UnusualPatronus

That's what I like about this site, it's not full of people competing for affection like chat sites and other forums. Everyone's just talking and not looking to impress. It's safe, but meeting with loads of people together is ok. But not a dating post, I think trolling people would join this site then

Yes, I was too quick to say that I think you do have it

I have thought a lot on this post. I agree with you Mihaela, but I do think in some cases it was necessary to take up arms in face of immediate threat of arms. I'm referring to the distant past where some were fought for survival. Though the two world wars ... Unnecessary! All modern battles are fought unnecessarily. I am too young to really comment much more. I know what you are saying and it is right.

Hi Verbia, I was diagnosed with High-functioning Autism, it's more or less the same as Aspergers I'm told, it's just I did have significant delayed speech, which people with Aspergers don't have, apparently. I'm still an aspie though, 'cause I'm certainly making up for my talking now With what you've wrote I'd say you do have Aspergers, I'm not good at all on giving advice on it, and this is my first post trying to. I have sensory issues to touch and fail on socialising altogether. But definitely go for diagnosis. And Mihaela and Laddo I'm convinced you have it, I didn't know you haven't already been diagnosed.

When one man in power wants more, it is likely he'll try to take it. War ensues. If only they realised that they don't need more. Many people have won the lottery ... then realised they still aren't happy. You can never have enough of anything when you set your limits too high. The search for power and fortune are soul destroying when your only goal is more! Though world peace is possible, when and how long it would last is a different question. Eventually someone will want more. To fight against wrongs is right and I'm thankful that 'they' have! We wouldn't be here otherwise. In my own way I'm grateful and today more than ever I'll remember them. I've updated twice now as I think I'm going to deep. But not wanting to remove what I've already said I'll just add, I'm optimistic for future, peace is possible but I am respectful of our past.

Thank you, I was worried that I was a bit rude at flipping your poem before anyone could comment and cringed afterwards realising that it might seem as though I'm countering your poem. I wasn't, I had read your poem a few times searching for meaning, I do that all the time with any poetic, abstract or deep writings and I'm glad you're interested seeing a different perspectives of it. I do have a tendency to try and show my use of words without thinking, a jumped up show off is what I thought of myself after that.

Not deliberately downplaying my talents, but my skills with 3d modelling are unique, I use the software building outside of its limitations. Sounds good, but it isn't transferable skills. Industry standards are exacting, and my build-on-the-fly method possibly won't be accepted by any company no matter how good my models are. I would probably drive them crazy. Though I'm trying to get in and considering formal education.

The army is needed without question and I met some of the most inspirational people there. There is no conspiracy of bullying within it. You've known what I wish I had known ... the army is a culture of control, a herd mentality, creating soldiers who will without question follow orders. I am an extremely passive person, a complete push over when it comes to confrontation, and in the army I got pushed over. Is it the militaries fault I suffered? No, it is me not understanding things, not standing up for myself etc. The Army is a machine and it runs smoothly, with military precision — no pun intended. I was surrounded with people who were embracing it. Some with natural aggressive nature's, and others that follow. The army does need people like that, it is a fighting force. I just wished I'd realised before hand. But I think that the army would not be good for anyone on the spectrum. Whether they're passive or outspoken.

An extra note, I didn't join to kill people, I joined the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment. I love horses and animals. Extremely stupid, I know, but there you have it. And you still have to learn how to use a rifle in basic training whether you're admin or cook or anything. Don't join

Don't join! I did before I knew I had Aspergers. I was considered 'normal' for enlistment, if they don't know you have it they accept anyone. I was bullied severely by my peers and NCO's. There's a 'system' in place for bullying, you're told about it ... before you join. Their system is, tell us and we will deal with it! Blah, blah blah This is going to sound negative, but, good luck with voicing any and I do mean quite literally 'any' distress, you won't be listened to and be prepared that if you stick to your guns, that blanket punishment will in most cases be dished out on your behalf, that helps everyone appreciate you more ... They don't ever 'really deal with bullying' There are channels of command. You need 'permission' and an appointed time to see those at the top. Then you have to parade in immaculately, pristine condition or you'll be marched straight back out of your commanding officer's office. Even if you are pristine, they'll find something to get you out. Swearing and shouting are considered character building. It's also a blanket to give them the opportunity to own you, highlight your weaknesses publicly. The army as a system do not like weakness ... It is almost impossible to leave, once you've completed basic training. I was naive, I trusted the measures that they have in place are fair. Stupid me! I almost ended my own life If anyone has ASD undiagnosed don't join, if anyone has ASD diagnosed ... Disclose it and if they challenge, accept it.

