have been the case in certain areas. Prior to my son's diagnosis he received around 6 months of community-based speech therapy. The referral was based on 2 reviews by the Paediatric Consultant for the area - the second I requested because the PC highlighted autism within 5 mins of meeting my son for the first time and I wanted a longer meeting to put forward my viewpoint and for her to observe him. Ultimately, it did become more apparent that my son was experiencing all kinds of difficulty. The week-long assessment, included reports from Educational Psychologist (who visited for 2 hours at home) , Speech Therapist (Raeden Centre), Occupational Therapy (Raeden Centre) and a trained Developmental Nursery Nurse who observed him over the course of 4 days (this included watching how he interacted with other children and with adults, how he played, how he ate, personal care skills, following instruction etc), Audiology (Aberdeen Children's Hospital - to rule out hearing difficulties and basic check for sensitivities) and Optometrist. We, the parents, had a meeting with the Psychologist (based Aberdeen Children's Hospital whom my son still sees twice yearly) to discuss family health history and pregnancy/birth of my son) As you can see it was very comprehensive. Then the main professionals came together with the Paediatric Consultant and compiled their findings which led to my son's diagnosis of High Functioning Autistic Disorder. I am firmly of the opinion that a professional cannot make a decision about a child in isolation. The fact that your daughter is having her main difficulties at home ought to be followed up as she may be 'coping' to an extent at nursery by being compliant etc (I don't know how your daughter would be so I am only surmising) and then coming home and acting up because she has had a stressful time there. Was it an Educational Psychologist that your daughter saw at nursery? When the Educational Psychologist came to visit, my son promptly jumped into her lap, demonstrating his complete lack of 'stranger danger'. I wonder if a girl were so forward if she would simply be seen as 'friendly' or if she held back then she'd be shy... The fact that she is under a Speech Therapist suggests to me that she has speech difficulties of some kind. Has she had her hearing checked? The NAS Area Officer for Aberdeenshire is Sarah McGregor. She works out of the Autism Base in the Harlaw Centre in Inverurie some of the week and you could call the centre to ask for a meeting with her and she may be able to give you some advice on the best way to go about getting a full assessment. Gail McKeitch is the Branch Officer for the Ellon area and may be able to advise you too. Both of these ladies know their stuff. Collect all the information you feel is relevant on your daughter. Bear in mind that it can be more difficult to get a diagnosis for a girl, especially if she is not exhibiting 'classic' behaviours such as aggressive outbursts outside the home when she is frustrated or upset (like my son does). Lynda

Thanks Robert. The long term effects do worry me somewhat. There's all manner of different health issues in my family including stroke, heart disease, thyroid problems, diabetes, osteoporosis/osteoarthritis and cancer (those who have passed away died of bone cancer). I have chosen not to give my daughter the MMR as she has a peanut allergy and excema combined with the family health history and given there also seems to be a genetic component to autism...at the moment she seems distinctly NT...only time will tell if I've made the right decision there too. However, in a sense I think that I've mucked about with my body for so long that whatever is for me around the corner is inevitable but I don't want to do that to my kids! Kind of off topic but I think my decisions impact on my children.... I do wish the government and pharmaceutical companies would be more upfront that they don't really know what most of the stuff we put in our bodies does to us but that's never going to happen, is it?

Yes. It's implanted in the upper arm and lasts for up to 5 years. I suppose I never considered the mood swings issue but I've had all of the above you've mentioned and in fact the cramps are worse than I ever normally get! I'm wondering if I could have low blood pressure too? Oh to not have to muck about with my body like this but the worse scenario would be becoming pregnant again!

Has anyone had experience of using the Nexplanon (next generation following on from Implanon), the contraceptive implant? I currently have this rod pumping hormones through my body and I'm not sure I made the right decision. Although it may quite simply be a mixture of stress and other factors, I have found my mood swings since the procedure to be much more erratic than normal. I tried to make an informed choice about what contraceptive would be most suitable for me at my age. I have had trouble with extreme mood swings on certain pills - something other people also told me they experienced but the GP said they'd never heard of - plus my memory was an issue in that I kept forgetting to take them! Since my son's birth I have developed an allergy to latex - nuff said - and I was told that my preferred choice, the Deprovera injection was not given to women over the age of 35. The depo evened my moods out completely and was a great contraceptive choice for me. Unfortunately, I have now read that 'they' have absoutely no idea what the long term effects of having the Nexplanon implanted is, eg. whether the risks for cancer etc are increased. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling....

