allsetuk

my son aged 4.5 does this alot and does it all the more if you try to ignore him. he has done it for 2 years, with very very tight cuddles and grabbing etc ...all the usual things ....he doesnt like it when i do it back ..its hard to retain your humour with them i know i always want to say NO and it takes all my mental strength to stop it...if i walk off my son just follows and gets even more excitable - thengoes on a cycle of feeling bad with himself beciase mummy didnt find it funny

ok major wierdness going on at school...the letter that i gave to the head of the lower school, she has kindly shown around to every teacher so its "all eyes on me"!" ..i have been told to stop "making such a big deal " of everything ...its like they have turned the tables becuase i complained about the black boook .......when all i ever do is respond to them going on and on about every little slip up my son has made!!! they are the ones who make a big deal about little things and now the headmaster wants to see me - sad thing is he is the husband of my sons teacher so i cant talk openly about anything anyway ive really had enough ....so wish i could go and live on a remote farm in italy lol

has anyone noticed a pattern of tummy aches? in asd children..mine is getting tummy aches alot but no other symptoms...and i think it may be stress related ???? any thoughts

went into school...wrote a 3 page letter to the teacher saying that threatening a 4 year old with delayed consequence like the black book to be read out in assembly infront of the whole school was wrong and that i am trying to alleviate anxiety.son woke up early today in tears becuase it is games (he instinctivly knows what day it is on tues and fri )and he hates getting dressed ...and undressed ;( ive never seen him so sad ..he layed on the school bench curled up in feotal position ...my letter explained they have to be more patient generally with his fidgiting and when i asked why he was getting into trouble every day for poking someone ....or whatever that they needed to explore if he had been poked first and not just presume he is a monster ...he mimicks people a lot and when i said to his teacher that i heard him say he was going to pinch someones bottom this weekend when his friend kept ignoring him after he had said so and so i am getting angry ..... ..she said oh i know where he has got that from ....yet last week he got into trouble for doing it ..so if she knows where he has got it from then why isnt she tackling the source .....she assured me they dont threaten with the black book only if they are in a group but one of the mums told me , that infront of her (the mum) they had threated a child with it ...when i asked her she tried to assure me that the black book wasnt for the 4 years olds and she didnt agree with it anyway ...yet she is the one who implemented it ....talk about confused!!!!!!! me i mean she also told me yesterday that he had said something so mean to one of the boys that boy hadnt slept for a week !!!!! ..yet i saw the mum of that boy last week and went for a coffee with her and she told me that another well known troublemaker ..the bark thrower!! was in fact the boy who had caused all the problems .....and that anyway her own son fabricated epic stories that were all lies !!!! im getting so stressed aaaaaghh

totally fed up, sons behaviour is worsening and this is a direct reflection of anxiety at school i feel he is becoming the bain of everyone else 's bad behaviour, he was threatenend with the black book, a book of bad behaviour that is read out in assembly!!!!! he had to be taken out of assembly friday as he was physically destroyed and shaking through fear of being in the black book. apparently he has been saying horrible things to other children ...but dont all 4 year olds do this ? ive taught him to verbalise when he is angry and i dont think the children like to hear this so fed up - rang up hospital they said PDA isnt even recognised ;(

hello everyone how are you all ? im ...feeling glum ..i seem to be being heading back to getting regular bad news when i pick my son up ...when he first started school for like the first year , he was alwasy the one being poked , wound up , prodded and generally made to fidgit and went to a xmas party this year where something snapped in him and he has since learnt to wind up back at people but its getting him into trouble, the way he sees it is that they did it and didnt get told off by their parents ......so it must be ok kinda thing , he is a great mimicker in all sorts of ways, but they all seem a bit slicker at hiding their mischief than him so he has been in trouble twice today , once for pinching someones bottom while standing in a queue and then outside in playtime this particularly rough little boy who is very silly and devious and i really dont like my son playing with ...which i know sounds ridiculous but its just hes really naughty and i think it rubs off , ive been horrified at the deviousness this other boy applies at partys so he looks angelic infront of his parents and then wallops someone when the parents back is turned and then blames the other boy , ive seen it myself so many times......so my son got into major trouble today for throwing bark in the playgroud, i asked him why he was doing it and he said it was the other boys "game "so he was just following instructions and my son has strict instructions from me(from many many past experiences with this boy ...) to walk away and tell a teacher but he says the other boy just keeps chasing him round the playground, so he got shouted at today and was apparently distraught for half an hour afterwards..distraught not becuase he was upset at being shouted at but because he had "failed " and been drawn into the other boys badness. i cant relax tonight, i walked into school happy and then just sank into misery again - How can i tell the teachers to police this ???? they seem to have reverted to making no allowances for my son and saying he has to be treated like everyone else ....but with his treading such a fine line of pda and aspergers symptoms, i am feeling confused and bemused!!!!! ...any advice ???? would be gratefully recievedxxxi feel really protective but i need to let the school know how to handle such things otherwise i dont have any input ....but im not really sure what to say oh yes and funny literal story , yesterday i was in the car sat in traffic , and i said fingers crossed we get through these traffic lights to myself ....after 5 mins , my son says ..mummy why have i got to have my fingers crossed and i turned around and his first finger on his left hand was crossing his first finger on his right hand ...and he was asking me why and how much longer did he have to stay like that !

