oakers

I think you're on to something there Sa... I was always very sceptical about what I was good at because I found it so easy, like at school. Subjects I found easy were subjects I didn't particuarly like or put much effort into, so I didn't see why it was such a big deal. Those I did like I had to put more effort into, which is something I have only recently learned to appreciate - if I liked it, it was a challenge. Maybe it takes time for us to figure out what our talents are because they might not be as obvious as others'? I'm not sure I've found mine, although people seem to think it's in stats... sadly!

I guess I've always had a lot of practice as I worked in shops from being about 16 and insisting I needed a part time job. No hiding from people when working on the checkouts! If there was to be one queue in the shop it'd be at my till, as for some reason lots of people liked being served by me, and would rather queue than go through other tills that would mean they were served quicker. After deciding to come over here on a working holiday, I started working in a hotel as a waitress... had no choice about being social there either. Then, all other jobs have involved some sort of customer / patient facing roles, talking on the phone etc, so I guess really it's been sink or swim. I do wonder what I'd have been like though had I not had those jobs. I also knew that in getting my dog I'd no doubt bump into people and need to exchange small talk, so after finding out that I had AS, I make a point of speaking to people if they speak to me, however much I might not want to at the time. Experiences, negative or positive, are bound to shape the way we think about things. More recently I've realised that there are very few people I can call a true friend, and I find that sad, as I've thought I've had friends but they've turned out to be anything but :/ Once my usefulness runs out, they disappear. Thankfully though I do have a couple of good people in my life, apart from family, it's just too bad that most live in far off lands!

Indeed! I work as a medical secretary, so I guess that doesn't really sound like something you'd 'expect' me to do... given that most of the people I know doing the same role are middle aged mother-types or coming up for retirement. It's also a bit of a shock for them to find out I have a tattoo that goes from my knee to near my ankle on one leg... seeing people's reactions to that is always rather amusing... well except for when I've had people making nasty comments when out and about and a little of it is showing from under crop trousers.

I'd agree that it's definitely easier to talk to people who share the same interests. I find I can pass the time of day with people quite easily now, for example if I'm out walking Lottie or if I'm in a shop etc, but in depth conversations are still harder. I have found of late that people I thought were friends aren't really so I don't have much of a social life now that I can't go to gigs like I used to. Not really interested in going down to the pub etc so not likely to meet too many new people, unless I randomly bump into someone interesting walking the dog or getting groceries at Tesco!! haha

Robert, that's funny as no one I knew outside of going to gigs ever really wanted to talk too in depth about my photography either People at work would, for the most part, be bewildered by the 'types' of people I used to hang about with and photograph. I, on the other hand, loved being the girl who 'didn't look like she took photos of those sorts of people'

I can be both... I used to be really quiet though amongst people I didn't know too well, or new people. I was drawn out of my shell a bit more after working in one particular job. I appreciate the fact that happened because I was, at times, painfully shy and quiet. Now, you'd not think I was the same person, and if I am in the right frame of mind I can start a conversation with most people. This has taken some work on my part though and I do force myself to continue to do it. Having my dog has helped a lot in the last year or so as she just drags me over to people she thinks look interesting! Although I could be shy I was never afraid to say what I thought though, I might just have become a little more confident and louder in my approach. I do think, like the girl in the video, that there are times and places and I just wish that my needing to 'fight for what is right' didn't run so deep. I've got to learn when actually doing the right thing is being quiet and getting on with it, rather than causing myself more stress by highlighting situations that I think need sorting out and in turn causing myself problems.

This, believe it or not, is the first I've seen anything by / of Temple Grandin. I know, shame on me!! I found this really interesting... and how true about the need for unique minds. What would the world be like if everyone was the same? Does it even really bear thinking about?

Sounds like a plan matzoball!

I'll go with a list there... Family, esp my nephew Spending time with my dog Baking Music (metal in particular) Seeing awesome gig photos

Nikon!?! haha... I used to get teased so much because I used Canon!

How mad is that!? I am absolutely loving photo #27

Welcome to the forum Mooni. I think a lot of us can relate to what you've experienced. I hope that you like it around here, there's a wealth of information to be found, and kind, generous people who are willing to help, listen or just share a laugh. I also love to bake, very therapeutic

ahhh sorry I didn't realise you'd had an assessment... I think the fact that you've shared this with us is a huge step.. I don't think anyone on here would think ill of you for posting what you have, I can't imagine why anyone would at all. Try not to be so hard on yourself!

I've been thinking a lot about this question since you posted it... and each time I've gone to reply I've thought, 'no, keep thinking about it more'. In real terms falling anywhere on the autistic spectrum is officially considered a disability isn't it? However, to the individual is it only a disability if they see it as such? I guess in one sense it is very much a disability in the sense that we have more than our fair share of struggles through life and the obvious difficulties with communication etc. Then of course there are perceived benefits to being on the spectrum in that traits can mean that we may have special talents, for example like some who post here who can master several foreign languages very easily, those who can make beautiful jewellery, those who can write... the list goes on. Just because the world may see us as disabled, doesn't mean to say we have to. We should embrace our differences and try to focus on the positives we all have within ourselves... That, of course, is easier said than done!

