Gold MD

Well, I could go to another group for support and maybe just request to work with men so that the infatuation risk is no longer there. The trouble is, they would probably get to find out about all the nonsense that went on with A.I. and so it would not feel like a fresh start. Like you, M, I have gave up trusting support / social workers altogether. Ain't nothing worse than the baggage one has accumulated coming with them to some new, ideally happier environment, because those in power spread your business around like wildfire. It should be up to the individual what information they divulge to others, but they claim they need to know certain facts. As if. I'd love to get a flat somewhere else now and just chill out for a while. I don't think I'd like it to be a permanent chilling out period. I would get lonely. Just that right now, I feel burned out, tired and angry. You know why. Losing my flat after losing my workers and getting a 5 years non harassment order totally blows.

Too right. What that Autism Initiatives put me through has damaged my confidence, a lot. Now they are just trying to cover their asses. Too bad about my flat as well. I liked that flat. I had been in it since 2011. They clearly have no morals if they tricked me into signing away my tenancy because of my emotional state, otherwise called manipulation. The rent problem is not even that bad so they had a cheek using that as yet another exploitable excuse to use against me, just like everything else. I called the place that deals with the H.B. and it appears I may have been duped. Then after I told this Cathy that I still wanted to live there and get the rent issue rectified, she said she had already signed away the lease to stop any debt, with immediate effect. What a tart. I've been royally screwed over by that company. That does wonders for my confidence. Not! I was never that confident anyway. I also nearly have panic attacks in shops. I get adrenaline rushes and it causes me to become anxious. I'm not sure how to halt this anxiety. It also prevents me from going anywhere far away. It looks like I will be stuck feeling crappy for quite some time. Unfortunately, my good friend is upstairs in that accommodation. That is why it was good being there. And I am still probably going to be banned from that street after the court case is over. That is because Sara and Joanna use flat 1 to work in. Gee. I have to lose my flat of 3 plus years, all because of them. I also don't really go to Number 6 any longer. I used to go infrequently in the past, but since it is associated with that A.I. company, it is hard to go in there now. http://number6.org.uk/

Like M says, I think self-help groups with fellow aspies is better, because a lot of NT people do not understand us, as I come to learn from being screwed over by these so-called "professionals" that could not even be honest about my support workers not working with me anymore. I've never been in Number 6 for quite a while. It is in Edinburgh and they run all kinds of groups. I kind of started to give up on the thought of a social life due to anxiety. I've found it hard just going in Tesco at night to buy a milkshake. Social events can be scary because you are often interacting with strange people.

Yeah. It seems they are not wanting me going back there and sure, the rent issues are an issue that needs to be sorted out, but I think they would rather I was not living there. I have wanted an advocate so badly for ages, but the problem is they cannot be involved while a trial is still running. This case continues because I keep getting angry and they need to have me going back again and again. A solicitor (or lawyer) is still a legal advocate, but I meant I needed somebody from an advocacy rights post to help me complain about how I was treated. Already, my mother is looking at other lets online. But if it was possible, I would have rather just "had my life back" with all the workers I miss. Sadly, that will never happen unless hell freezes over.

Like pretty much anything really, if the first film, book, game or whatever is initially a success, they end up churning out sequels and eventually, side stories and anything that rakes in the money. Harry Potter was a best selling book, so naturally, a film of it had to be green-lit eventually. Sometimes, sequels being made one after another can be a bad thing. Take Resident Evil for example. For a good amount of years, it was hardly a horror series any longer despite the original title being a classic game in the 'survival horror' category. It was getting to the point where the zombies were getting removed in place of newer enemy designs and the franchise was becoming more like action, with only trace elements of horror remaining. They understood this was annoying a lot of the long time fans, though, and Capcom are working so hard to rejuvenate things.

It was through my autism I got involved with Autism Initiatives. And really, before I was screwed over by them, my life was relatively OK. It wasn't great, but now I feel as if I have lost everything. That really has nothing to do with my autism as such, and all to do with not getting helped for my impulsive nature. These darn support people are only in this for the money. If you get bright ideas about being friendly with them there, they lie and take them well away from you.

