watergirl

Yes, I definitely stare into space a lot.....my partner sometimes tries to snap me out of it, which I hate. I always did it when young too....it was commented on a lot. Sometimes it is just a case of zoning out to relax.....this sometimes happens after a prolonged period of doing something stressful.....like being in a social situation that I would rather not have been in,.... I find that if I have been in some sort of meeting and then drive home, I drive in a dreamy way and don't remember the drive home. (not dangerous, as I drive at my best like this incidentally). At other times it is more a case of being deep in thought about something.... I spend a lot of time thinking about finances and doing complicated arithmetic in my head, and I'm sure it must look odd to anyone watching.....sometimes I pace a lot at the same time, which probably isn't so bad as just staring........if anyone interrupts me I get really cross, as I am totally unaware of anything around me.....so if someone beeps a car horn outside, which is loud and sharp enough to "wake" me, I do swear a lot.....not very ladylike I'm afraid.....very frustrating.

Just tuned in again and saw recent replies on this topic....thanks everyone, all interesting comments........Since I first wrote about this I have had to try and stop being so vocal as it was really getting to my partner and she eventually got cross. I have also stopped drinking alcohol which has helped.... I wasn't a big drinker, but liked to chill out when cooking the dinner with a glass or two, and I used to have the vocal tics more then. I have noticed though that I have started suddenly saying things out loud that are part of the conversations going on in my head. My shrink explained to me originally that this constant need to hold imaginary dialogue in my head is just my way of trying to understand other people's points of view and their potential reactions in any situation in which I might find myself. All very well, but it makes other people jump if I suddenly say something like "Really?......why?......no I doubt it"........in other words they hear part of a one-sided conversation.......really makes me look nutty! luckily my partner sees the funny side of it and just jokes about it when we are at home......not so funny in a cafe though, as sometimes happens!

Interesting..... I like the idea of having friends....but it is hard work keeping friendships.......but I also see that it is a benefit to have friends....not sure where I fit in with this.

This is an excellent topic....... 1. Prefer my own company most of the time....or the company of one person, the same person, who is happy to go along with me......but frustrating if you want to share an interest with this person, and they are not interested. 2. I also avoid pointless conversations with neighbours. I find all sorts of things to be doing intently if they appear....My neighbour opposite (who is very nice) has a 5yr old chatterbox who always tries to engage me in conversation when I’m outside working on my sailing dinghies (my total obsession).... I have no idea how to deal with this, so I hide as soon as their door opens.....sad, as they are nice people....it’s me that is odd! 3. Clothes....yes, prefer the same comfy things day in, day out.....bought multiples of Batman T shirts (on offer) years ago......was ok with it myself, but got teased a lot .......this sounds so “Big Bang Theory” doesn’t it.........I think I’m Sheldon’s long lost “other sister”.......I swear we were triplets! Multiple layers....yes....you can always take one off and carry it.....but not put one on if it’s not with you....can’t function in the cold, or heat.......so I’m a blob of clothes in winter.......but nearly indecently clad in warm weather.......(much preferable) 4. Why does everyone wanna hug???? All my friends (mostly gay women) hug on meeting me....I’m ok with it once I get to know them I suppose.......but some of them are also obviously on the spectrum and don’t want to hug.....so I have to make a judgement as to which do, and which don’t.......can’t I just say “Hi” and that’ll do???? 5. Sudden unexpected noises....yes, beeping phone as it dies etc.......phone ringing (usually a sales call) ..people whistling.... I shouted at a guy in a supermarket this week for that ....Taxi beeping for a neighbour on arrival (get OUT of the ****** car and knock, why don’t you!!!!!)..... I hate it and get VERY aggressive.......taxi drivers are at risk in my street! But music is essential to me ..... I need music (of my choice....repetitive dance music....techno/trance/D& to function if doing something like this....got 1997 “Daft Punk” essential mix on as I type this)....and yes... I hear all sorts of “quiet” sounds too.....and when I was young, people’s voices suddenly “went loud” too.....doesn’t happen now though...wierd! 6. Smells.....now this is really interesting...mostly it doesn’t bother me ...but certain synthetic sweet perfume smells make me feel sick......however the smell of the local harbour mud (think stinky sewers, as that is what it is like, and most folk don’t like it ) is fine with me... I associate it with sailing, my passion, so it’s good.....so is it all about how we associate things? 7. I Talk too much (hate the words used to describe this above)......need to be given firm indicator that I should shut-up! 8. Over-analyzing /explaining.....yes, constantly accused of this....and internal and external dialogue......was what led me to diagnosis.... external dialogue has become a series of humming/grunts to narrate what I am doing.....alone, I still talk myself through things, but if my partner is around it is reduced to internal commentary with grunted intonation according to mood.....it annoys her a lot....but I need some sort of outlet. 9. Leg bounce /Repetitive movements/Stimming.....Yes...but more if I have had alcohol.....as soon as I have an alcoholic drink then I relax and stim.....finger flicking first and most obvious and a lot of hand flapping etc... plus rocking in my computer chair if sat down......I’m totally cool with this though.....my chill timeJ 10. Alex... I indentify with a lot of your partners traits that you list.....and you seem to understand, which is good J 11. Life’s injustices...... I want to find the nearest phone box, don my super-woman outfit and sort them all out...Grrrrrr! 12. Attachment.....yes...occasionally I meet someone I like and only later do I realise my attachment is too strong....this can lead to huge disappointment... I find it so hard to tell when someone really likes me, or when they are just using me.....doesn’t do my self confidence any good at all L 13. In addition to the above points that others put forward, I would also say that breaks in routine are a real problem......the Christmas/New Year period where everything changes is a real problem for me......I’m so glad to be back to normal now.....even though I don’t get involved, it really upsets my psyche.