mines totally negelected , then i go mad and blitz and realise ive embarked on a huge task and then get all worked up !!! before you know it , the wright stuff has finished , this morning , ive written an essay, done some research, watched the news and then its time to get my son again ..and the little mess i did tidy up , gets all messy again !!! aaagh

just picked up that information on the other site, my sons teacher read through everything and she is realy happy as she feels its much more true to what my son is doing... yay P>S got an email from my friend saying that from now on she will be there to offer advice if i want it and offering peace!!

this is so great , thanks for taking the time to write this informative and useful information. Your very well informed and easy to understant - Now ive just got to get my head totally around it , im new to all this really so thinking ....rather living and breathing spectrum disorder and now i just want to implement strategys but im not sure where toget them especially if the ones issued are in direct conflict with bringing out the best in children , all the hospital told me was to go on the early bird course!!!!!!!!

oh yes and my physcotherapist signed my son off yesterday saying he wasnt high priority presumably becuase i seem to be empowering myself with seeking knowledge so he wont be meeting up beyond the one meeting he had with us with regards behaviour which was what was promised at the case assessment. I think i am going to ring back and say can we explore PDA before we sign it off as severe aspergers as something doesnt add up ...

thank you for this - i am trying to locate a beginners guide to noted traits - the PDA forum seems very quiet on this subject - maybe i cant access it all yet

im reading more and more about the PDA , but my son fits criteria in both ...i suppose thats wh y they call it spectrum ? picked him up from school only to be told he has been gettinng nippy and angry and clawed someone and then denied all knowledge ....

just got my case assessment in full back from the child development centre. It seems a bit wierd as they told me he had severe aspergers when i was there and now have just put autistic spectrum disorder on it - will this affect being able to apply for dla? reading the material noetic put me in touch with , he seems right down the line with some of both asperger and pdd traits ..?? are this is confusing

thank you for that bullet ...a really useful and interesting perspective - your openess and honesty much appreciated by myself .

this is very interesting and thank you for taking the time to explain and point this out

thanks for that ....you are all making such sense ...yes i hope i can get her to see that too

Thanks for that curra - great explanation ...and i emailed her back .....i explained that what i needed most were supportive emails that to me were like normal and the closest thing to a hug i ever get ...and that she unsettled me by going on about this in such an angry way ...normally she is the most placid person ever ..i have never seen her write like this .....what i cant get my head around is what difference does it make to her ...that my son is diagnosed ....and if she knows so much about it ..how come she doesnt understand the term high functioning ....from what i have read on here many aspie children are more than capable of thinking in the complex way i described to cope at school

Thank you for that ....i feel like im being supersenstive or something..as ive already tried to explain to her that as a single parent i feel very vunerable and alone all of the time ......and normally i can talk to her about stuff becuase weve been best freinds since 4 years old and we have never had a cross word about anything ...we dont live near each other but shes like family.....i cant get through to her that i am not asking her wether its right or wrong and i am very much aware what to do and what not to do he is my son ...I live with it!! all the time ........ i tried to explain to her that her manner was very unsettling as constantly telling me all children do the same thing and my son shouldnt have been diagnosed at his age isnt helping ...i cant understand why she has such a bee in her bonnet ..... and to say that he isnt capable of inventing things at school becuase he is frightened of getting undressed or hiding because he doesnt want to wash his hands....he has been capable of forming coping strategies for a long time, im sure all of us see that in our Aspie children ...dont we??? surely 2 years of professional probing and prodding at the hospital ..they wouldnt just diagnose for the sake of it ???