The ass. director of Autism Initiatives knows that the council stopped paying my rent, which caused a real messy situation. I've not been in my flat since 28 July due to what occurred with two of my former female support workers and because flat 1 is an office, the court did not permit me to be there. So I've been living with my family for ages per my bail instructions. However, I felt like I had no choice other than to surrender my flat. But was there another way? I've already been in prison on remand and I have been arrested for going on Facebook and sending the ladies messages. Nobody notified the council that I had NOT moved out. Was this a deliberate thing on their part, perhaps? The court intend to have me electronically tagged to keep a check on my whereabouts. This to me clearly means I *COULD NOT* go back there for quite some time in any case, as there would be at least in my view, no purpose to tagging me should I have gone back to residing there. And since it could in fact make me feel awkward being there again, I signed the lease away. I will miss my flat and I will always certainly miss those workers. But really, what was I supposed to do? I was shafted. Did the ass. director perhaps persuade me to give up my lease? She asked me to write my agreement on some paper, in case my "word" was gone back on. I feel sad.

There are times I wish I did not have autism, myopia, anxiety, and my court case. But where does wishing get us?

Try meetup.com, for setting up a group. You will have to pay a monthly fee, but it isn't much.

As long as it's not Autism Initiatives.

Well, when the police arrested me on the Saturday morning they saw me, I had been in a restroom the previous night just trying to avoid them, but I figured I would be caught eventually because then where does one go to hide that does not cost any money and is comfortable? But I did not expect them to find me that quickly, as I had just left the hotel I was in, then I went to buy a ham roll from Gregg's which is a popular bakery, and then the pigs (see what I did there?) were just around the corner. Sure, I was eating a cop but there was no need to sneak up on me. My music was playing on my phone. Next minute, boom. They got me. Other than in July last year, I have never ever said anything nasty to these former care workers on Facebook. They still work for Autism Initiatives, but I am totally banned from working with them for the rest of my joyful existence. Therefore, they are only former care workers to me. Everybody else can appreciate their amazing "help" and I must suffer forever more. They do not even do sleepovers any longer and yet, I am not permitted to be at that supported flat just now and quite possibly, never again. So it beats me why they are not doing sleepovers. Maybe it is because I told the seniors that them being there when I am not would potentially be a slap in the face. They took my feelings on board and kept them from doing sleepovers, while saying it was their own choice, but I reckon it is more of a policy thing than a personal choice. My lawyer has been telling me for months now that I must get all my stuff out of there and find alternative accommodation since I cannot go back there, but I suspect that is all just hogwash. The court have not evicted me because there would be some official letter explaining this was what was for real and true. He does not want me going anywhere near these women again, so as a solicitor, he has to look after his clients and while that is fine and dandy, it was my flat for over 3 years, so you can see why I am very upset about potentially having lost it. The police never said they traced my signal, but I know they explained that method to my father once before when they wanted to find me, so I gather they found me that way as my phone started ringing a minute before they actually grabbed me. If you are out for a while, it increases the time they can be afforded to try to find where you have gone to. They asked my mother for my mobile number, so my mother gave it to them. That is what they do to track your location, regardless of where you go in your city. They use your phone card to zoom in on where you are. They got two other pigs to come to take me up to the mental hospital after at first saying they were my "taxi home", but I believe they just did it mainly to stall for a fair bit of time, until they could get feedback from other cops or at least from all those traitorous workers about why I ran off. Despite my mental state at times, I am perfectly sane and I know a set-up when I see one. Believe me. Then after I eventually spoke to this doctor at the hospital (there was some people ahead of me to begin with), the pigs told me I was being arrested. They had done the same dirty trick last year. They took me there under what I firmly believe were false pretenses, then told me I was getting arrested for a breach of bail (contacting Sara and Joanna against the court orders). Granted, they would just make out taken me there was part of their responsibility as officers, but I just knew they were going to arrest me and that trip there was just a way to hold me rather than them actually doing it in a police station, as such. So not to alarm me right away, they sat there and said nothing. Until they had to tell me, of course. But they waited until we got back to the car to tell me the bad news. Oh, yeah. Give a guy with autism some false hope. You pigs. The reason I ran off is because I know if you get arrested on a Friday, they can hold you in a police station cell until the next Monday, or if it is a bank holiday - possibly until Tuesday. They had arrested me on a Wednesday night just days before that arrest after being out all day long and I was in a holding cell much of Thursday before I stood before a judge. There was nowhere to go, so I went back to my parents' house and that is how the police got me. What else would I do? Joanna reported me. Then the same guy cop was the one who saw me near the hotel I was in arrested me that Wednesday night. Do I sound confusing here? You bet this is a confusing mess of a situation to be in. So I was worried that if Sara reported me too (despite it being the same incident), the police would treat it as a different offense and I was correct. They told me that it was two separate complaints so they treat them as individual matters, even though strictly speaking, it was that I wrote to them at the same time. Those two women (Sara and Joanna) do not give a s*** about me and they never did. It was just a job to them. Nothing more. Of course, I knew that was the case all along and it is unfortunately true that being workers to me is all they will ever have been to me as people, but the fact remains. They overreacted to me having gained feelings for them. Then rather than try to explain what I did wrong and act nice about things so we could still have a positive working relationship, Sara started to bully me about during my support shifts and it was clearly a deliberate thing, because she wanted me to banish all these fantasies that she was going to become my Latin lover. Finally, they betrayed me in the manner they did, which makes them cold. Why did the seniors say Sara was still my key worker last year around this time when it was not true at all? But it is fine (according to the seniors) because they can just delay telling me my two special female workers are history, to 'spare my feelings' (as if they could really do that forever). Oh, no, no, no. They betrayed me. My life is all but ruined. And this will haunt me until the day I die, especially since my 'not gone to jail' record has been tarnished for good. And it is all over these pathetic individuals. You can trust me. That was what Sara said. But it was nothing but a confidence trick. Caregivers want you to feel important. Have the accused remanded in custody. That will give us time to get a social report. That is what Sheriff MacLeod said, months before he retired. What a difference a year makes. Of course, I have already explained these things to Sara and everyone else, numerous times. Nobody cares about me at all. Do you know what that Hispanic tart was doing the day I was sent to jail during the first of the two times I was sent to prison? She was out and about, passing a driving test. Seriously! What a selfish Spaniard that snake in the grass has become. She should get deported back to Madrid and go sell her tuna taco hole for whatever pesetas she can gather up. After all the pleasant memories we shared, she wants to crush them all for her own selfish needs. We also planned to go cycling before. I can see EVERYTHING clearly. I have been screwed. The long term impact of this horrible mess will be devastating for my mental health and general well-being. Who will always remember being assaulted in jail, being locked up, getting police following me around, etc? Not them. But me.