Hello Benj From a personal point of view, I feel it important for your son to get at least a basic grounding across the various areas of the curriculum. I was very good at English at primary school but certainly at the age of 7 I screamed and cried at home while trying to do my Maths homework and it is highly likely that I have dyscalculia although I am not diagnosed as having it. My mum persevered with me and my fits of sheer frustration and I slowly made progress. It is fair to say that I hated the subject and when I went onto secondary school my problems were compounded by a teacher who became regularly frustrated with me and my inability to understand what she had spent some time trying to explain to me. Of course, the rest of the class found this very funny! However (and here's my point), I passed my 'O' Grades in Maths and Arithmetic with a great deal of effort (some experts believe that people with dyscalculia can achieve around this level) and although I still struggle with some aspects of basic arithmetic, I have always required the level of ability I have in order to budget and to pay my bills. I have had to ask for help when I've become confused but I've owned my own flat and had to ensure I paid the mortgage. These days, my husband deals with all the household bills but I still have to ensure I keep within my own budget etc. I also took swimming lessons for around 2 years from age 10 to 12. My mum knew I hated going but the bottom line was that she had paid for it and I had to go. Part of the criteria for attending was that I had to swim in swimming galas and I came last in every race I was ever in. I dreaded going to those galas, especially since I overheard those who were good swimmers blaming me for the club losing at them! However, going swimming will have improved my co-ordination and helped my general fitness. Going swimming made me have to deal with various sensory issues; problems with being wet outside of a bath or a shower and my clothes becoming damp and difficulties with changes in temperature. Going swimming forced me to have to try to organise myself and plan ahead (although I was always last out as I had a set way of getting dry and getting dressed - I was under much more pressure to go faster with school swimming lessons). I'm not saying for one minute that you should force your son to be miserable but I hope that by using these examples I can show that pushing the boundaries of what you (or your son) think your son is capable of, this may ultimately be of benefit for him. I included the swimming example because I think that kids with ASD require education in the broadest sense (especially as you mentioned PE). I could also include that I hated going to Brownies but that this will have helped me to understand the concept of group activities and games (in 2 years I never got a badge and couldn't understand why!). I hated going to the area orchestra (again, I had to do this in order to receive flute lessons and I couldn't understand why I was made 4th Flute) but it put me out of my comfort zone, having to speak to people I didn't know. Push the things your lad is good at! These are the things he will excel in and will be the things he loses himself in. These are the things which will make him feel safe and make him feel happy. He may not necessarily however, always think he is good at the things he does well and he may be self-critical and perfectionist (a common AS trait) so he will need encouragement when he 'fails' even in these subjects as he will probably set his standards very high. I read quite routinely into the wee small hours when I was a child and I could spend hours in my room with my books. Reading was my safe haven and it blocked out the noises all around and managed to get me out of doing things too (mum left me to it as it meant I was intelligent ) but I kind of wonder now if she ought to have taught me how to cook as I opted out of this at school! Activities outside of school made sure though that I didn't spend all of my time on my own just reading. Yes, there was a great deal of anxiety and yes, I would have preferred to do my own thing but yes, in the long run much of it taught me a great deal. I hope that helps a little

Whether or not I had a problem with escalators or lifts is one of the questions that came up in the Sensory Questionnaire I filled in last year. This was a tricky question to answer because although I am ok with them now, I had problems with them as a child. As a child, I can't remember being frightened of going on them but I got quite frustrated trying to walk onto them at the bottom because I couldn't judge when to get on and I could be standing putting my foot out, touching the metal and withdrawing it for minutes on end . When I was on I was fine but I usually ended up almost falling on my face when I got off at the top. Also the escalator handrail tended to move at a faster speed so when holding on I often was standing at a strange angle half way up. I always used the stairs going down. I must have trained myself quite well now on them. I still hesitate but I can judge the speed the escalator is moving and step on quite quickly. I prepare for getting off about 2 feet from the bottom and always step on the 'flat' bit with my right foot. On travelators at the airport, I love the sensation of moving forward very quickly!! in a ended up

Trekster You must have a lot of stamina and dedication to do what you do. I seem to have run out of those things for now unfortunately. I read the article and it's very good. Smiley Thanks for the information - think I'll be buying a few documents...