A different view point is often needed I've tried a few times now to write an adequate response to your well thought out reply, I have none other than thank you

Yes, it is. I often write, sometimes too much, in both senses of the matter. Thanks and nice to meet you mate

Yes, my dreams are extremely vivid, so much so that even though they aren't lucid I notice when I wake, how the rooms changed, like a little room, but you turn and realise it's a big hall, then you're outside.

Exactly Mihaela, we really know very little. The mind remembers ... though it manages not to overwhelm us. It stores it away. A memory like yours Pari is definitely one that people covet. But I think they covet it because they don't understand how tormenting it can be, neither do I nor would I pretend I do. My thoughts spiral, but I have a sense of bringing them back in line. You simply remember. Remembering too much ... everything, I can only understand in the most basic sense how tiring that could be. But on a positive note, you have an extremely powerful mind, it is one that those who don't understand it, revere it. Almost akin to a superpower. I always try to steer my thoughts in a positive direction ... and I do not mean to tell you to do the same. But I do think there is always a positive side to everything, though you can't ever forget or ignore the negatives, even more so in your case. You are unique, you do have a powerful mind ... I am not saying you should accept it, that would be extremely ignorant of me. Though I do think you should explore it, share and help those of us who are clueless to understand what it's like, not what you can do, those are your memories, but your thoughts, they're different, they're you:) My mind often shows me things over and over again ... I am lucky to be able to ignore them

This is a post that might seem a little strange, it is not intended as a topic of discussion, it is more of a personal thought, but obviously a thought that I am willing to share. Its main purpose is to help me drag my own thoughts out onto paper. I have always done this over the years ... thought about my own thoughts as I wield a pen or else type endlessly. Cultivating the flow of my speech, word for word ... thought for thought. Speaking to myself through the strange, yet wonderful medium of language. How strange it is, how powerful just a few words can be. I write because I do not understand myself, I almost feel as though I have no self. My mind is a raging storm of images, a whirlwind of memories whipped up by the winds of time, ever growing. Relentless, unceasing, yet beautiful and calm at the eye of the storm. How can I bring about understanding in this maelstrom of visions, how can I understand my thoughts ... With words? Words were once my enemy. A nemesis, a force to be feared. My use of words and even my own understanding of what I wanted to say, were once, almost none existent. People talking calmly, people shouting loudly ... a noise with an essence of familiarity as I stare endlessly, unknowing. The lights turned on at six years old. My mind woke up, fully awake and stretched its legs. No going back ... How quickly I learnt ... I am a little person. I am awake. I am ready! My emotions are pictures. Pictures that are so beautifully and powerfully evoking, that I am often utterly powerless to understand them. How do you describe the most beautiful picture you have ever seen ... how do you even begin to understand it. Images so haunting that they can tear at the soul. Death, destruction ... pain! Words will set you free, unlock your emotions and focus your understanding. Let them! I am a person. No more or no less than any person who has lived before me or will live after me. I am the same as you. You are the same as me ... we are the same. We live, love and die! The difference lies in our understanding ... though we are the same our lives are different. Our thoughts are different and so are our feelings. I have thoughts, I have feelings, I have emotion, I am aware. 'I think, therefore I am.' René Descartes I am not a philosopher nor am I a greatly educated mind ... I am simply a thinker, a questioner, a child of curiosity ... a dreamer. Though I am confused. There is something missing. The social expectations of the world are not only daunting, they're ever changing. So has it been the norm throughout my life. If socialising were a war The war would be one that is fought over expression, the battle grounds would be the company of others, the weapons would be the words and feelings, and the casualties ... the casualties would be the weak! Socialising isn't a war. If it were, I would be prepared! It is easy to copy the strengths of others, to imitate ... to act. But to what avail. At what cost is it acceptable to not be yourself? The pressures of acting, the guilt of deceiving, the feelings of vulnerability, the hope of acceptance and fear of failure ... I have never been myself, I fear that I have no self ... I have thoughts and feelings, though I have no voice. The voice I speak with is not my own! It is the voice and voices of every actor and actress that I care to remember, it is the voice of my family and distant friends, the voice of work colleagues and strangers. It is the voice of a thousand people all speaking at once. Who am I? The fact that I can write is my saviour, though I think in pictures, words are my friend. They extend my thought, my very sense of Being, bringing clarity to my understanding. Without words ... I would be nothing. Without words my thoughts my thoughts would fall silently into an abyss as before, when the lights were out. One day my words will show me who I am, until that day I'll write to discover myself a little bit at a time. I only wish to say what is right, what is just and fair. I do care and I do give a damn, for I am a person just like you ... I just express it differently ... We are all different in our thinking and thoughts. This post is deep in thinking, I hope it causes no embarrassment Thank you for reading A thought

