Mr Salvador

Well done all of you! I wish I had parents like you It warms my heart to think you have helped him achieve and find his potential In case he's not said it himself... THANK YOU

I can't help but worry things will be worse if they say im not... what else would it be? There's a difference knowing my own mind to showing someone else If they don't have enough evidence I will always be wondering what's up with me and never get help I hate this Anxiety is through the roof

got partial results back via whatsapp from auntie in france! not completre though my gf will go with me she sees my traits previously in the outside world I have been on my best behaviour trying to appear normal when I met my gf she hekled me to be myself and when im relaxed she thinks im a beautiful person and some of my oddities are funny and I love that I can let my quirks and noises out and she laughs and encourages me to laugh about them too she notices when my triats comoe out more when im tired hungry and stressed she sees it, and she works in mental health so im hoping maybe they will listen to her views. also she can explain much easier better than I can, I am just the way I am and didn't notice how to distinguish my traits properly until I met her. I just thought my sister and mum wanted me to be autistic to prove they were in the right that's what caused my denial phase fingers crossed im so anxious, this is past 11 out of 10 on the richter scale

Do you ever get those days like I have today when you just feel blank? you know theres things you need to do in the real world but everything is going all crazy on the inside and you cant focus on anything real just to ramble and vent online about how you cant focus and your frustrated?! I know theres things I need to do. most of them are not even that important, some I guess maybe are, like put a vest and some socks on I guess but im stuck. I seem to be able to function to drill the keyboard to be venting on here for 2 hours now but 'stuck', im not sure how else to describe it? I just found out my gf's kids have got mariokart on the wii, and believe me that IS one of my specialist interests, im obsessed with it to the point I need to consider taking my propranolol when talking or thinking about it so I don't end up having an anxiety attack or mood change if someone disturbs me.... and I cant even move to do that. im just stuck, biting my jaw too its uncomfortable I cant describe it any else not sure if its just me or if this happens to others, but its like this morning I didn't really wake up and part of me is still asleep andi can only seem to exist through the keyboard?! I really need to get a handle on this...come one Salvador mariokart kid! lets move, lets go do this and get stuck there instead! what?!

this is exactly what im feeling right now! now im worrying if its not then what the heck is it? I now self identify quite compftably that I have Asperger and dyslexia...but what if they say its not? another 35 years of searching for why im so different from 'normal people' im frustrated. I always knew I was different but back in the 80's there wasn't really knowledge about it. passed off as all sorts of behavioural issues, or 'he will grow out of it' or stuff like 'its like middle child syndrome but hes the oldest' I waited and tried to get by as best I could. then when I thought I was getting on ok and had abviously convinced myself that I was ok, my sister came to me about a conversation she had with my estranged mother which led her to email me some links and made me call her when I was reading them so she could explain to me how she thought that applied to me... finally there was a word for what I was! Asperger I then spent nearly 8 years in denial and just tried to pass things off as just dyslexia. but alas no, people I have spoken to have pulled me up on it being more than just that...so I admitted it to myself, around the time I joined this site in fact. speaking to certain people here cemented my thoughts and I was 'out of the closet aspie' and proud! then I started obsessing over the negatives and had a few bad weeks and my gf made me stop thinking about it. but then I found myself saying about my daughter 'that's what I was like' or 'she so much like I was at that age its scary' and started wondering if she is too. so now I really NEED to know don't I my head is all over the place and I just cant focuss at all today with what I meant to be doing, only to vent my frustrations on here I just want to know now that im right so I can carry on. its like that thing where someone is trying to explain 2 pages of text and move onto page 2 quickly but you stop them and ask questions because you still need to understand page 1 Im struggling to move on now I just need to get this and be done with not knowing anymore so I can go to groups and find out about accepting emplyers so I don't persistently fall to homless issues etc 6 days to go

