Scout

Hi I have just started studying with the OU. I am doing postgrad research and (I think but need to fine tune) my thesis basis is going to be looking at support for HFA/AS going from 6th form to university, looking at the support that is available so these children can be comfortable and supported socially (as well as academically) at university. It will include an evaluation of what is already in place at universities as well as suggest what is needed. Actually, I am still very much thinking around my subject and if anyone feels there is anything specific I should look into in this area, please do say. I need as many thoughts as possible! My AS is only 6 but I feel, with many more diagnoses of late, there will be tons of diagnosed AS/HFA who, with decent support, should have every success at HE (and the hopefully flow on into decent jobs). I am not sure whether it was a good idea studing something so close to my everyday life. However, it is something I have read tons about, I am interested in for obvious reasons and if I can go some way to getting things going for the better then great. Also, my dear husband is AS (we are sure but going for assessment) and had a miserable time in education, being moved from school to school for underachieving and basically both parents and educators I think not understanding how he didn't enjoy the school environment - he won't talk about it much but I know he wants things to be different for our son. Incidentally, despite a tough time as a child and some of adulthood, he now manages himself very well and, although I find him very difficult at times, we have been married over 7 yrs, his good qualities outweigh the difficult characteristics and he is the most interesting and intelligent person with genuine passion for everything be likes and believes in. Anyway, no-one is perfect, you always get the good with the bad and vice versa! So he has a wife and 3 gorgeous sons and a great job. It took until his 40s to get settled into this but settled he is (and an obsessive and very fast marathon runner which has calmed him down no end!!!!). Sorry to waffle! Scout

Hi I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear these stories. My AS 6 yr old is just the same. He is desperate to play out in our cul-de-sac with the other local kids. The problem is that he is only allowed directly in front of our house and they are mostly allowed round the corner. However, I am so worried about a car coming round the corner fast that I cannot and will not let him round the corner (or my 4 or 5 yr old NTs either). He also is desperate to be in the thick of things and to have tons of friends but unsupervised free play is where he excels the least. He lasts about 10 mins before coming in crying because someone has taken the ball when it was his turn or because they are all going a bit further and he is not allowed. I too am on of the mothers that is parked in the front garden if my 4 and 5 yr olds play out the front. I too am amazes at how some families seem to be able to get on with whatever they are doing inside with no knowledge of exactly where their young children are. I too have had children into our house and this is probably the best way but it means our house gettiing in a tip which I hate! Also, my son then tends to show off in an immature way and get every toy out to showw off to his friends. Or they want to play something different to him and then he behaves like a spoilt 3 yr old and I have to intervene and discuss compromise (once again!!!!!!) The road is a real dilemna. I really, really can't decide whether it is better to live somewhere secluded with a big garden, or in a busy but safish cul de sac where you kid has access to other kids his age. I guess we are lucky in that my boys are 4, 5 and 6 and very close and, more often than not, they choose to play together. Also, winter is way easier because the kids don't play out. Also, I can get my 6 yr old AS in if I let him go on the computer or something but really socialising is so much better for any child but I get really fed up with being parked on the front lawn with my cup of tea looking like a neurotic parent!!!!! Scout

Dear Yoyo Out of interest, what sort of assistance did school provide for the AS children? I can't really see what sort of practical help they could have as they are so able and struggle only with intabgible difficulties. S

Hi I am new to this forum today and, although I have posted messages here and there, I haven't introduced myself. I have a husband and 3 sons aged 4, 5 and 6. My husband and I believe he has Asperger,s our 6 yr old has just been verbally diagnosed although not formalised yet. It was us rather than school that asked for assessments. I went to the GP about once a year from when C was born as I knew he was different. As a babe, he screamed or slept but nothing inbetween, at 2 he did not have 3 clear words and yet could do a 40 piece puzzle. 6 months later, at almost 3, he had full language, fantasctic vocab and everyone said what a bright boy. But we knew he handled things differently and saw the world differently and was quite literal. Schools have thought him incredibly able and such a conformist as he loves structure and rules but he has always had a class of 12 and therefore has had lots of stimulation and attention. His current teacher recognises that he is a bit off the wall and socially immature although at the same time very academically able. We would not have him any other way. His honesty, excitability and sense of fun are so endearing and he has never, ever been malicious, hurtful or spiteful and loves everyone. He justs gets in such a pickle sometimes and overreacts to both good and bad things that happen. More soon, tired now S