I think that it's really positive that you've managed to post this. You've obviously been feeling the effects of the comment regarding you having AS and that is completely understandable. Whilst knowing can be a positive thing you're kind of stuck in no man's land with no official diagnosis and a comment that was made to you. Instead of feeling self indulgent for posting this, take it for what it is... an expression of how you are feeling about things right now and look at the positives that are included in what you've written. You're not a failure at all... you have managed to get to 36 without knowing that you've had AS and you've obviously had to find coping strategies. You've got three children and although you're having trouble at the moment with connecting with them, you've managed to bring them up so far and that's no mean feat, esp for someone on the spectrum. Why do you think that your rituals are 'stoopid'? To me it's a sign of how you cope with situations, and the stroking may well be a calming mechanism? I was diagnosed at 34, last September, and I can tell you it's been a bit of a struggle through life at times, without understanding why. Knowing, or so I thought, would make it easier and I think in general terms it has, and at least now I know why I am 'different'. I think that you should be extremely proud of yourself, rather than focusing on the negatives as you see them, as bringing up three small children and completing a degree is again no mean feat. Some people would falter with the degree alone. I know how hard eye contact and making friends is... it hurts, really hurts doesn't it? Please don't ever feel that you can't express yourself and share your feelings, it's important that you have someone / somewhere to speak to.

Well how do you expect others to help you if you won't try and help yourself?

You have the power to change your life and your way of thinking Smiley. It has to come from within you... no matter who you are referred to for help.

I've pretty much always been in work, except for when I first moved up north and hurt my foot a couple of times. I worked in stores / shops whilst in high school and college. I then had trouble finding anything related to my qualifications (travel and tourism qualification) so I took the first job on offer, which was working in a grocery store and I stayed there until I decided to come to England to have a year out. I came to work in a hotel as it was live in and I could save to travel. Plans changed and I ended up staying here nearly 16 years ago. I took on temp jobs as a secretary when moving up north and then had some work in a high secure mental hospital for a couple of years, as a secretary / admin in various departments, before moving on to being a medical secretary in an adult mental health team for another couple of years. I have since moved to working as a co-ordinator in palliative care and that's where i've been for the last 3 or so years. I kind of just fell into the whole medical secretary / admin stuff and over the years have gotten more used to having to be on the phone etc, although I still wouldn't say it's my favourite thing to have to do. I guess, when I look at how my life could have been, I should realise how lucky I've been in so many ways... even though diagnosis came late at 34.

I too hate the noise of kids screaming. It's different if I think it's for a valid reason, but kids in shops screaming because they can't get their own way... ohhh that goes through me. The pics you guys have posted are so cute. I LOVE staffies, and malamutes. It seems Lottie loves them too and is convinced that she's big enough to play with dogs of any size, but is particularly partial to malamutes and huskies... who always tower over her and weigh goodness knows how much more than her. I'm convinced she'll get crushed by one :/

I used to work in an adult mental health team and I can vouch for the fact that waiting lists actually do exist, and things don't always happen as quickly as you, or the team, would like them to. Once you're in the system again though things should run a little more smoothly, or that's what I hope will happen for you. I think you've been given some great advice here by everyone and it would be a shame for you not to take these things on board. I know it's a cliche, as you've already mentioned, but helping yourself really is the best start. You get a lot of input from people on this forum and people genuinely don't want to see you 'suffer'. I'm sure that is the case of the MHT and doctors etc as well. The nurses are right, unless they are nurse prescribers, there isn't much they can do in the way of medication and you will just have to wait and see a doctor about them - that's why doctors are paid what they are, to make such decisions. Nurses can advise doctors as to what they think might help once they have assessed you / gotten to know you, but ultimately it's generally down to the doctor to make these decisions as they are the ones that are accountable at the end of the day.

I must admit I like to be in control... not having control over any given situation is not something I'm completely comfortable with. I like to know when things are happening, where, etc. If I am meeting people I hate it if they are late, and I try to be early to every appointment / work etc. I find it very difficult when people change plans at the last minute too, as usually I'm getting ready when they text / phone and it's very last minute. Argh!!

Indeed... obviously take both with a pinch of salt, but some of the questions are enough to make you think a little harder about certain things... at least for me!

Maybe you're onto something here... You answered 2 items out of 20 Yes. Your score is 10%. You scored very well, congratulations! An energy sucker you're NOT!.

Ok, so I just got this... You answered 13 items out of 20 similar to how a psychic vampire would respond . Your score is 65%. You are showing tendencies of being vulnerable to psychic attack, perhaps you didn't realize that you are opening yourself up to potential harm from energy suckers. The questions were rather interesting, esp those about friends. I've learned a lot over the past year or so about who is a friend and who is just using me for what they can get out of me... looking back I wish I'd been able to realise much of this much sooner.

I used to drink beer... this was many, many moons ago. I don't drink at all now and haven't done in over 10 years or so. I tried drinking spirits but they just had a nasty habit of making me feel like my throat was closing up after a couple of sips, so they were a no go for me. I don't miss it, and in fact, a glass of fizzy pop effects me more than alcohol ever did. I'll be the one bouncing around at the end of the night when my friends are lying there with their heads in their hands.