Mike_GX101

What's your first name A**merger?

In Exile: You had posted nothing wrong up to the time when I logged off as far as I could make out. I wanted to reply but couldn't given the kind of language being used on such an open and public forum. More than ever it demonstrates we need a section like an adults-only sub-section which is given some privacy and some screening policed by moderators.

The moderators themselves do the policing of course - anything they don't like or feel is inappropriate gets removed. That happens on other sites too. FB do it too. What we're concerned about here is that only people over the age of 18 and who want to be a part of such discussions can be given access.

How old are you any way?

Well it's good to hear you do get out and I can breathe a sigh of relief *sigh* ahhhh!!!!!!! That's much better

Did you tell them that?

Yes but the mind cannot study itself if it is in itself compromised.

He doesn't need additional names for things at the moment Lyndalou - what he needs is to go and seek professional advice from the doctor - let them manage the symptoms/names for things because last thing we want is to stress A**merger any more than need be.

What you experience at home is Life 1.0 - out there is Life 2.0 and you need seriously to go and see the doctor and tell them what's going on and that you're not leaving the house at all because you really need that next level in my opinion and by staying in you're depriving yourself of it - you're depriving yourself of a future.

Anything short of that and I'm really worried about you to be honest.

Being stuck in all the time isn't going to help you and the first thing you need to do desperately is to go and physically seek out help by way of the doctors and then hopefully go and seek some Counselling or CBT.

Sounds as if you're going through depression to be honest and you're doing anything that makes you feel good. You should go and see a doctor and tell them what you're telling us here and see if they can help.

yes Now what are thresholds for being on your own? A day? Two days? A week? Do you know how long you can go without any social contact at all (and this includes forums of course too)?

I used to struggle with that all the time but now it's only on occasions. The biggest problem I had was dealing with the awkward silences and trying to fill them. Often times you end up saying something that breaks the camel's back just to fill the space and end up paying the consequence. My advice is this: learn to deal with silence and learn how to handle your own company. Then if you don't fill those silences it doesn't matter too much and you'll feel more relaxed. And if you're more relaxed your company will be more relaxed and that in itself will open the air ways for communication and hopefully a good bit of gossip that breaks the day a little bit.

Of course but I guess it depends on where on the spectrum you fit - if you can function well in society then you will learn from experiences and improve (the routines you develop become like computer game levels and each time you do it you get 'better' at it until you complete the level and move onto the next level/goal/lesson). You never realised there was a real-life application for computer games did you I bet?!? But with each level you progress further into the game of what we call 'life' and some times we might have to overcome a bigger baddie say 'exams' or 'sudden unemployment' and you use the skills you've acquired in the game so far. And the further you progress in the game the more mature you'll become but you have to balance your goals so you develop a whole number of different skills. You also have to make sure you don't replay the same level too much because over familiarity brings with it boredom and that can lead to stagnation.

Perhaps the place you need to start is with you. Do you enjoy your own company?

No one is denying that it isn't - but what's being suggested is having a subsection that is not public and can only be accessed when members request access because theyVe reached 18 and want to be a part of it. Apparently with the IPS Community Suite that you use it is possible to create restrictions for members to different parts of your forum so it should be technically possible to achieve (see Incredibly powerful permissions)

It's a good question but I suppose when half of your user base are adults and the other half aren't (or they're parents of children with an ASD) then you will get one half saying yes and the other half saying no which leaves us again with no definitive way forward. What we do need is a section where adults (18+) with an ASD can discuss their adult-issues in a safe environment say in an Adult subsection which is screened from the rest of the site. I've seen this on other forums - what happens is that a moderator approves a member before they can enter and read/edit in that section. It cannot be viewed publically and it cannot be accidentally visited by those who have no reason to view it. When someone reaches the appropriate age for that section in the forum they can ask a moderator for access. Of course moderators retain control over it at all times though. What the last 48 hours have demonstrated is that there is an unmet need here which surely needs to be met as some members have issues which they quite clearly cannot solve by themselves. And what are forums for afterall? Are we just going to turn them away and give them the cold shoulder the minute they have a problem we don't like the sound of?!? This is a forum for *people* on the spectrum and as such there will always be problems that perhaps we don't like the sound of but that doesn't make it unworthy of assistance or support or at the very least, some sort of recognition that it exists at all.

I don't have an answer for that one. It would be nice to have one but ultimately we are what our genes define us as. One has to learn to accept this but in accepting one does not have to like it; I don't really like it either. I never was interested in raising a family. In some people it is all they ever wanted in life - they visit the careers office and they pick the invisible card from the cabinet that reads "I want to work as a father" but for me it was never that way. I have never wanted kids and then ironically I find out that because of this cursed genetic thing that I have I can't have them any way. But if you do want kids there are other ways you know Sa Skimrande and adoption is one such way. Besides what you have to do in life doesn't necessarily have to be important to nature. If nature doesn't show you a fair hand how can you possibly show one back in return? We weren't put on this earth solely to procreate no matter what they tell you when you're young - I was told that and it certainly wasn't helpful. I didn't believe it but then it's like that old-walking-under-a-ladder trick when they tell you walking under a ladder will bring bad luck - no matter how much you reason against it you never quite get yourself to try it out just in case the bad luck it brings leads to something tragic. It's mental trickery that cannot be ironed out using reason alone.

Does anyone know how to upload pictures please? I have good ones I'd like to add to my Faces in Places page but cannot find the "attachment" tool. The picture link requesting an url is of no use as I have nowhere to host them online. Thanks

Yey!!!!! Kudo's for the ASD Team!

Of course it does! When we think of families we ask how many siblings there are, what their names are, what their hobbies are, what their plans are, etc. But there's much more below all that - a kind of family politics as it were even amongst the kids which carries on throughout their lives. And one dynamic that is highly competed for from the parents is this thing called "attention". There are different levels of sensitivity to this currency we call "attention" whereby the more needy kids will obviously want more of it. But what if a needy child has a brother (or sister!) who is on the spectrum? It's going to create a kind of vacuum effect around the rest of the families' needs for attention and the most needy ones will be affected. Many of us might live very individual lives (and some of us like me spend vast amounts of time by themselves) but we are all naturally social and when the contact we do need isn't forthcoming it can affect us far more powerfully than you could ever have imagined. Human bonding has almost been described as being "biological" in and of itself because without it we'd be human goings! So as a parent of a child with an ASD (or a child with anything that takes time (not demonising ASD here!!)) it is all the more important to ensure you do not neglect the other children in the family by ensuring you give them attention too. A little bit of consideration of these little things goes along way to thwarting much bigger problems further up the road.

No I wasn't and if you believe it was bullying/harrassment and no reasoning will change your view on it then you have every right to follow it up and report it at the police station if you so wish.

OK but the reframing bit is very important here. What I was trying to do was to get you to think about the situation differently so it didn't stress you so much. The idea she had a cold and had no tissue and was short-sightedly taking a look at your jumper she liked while sniffing due to having no tissue to blow her nose isn't there to be dismissed and is most likely incorrect any way as you say. However you can do it yourself. You can apply the power of your mind to anything and change the effect it has on you personally and emotionally. I really think you should look into doing some CBT training. The techniques get you thinking about how your cognition of events (thoughts and perceptions) affect your behaviour and physical side-effects. By getting you to change how you perceive the events you change the way you feel about them almost to the point that you feel sorry for the person sniffing you because you may see then that it wasn't bullying but more that she had a problem of her own and it was nothing to do with you. Try it some time. Apply the power of your mind to the situation and try to see it from another angle.