my god i dont wether to laugh or cry , right now im crying ...i know ive spoken to you all before about lack of support and the email that came from my best freind whose a teacher and has always been a massive support until i told her about my sons diagnosis and she said children his age (nearly 5 ) shouldnt be pigeon holed and it was disgusting that he had been but i cant find where i posted it ...and im in a tizzy ......becuase i was so upset by her reaction , well now i have another one and im just devestated , i tried to explain to her that my sons diagnosis could be a benfit and help me to help him and that i was a bit hurt by her reaction but all its done is open up the email for more of the same ....in this kind of tone ........i just cant beleive it She said she is totally against my son having a label all along, for a load of reasons but mainly because it doesn't help .!!!! She said she is very angry that i have been told that he has severe aspergers with ADD, Studying children's behaviour, Early Years Education and SEN is 'her thing', and she has reflect and analyse and it makes me look forward to going back to work, She said she read all your emails and attachments with growing passion about the whole issue, even if it's in disagreement! Outside intervention is notoriously difficult to get in a mainstream school, unless the problem really is severe (like a violent child), which is why we would just look at the individual child during the infants. She said There's a risk now that My son will pick up on his title now if you and others talk about it in front of him, like saying he won't do this or that (stand still, stand behind the white line etc.) cos he'll get the message that you don't actually expect him to do it. I am really hurt by this because i woudnt just let him get away with naughty behaviour and say its cool because he is autistic !! But i would like to explain to his teacher why he is saying he has tummy aches everytime he has games becuase he is scared of getting dressed and undressed!!!!!!! or wants to fly round a aquarium at 30 mph becuase the people scare him ...??? Here is the rest of the email She said she used to take "children on school trips, pond dipping and walking in woods, no matter if you have Down's, Aspergers or are just plain naughty, if the behaviour is socially unacceptable or dangerous, the rules are the same for everyone, you can't just say 'it's ok he's autistic'. Nor can you say that time outs/naughty mats etc don't work cos there is a method that works for every child, you just have to be consistent once you find it, consistency is even more important with SEN children, but all kids need clear boundaries. The danger is that parents have a diminished sense of responsibility (especially for social behaviour) once their child has been 'diagnosed'. I'm uncomfortable with the term 'high functioning' as well, it seems like a psycho term for 'has a disorder but isn't thick' or does it mean that he is gifted? Again I'm being blunt and to the point, but in the past I have suggested various things in a bit of a wet, softly-softly way and you haven't taken it on board, that is your perrogative of course. I am trying to be helpful but it may not sound it.Please, please remember that however severe his aspergers is, he is still only little, the stuff about him being devious in making people think he isn't worried - it's proper scary that you would think a 5 year old is capable of this. However intelligent, and I know he is bright, 5 year olds don't have the emotional maturity to think in this complex manner. (this is because i said he has been doing lots of things at school to get out of the things that frighten him like getting dressed/washing hands etc ..he has been hiding ..he does this kind of thing all the time at home and has done for a year ..yet she is telling me he isnt emotionally capapbel ??????) Also most of the stuff you've been telling me suggests that aspergers have difficulty with emotional development and reading emotions in others, but any 5 year old struggles to express anything other than in your face type emotions, nevermind decieve adults about what they think the adult wants them to feel!! Little kids come out with all sorts of weird stuff about random things all the time. i must sound like a right worry wart here i know but this is my best bud on the planet and i have very little family and im just blown away by her reaction..... ;(

thank you, i emailed them..did anyone else, ihavent had a response yet

i am really starting to see school differently and how it affects my little one, so far this week , my son has been found hiding in the book corner to avoid hand washing, which scares him silly , getting upset and not wanting to go on gym days becuase the clothes coming off and over his head freaks him out as does the comptetitive way the other boys deal with it ....i had to ask they help him today ....becuase he has been up since 6am worrying about it ...and becuase his teacher told him to practise his sounding out jolly phonics , he has taken it literally and is spending all night every night practising all week !!!! has anyone else got these kind of problems?

this is interesting i just posted that my son in another topic entitled "throwback after school"yesterday he only got one star instead of his normal three for forgetting his sounds in reading class .....he is four and half and has mastered the Jolly phonics but hates sounding out everything and had forgotton all the sounds ....he was repeating non stop when he came home and couldnt get to sleep as he was a , b, c, d, was up all night from 2am as he was stressed ... trying to spell words as i think he was so stressed out because he sets himself high goals .....and is a perfectionist this would be right following on from what you have written ..

this is interesting , as my son was diagnosed in january and we have had two years till this decision, the more it has gone on i realise he is a Mini - Me and I am just wondering now should i go for a diagnosis and how and where to make this happen , i would be much happier i think as i have always been told i am a wierdo loner and im so talented but do nothing about it, so my self esteem has sunk to an all time low over 34 years .... getting invited out for coffee is a scary prospect and i prefer to be alone ...always have ....if i cant sit in a specific seat in a room it stresses me out, i always need to be in a corner at the back ..my family have always said im condascending and authoritarian and ive just isolated myself more and more , happy in my own world with my own obsessions - i can sing and write full peices of music by ear... now my son is in the same boat .. How have any of you gone about getting a diagnosis ..approach the doctor first and hope he refers you

ooh thanks hadnt spotted that cheers lisa

hello everyone Just wondered does anyone notice a behaviour throwback after school , i think my son is stressed from school work, he was awake all night from 2 till 4 or 5 ..sounding out reciting facts and worrying because in reading yesterday he had forgotton his jolly phonics sounds yesterday when he had to do his sounding out..he is only 4 and half and can read when not under pressure but im worrying that he is putting himself under pressure ...from comments passed at school....has anyone else experience of this ?