I was in court in December, then I got arrested twice in January for contacting my support workers again. The police found me near the restroom I was in. On top of that, they deferred the end result until 26 February to get a psychiatrist report. When I went to see the psychiatrist, I said alarming things to her, so I might be in trouble come court. But oh well. I'm not gonna pretend this mess ain't annoying me!

I just hate my life now too. I cannot even get back to my flat. I'll never get my cherished workers back. I blog about it now. http://peterasworldofranting.blog.co.uk/

They are called bad memories for a reason. It's not as easy as simply cancelling the thoughts as it is kind of still going to be stuck there. Giving time, it can improve, but there are scars.

Yes, there certainly are a lot of crazy people online. You can block and ban, but it can feel like it's in vain (too many to filter out). Lately, all I really do is go on the laptop. That's because my life totally sucks from having zero confidence, especially after all I went through before. I still get nowhere with the agency that caused the affairs with my ex-aides and it is still an issue for me getting back to that flat I was in because I need an advocate. In fact, I rang up the boss a few days ago and I was met with such arrogance. I was talking, then I'd be silent and then he would be silent. It was annoying getting "uh-huh" every response. You know? He just doesn't care.

I had a cold earlier this month which made me chuck up and I still keep coughing.

So how do I go to an advocate about my issues? Happy 2015 everyone.

The Holly effect!

I get lonely, and I don't just mean in the winter I feel shut in, but my main worries this year were over that support company that helped me. My sister also has her custodial battle as well. 2014 totally sucked for us.

I hated all of 2014. I won't even celebrate new year for 2015. Different year = same .

