Concernedmammy

Thanks for your fantastic and informative reply Sally44. I'm feeling hugely guilty, as all of the things you have said, I know are true. He does have Sensory Integration Disorder and I'm concerned he has Dyscalucula (spelling?) as he struggles with maths so much. I've let the situation and stress overshadow what I already knew about my son. His stress is overwhelming and I'm probably not helping him at all. He is going to return to the small Primary where he was before we left for Kuwait. I know he feels safe and secure there and the school only has 75 children in it. We have seen Ed Psychs and a Child Psych when we were getting a diagnosis for ASD. We have had specialist OT and I've already contacted them again about our return. I honestly feel like I don't know where to turn to for help when we get home. The waiting list for CAMHS is always ridiculous. I would love to have him tested for Dyslexia and Dyscalucula. I would also love him to have the opportunity to talk to someone professional. Do you know the best route to take to get good professionals on board? Waiting for them through 'the system' has always been hit and miss and I'm never quite sure we're getting the best advice. I'm thinking I'm not dealing with the reality of things very well and I'm resentful that life is so tough for my little fella. I'm scared about the future and how he'll integrate back into school. Also daddy will not be with us as he has to stay and work in Kuwait. Goodness, we are in a mess. Good to hear that your Son is doing well and that you've found a supportive school. Thanks again.

Thank you for your replies! We have already established a home school routine with a timetable, however as he is so demotivated it has been a losing battle. We did designate a room which I involved him in sorting, making posters etc, buying paper and pens. Your comments on Minecraft are valid and I think it's my issue maybe. I find it hard to see him vanish into this world when he is disengaged from everything else in his life. He doesn't want to learn, play, read etc. There's no balance. Once my husband got back from the bike ride, we quickly realised why he was so upset - it was hot, noisy, strong smells and lots of traffic. My husband especially is not reading the signals which causes endless tension between us. Thanks for the tips on scaling how angry/stressed he feels. I'm going to get him involved in making some flash cards today. Any tips on diffusing the meltdown or stopping it escalating? He has asked what he can do when he is feeling this way, and the cooling off time isn't working. Recognising the signs before the meltdown begins is something I'd like to get a grip of, however at the moment his outbursts are so frequent that I can't keep up. Thinking more and more that returning to the UK may be best for him. If we get transferred to another new country and it turns out to have a discriminatory and non inclusive schooling, then I'm scared it will be a step too far for him. We thought we'd escape the recession after 4 redundancies and give the boys private education and a wonderful cultural experience, however it hasn't worked out that way. Downside would be that my hubs would not be with us, which may not be good for Corbin. Goodness I sound like a misery!!!!! Sorry! Happy EAster by the way, I'd kill for a Cadbury's EAster Egg!!

Hi, I'm writing about my little boy who is 9 and going through an absolutely dreadful time. Have posted before about our situation, in that we have moved to Kuwait with hub's work and to cut a long story short it's been a nightmare. We haven't managed to find a school for him that doesn't stress him out and we've tried home-schooling which isn't working either. We're now waiting to hear if we can get a transfer to another country. I know that this will bring it's own problems - more changes for him to cope with, however we can't stay here. Hubs can't return to UK due to tax implications until next April, however I may go back with my boys if we can't find good schooling elsewhere. Anyway - that's the background to our situation. Loads of change, rejections from schools here, huge drop in his self confidence, appearance of fixations he's never had before, lethargic and tired. That's the little boy I'm living with now - just dreadful. He is having huge melt-downs - out of control screaming and crying and cowering away as though we will physically harm him (which of course we never ever would). I 100% understand why he is having a terrible time as he has so much change to contend with. I'm hoping for some advice as to how deal with our main issues which are putting a massive strain on our family: 1. Most importantly - any tips on raising his self esteem. We tell him he's amazing and we love him but he's lacking in confidence and says he's 'stupid, mental, bad at maths, writing and english, a horrible son and brother'. Heartbreaking. 2. Meltdowns - even he has asked if I can help him to cope with his anger as it scares him. He is easily angered and becomes so distressed. We try to get him to 'cool down' in his room, however he sees it as a punishment and becomes more hysterical. 3. Fixations - obsessed with playing 'Minecraft' on ipad and laptop (and watching videos from youtube of other people playing!). Understand that it allows him to relax and unwind, however I can't accept that he chooses that over and above anything else. He used to love playing with diggers and now doesn't touch them, nor does he want to swim in the pool (we have sun!). He's allowed 1 hour per day and we use a timer so he understands that time is counting down. This doesn't stop the constant begging for more time, the lack of motivation to do anything else etc. The saddest thing is that most of the above was never apparent in the UK, it's obviously a result from the changes he has gone through. His diagnosis is for mild ASD and Dyspraxia. We've tried to manage the transitions as much as possible but quite frankly feel like we've done a bad job. He's just gone out on a bike ride with his dad this morning (used to adore this) and my husband rang to say he's hysterically crying and refusing to cycle. So frustrating - all we want is to have our happy boy back. Any tips or advice would be appreciated. Apologies for the long post. Emma x

