Gold MD

I've been waiting weeks to find out what was going on with that new Avengers movie regarding the recruitment of extras (the locals who play the stock background civilians). Then it turns out they only want to cast people from England despite this movie being set in Scotland. Yeah, work that one out. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/fury-avengers-movie-makers-snub-10188285 People slander me on social media too so I don't get roles in indie films, which that Avengers movie isn't, but you can gather that I feel fed up. Since they likely do this in private messages, it is hard to get anything done about it, and I know who is possibly doing this, yet I cannot prove it. So in other words, it's speculation. But I just have a hunch, because I've seen people I had hassle from posting on Facebook pages for films being made in my town. Then if I asked about being an extra, I either got blocked or they gave a made up excuse acting nice to put me off, when I was about work for extras they tried to say they did not need (yet they cleared stated they wanted extras, so it was clearly just me getting fobbed off). Since a few idiots don't like me over some stuff I said on Twitter, they tell people like other directors local to them, for example, to omit me from being involved in any of their movies. But again, it cannot be proven. I get this horrible burning feeling in my body; I do have a high intake of sugar. So I think I'm just eating rubbish because I am very depressed, fed up, or something. Most of the day, I just go online and that is not healthy either. That's pretty much it for my routine, every single day, because I have no social life at all, and I certainly have no confidence left - and I have anxiety issues. I also still live with my family. The house we stay in is very cluttered as my sister had to move all her stuff out of her flat. When the law cost my sister her kids, she got less money and the rent arrears for her flat got too high. Now my dad has put up two sheds in the garden for to store all her junk, and there is certainly a lot of it. I just feel so tired, and bored. I've been wanting my own flat. It takes ages when it comes to getting one from the council. They make people bid 3 times a week for months. It just never ends. They put me on 'homeless priority' in the fall of last year. It is just a monotony.

It's been pretty inactive here for a while anyway. Minus the odd drifter who posts something, it's not been very busy here for a long time. However, aren't all forums kind of going like this now?

Admins can delete your account, but they probably won't erase certain posts unless you provide links to the posts you want removed. It's usually at the discretion of who is in charge, though.

Anyway, I just want to hear from you lot what you think of this in your feedback. I had support from Autism Initiatives in Edinburgh for a number of years, and had been faced with a multitude of annoying issues over the past several years due to being infatuated with my female caregivers. I've talked about the chaos that ensued over this mess many times on the forums in the past, as well as beginning various threads at other forums on the Internet cataloging everything that has occurred; I believe the user 'trekster' and various other members offered commentary in prior threads on the Asperger and ASD UK Online Forum. So what's been happening as of late? I'm on various supervision orders due to breaches of bail, and for breaching the court orders in general, all over committing analogous offenses. These orders are due to expire in March. Basically, I was agitated that I could not make things up to my former key worker and other people from the company that I fell out with, and I also lost my supported accommodation. So it resulted in a lot of major issues because I was unable to leave things well enough alone, and I was also in jail many times on remand. The latest problems arose because of an actress on Twitter. When she blocked me, I got my panties in a twist, so she ended up contacting other film makers to get me put on a no-no list. The reason this was a breach was because I was ordered to stay off social media, with websites such as Twitter and Facebook being disallowed. The police were obviously contacted as well. They also came to speak to me regarding me annoying the director of an upcoming film, because he refused to cast me as an extra. While that perhaps isn't fair, there is bomb that can be done about other people spreading reports. Once you end up getting a bad rep, or you get slandered in that manner, it's just going to be a lost cause. People that communicate with each other in clannish cliques do update one another on problematic situations, and that's just how the land lays. Sadly, getting new support from social services proved tough. They found me a few guys from another agency in early 2016. Unfortunately, their poor flexible support meant they were relatively unhelpful, and they were not able to get support shifts arranged for special events either, which to me indicated there was little point in keeping them around. Also, I suspected that my court supervisor (who contacts social services) would have utilized the workers as stool pigeons to keep an eye on me. The sheriff agreed that I'm in a state of limbo, and should be in receipt of help; I had to see a psychologist twice so she could prepare a report, and I was able to freely express my frustration at the system. I'm also awaiting alternate accommodation, because living with my family is not easy. The house we're bunched up in is very cluttered, and I think the house is rather clammy too. So the sheriff and my lawyer agreed I need support. Therefore, I could just work with men only, and not have women for support at all. However, there's no other autism-specific support agency in the UK besides Autism Initiatives, it appears. What do you think of Autism Initiatives or Number 6 in Edinburgh helping me again?