Yes, early language was discussed at my dx, but obviously I couldn't remember, and neither could my Mum really.....so I presume I must have been fairly much as most children are in this respect.........I certainly talk a lot now......mostly too much, and at length with too much unnecessary detail

On my diagnosis report it stated that I do have rocking and repetitive movements, but, that as there was no evidence on the day, I had scored zero in this respect. When I later chatted to the Psyche that did the assessment, I had the impression that if there had been evidence of this on the day, then I would have been categorized as having High Functioning Autism (HFA). The official conclusion was that I have Autistic Spectrum Disorder, but she also refers to it as Asperger's in the report. (I believe the ASD term is the umbrella term for all types of Autism though now?) My question is simply to know what has been considered to be the difference between Asperger's and HFA in the past? I know I do all the various repetitive movement things at times, but is this the difference or is there more to it than this......assuming that I have this correctly identified as a difference in the first place? This is more out of curiosity than anything else, but I have found that people seem to understand the HFA term better than Asperger's, and as I am currently applying for volunteer roles I want to explain my position accurately if I get to interviews, partly as I don't want to feel foolish using incorrect terminology, and partly my need to do everything accurately......which is part of the condition! Any thoughts anyone please? Sami.

Hmmm, interesting. This all fits with my experiences in some way or another, and I agree that it is a sort of calming/coping mechanism. I find it helps me if I'm thinking something complex through, and I tend to think better when busy doing something menial.......cooking, washing up etc. Regarding teeth grinding, that is something I do at night sometimes when under a lot of stress, but I have noticed that any stimulants like caffeine or nicotine will cause it even when I'm not stressed, so anyone finding that a particular problem may want to try forgoing caffeine etc to see if that helps.....it's not good for our teeth and I always end up with bruised gums from clenching in my sleep too. Sami.

Not been on here for a little while as things were going quite well, but the last 2 weeks have brought some issues that have stressed me, and today a letter arrived that, although not a major issue in it's self, has tipped me over the edge a bit. I have a habit of making sort of humming noises to accompany what I'm doing.....not a tune.... just a a sort of emphasis of each movement...... a bit like the guy on police academy who imitates things.....but I don't imitate, just make noises that reflect my mood and the action..... I find it comforting and it helps me chill out, along with hand flapping and finger flicking on the left mainly, plus hand clapping. It is mostly when I have something on my mind, as I do now. It doesn't worry me at all.....quite happy with it, although it annoys my partner........can any one else tell me if they notice these things,.... in adults in particular.....especially the vocal tics? Thanks, Sami.