Hi, Sorry to hear that you're feeling frustrated and low. I don't have ASD but my little boy does. I'm writing from the teaching perspective - I really found doing my teacher training difficult. Surely it should be a challenge as it's a big responsibility to educate children? My son was only small when I went back to University to do it, so I had my own reasons for finding the course difficult to cope with. Having a lack of self-confidence is really crippling, whether you are on the spectrum or not. I hope you're getting the support you need from your lecturers, as this part of their role. Maybe you need some extra 'tools' to cope with the classroom management, which in turn will make you feel more confident. I'm a Post 16's lecturer and I have worked in Secondary too which I found to be really difficult. Maybe a move into Adult Education would suit your personality more? Students are there because they want to learn and you don't generally have too many behavioural issues to deal with. If you can dig deep, ask for help, and keep on going, if not take some time out - I bet you could repeat a year if you take a break and look at ways to boost your confidence. If you decide that teaching isn't for you, then that's okay too - you can be whatever you want to be and there's no pressure apart from that from yourself. Good Luck - I'm sure you'll be amazing.

Hi Mel, Thanks for your top tips - especially since you've obviously had hands-on experience of home-schooling. We have been cooking and 'trying' to have fun! You're correct in what you say - education can be accessed at any time, it just seems all the harder to get your head around when it's your own child. Thanks again - much appreciated. Emma

Hi Nic, Sorry to hear you and your son are having such a tough time of things. I've had those horrific school-runs with Corbin in the UK and then here (well for 2 weeks) and I swear they leave you feeling totally empty. You feel like you are betraying your child - like sending the lamb to the slaughter and yet at the same time you're almost compelled to 'abide by the school system'. Many of our issues with our son put a strain on our marriage as we see things so differently. I've read and read about Asperger's and attended an Early Bird Course. My hubs on the other hand, hasn't and although I still know very little about it, I feel that I can empathise more easily. Good luck with whatever you decide. Has your son said exactly what the issue is or is just the whole environment/setting? Really feel for you as I know how much it hurts. Let me know how you get on. Emma

Hi, Thank you so much for your replies. My husband's company have given us zero help and support and have the attitude that it's our problem not theirs! I think your points that we should time having fun is a good one as I know that this whole situation has left a void which is really sad. On the other hand, he's also hugely clingy to me and has started calling me and my husband 'mama' and 'dada' again - I'm guessing this is for comfort? I keep trying to ease my guilt by telling myself that this 'gap' in his schooling is tiny when looking at his whole life. My worry is that the longer he has a break, the harder it will be to ever get him back into it. What do you think? Any tips on dealing with such big transitions as this? We tried to prepare him as much as we could, but as nothing has gone to plan, then I guess it hasn't given him much security and comfort. Have any of you also felt frustrated and resentful that your child is having difficulties which then in turn affects the whole family? I know it's a negative way of thinking but sometimes I feel like shouting 'WHY HIM?'. I shouldn't, I know. He has only mild Asperger's, so I know things could be much tougher. These last 6 months seem to have emphasised his sensitivities, his traits and his heightened emotions to the point I don't recognise him. I know that this is a reaction to his environment but I still find it hard to get my head around. Apologies for moaning....it's pretty isolating being away from friends and family. A nice cup of tea and a chat with my mam would make me feel so much better......but it's a bit far to travel! Any help on meltdowns, transitions, improving communication and home-schooling would be fab. Thanks for reading! Emma