I adhore neurotypicals. In fact, I want nothing more to do with them for as long as I live. Yes, that is how much I want to disown those that make up my own sad state of a society. For they are selfish, think they are it and do little to help us autistic registrants. I am done with trying to be nice to these "people" because it never reaped any rewards before. They brought me nothing but misery. From my own experience, 'my own kind' should and will always include fellow autistic personalities and anyone with a learning issue. These types are the nicest of the nice to me. If I were you, I would ditch the seedy neurotypicals in your life permanently. For the past whenever, I trusted and loved my support agency. That I did. How did they make me feel about myself this year, however? I will tell you: I have had my self-esteem, confidence, self-worth and happiness destroyed a thousand times over. It will take a God damn miracle to revive my good mood. Oh, yes. I basically got screwed by my support workers, my family and all the way up. I even ended up locked away in jail where my good heart was powerless to do anything. I draw my lines there. That is going too far on a personal level. All Autism Initiatives have served to do is break me in two halves. It is them that have ruined me. They were dropping my support workers like flies behind my back the whole time and fobbing me off. First it was Ruth, then Joanna, then Sara. All I did was comment about their nice approach and/or warm to having them in my life, because I deserve to have normality in my life. Then they royally screwed me over. That senior, called Andrew. He screwed me over and look what it lead to you. Do you know he even laughed in my face once when we were alone and said he could be my "source of communication" from now on? That rat bag little weasel stole my workers from me and then he eventually left. I wish now I had smashed his face in a long time ago. They say I had no right to react the way I did to their lies. Rubbish! I have every God damn right to feel this upset because they did everything to cancel Sara and Joanna out of my life, probably at their beck and call. How could they do this to me? After I bent over backwards trying to reinstate Sara and Joanna to my support team, it turns out they were largely uninterested in giving me a second chance the whole time and clearly had a hand in sending me to prison by logging all my Facebook messages, then dialing the Blue Meanies on me when I stepped over my boundaries. Jesus, some beloved support workers with hearts of gold that they turned out to be. Where are these 'great support workers' now then? They are nowhere. I only ever had the nicest things to say about the workers. The nicest of intentions. The greatest of goals I yearned to achieve, with them by my side. Now look at me. Now I am a shell of a man with no more gladness in my soul. I was nice enough to buy my key worker Christmas gifts last year, in spite of the way she was treating me. Joanna and I had many good conversations about cats and music. But as it turns out, she was uncomfortable with me in her presence all along. They both were. Then they screwed me over, as a unit. Now thanks to them, I am without my money, without my laptop, without my happiness, without my flat and my support is no more. I went into Number 6 yesterday and all this guy did was blame me, then say 'our appointment is over' and what a display of ignorance. This service user was asking me why I was in jail. It was embarrassing. Those sicko apes at the office next door to where I lived before did not even have the decency to come to court last week to defend me. Oh, I draw the lines at this. This is so blatantly wrong and spirit crushing. While it is going to be tricky to verify they put me through all this as I have nothing in written form, I so want to get payback for what they did to my good spirit. And if I cannot have Sara and Joanna back in my life and with us being nice to one another like we used to, I am never going to take my support with that company ever again. I draw my lines here and they are going to get theirs when this advocate gets involved soon. There is no way they should be allowed to get away with this. By the way, I hope you have a good Christmas, M.

My lawyer help me? Ha-ha. While he is helping me in court, outside is a different matter. The last time one of the seniors called his secretary, he / she says he is not very 'computer literate'. WTF? I have sent him emails and never once gotten a response. There are still our laptops to be returned too. The police have those and now I will have to fork out money on another one because this Xbox 360 Internet app is rubbish. Many solicitors are just incredibly busy. Trying to get him on his mobile is a nightmare. He is in court most of the day and is almost unreachable. In fact, he was supposed to send a letter ages ago about me going back to the flat. It kept being delayed despite it allegedly already being sent out, so I went to see him one morning in his office. He just said he was really busy, but he would not look at me as he was speaking. Just 2 days ago in court, he could not see me on the bench outside court 3 so he left a message on my mobile saying to hurry to court, but I was already there with my mother. Oh...my...God! And them admit to anything? You must be joking! When they eventually come out and admitted it, they just said it to me in the agents dept. in the jail. That was during the first time I got remanded, then my butt ended up back in there the next month all because I breached my bail terms by apologizing. Seriously! This guy assaulted me too, just because I asked him to turn the TV off. The screws (prison authorities) were all jerks too. One of them said 'you can just feel the vacantness in the air' before I was rushed off to court on a Friday back in September. And if I go to an advocate with support workers from that agency, they will act like spies and relay all the things I have said back to the seniors. Maybe it would be wiser not to have any of these support workers from that particular agency helping me, but other than them, there is only really The Action Group. To be quite frank here, I do not think I have any hope in hell of gaining a great outcome from any of this, but I must try.