I have done this all my life....(a long time!)......usually imagining a potential scenario that may or may not happen..... I talk to myself continually as I work it all out in my head....and can start pacing and gesticulating in relation to what is going on in my head too. This was one of the things that led me to seek help, as I thought it might have been some sort of psychosis............but it was explained to me that what I am actually doing is either rehearsing or re-enacting various scenarios to help cope with social situations...many of them fictional though...and now that I know this , it seems obvious, and when I find myself doing it now.....which is virtually constantly....I only worry about it when it is a situation that I know is unlikely to occur.....it is anxiety basically. I have to do it ......but stop myself when I realise it is a situation that is unlikely to happen. Understanding what is happening has taken a huge worry of my mind! Hope this may help, Samantha

I just spent 2 hours writing a long and detailed reply quoting so many things from the above posts......then it wouldn't post as I had got odd numbers of quote marks or something strange GRRR.......so I re-did it by cutting and pasting all the quotes for my reply.....got to the last one and the whole lot suddenly disappeared off the screen....lost for ever....(there was no wine involved....honest).....I'm close to tears, as I know what I wanted to say, and it's gone I cannot do it a third time without risking hitting the pc with something heavy, but......... overall, everything that has been said above resonates with me VERY strongly........ I do find it interesting that it is us girls who have chatted about this. One basic question that is not worded very well, but......do AS/ASD females have more issues re identity? If so, could this be anything to do with the Baron Cohen male brain theory, linked with gender identity as discussed by some of us.........my thinking is a bit vague, but any thoughts in this direction anyone?

Thanks for the compliments re my tat....(blush)....they are not that painful ...in the right place...honest I have many thoughts on this topic of identity....some of them are difficult to deal with....and I want to take a little time out before saying else.....and I'm with wine at present.. so probably best to wait 'til tomorrow......

I have always got a "natural high" from achievement......or if you prefer I can be a work-aholic. When I am in a work phase I simply can't switch off........the rush from achieving, especially if it is within my range of obsessions, is definitely addictive. It takes some sort of intervention to break the cycle. With my main obsession being sailing/working on wooden sailing boats, it is often the weather that intervenes. I read many years ago that humans have a natural instinct to repeat behaviour that is pleasurable....part of our nature.....so I suppose that is a sort of addiction......and if the behaviour in question is pleasurable, and repeated, then it eventually becomes an addiction I suppose?

Wow this is amazing...........I need to think about this a bit and post again later....., but this all makes so much sense.......My mental image of myself is very, very different to what I see in the mirror......and re the butterfly effect (no, not the film, lol)...........That really made sense....see my Tat below.....please don't ask where it is !!!

I think some of us do learn to cope fairly well as we grow up......I'm one of them I think....a lot more able to cope than when I was young in many ways. However, although I appear "normal" to most people on a superficial level, people who know me well do realise I'm a bit "odd" ....but if I am suddenly confronted with a stressful situation, then it becomes obvious to people around me that something is not quite right. (she says, having just come back from ASDA having made loud comments about their music and stood with fingers in ears while they do the bing-bong announcements ) I don't think we "outgrow" it.....just a case of either finding coping mechanisms for most situations, or realising that acting "odd" has it's own problems....draws unwanted attention mainly.....so we "bottle" it up. I do this, and then sometimes it gets released on loved ones later, which is very unfair....my Mum is like this too.........or maybe some of us find other ways of de-stressing later....alcohol, for example. It reminds me a bit of the programme on tv a while ago regarding Tourette's Syndrome.......it became apparent that some people can control their tics for some time, but often need to release the tension later, probably at home. I suffer some tics, but they only really release badly if I drink alcohol.....other than that they are hardly noticable, and I think this is the key....we can hide a lot if we want to, but not necessarily when stressed.....so I don't think you can put a time-table/date on when you are ASD......it is more of a triggered event. It may not be like this for everyone, but I think it sums up how I am fairly well.

I totally agree with you both..........it has been a MAJOR factor in my life, and has confused most people I know over the years, and alienated a few too. I find it very frustrating.....it makes me feel guilty for the confusion it causes others, and I now have to think ahead when planning anything, as the lack of continuity can mean that I either let people down a lot....or have to do things that don't feel are right when the time arrives, in order to please others. My GP initially suggested I had border-line personality disorder......but the final dx was Asperger's......and I think I'm happier with that outcome as it is easier to deal with, and other people tend to understand it better....if I tell them at all. But overall, it has meant that I have become more isolated, as I don't feel that I identify with other people on many levels at all