Hi This is exactly how we have treated our son and, yes, it is regimented and, certainly, over the years friends have thought us party poopers when we leave everywhere in time to keep our evening routine as it always is and keep normal bedtimes both term time and hols BUT it works for us too. Our sons are 4, 5 and 6 (the eldester Asperger's) and initially we did it because we have 3 babies so close together that we felt we needed the household under control for us to manage! But although it is sometimes tiring being strict and there are times when you feel like you shoulnd't be having to explian to a boy almost 7 yet again why he doesn't get a party bag (ie becuase he didn't actually go to the party, his brother did) but there are other times when your child seems so manageable and you are so proud. I end up shouting sometimes (as we all do probably) and alwasy feel after that that was not the way to handle things. As for charts and stuff, I feel too bus most of the time to organise, I know they work brilliantly. I tend to have rewards and consequences but defined verybally to save time. My son also loves computer/Nintendo and I take the handheld thing if we have to do shoes for all 3 or if we go to a restaurant and I know he will finish his meal in 2 minutes and then get jumpy!!! S

Dear Yoyo Thanks for the comment. I know the indepdent sector is different in that it has different ways of approaching things. My son is indeed in a very caring prep school and also one that is academically very strong and the staff are wonderful to all 3 of our sons. Also, both my husband and I like and agree with the high expectations of behaviour, the very clear consequences should rules not be adhered to and the way children are challenged and praised. It is the way we parent them at home and also achieves the best results. The school is also very hot on teamwork and competition and my sons love to really feel in the thick of things and able to earn priviledges such as extra play, stickers and team points for good work, manners and behaviour. My elder son's form teacher is actually the pre-prep special needs person and also has 2 sons similar to the ages of mine. She did not dismiss what I told her about him at the beginning of term or make me feel as though I was neurotic (which I was worried about) even though he was not exhibiting particularly odd behaviour at school. She has made me feel very confident and has made it very clear that he is going to be fine and anything he needs will be provided as and when needed. When he touches a radiator at school she says he looks at her, smiles and shrugs his shoulder and she gives him a private smile too so both know he's doing it but that it doesn't matter!!! I am going to talk to her this week about what I have been told verbally and I think she will be able to advise me on whether and when it is necessary to have anything written down. My worry is for next year as he moves into the upper school and I know that things are done very differently. There are many teachers other than the form teacher, children have to get themselves from A to B, be much more responsbile for themselves and also he will be the youngest in a department of children up to age 13. I worry about things like bullying because my son loves everyone and assumes everyone loves him back and really cannot understand if people are ever unkind and is not thick skinned. But, then again, there may not be any problems and certainly up to now, he is very happy. He did say he wished he could go to school on Sats and Suns so he could trade cards (with friends in the playground) every day! Do you have any AS children in your school? What help do they get? I can't think my son would ever need any help other than teachers knowing he is a bit eccentric and literal and keeping an extra eye out to make sure he is not bullied/exploited. Academically and sporting-wise, he is very able. Sorry to write so much! S