That is really good and again unfortunate that it's true, you use strong visions in your words. I hear you, I see you, I fear for your sole You try, but you lie, to realise your goal It's ok, I feel you, I truly understand When you fall, which you will, I'll be there to lend my hand Time is a healer, it is an enemy and a friend Though time has never managed to heal the wound of social trend There's still time left, it's not too late, there's still a ray of light We see it, we hold it, we fight for what is right Only if you'd realise what beauty lies in truth You'd be better, you'd be stronger, you wouldn't shy away from proof This world, it is beautiful, there's so much you just don't see But it differences that scare you, that's why your scared of me The impact in your poem was there, as it should be. I like it, their insecurities ... there deflecting the light. I got the feeling that they're scared in your poem ... even though they'd deny it. I just couldn't help myself writing that little piece to show that it's them (those who ridicule and torment) that fall, that for all that they shun people like us, it's them that really miss what's right in front of them ... the world ... People like that are to scared to understand, they're the ones who not only bound us, but bound themselves.

@mihaele I totally agree, modern maps are just about information now, aesthetics are nonexistent and it shouldn't be, that could possibly stop other people becoming interested ... there's just nothing visually interesting. @Laddo I question almost everything ... even my posts. @Pari Do you also remember what people say or is it just visual? Of course not, I agree with Mihaela it's the interests that are better than talent, you can't develop any talent without interests

Sorry Waterboatman I must have missed your post. I too edit only before posting, @mihaele and I use other editor for long posts, to make sure I don't have any mistakes and @Pari that diagnosis was quick. But good for you, welcome, hope you get help with anything you may need. This post is probably the first I haven't edited ... Much!

Thanks Laddo, but don't downplay your own, honestly it speaks truths

Hi Laddo, no unfortunately I don't do it as a career ... though on a positive note I am getting help now from an employment company Mental health Matters, that is helping me get a tour or even trial/voluntary work with computer games companies, it's not guaranteed that I will get that though. So failing that, they'll help me get into uni to learn everything properly. I am already a natural modeler and can build accurate models with free software that I shouldn't be able to without paying for fancy tools, which I just don't need. I love Modeling and it has just been for fun, but my family keep telling me that I should try and make money of it or a career, but because I don't own the software, it's free and not open-source... I can't, I'd be risking being taken to court. But I know I'll be good at doing it for a job. I'm ranting on now but I've also started doing animation on sketchup, which is quite difficult as it's not an animation program, it's just an architectural program just for building models. It has no tools or ability to make things move, but the aspie in me noticed that if it let's you place a camera view wherever you want to a degree of precision NASA would be proud of, then let's you hide bits of your model when selecting a new view point. There's stop motion animation right there I've gone on too much, just had to say that though.

Thanks Mihaela, I struggle to not edit I don't ever change my main point, but I re-write bits differently before I've even finished a paragraph. Sometimes what looks like a quick statement has probably taken an hour. It's almost like I don't know what I'm saying until I start writing then think, 'well that doesn't make sense!' and delete to change something that probably didn't need changing ... I am guilty of rewording that last sentence too, to be honest I've just gone and over-thought this whole reply. :/ But it's my first day here, so I'll let myself off

Some females can see in pictures too, Temple Grandin being the only example I can give. I've read about her and she says she knows that loads of people might be able to. And my creating my 'very small' land in my mind isn't really a trait as such, all my thoughts are 2d pictures, the 3d land is a trick I've learnt consciously and I had to put a lot of concentration into creating it, checking it works from different view points, forcing it to stick in my mind without changing. It possibly is still 2d thinking, but I've created a collection of views, like the Modeling programs to make it feel like I can look around. But I would love to be able to visualise an entire map as land. I don't think I could though, it would probably melt my brain even trying. I like looking at Google map and can visualise looking at that and maps in my mind, but it's like looking at it over someone's shoulder, a low resolution image, the detail is photo-realistic but not even close to accurate, I don't have a photographic ability for text or very small things unless I studied them road by road. But map reading does interest me, just for learning and I can definitely see the interest in old maps, they were a lot more visually appealing —they should include more artwork in modern maps. I'd love to have some really, really old maps.

Victory

Very good, I too feel the same. As I stare in depths of silvery glass In my mind I am free to be a boy I see not my face but reflections past Outside is a world I seldom enjoy