Mihaela

Ooh yes please! I like anything like that. I feel the same about rainy, dull days for I know there'll be fewer people about. I spend lots of my time walking in quiet places. I've just come back from the woods now. I saw two deer and loads of squirrels. My ideal life would be to live in hut in the middle of a wood.

I knew of another forum that somehow managed to block googlebots. I'm sure it's possible, but I've no idea how you'd do it.

Yes! A lovely reply Dotmars - and very true. "actions speak better than a thousand words". In the end it's how we live our lives, not what we say that matters. I've always stuck up for the underdogs, the oppressed and marginalised who've done no wrong yet are treated by the ignorant mob as if they have. I think it's because, as an Aspie who was relentlessly bullied, I just can't help it. I have a strong sense of justice, get very angry at injustice and have loads of empathy (although I'm not always very good at expressing it!). And forget about being good with words. We all have our strengths and weaknesses in our different ways. I just happen to be a writer - it's almost an addiction - but try getting me to speak clearly for any period in front of others, I get tongue-tied, embarrassed, lose my words, put things badly, etc. - useless, unless I'm reading a script.

Beautiful music, Aeolienne! Here's the renowned polyglot-polymath-philosopher-singer-songwriter Franco Battiato singing Ruby Tuesday.

That's not very creative, Dotmars! Unimaginative

Quick update. I had a call from CAB yesterday to say Creative Support will be contacting me soon. I'd never heard of them, but I hope they can help me. She said Adult Services had suggested trying them. Oh well.... I'll wait and see.

Absolutely! And we all need understanding to realise and accept this, whether individuals, the legal system or the mass media. We still have a long way to go before we can truly call ourselves civilised.

I agree Sally. Dotmars, you said: "I'm completely inept, when it comes to political correctness". I can be sometimes, but usually it's just that I have no time for people who are offended by the slightest things - especially when no harm was intended. As an Aspie I've had to live with insults and criticism all my life. I've no time for fads of any kind, and political correctness has become a fad, i.e. the rules are constantly in a state of change. Being a creature of habit, I can't adapt to these changes. Like you Sally, I was brought up to believe that 'coloured' was the polite term, rather than black, and now ironically the phrase, 'people of colour' has become PC. Madness! So, this is me too: "I'm constantly having to ask what is currently "in fashion" political correctness-wise and even then I forget" I don't identify with any 'race' but I do with European culture in general, I don't feel particularly 'English', even less 'British'. There's much about cultures that I'm very outspoken about, e.g. I disagree with FGM and MGM, kosher & halal slaughter, all slaughter, burkas, subjugation of women, capital punishment, party politics, organised religion, a punitive mentality, bullfighting, hunting, 'dumbing down', political correctness, the mainstream media, Americanisation, violent films, and much more. - all I hope for sound rational and humane reasons. I've thought about these issues in depth and am prepared to change in the light of new learning. They're not merely 'gut feelings'. I also disagree with the misuse of the clinical term 'paedophilia' by the mass media and politicians. There is no evidence that those awful Asians were paedophiles at all - the only correct definition being sexual attraction towards prepubertal children. Those Asian gangs would have happily preyed on adult women too, for machismo and the subjugation of females is an inherent part of their (?sub)culture, but also so is an obsession with virginity and so is racism - so they chose the most vulnerable, white, young females. These cultural factors are what motivated them - hardly paedophilia. Criminologists know this, but the mass media media and politicians have agendas to serve and one of those is political correctness. Ironically, PC is the very ideology that enabled those gangs to get away with what they did for so long. There has long been an unspoken tradition for the authorities not to 'interfere' in matters that may cause embarrassment within 'the community' - a euphemism for the Islamic community, but also for the ultra-orthodox Jewish communities (Haredim, Hasidim). They have their own internal ways of dealing with problems within their communities, and even have their own courts. Child abuse, etc. within these communities is covered up and rarely reported - just as it was within the Catholic Church. In many cases their religious practices themselves amount to child abuse. It may seem taboo or racist to talk about these things, but I see truth and protecting the vulnerable as more important.

One of my favourite young singers, Elena Beatrice Hasna, age 12, from Romania, singing Je Suis Malade.

'beauty is truth, truth beauty,' – that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know - Gibbons Daisies opened in sly lust to the sun-rays and rain-spears, and eft-flies, locked in a blind embrace, spun radiantly through the glutinous light to their ordained death. - Keats I saw something nasty in the wood-shed - Ada Doom By the way, I'm listening to the wild music of the autumn wind..

I'm a bit slow arriving here, but I'd agree with the others. We all need rules to live by, even if they're our own rules. The most important rule of all must surely be never to deliberately cause harm to others.