Hi I am the wife of a (almost definite but in process of getting assessed) husband and we have 3 wondeful sons aged 4, 5 and 6. We have just had a call from the associate specialist pediatrics who has verbally diagnosed our eldest son with Asperger's. However, she has asked me whether, in her letter giving her conclusions, we would like her to label him with Asperger's or whether we would prefer it to be verbal for now and then re-review him in a year or us call if we felt a label would be useful. I am not sure what to do. Our 6 yr old (Yr 2) does fantastically at school in every area and although his teacher said she would have noticed he was a bit off "normal", a bit socially immature, naiive, he is a pleasure to teach and is going to do very well academically. That said, she recognises what I have told her and, now I have told her our concerns, she has noticed things like him discreetly touching any radiators he sees! However, the specialist said (and I know) that socially the gap between his maturity and that of his peers will widen. We have 2 other sons aged 5 (Yr 1) and 4 (reception) and they deal with social mishaps already better than he does. He is very difficult at home where the environment is less regulated and in holidays become s mroe difficult and in term time less. However, I knew something was amiss from the very beginning even if it is not obvious to those who don't know him well. He goes to a lovely prep school with 12 in a class and I think this has something to do with why he copes so well and is so happy. His teacher adores him, he is eager to please and interested in everything and is an intelligent conversationalist. That said, I would love some advice on whethr you (or anyone) thinks I should say yes or no to having it formalised in a letter. The specialist says it basically empowers people at school to treat him differently but he has no problems at school YET aside from sometimes being in a world of his own. Please advise. I am worried that a formal letter will mean he can't attend stuff like Summer Camp (because I think with a special need, these things are not so easy to sign up to and yet he is well capable of having a rgeat time there and this year the staff said he was a delight (because he loves following the rules and being a good boy). We can always get the label later but we can't take it away once it's there. My husband had a really miserable time at many different schools and his parents sound like yours. They loved his academic ability and ignored the rest and as a result he was unhappy and went off the rails for a time as a teenager. This is his second marriage, he is 46 but the wonderful qualities of intelligence and passion for many things are lovely and we struggle through the times when he goes off the rails (when stressed, he communcates hardly at all, starts lying to me for no reason, goes financially a bit crazy) but we are still here, he is learning to comminicate well and no-one is perfect. His sons adore him and just think he is a whacky dad I think!!!! I guess our son is (now anyway) very mildly affected and seems, if anything, a little eccentric, a bit silly sometimes. I am worried I about pushing it either way. Thanks for reading this SB

Dear Kathryn I am new to all this but why has your daughter never had an IEP? Is it because she copes well at school? We have just had a call from the associate specialist pediatrics who has verybally diagnosed our son with Asperger's. However, she has asked me whether, in her letter giving her conclusions, we would like her to label him with Asperger's or whether we would prefer it to be verbal for now and then re-review him in a year or us call if we felt a label would be useful. I am not sure what to do. Our 6 yr old (Yr 2) does fantastically at school in every area and althougn his teacher said she would have noticed he was a bit off "normal", a bit socially immature, naiive, he is a pleasure to teach and is going to do very well academically. That said, she recognises what I have told her and, now I have told her our concerns, she has noticed things like him discreetly touching any radiators he sees! However, the specialist said (and I know) that socially the gap between his maturity and that of his peers will widen. We have 2 other sons aged 5 (Yr 1) and 4 (reception) and they deal with social mishaps already better than he does. He is very difficult at home where the environment is less regulated and in holidays become s mroe difficult and in term time less. However, I knew something was amiss from the very beginning so I know in AS is there. He goes to a lovely prep school with 12 in a class and I think this has something to do with why he copes so well and is so happy. That said, I would love some advice on whethr you (or anyone) thinks I should say yes or no to having it formalised in a letter. The specialist says it basically empowers people at school to treat him differently but he has no problems at school YET aside from sometimes being in a world of his own. Please advise. I am worried that a formal letter will mean he can't attend stuff like Summer Camp (because I think with a special need, these things are not so easy to sign up to and yet he is well capable of having a rgeat time there and this year the staff said he was a delight (because he loves following the rules and being a good boy). I guess he is (now anyway) very mildly affected and seems, if anything, a little eccentric, a bit silly sometimes. I am worried I about pushing it either way. Thanks for reading this SB