The thing is, now that I know these things are supposedly 'strange', I find it quite difficult to see them that way because they have always been 'me' and I actually quite like singing loudly and doing arabesques in my kitchen, thank you very much. When I do these things, I know that I am happy and by the amount of singing and dancing I do, I can gauge my mood quite well! My mum used to say I had a 'put on' laugh and I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about because I thought I was laughing normally. However, like many other things I have toned down my 'guffaw' and how widely I open my mouth as time has gone on. If I find something hilarious though, I might find myself laughing very exaggeratedly (but I think I can get away with that). Do you know why your daughter is screaming and crying for hours on end? This sounds very difficult for you and for her. Sometimes laughter can be a precursor to extreme emotion I think. I could find myself unable to stop myself (when I was younger) making 'Ha ha ha' noises, more like a verbal twitch when I felt confused and anxious. I was very lucky in a lot of ways though that I shut myself away and read (and seldom interrupted) and this blocked out the world. In terms of difficulties varying day to day...there are times when it is much more obvious (to me) that my brain has just not kicked into gear. I used to call days like this my 'brain holiday days' and it was a way of laughing things off to other people if I knew it was noticeable. On days like these I often stop talking half way through a sentence, need things repeated to me about 3 times, can't organise myself at all well, replace words that I mean to say with words that sound similar or completely random words which are affiliated loosely with each other, eg. window would be replaced with bench (both made of wood?). I normally can confuse people who look completely different with each other as they may have similar hairstyles or jackets but some days this is worse. I can have entire conversations with people and not have a clue who they are! My mental health can fluctuate a lot depending on how much sleep I have had, how much pain I am in from my neck and/or if someone says something which makes me paranoid which sets off perseverative thoughts that can drive me half mad at times. Paranoia can also start if someone's text is 'curt' or brief or misses an x or if an e-mail is worded in a way that leaves me confused (thats why I quite like emoticons ). During these times I can do a very good impression of being happy and completely calm. The stress however can lead to problems with my memory, my ability to focus and difficulties with prioritising and organising myself. 'Brain holiday days' without so much stress can be simply frustrating and annoying. The same days with a lot of stress can be hell from start to finish. Add sensory things into the mix and those are the days I wish I could have stayed in bed. With kiddie-winks that just ain't gonna happen though!!

Ha ha! I read back what I wrote and I need to clarify that I do not sing like some mad woman in public places! I sing like a banshee in the privacy of my own home and swing my legs when there are people about...bit more 'normal' ! Also in public I chew my gums, pick 'bits' off myself and massage my feet...

I aways thought this was a totally normal thing to do!! Now I know it's not, it's very confusing... I also now know it's a little strange to sing very loudly in the stylee of an opera singer and swing my legs like a two year old when I'm sitting on the bench at the chipper :bounce:

Have you seen my PM?

Thanks Trekster and Special Our family has an income which would not fall under the category of 'low income' so I'm afraid I couldn't get the lower delegate rate . I will go ahead and ask for the documents after the conference takes place - disappointing but hopefully helpful. I think the full price is extortionate and does not take into account delegates from outside the North of England I've been running the independent support group for adults in the area but I've decided this week to give up doing this because it's causing a lot of stress for me. There is another small group for adults along with their parents which is more established and has NAS input. Otherwise, I am aware of nothing else for adults in the area - it's like a big black hole and the reason why I started the support group in the first place! Even the help for parents of children is disjointed but there is help available in various forms and with the introduction of a 'One Stop Shop' for information on where to get support, hopefully this will become a lot more 'joined up' in the area. Lynda