Paula, are you on the Healing Well site by any chance? Just thought you seem familiar, like I know you from other forums.

I'll take a look. I don't suppose you know why people are erasing my name off a film page. It's so wrong.

Times are bad, mate. I don't even think that social services can get me any flexible support despite what one guy said, as they won't provide women, and it seems it is women that mostly work as care personnel. At least according to some people, but that's debatable. They also say the funding is not there anymore. There was a time when I had ongoing support for 6 years, but that all ended thanks to you know who selling me down the river, but I caused this mess too by being way too open and honest about my business. There's a lot of things that I should not have opened my gob about. It's a major problem I have, though. This year has been a huge write-off, as in a major waste of my time. There was stuff I really wanted to do, but I didn't want to do it alone. But all I have to do online is tell people about my troubles, and they run a mile. The thing is, other than having anxiety, I'm not the type who even really appears disabled, clueless, shy, or whatever it is. So I don't really need support for a great deal of activities. I'd really love to just have them help me, and not put me through any more unnecessary BS. However, due to everything that has occurred, they will want me monitored. I'm also still under court appointed supervision, so obviously there is still a risk of these helpers being stool pigeons. I've not got anything to hide, but I'm very optimistic about who I share my life with now. Strictly speaking, I have to be, giving what's happened. Because I have anxiety, I kind of needed people like support workers to go to places with me, so I did not feel half as bad. Yet it's incredibly hard to trust them because I feel like I'm kind of pegged now, and read the first paragraph again. There's too many complications in place. As long as they have people dictating to them, they'll never feel trustworthy enough. I'm screwed either way.

Oh well. Private renting it is!

I've been twice to the council in Edinburgh, and they put me on the "homeless priority" list, but it can still take up to another year's worth of placing bids using EdIndex. The other available option is going private, but I know this can be risky. There is also an issue where people on benefits can be rejected. Now, the reason I want to leave my parents' house is because it's a mess. Maybe I should thank my lucky stars they've gave me homeless priority, because they explained that in a normal situation, you have to wait up to 100 years when you are bidding as normal without these extra "points" in place. Has Britain really gotten this bad? I'd rather get a new home next week. But...beggars cannot be choosers, or something to that effect!

I've had no luck getting another flat. My mother bids on flats every week using Key to Choice. You're allowed to bid on just three properties each week. She bid on one flat that is near a river because she thinks the location is nice, but I doubt anybody will be selected that's only been bidding for so little time. Normally, you have to bid for at least a couple of years, because a lot of people want a house. By bidding, you increase (very slowly) your place on the waiting list, and I assume the list must be gigantic. I contacted social services regarding setting up support again. A social worker previously set up new support before (to replace Autism Initiatives) and I then dropped them shortly thereafter. He found 2 guys at a firm in Edinburgh named Blackwood, and they had poor hours that could not be flexible, which was not suitable for to help me, and apart from that, I think I caught one of them trying to take snapshots or notes on his phone, since they were probably told to do so. A while back, I couldn't be online unless I had supervision, because of all the trouble I got into over two women who supported me before, and it resulted in me being charged. My supervisor amended this slightly with new rules. Since I only had 6 hours a week at the time, I did not want to waste my support hours going on the Internet, when I could do that in my own time. Plus, they had fixed hours, so if I needed anybody to accompany me somewhere at a time outwith the scheduled time allocated to myself, they could not set up a shift. They were useless, so I was within my rights to finalize their support. For example, they usually just worked with me 2 to 5 PM twice a week, but what if I needed help on a different day at a different time? So it was useless. Since you probably remember all that stuff about those people, I won't go and reiterate it all over again, but I feel like the past year or two has been a write off. I've not had any support in many months, so not only am I anxious, I also feel bored. And quite frankly, I do not really trust care workers due to what occurred before. They snitch on people because their duty involves logging what the clients say and do. Apart from that, you cannot get too attached to the ones you like a lot, since they may leave the job one day. It is sad that you grow fond of your carers, but ultimately, it is just a job to these people. I suffer from anxiety, but nobody helps me. I really find it hard to do anything. I also miss having my own space, because I stay with my family, and it is chock-a-block with clutter, and it is also very overcrowded. So I contacted my previous social worker's boss, and he seems keen to find me some help. But I'll believe it if I see it. I'm not sure if these type of workers can be trusted, especially because I am still under supervision until next March. You know?

I'll be way happier once I get my own flat, but that takes time. You have to bid on flats. You're only allowed to bid on three each week. You can be waiting quite a while, too. I'm supposed to go with my advocacy worker next week to ask the council about finding me a flat quicker.