some good points here and some obvious misunderstandings, ive had to read a few times to resolve the point trekster made about gender indifference is totally valid, and gender equality should be respected, and that gender indifference should be used in generalised posts about Asperger and autistic traits, however in this instance I think Georgia is talking from a personal perspective and had noticed that because she is a female and had noticed higher level of difficulty with her own self diagnosis. I also suspect my gf could be catagorised as FTAS, but she says she doesn't care because she has friends and coping strategies and doesn't notice as much as I do, she just identifies with OCD and anxiety, but I see it differently. The Exodus has made an excellent point about needing more clearly defined definition of what autism 'actually' means! otherwise you could catagorise many people on the spectrum but certainly not all, I find most true-type NT's to have a rather selfish view of life and concentrate far too little on certain things we get accused of obsessing about, and I have met all too many people who more closely fit personality types such as physcotic or something devoid of human feeling! I have also been misdiagnosed with similar but different issues such as anxiety, depression and PTSD, but for me I 'know' that it is more, and have also felt an unexplained angst and feeling of being wired differently which as you say Georgia, I too am now doing this for my child. I have a daughter aged 3 who does and says many things that lead me to think and say 'that's how I was at that age'. I understand your concerns about your job, not wanting to jeperdise that if you are coping, but what is now controlling my thoughts is, how selfish would I be if my daughter makes it to my age (35) having had troubles all her life that were either undiagnosed or misdiagnosed leading to decades of suffering because she wasn't picked up because they assumed that I was 'ok'. as mihaela says going undiagnosed for so long takes it toll, having to pretend, or try to fit in is doable but tiring so now what I do I do for her. one could say that worrying about her future like this is anxiety or over-empathy, and say its because of aspergers, but I think that's the right thing to do as a human being and with love in my heart. no matter what the cost to me that's the price I pay for my daughters life now, if she can know about herself early enough she will learn to be able to cope being herself from a good age A choice I know for a fact that many NT's would not and do not make in their daily lives! so no I do not believe that 'everybody' could be on the spectrum somewhere. I actually believe that if there was a worldwide test, more people would exibit the symptoms of psychopaths than autists otherwise logically speaking there would not be war, and benefits wouldn't be getting attacked for the government deficit when Gordon brown got away with spending 15bn on challenger tanks that were never really even used in Iraq?! 'physco!' if they bombard us with guilt trips about the suffering in Africa etc and that 50p can buy this suffering child some medicine, then why don't they just pawn off the stupid unused tanks and send them what they need? 'selfish!' 'heartless' not sure if that's made the point about that, theres some great points on this post so far but that is the one is disagree with Other than the fact that this is georgias post about her own journey, gender shouldn't really come into it at all. we are all discussing our own opinions about ourselves as 'people on the spectrum' and as 'autists' gender definement should have no bearing in our discussions about how our conditions affect us regarding autistic spectrum definement, I think the problem is that they don't really know and have put us in an 'other' box many of us have similar traits, but then some can be so different, and in varying intensities! It is my opinion, as some of you know, that what people term NT actually coins many undiagnosed asd's and a great many people who exibit the psychotic behaviours of either 'not caring' or deliberately 'inflicting harm for enjoyment'. It would therefore be that NT should really be termed neuro-incorrect, and therefore by default 'we', and the otherwise undiagnosed would then be neuro-correct, having logical based thinking which involves caring for others and equality on all levels my mother cursed me verbally aged 5 for being a 'markist' for having these views, but I have always known my brain works differently than most (except on here lol), but just because the neuro-incorrect are in the majority doesn't make us 'wrong' or anything to be ashamed about in regards to work, when I have my diagnosis I am going to my highly opinionated and intelligent ways to enforce equality upon my employer if they are not ready and willing to accept my condition. I am highly intelligent, especially with streamlining processes at work, problem solving when conventional methods have failed and fault diagnosis and repair. I have a lot to offer an employer, and in fact if they knew anything about us they would see it as a benefit! (as long as they don't expect me to have a lot to say that's not work related at break time and/or go to work night out or Christmas party) I intend to do my research with the law and push for acceptace, even maybe appreaciation in the workplace good luck with everything Georgia, and all of us in fact, but Georgia if the way your brain works helps you to be excellent at your job then why should it matter, if you have a friendly un-psychotic manager then you might be ok. I don't want to hide anymore, pretending is taking its toll on my wellbeing. im happy being me, when im relaxed im quirky and random and make silly noises, so what?! this is the same time I do my best work so I cant do it anymore, also having had some head injuries recently, I just cant fake it anymore. I need the world to let me be me or im going to explode!!! diagnosis day T minus 6 days 23 hours 24 minutes! ....nervous and excited to the max!

what about if the parent has ASD? I struggle looking after my 3 year old by myself I don't yet know if shes on the spectrum but im confident I am and struggle with the day to day care giving when I have her alternate weekends does this count?