Thanks Trekster I had a look at the link again but I can't see where it says that rate for parents! Looks like I'd now be £225 + VAT and even if I were to become an NAS member, with that and the £150 + VAT I'd still be over £200!! Going by train is nonsensical - 3 changes and costs almost as much as the ridiculous airfare Aberdeen to Birmingham costs - I could fly abroad for the price...and the bus is a total non-starter! :( and I thought I might be able to bend some influential person's lugholes too.... :( Hope you enjoy it! Lynda

I agree with Mel. You are not meeting your friend behind your wife's back and it sounds like it's just a casual friendship, nothing serious with no particularly strong feelings on either side to be concerned about. When I first met my husband he knew a number of women whom he considered friends. One friendship fizzled out over time, helped by the fact that she made it clear from the start that she doesn't like me at all and the feeling is mutual. I wouldn't have trusted this woman as far as I could throw her! Another friend however, has lasted and has stood the test of time. He has known her considerably longer than he has known me and we are open about this friendship and I am of the opinion that if suddenly, after 20 years of friendship they suddenly want to have an affair then there is nothing I can do about it! They have been on holiday together since I have known my husband which a lot of people find strange. I have now put the foot down about this aspect of their friendship but only because it is using family money and I am left behind with the children which I find totally unfair. It is not because of her gender although like the woman I previously mentioned her gender would likely have come into any decision I made. Your wife isn't worried about it so I don't think you need to be.

Smiley There are a few practical things you can do depending on the type of transport you are using. In cars, trains and buses you are often looking out of the window which means that you are seeing the world in a very speeded up way and every vehicle moves faster than a human normally moves. This affects your sense of balance and can make you feel nauseous. Reading, like Special mentions can have the same effect as your eyes will have to constantly adjust to the up and down movement of the vehicle. In a car you might find it easier to sit in the front seat and look forward - I always used to try to get the front seat on a bus too for the same reason - and on a train you will likely feel less sick if you get a seat facing the direction you are going. A boat can make a lot of people sea sick (again the up and down motion). On a ferry, I would take frequent breaks from sitting inside to get fresh air. Lynda

I thought it was a bit disjointed at first when the children were singing although I understood that it was meant to show the different countries within Great Britain, then when the countryside was taken over by the Industrial Revolution I felt a bit confused about what was going on. However, I thought it was visually pretty stunning especially when the cameras panned in from above. I also wasn't completely sure about celebrating only the public health sector in the section about children's literature although again visually it was brilliant. The drums kept the pulse of the show going - I dread to think how those people's wrists feel - Evelyn Glennie (fellow Scot) great as always! Emilie Sandie from my neck of the woods too!! We hung on until the end, watching the procession and it was lovely to see so many happy and excited people together. I thought the concept of all the little kettles representing each country coming together to create the flame was inspired!! Macca should retire...he cannot sing any longer and I don't think he should be trundled out on every special occasion.