Hello again. "she has support from a TA in some lessons (as she says she cannot understand the teachers) but is generally doing ok academically. Although she has been struggling for many years with issues such as anxiety/tics etc it has been a battle to get her assessed and she has only been officially diagnosed about 6 months ago". But it shouldn't be a battle. The more I read about battles with 'professionals' over diagnoses, assessments, etc. the more annoyed I become. It's just not fair!! What was done about the anxiety and tics? Something should have been done as soon as they were recognised. " I think being a girl meant she didn't fit the criteria correctly!" Well, it's high time they realised the differences between typical male and female Aspie presentations. They've no excuse. There's no point using out-moded male-type criteria alone for AS diagnosis, when around 90% of Aspie girls show the female traits. They are supposed to be professionals, after all.. "She says there are some girls at school who have told her "go and kill yourself" but refuses to name them and cannot see that if she is writing on social media that she wants to be dead the other kids will pick up on this". Do the teachers know about this? If so, what are they doing about it? If not, then they need to know - quickly. "I know we need to identify what she is actually struggling with but I'm not sure how to go about this as she will not discuss things with anyone (except her on-line social media world)" This is probably because the right people don't exist in her life. I presume she did discuss these things at one time, and she's been let down and found that it's not got her anywhere, and offers of help are not of the right kind. "She is obsessed at the moment with youtubers and a particular actress who uses twitter, so spends a lot of time tweeting these people about how she is feeling". This might not be doing her any good, for it could be reinforcing negative/pessimistic attitudes. "she also wrote an essay at school about suicide and self harm, her teacher passed it on to CAMHS, so daughter feels she has also been 'betrayed' by the teacher because she had 'told' her how she was feeling and the teacher told other people". In a sense she has been betrayed! I understand how she feels. The more this kind of thing happens the less she'll trust people, and the less she'll engage. That essay may have been a cry for help, but it wasn't handled sensitively enough. "I feel like I don't want to ban the social media as its the only insight we have into how she is feeling at any given time, but I am really concerned about who is seeing all these posts". I'd be tempted to at least limit it, by encouraging her to do more constructive and positive things - with real live people (the family?), rather than virtual 'friends'. Anything at all that would make her life happier and more interesting. Most of all she needs someone she can safely confide in and who'll listen non-judgmentally without letting her down.

I can remember being in my pram, watching raindrops dropping off the tasselled canopy. I have lots of other memories of those first couple of years of my life - my dad (in a brick red shirt) carrying me up and down the landing singing to me to try and get me to sleep, my mum in her 'maternity smock' when she was expecting my brother, various long lost ornaments in the house, the orchard and gooseberry bushes, a neighbour who jokingly tried to pull off my nose (!), the horse-drawn dustcart, the sand in our beach chalet and the scent of evening primroses that I'd bring in, etc. ...All so long ago now, yet my strongest memories are from the 60s and 70s.

Poor, poor girl... and poor you! So sorry to hear this. I'd go along with Sally's reply, but I'll add some thoughts of my own too. She's obviously very unhappy, and is most likely in no mood to engage or even talk to 'professionals'. She needs someone independent, non-intimidating and non-judgmental who she can freely open up to. I suspect the over-eating, and now cutting, are her coping mechanisms (bad ones) - her way of dealing with the underlying problems. It's so important that they need to be identified and addressed - rather than the symptoms. I was the same at her age (although the way I coped was different) and I became very depressed and suicidal due to bullying at school, a general fear of school and feeling unable to discuss all this with my parents. I had nowhere to turn to and no friends. At that time, I know I'd have felt very reluctant to engage with 'professionals' - strangers who aren't friends. I'd see them as threatening and wouldn't trust them. I know I'd have wanted someone neutral, and who genuinely cared for me, had time for listening and wanted to help, as an equal - not someone who was paid to 'sort me out'. I'd have probably run away if my parents had put any kind of pressure on me. Running away from stressful situations has always been my main coping strategy - amongst others. I also had a lot of meltdowns in my teens. I also understand the feeling she has that you've betrayed her, but I'm sure she still knows you love her and did it for the best of reasons. When in such a low state, the mind doesn't think clearly and is too tied up with emotions that can't easily be expressed. I was too emotionally tied to my parents, and too confused, to talk about my feelings at that time. I'd have felt betrayed if they'd done anything 'behind my back' - even though I'd know it was done with the best intentions. This is why she needs to talk to the right kind of person. Do you know of anyone who'd be able to help in this way?

Süssmayr's 'Birthday' cantata, sung by a Hungarian children's choir. I was given the LP many years ago by a friend. It's one of my favourite classical pieces, so uplifting and beautifully sung (in German). (It's in four parts on Youtube). .

I find the NT world itself creepy!

Let's try and keep this up and be... CREATIVE!

I'm sorry to hear this. Few people think about what they may be passing on when they decide to have children - which seems understandable to me. So much in life is a matter of chance. I was lucky for I had very caring, loving parents. I suspect my mother and her own mother might have had AS, but I don't blame her for passing it on to me. I try to be very positive about my AS. I don't see it as a curse at all, but I do see that the problems lie in the way others see me. I see much of what the NT world takes for granted as highly dysfunctional, hypocritical, unjust, unethical, destructive, etc. We all have our weaknesses (not just Aspies). I have many AS-related weaknesses (sensory issues, panic attacks, emotionally fragile, poor executive function, etc.) but I'm happy to accept that I can only change them slowly, if at all, and feel that my AS-related strengths far outweigh them. I think that if you seek and develop your strengths - such as special interests and abilities, you'll feel a lot better about yourself. The less we dwell on our weaknesses and vulnerabilities the better. That doesn't mean that we ignore them, for we must still work to improve them as far as we can, and to make sure that others accept them just as we do ourselves.