Hi there, I am new to this forum and in desperate need of some help - please! I have a 9 year old little boy with mild Asperger's who I feel I've lost. I'll explain our really messy situation; my husband took a job in Kuwait in August with 'family status' which offered private education for our two boys as well as other benefits. After doing as much research as we could online (the schools were closed as it was Summer holidays) we decided to take this opportunity which would get us back on our feet financially (hubs had been made redundant 4 times in 4 years) and we thought it was going to be a wonderful opportunity for Corbin to have private education. We prepared him as much as we could for our new life. Well, we couldn't have been more wrong......I'll try and keep this brief. Basically after visiting the schools here, I was shocked and horrified - not at all like their websites! They are private, but are overcrowded, ran down and chaotic. There was only 1 British School I felt the boys could go to, which although large it had great facilities,a SENCO and a 'western' feel. Children have to sit entrance exams here, so I was upfront about Corbin's diagnosis. I explained that he had been in main stream school in UK, and did not qualify for a Statement. I provided his reports from his diagnosis etc and that's when things went wrong. They refused him a place and said he was the weakest child in maths they had ever seen (rubbish!) and that it wasn't the school for him. We were devestated. It was clear they had formed an opinion on our son. I then went to another school which I had discounted due to its size (2,500) children and again the noise levels and craziness. The head there was great and offered Corbin a place, however we all knew that really it wasn't the correct environment for him. He lasted 2 weeks, and then the meltdowns began. I couldn't get him into school, he was crying and screaming. He was very distressed and obviously we talked about how he was feeling. He couldn't cope with the organistaional skills needed (moving classrooms for lessons) or the noise or size. The classes are so small that there wasn't an option of paying for learning support to help him cope with the sensory issues and keep his confidence levels up. We appealed to the original school who gave him a 1 week trial (he loved it) and then refused him a place at the end. I was told that they don't need children with 'Special Needs' at their school......myself and my husband were angry, shocked and devestated. We told Corbin there had been a mix up and there were no longer any places. His little face just dropped. Apologies this is so long...wanted to explain the background to the mess we are now in. So, we came to Kuwait 28th September and aside from 2 weeks in one school and a 1 week trial, Corbin has been out of education. We decided our only option was to home-school him, and set out to find a qualified British teacher - to no avail! Therefore I said I would do it (I'm a teacher). Now this is where it gets really tricky..... Due to the fact my little man's entire life has changed overnight and there's no suitable schools,he has changed dramatically. He is angry, disrespectful, lazy and very very sad. It is killing us all seeing him this way. I can't get him motivated to learn as he's definitely built a barrier now. All he says is 'i want to go to school like a normal boy' and 'i refuse to do home-schooling'. He is particularly angry towards me as he says that I've taken him away from the school he loved (not strictly true), his friends, his family, his home. Ontop of all of this our house has sold in the UK. I've talked and talked with him, cuddled him, given him space, made lists of positives, drawn pictures.....but I can't reach him. I think I've lost him due to me and my husband making the wrong decision to come here. My ability to cope has long gone and I'm erratic, I shout, I scream (all of which I know are adding to the problems) and then comes the horrific guilt. Our family lif e is terrible and our 3 year old is picking up on the awful atmosphere. Myself and my husband fall out constantly. Wonderful! So, I was hoping someone out there may have a suggestion of how I can move things forward. Of course we've talked about going back to the UK, however financially we will be almost destitute. I also think that not having his lovely home to go to, and returning to school mid term would be simply more transitions to overload him. I've ran out of energy and ideas......can anyone suggest how they would deal with this? Thanks so much.