By the way, using meds to combat depression caused by other "professionals" no less won't change the fact you're not getting supported by those paid to do so. This is the government's way of not having to individually help people. They think the use of medication will slowly cure the grief riddled thought patterns. Plus, some drugs that are meant to help either make you feel flighty, only work temporarily, or get you addicted to them, and thus you will find you become reliant on them thereafter. It's like booze. Psychoactive and not helpful.

Is that a beta blocker? My GP always prescribes beta blockers. Do they work? I'm sick of anxiety. Now social services won't help me, and I hate not being able to do things by myself.

That's too phucking bad, huh? I mean, what the Diddly Sam hell do they expect me to do now? I've told my advocacy worker a gazillion times that I need support, but the social services are dictating what support I can get, and they pay for it, meaning what they say sticks. So I'm not going to be able to do sh*t now.

My current situation isn't great, because I cannot find suitable help to go out and involve myself in activities I will enjoy. Therefore, I am inclined to feel isolated and frustrated. They are being awkward too, claiming agencies have more females than guys, yet they try to say I agreed to that. Whenever any company I contact never returns my calls, I know the social worker I had is portraying me to be some danger to women. I've called a few places and not one of them got back to me.

Doesn't sound like your family knew how to react. Did it seem awkward?

How do you mean?

I couldn't help but notice nobody hardly ever posts on here much now. I've continued to post threads about my anxiety, but maybe my rambling style scares people off, since my rants are obscure. Or are they easy to follow now that I've made more than enough of them? Anyway, I cannot get help in real life because nobody cares, so I feel bored now and desperate.

Yeah. I'm not receiving support from social services any more, and I gave up with Blackwood. They gave me two male workers, but their hours were 'fixed' and I didn't find that useful. Social services aren't wanting to put any young female care workers on with me, because they're concerned that I'd become infatuated with them. Now the doctors, etc, try to say I don't even have autism. Well, it's PDD-NOS they "diagnosed" me with way back in 2007 and apparently, that is something like autism. I used to be supported by Autism Initiatives in Edinburgh, but as you may recall, I already posted threads explaining what occurred with the staff, and what the outcome of contacting these two women was. One of them recently tried to get me into trouble again. Anyway, I didn't have support at all for well over a year before this social worker found Blackwood and I had a stint in prison; I no longer wanted help from A.I. because of what happened, and I ended up losing my flat after they had me ending my tenancy, following a fairly long period where I was on bail between hearings and staying with my family, which in turn made my life even more stressful. The court also have me supervised, as they believe I was "stalking" those women, and sentenced me to a CPO, but now I've got three of them. I'd been contacting the ladies to try to make amends, but they don't care, and feel intimidated by me. Life with my family ain't the greatest. Our house is rather cluttered and overcrowded, and there's a lot of drama going on regarding my sister losing her son. I've got an advocacy worker who helps me, but he cannot do a great deal more, as it's not easy getting another flat. In the UK, there are long waiting times for housing, and without support, the social services are inclined to think I don't need a flat that urgently. People have to fill in a form, and put in bids. However, I've lost faith in caregivers, because they aren't trustworthy people. I'm not really unable to do anything physical, as I'm not disabled, but I kind of like having people to blether with, etc. I wanted to do acting related work, whether it's unpaid or contracted work, but it's a hard profession to be involved with. I'd rather just do it as a hobby, but I generally allow anxiety to hold me back. Sometimes, I feel agoraphobic, and I believe I should be receiving support. This feeling could stem from having social anxiety as well, but it makes life awkward, because other people won't know how to react to hearing about my problems, if I confess about my past. They may consider me to be a threat, or cast me out, which has a detrimental effect on how I perceive others. I've missed out on extras work before. Sometimes, you can be credited for doing it. It all counts towards a portfolio for future work, but the more I get cold feet and back out from attending events, the more opportunities I miss out on. However, social services won't grant me support shifts for activities like this, because they consider it to be unimportant, and these companies have a lot more women than guys. Although I took part in a zombie film earlier this week, I had been apprehensive about going by myself. Since I find it hard to go out to do stuff or meet people, I'm more or less a loner. I've got an older male friend, but he only likes doing his own things, and I cannot rely on him. It's very annoying when I want to be in there trying, but nobody helps me. My stress levels just become worse as a result, and unless I get that in check, it may be affecting me for a lifetime.

I don't know this person, but RIP to a fellow, well respected aspie.

I get my shopping online and can spend as much as £100 on fruit, which is crazy, but I love healthy food. I'm too agoraphobic to spend much time in busy places. When I go for a walk, I quickly become tired. Maybe I need more exercise.