17 months well done! I understand how people on the spectrum can have addictions. in search for the answer to my problems I have tried many different types of meds trying to pass as having a 'normal' life. I am hoping that diagnosis and groups meetings will help my anxiety calm down. I have all manner of panic attacks especially in busy places. I do not find the propranolol to be addictive at all, however feeling calm and more normal is highly addicitive and it would be easy to claim addiction for anything which helps one to feel 'better'

I definitely agree. holidays for less abled people mental or physical can be very stressful when everyone else is around. the most popular resorts for NT's are not so for others. I too prefer the most quiet spot possible. im not saying make set plans for everyones day, but if you highlighted possibilities more easily then it will get round the complexity of 'do what you want', that notion is too much for me to handle. if the choices are simple, either outside or inside activity, something learning or something relaxing. simple choices are best I think. however I can foresee that if you pitching to all disabilities then you would need to have extra 'staff' so you don't lose your people or let them get injured

I have to call them to tell them im having troubles with it, im just worried that they will delay my assessment. they said they have high demand for the service and will give my apt away if I don't have them in two weeks previous! im so nervous, and my gf is running out of patience with my 'traits' and it all might just go badly wrong and il end up alone and down the slippery slope again with no help and serious problem with executive dysfunction leading to homelessness physically I don't look like I have a problem as many don't, but I am vulnerable when it comes to keeping a roof over my head, and now I have a daughter I cant get by on the streets again. did that for 7 years already and nearly died many times. need help

I am speaking to my auntie, she is in france at the moment. however she only saw snippets of an intelligent child who asked questions. not really enough for evidence. trouble is my mother knows that giving such evidence would mean she has to admit she punished me for having autistic traits and it requires her address and phone number and I just cant help but worry that's why she wont help. obviously ive moved around a lot in my life, always transient never rooted. and also because my family had been turned against me by my evil parents...basically nobody alive except my estranged mother can answer those questions :-( im going to leeds its a university hospital and apparently have a well funded unit there. im hoping that they have current research happeneing and fancy machines and dr's with higher IQ's than we have and/or other fancy detection methods if they cant diagnose me then either I will have to live with an 'inconclusive result' for ever or be told that im just plain weird. too many times now ive been misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD etc... I just know its more than just those 'simple' things, I understand that an abusive childhood can make anyone those things, but I know its more than that I just know it anxiety rating 11/10

Yes you're definitely not alone here. I try to achieve as much as possible on the good days to sort of buy myself a free pitstop when im out of fuel glad you like my little wordplay, means same wavelength me thinks Putting one's self 'out there' on here is best way I think. That's how best to find like minded others, else if not disclosed then how are we to find 'like'

maybe different places do it in different ways? if I get the answers im looking for I guess il be sharing the good news and advice (or sharing the problems and venting)

it is nice to clear ones chest of stuff like that. classic symptoms if you ask me just when we need it the most, that's when the little grey cells decide to have a rainy day! I have ranted a few times on here, sometimes the feedback is suprising its really easy to make plans, carrying them out is something different. apparently that something to do qith this thing 'executive dysfucntion' having an amazing mind on a good day, and doing a great impression of an undesireable the rest of the times I try to console myself with the fact that 'nobody is perfect...so what?!'