I agree with Sally here. I've heard many stories of social workers making up the rules as they go along, breaking their promises, etc. In their efforts to protect children, they often end up doing more harm than good, and tend to assume that parents don't know their own children as well as they do! I've found that Britain isn't a very child-friendly country when compared to other European countries. .

Thanks both of you. No I'm not 'loaded' at all, at least not according to my advocate, who says I need to be very careful spending money, as I have no money coming in, it's all going out. He's looking into pensions etc. at the moment. The trouble is I have no idea how careful I need to be, so to be sure I spend as little as possible. I've no sense of money at all - it's like a mental block. At last I'm now renting a house out to someone, but I'm not making a penny out of it for many thousands was spent on renovating it. I think that rent money will just about pay my council tax. If only I knew how long I was going to live, it would be a great help, for then I'd know how much I could afford - but I don't. My mother used to tell me to go to a cafe for coffee or tea once in a while, and to spend money on bus fares and little luxuries. I lived happily off the pocket money she gave me and didn't need more to pay bills, etc. I knew what I could afford for I can handle small amounts. She felt I needed a change from time to time so I did visit cafes a few times a year, but after she died I stopped. I daren't do that now for I think I'd soon run out of money. It's not that I don't like cooking. I recently bought some sprouts to eat (rich in folic acid) and actually used the cooker. A big event! But then I worry about the cost of the gas.

"I have a very very strong sense of fairness and if I feel the frustration of being treated unfairly or unreasonable demands placed on me then criticised for not meeting those demands it can and will trigger a meltdown". Same here, very much!! Most of my meltdowns took place in my teens at home. I think it was how I coped with the daily bullying at school. Since then they've resulted from many acts of injustice, and I try my best to avoid such situations. My sense of fairness extends to all sentient beings. I detest all kinds of cruelty and sometimes I literally weep for the state of humanity. The NT world is so utterly inhumane in so many ways. I'm acutely aware of injustice everywhere; in the family, in schools, in the NHS, local authorities, governments... Even the so-called 'justice system' with its Orwellian-named 'Ministry of Justice' can be thoroughly unjust - often intentionally so. So I don't merely get upset when I happen to be the victim of injustice, but at injustice itself. I feel so alone.

"i hear in the old days.... the taller the hat.. the higher the status.. or was that top hats?) so i'll start with a small one" Start with a modest bowler and aim for an imposing stove-pipe topper, or maybe even a bejewelled crown!

Busy . AAAAAARRRRGH!!!!

Hello everyone. Yes, I know you're two different people, Dotmars & Sally! The doctor rang me to tell me I had anaemia. I'd had a blood test but forgotten about it. It came as no surprise because I'm eating very little, and there's no variety in my diet. I used to cook a lot, and make quite imaginative meals, but now I don't really have meals at all. I've been wondering why this has happened. It began after my mum died. I sort of lost the will to make meals, but it's gradually becaome a lot worse due to the money problem. I don't know how much I should be spending on food, so I spend the bare minimum, (About 4 pounds a week, and the same amount on cat food). I rarely feel hungry, so I never really think about eating properly. The doctor is going to put me on folic acid and iron tablets. The CAB say some organisation will be contacting me soon (can't remember who they are). I've also to see the man who's dealing with the council (on 5th November) - and I'm already feeling nervous about this. Apparently he can't open letters I've taken there when I'm not present. I'm not sure how I'll be able to cope, as the council treated me so badly that anything about them frightens me. "which is weird considering Asperger's like me aren't meant to do emotional or even know what emotional is?..." True, but I'm the same. I'm far more emotionally sensitive than most people. Small things can make me cry, and I never know when it might happen. I've always been like that. I have empathy overload - so this doesn't at all fit in with the usual Aspie lack of empathy/emotion. That was an awful story about your relatives, dotmars... and these NT's actually consider themselves normal! Some bad things happened at my mum's death too. Two people completely ignored me and backed out of dealing with the will, and one of them left a horrible long 'love letter' on the grave. It was very upsetting, and at first my cousin kept it from me, but eventually she showed it me. I never did like that woman, for years she tried to take over my parents, and she'd cause me to have meltdowns. It was only in her last year that I managed to convince my mum that this woman was using her and had HPD.

Hello, Smadams. I've just read your sad story. You shouldn't be blaming yourself over this. You were put in a difficult position by a thoughtless, officious social worker. Ethically, you shouldn't have been bullied into complying with their ridiculous conditions - so inappropriate for a 4-year old. Did you seek legal advice on this? They were acting unreasonably, and I doubt whether they had any legal powers to do this. (If they feel they can get away with it, they usually do).