As long as your name does not have 85, Broken or Star in it, I will welcome anything you have to say, Laddo. It is not against some fictional law to disagree with what people post on here, after all. So feel free to post your opinions as you wish. Yes. Of course they felt uncomfortable, but I only sent some measly text messages being inappropriate (at least in the very beginning). That was unacceptable, sure, but I hardly saw it as being very sinful to show a caregiver some affection, but I should have taken a step back before I made a fool of myself. There are important rules for a reason. And it hardly helps knowing I am quite infamous for being reckless. All I wanted was redemption. Then I got cross when nobody listened or even treated me with any fairness. They took them away from me and told me lies. Lies that I saw through. How could I really go around seeing the ladies helping other service users in Number 6 or anywhere else, but not supporting me any longer? Much jealousy would ensue. It would just get me worked up. Therefore, I got highly frustrated. There were other options here. So they are 'just support workers' to other people and will never be anything other than that it seems, but to me - I thought they were special and I naturally only ever wanted to correct all my flaws. I found out in court yesterday, I cannot reside at the supported flat again. My stuff is still there, but I want to fight it. The court also deferred my case until in March. That caused me to blow up today, because I have really had enough. My mother called the police after I got mad and broke a cup. Now if the court really has booted me out of my flat and it really is goodbye, that will break my spirit. None of the seniors bothered coming to court either because they assumed I only required them there to play a blame game. But to me, it just feels as if they lost interest and ditched me because I chose to cancel my support. Because it is all in the hands of the law now, they do not have to do a thing any more because they are not being paid to once one chooses to end their support with them. Gee, cheers for this. It is nice to know there are people I can actually count on. Yeah, right. I did not want this to happen. They even admitted the situation could have been handled better, so why not handle it now? Why come out with that excuse after all this time? And I believe they could find a way to resolve this matter regardless of all these restraining orders being in place and whatnot. That way, the court would finally see we are making some progress, instead of carrying on locking me up or deferring the outcome over all this garbage to a future date that is just under 3 long months away. Otherwise, I can see this destroying my life more and more, with me getting absolutely nowhere. This has been reflected back to the director of the agency in an email. Think about it, really. Would anyone want petty drama like this to affect their mindset for the rest of their life? Before you reply, I know that in life, certain actions have consequences. All they had to do was give me another chance long before all these incidents happened. It has been so stressful for me and 2014 will always be remembered as a prime candidate for the worst year I ever lived through. It will get to a point where I will just "snap" again and that will be met with even more dire consequences. Once you do something dumb, you cannot "undo" it later, so it is much better not to have done it. However, sometimes the anxiety can take over and when it builds and builds inside of you for a long time, eventually some of that stress can get to be way too much to cope with. So you cannot blame me for throwing more temper tantrums and harassing people.

I got lied to over two female support workers I got attached to who work for this support agency I have been involved with for a long time, so I got angry from not having both of them reinstated. Then eventually, I got arrested for being disruptive one day in July and I was presented with an undertaking to court. Rather than stay cool, I emailed them vulgar things on Facebook out of frustration which caused me to be arrested two more times and I ended up detained in a remand prison prior to a hearing. In fact, I went to prison twice. When I was just out of jail the first time, I contacted them to apologize. That was all. The police arrested me again, because I am pretty sure I was set up by a senior member of staff when a police officer saw me boarding a bus. But I foolishly emailed them again, to say sorry, so the cops arrested me yet again after my mother fooled me into going into a park where I got surrounded. So I was arrested five times in the space of just a few months. I had been out all night frightened they would come get me, so I had to run off. She just said it was not smart to hide from them, which is her excuse for gifting me over to the pigs that fateful morning. Furthermore, I keep being told over and over again that I will never get the two women back for support, which is what all this garbage is about. They just make the non-harassment orders a scapegoat not to undo their blunders. Sure, they admitted lying to me was wrongful, but they could have gave me a chance with the two ladies. One of them used to be my key worker as well. Do you not think they meant something to me? Now, I am due to be sentenced in the morning by this judge and I was told no seniors are going to court because I do not want them for support, I just want to assign blame to them. Gee, I reckon they are just leaving me flat because I dumped them and rightfully so. Then this guy had the cheek to say to me on the phone that he will reinstate my support, if I agree to do so. What mother so and so traitors they all are. My butt is on the line and they are not even going to court tomorrow to have my best interests at heart, despite causing all this anxiety to begin with. Flipping traitors.