Hi all Just saying I finally got my D-Day 19th august bit short notice after such a long wait?! confusing and stressful to say the least so I am to find parental/ childhood witness and have them send the form back 2 weeks before my apt on the 19th! I know some of us have gifts and or extra sensory perception, but seriously, that doesn't give me much time does it?! my father is deceased and my mother estranged me aged 17. im 35 now she is an evil witch who doesn't care about anyone but herself, even didn't go to hospital when my sister had half her colon removed for chrone's, just because she didn't want to cancel a personal trainer apt at the gym! can you imagine how much trouble it was growing up with AS without supportive parents?! ive waited years and finally ive got my diagnosis day and now I have to pull a rabbit out of a hat by Wednesday??!! I seriously hope that there are fancy machines there and doctors who could spot a hair on someones coat from a distance usain bolt could run in 9.58 seconds! I really have to put some faith in modern science now don't I? perhaps too late for prayers too? but I do need a miracle I have got 'too good' at pretending and managed to trick myself even for 30 years before being honest and admitting this to myself after family members made me aware of it. I just thought, so what if im a bit weird?! I knew I had dyslexia, I never needed a test to know that, and I just thought that's all it was. now ive finally admitted it to myself, most of the symptoms describe me perfectly, where no other label or stereotype ever has before. discussing on the forums here is the most social interaction ive had in years. I just hope they know enough to work it out themselves not sure im religious enough for full on prayer, so I guess il just like say .'may the force be with me!' im hoping that diagnosis will cement my self awareness, and help me to meet others, and learn many new things based on fact rather than self diagnosis. im not looking for excuses by any means, but to have a sympathetic employer would definatily be great! and help me to avoid my homeless issues, and help me to get faster help if it turns out my daughter has received a little too many of my genes and early diagnosis I think is the key to having a 'normal' life... or at least a good one by the time ive made it to my age I feel often they might not even care if I am or not. but im doing this now for her, my little princess, so I can do my best for her and if she is ever questioned then they can say for sure, her dad 'is', and so I can get more stable work, even if it doesn't make me rich il be stable and can teach her how to have a stable life no matter whats 'different' about us. it might also help my sisters and other loved ones because most people think I can just be an awkward over sensitive weirdo/ [expletive]. im hoping they will accept that I never meant to be offensive to anyone, its just how I am, not realising that that might not be taken so kindly. sometimes it takes ages for someone to explain to me even how i was wrong. my gf especially gets annoyed. so hopefully better meds and more acceptance might make the difference and help to ease anxiety in daily life High intelligene low social skill persistant and random anxieties often with little or no trigger OCD's about everything. Basically if ive already worked out the best way to do something why would anyone else want to do any otherwise since I just showed them 'the best way'! regularly leading to the point above a distinct lack of social ability, even if they are people I know, anymore than a couple of people just blows my head up. I can only talk about subjects I know about and find it hard to remember to ask the other people about them instead of just talking about myself I have a light aversion, mostly to artificial lights, the sun I love but many artificial lights hum or buzz and it annoys me. I made some coloured glasses out of broken bits in 2004, years before I was made aware of ASD. they just made me feel happier and less stressed when 'out and about', later finding that this is quite common in aspie's I notice and get very annoyed at noises, background noises like when someone starts eating a packet of crisps just before the 9pm program! crunch crunch crunch I hear it all and cant hear the program properly! normally dinner is served 7.30-8pm and is done by the time its my choice on tv I find it very hard to understand other peoples thoughts and views if they are not inline with mine or are based on no factual information whatsoever I guess the point above highlights how my mind only really thinks logically. I do have emotions, I just don't understand them well, I seem to know love and frustration, anything else provokes uncomfortable body movements and avoidance routines. I want to love and be loved, but get frustrated when people I love don't love me back the same way two phrases I remember most about my parents: dad-'stop being such a smart[expletive]!' and mum-'oh stop being so pedantic!' this was from age 2, I used to ask questions at that age my parents didn't know the answers to and they couldn't understand how I knew such things. they punished me severely and told me I was a witch I have other family members with 'learning disabilities' learning at school ALWAYS felt like revision, I was always bored and waiting to learn the good stuff I have my special interests which keep me calm and I can lost for hours in them, and get frustrated when I get disturbed doing them, and cranky if it been too long since ive done them I could go on for ages im sure, I just hope the doctors are smart enough, I hate meeting intellectual inferiors who think they can tell me that black is white! good luck to all self diagnosed, hope it works out for us all! we know we're wired up differently, its just getting someone else to understand...when im put on the spot I do the avoidance things and then my brain switches off and get misdiagnosed as just stressed out

no I don't want to wait that long! im nearly 36 and I feel ive waited a life time already, another 30 would not be good, especially now im becoming more aware of my condition. im just worried incase they cancel my apt due to not having this parental witness form filled in. ive waited so long. my sister first made me aware of my issues after talking to my estranged mother shes a teacher now and has seen many kids on the spectrum, she told my sister maybe they missed something with me? trouble is, if shes too pig headed to sign the form then im relying on the doctors fancy machines and (hopefully) expert knowledge. hopefully there is someone on the spectrum on the team as often I notice others with learning issues and they always notice me I can fill out all the questionaires they like, but if they don't have 'other ways' of detecting it then we might have a long wait! I hope not. my gf has trouble keeping patience with my weirdities and id really like better meds. its all well and good saying try to be calm and just be like everyone else, but theres only so far pretending can go. when im tired and hungry I just get shirty with the people I care about the most and I hate it. better meds and meetings with others I think will help me find the balance between being myself, and not standing so far out from the crowd good luck to us all!