Cheers, M. How have you been keeping yourself? I had to see my supervisor again yesterday. That is essential, even if I don't like it. There is some good news here, but not much. The court slapped me with another CPO to run alongside of the one they already gave me in April of last year. Due to me breaching the order, they have gave me two such orders to run alongside of each other, if that makes any sense. The first CPO (or a 'Community Payback Order' as it is known as) is due to end in October. That order now requires that I have no unsupervised Internet access. He is looking to change that restriction at some point, and that should make my life more joyous because I feel so fed up having to be online with somebody monitoring me. But I will not get my property back until in October. They took my laptop, PlayStation 3 games console and my mobile phone. They have another laptop as well, which was confiscated by the police as far back as July of 2014. The newest order runs out in March of next year because it is to run for 12 months, and it only just started as of 10 March, which was obviously just last week there. To me, it seems pointless giving me another CPO for apologetic letters being sent out, but all I can do is appeal their decision with the help of my advocate and my lawyer. The law sees that as attempting to contact the victim(s) and therefore punished me accordingly. My supervisor also got me to sign a form agreeing to the latest CPO. From my understanding of things, not signing it could have brought forth something bad, so it kind of felt like I was undergoing blackmail. Hopefully though, after so many months, they will cut my trips to his office to just once a month, but for now it is every fortnight that I must make an appearance. By the way, the last few times I was in court, the PF did not have the documents for the remaining incidents, so they will keep having to defer matters until further notice. From my understanding, they were left over in Fife. I hope someone will wake me up from this terrible nightmare soon.

Yes, you *WILL* be shocked to know that all the stress and legal garbage I talked about in my older threads on here, still occurs even now. Why's that, you say? Well, last year in May, I ended up in prison yet again after sending APOLOGY letters to the boyfriend of my former key worker, Callum, since they still look upon that as being a sinister move, or one attempting indirect contact. Right? It's rubbish, I know. So the Crown still defers the outcome of the "case" to this very dull day in time. No, I kid you not. They even jailed me for several days in October. The police came to see me back in September over the other lady, because they arrested me in May, but that was over my key worker. So they had unresolved business and required me to be arrested. I'd been constantly getting charged and arrested over the years for sending messages to both my former key worker and a former colleague of hers, who also no longer desired to work with me, and their bosses lied for ages about their status with me so I would not immediately blow up at them, yet it played out like this as I obviously just knew they were lying. Anyway, I don't mean to sound confusing here, but I ran off after pretending to retrieve my jacket, and ended up sleeping rough. They never give up though, and my GP had me shafted. So just before that, I'd sent an email to my former key worker's e-mail address and it returned an auto-response, so I knew she left. That made me crumble. My beloved Spanish key worker who I cherished, was indeed gone. So me going to the slammer and suffering being assaulted, arrested, locked up and removed from my flat, all amounted to zero. Recently, I finally, finally was granted a males only team, with a different company. Sadly, the hours could not really be altered. They could not be flexible and I'm still under supervision because of the court. There is a social worker who set it up and he is in cahoots with my supervisor, and I reckon he was planning to use my support workers as his watchmen, so I cancelled them swiftly. However, due to a breach of the CPO occurring last year, I think my supervision order has been extended now, so it means this jerk will have to perhaps see me every fortnight for even longer. The court also banned me going online, so it can be awkward to hide things from him and others. Oh, drat!

I chew on wine gums or fruit chews.

Well, okay. Maybe using a certain 'P' word to classify the police may be seen as impolite, but my mate hates them too. I'm sure we are not the only ones either. I see you edited it out of my post. Ha-ha. I actually got my advocate to write to AI and he got a reply which I will look at later on. It hardly matters as although yes, I feel awful over everything from before, they are no longer employees of the agency that used to help me. There is no point in incessantly moaning about the past as nobody can alter the course of history. Sadly, it is only something guys such as Michael J. Fox once could do. By the way, I aim to have an all-male support team with The Action Group. However, the help is more so going to be in place in order to increase my success rate with my new hobbies and friendship pursuits. It still would be wise to not be too revealing. That way, the working relationship will be steady and we will feel more relaxed about things. It might still be annoying if someone I grow to like should one day leave. But this is something that just occurs in life quite a lot, as you know. I actually got deleted off of an acting website and I suspect they went on a witch hunt because I divulged too much info. So in the future, it would obviously be wiser to just talk about ordinary stuff and remain professional. That way, the people with the power to ban me won't think I am unsafe or that I am some creepy weirdo.