I feel for you because it sounds like you've got a fight on your hands to get the help you need for your little girl. I am an undiagnosed woman who has been refused an assessment. However, I approached a private autism expert who gave me a private assessment (he cannot diagnose) and although his assessment acknowledged that I show difficulties across the triad of impairments and I passed an Adult Assessment tool, his subjective opinion was that I only have an 'autistic cognitive profile' but that I am not affected enough to warrant a diagnosis. I am quite sure that part of his reasoning was based on the fact that I narrowly 'failed' the Autistic Spectrum Quotient developed by Simon Baron-Cohen and I am certain that he put more emphasis on this tool (proven to be gender-biased) than the one I passed (proven to be non gender-biased) and the way I 'presented' as a child and how I 'present' now. I am now firmly of the opinion that many females are missed in the diagnostic process. There is much debate as to whether girls 'present' differently to boys but this does not mean that the symptoms or difficulties are any less in girls. It is even thought that girls can in many ways struggle more, especially in the teenage years. If you look at the NAS website and put 'Women' into the search box, this will bring up an article about current thinking about girls on the autistic spectrum. There are also a very limited amount of books on the subject. In 'The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome' by Tony Attwood there is a tiny section devoted specifically to girls. 'Aspergers and Girls' may be of interest to you and perhaps 'Aspergirls' although I think this is more aimed at older females. I also think the article on the Tony Attwood website is very straightforward. In many ways I was described as 'no bother' as a young child. My mum loved how I occupied myself on my own for hours, doing puzzles over and over and watching my spinning top. I spoke precociously and precisely very early and was very 'forward' with adults, telling them all about myself. I was described as 'charming'. At school I was described first and foremost as a 'daydreamer' and secondly a 'chatterbox'. I remember my complete confusion at 5 when the head of the junior section gave me corporal punishment for disobedience. My teacher in primary 2 sellotaped my mouth up for shouting out answers in class and then in primary 3, my teacher (the teacher who'd given me the belt) told my parents at a Parent's Evening that she refused to put my work on the walls because 'I can't stand your daughter because she always gets in the way' (I was very disorganised and typically late for everything). I remember hiding in the library area between classes because I was so frightened of her and I developed a stammer, a twitch and began to wet myself. My parents never complained about this teacher and I was still to all intents and purposes 'no bother' as I always tried very hard to please. However, the anxiety problems were starting to take a firm hold. At 6 I was an excellent reader (I read entire books upside down and in mirrors) but I had huge difficulties with maths. At home, my mum would do my maths homework with me and I'd be crying with frustration because I just couldn't understand how to solve the problems. I never 'heard' anything my mum said the first time (I presume this also applied at school but I can't remember) - I remember watching her lips moving and not knowing what she'd said - by the time she was halfway through repeating what she had said I would answer her which drove her around the twist. When learning to eat I used to stab myself until my gums bled with my fork as I couldn't fathom how forcefully to put it in my mouth. I spotted the new girl who moved to the school when I was 7. I knew I wanted her to be my friend so I walked straight up to her and introduced myself 'Hello. My name is Lynda. I am different to all the other children and I want you to be my friend'. I had no notion that she might not want to be friends back but as it turned out she became my best friend until primary 7 when I must have begun to be very strange in the eyes of the other girls and she instigated whatever it was that ostracised me from the rest of the class. I see history repeating itself in other female members of my family and wihout a diagnosis I feel helpless to comment. I do not want them to experience the problems I did without proper guidance and support. I am very glad my son is getting the help he needs but his cousins have the right to that help too and so does your daughter. It is so very frustrating. I'm glad the experts at last are considering girls and I very much hope that someone will take your concerns seriously at some point in the near future.

I would agree with others that although you have very clear reasons as to why you drive the way you do, these might not be immediately obvious to other drivers. I live in an area where there are primarily country roads. I think at times that they can be more difficult to drive on as there can be numerous hidden bends, areas where you can build up speed without really noticing and in some places the roads are so narrow there are passing places. Even so, around here there are a lot of drivers who can be quite blase about the road conditions because they are local and believe they know the road and take chances. There are countless fatalities every year. I think that people are much more aware on these types of roads of the driving skills of other road users. I must admit that I would be pretty narked off if I was following someone going at 30 miles an hour for 6 miles as I will have accounted for a certain speed in order to get somewhere by a particular time and then added on a bit of time to spare. I am also aware that often I am going at a slower speed than some other road users when I have kids in the car but I'm constantly aware when there are drivers looking impatient to get by and normally take my foot off the accelerator or slow down slightly to let them get passed on straight bits of road. In towns and villages, I think it is sometimes necessary to slow right down as often there are parked cars to negotiate and other hazards. However, again think that these roads again call for constant adjustment in speed. A week ago on the dual carriageway I was in the slow lane going about 60 miles an hour. I spotted a car driving up an uphill slip road at speed quite last minute as he was hidden by tall grass and I had to make a split-second decision to move over into the fast lane or this car would have broadsided me. The car in the fast lane I pulled in in front of was travelling a bit faster than me and he must have had to brake a bit to let me in and I knew I'd taken a chance doing this. At the soonest opportunity, I moved back into the slow lane. Shortly after, the car I had pulled in in front of pulled in sharply in front of me, forcing me to brake and there was no-one up his backside when he did it so it was clearly him making a point! Stupid and dangerous behaviour but this is human nature and people do it all the time and seem to be even worse on the road! I feel for you that you had to endure this search and you feel you were victimised in some way. It may be worth considering modifying your driving style in certain situations in future.

Go for it Robert