Sounds like similar stage to me. I had my referral and got funding and got assesment on 19th august! Not sure if that's stage1/2? But its parental witness im concerned about

thank you for this, I am hoping my anxiety will ease off post diagnosis. 19th august. however until then im in maximum mode when it comes to worry. I will struggle for parental witness. my father is deceased and my mother kindly estranged me in 1997, I hope they know enough to sort it out without, but its going to be stressful

Hi Florence I just received my date for diagnosis today! 19th august! it took me ages, like said 'a dr who believes us' after the funding was granted it was only about a month or so for it to arrive, my problem is though that I don't have parental witness so I really nervous my head is also in a spin but I wont get any relief until they can place their finger on the root of all my life problems there are questionairres and stuff but they need witness of someone who knew us as a child, and ive not had that sort of life that anyone actually 'knows' me, or that would stand up for me and give witness at such short notice, its only two weeks away! oh dear... since I admitted this to myself I have been waiting for this day to come, now it is im worried they wont have enough evidence so im also keen to hear other peoples thoughts if they are further down the line than we are

I only do hardware really

thanks trekster, I do need help. my gf says she can either be my carer or my gf but not both so maybe that's the answer im wondering if the last one will be affected because ive not got official diagnosis yet? we currently get some benefits but they go into her bank and im left alone all day with no money to go anywhere or buy anything so starting to feel a bit used and un loved

thanks livelife. I do know that deep down I know she loves me. I just don't want to fail before I get to help her. apparently along with giftedness comes ED and I have major troubles managing money and bills she is 100 miles away and im scared ive made a bad decision being naïve about finding love and happiness

hi everyone, just looking for advice I think with this one, I need advice since my dad died and mum kicked me out for 'my behaviour' at 17, I have been in and out of homelessness as I struggle to look after myself and keep jobs. its really got me down over the years and have thought about suicide many many times whilst sleeping in bushes etc. this time I have a 3 year old daughter who thinks im king of the world and she totally makes my life worth living, even if I am plagued with Asperger and do not understand the underlying rules of life that everyone else just seems to know. now that I have admitted it to myself, just quite recently in fact, I am feeling a bit wobbly and NEED someone to fall on, a shoulder to lean on in my time of trouble. I have realised that I rely on women in life to look after me, im ashamed to admit but I cant look after myself very well and never have. I have another gf who looks after me most of the time, but she has an anxiety disorder and I get blamed for a lot which causes arguments, for which I am not allowed to mention that 'this is why people say I have Asperger, because I often say things that make sense in my head but don't realise how they can be upsetting to NT's. personally I think now that they are TOO sensitive and not at all capable of empathy, even though these are things they say we can do! everytime things kick off she wants to kick me out and I had struggled for so many years to get a place to live and I gave it up for love, to move 100 miles away to be with my love and hopefully find happiness and ways to get around my shortcomings with Asperger. I hate the way my head is wired up differently! I was trying to get used to fact there were at least a couple of benefits of being asd, but everytime I think about how ive potentially let my daughter down it makes me want to regress further and think about suicide, although I cant because I know that I would then put my woes onto my daughter who loves me so much, I love her more than life itself, literally. all in all, that which I NEED to do in this life revolves around her and helping her to grow up happy and learn how to be an adult. however im worried that I might teach her the wrong things as maybe I don't really know after all how to 'live', maybe I don't know how to teach her how to be 'happy'. I know she loves me but what if im a bad influence?! I just feel useless right now and worth nothing at all and cant even afford to leave here amicably! I hate my life so much sometimes Im wondering if anyone else has suffered with homeless issues and learnt any ways around it? do I get special consideration for having enhanced rate PiP and waiting for official diagnosis? im so lost and alone and have nobody to turn to if im homeless again this time I wont have anywhere to take my daughter, if she thinks I don't love her my life will be defunct and I wont have anything else left to continue this life. please help, I don't want my little girl to think im a useless coward, but I don't know what to do

Sounds like your troll is a sociopath and enjoys messing with your head. My gf works in mental health and witnesses all the PD's manipulating the LD's. Sounds typical to me. Can you not block this troll? Which media site is it? I stay away from NT media sites now. Too much bigotry. You don't need this. Why do you go back to them? Stick to like minded people here

im York