joybed

Hi all I know a lot have read my posts regarding Marcus problems with school and have given a lot of really helpful advice. This is just a quick update to let you know what is happening although we are no where near a solution. We had a meeting at school at the beginning of January to discuss the problems with school marcus had refused to go back after christmas and i was requesting a placement at a special school we had found. We were told there was no funding and we would not get a place so it was decided Marcus would back to school on a part time basis. This for lots of reasons didn,t work. marcus saw the time at home as a time to play on his games consoles and flatly refused to do anything else except go swimming. I work nights and couldn,t sleep in the day, Marcus missed huge chunks of his lessons and quickly started to fall behind this increased his anxiety at school and made him even more reluctant to go into school on the days he was supposed to. this led to even more anxiety attacks at home and repeated bouts of self harm and aggressive behaviour towards myself and his siblings. He became increasingly destructive and out of control. His review of statement was near and we received the report from school which basically said he was coping at school and the problems were all to do with home. Apparently we have a chaotic lifestyle and i give the twins all the attention and none to Marcus, i was wrong to have discussed special schools and home education with my son as i was giving him too much information. Lots else was said but too much to go into details, it made me very angry and i rang the ASD team in tears. My reply to school was long and I felt like i was justifying my parenting skills. The review came and despite the fact that everyone but the SENCO and ED psych think he isn,t coping he is to return to school full time. I don,t think this will work but parent partnership have once again stated that we need to try so we can prove mainstream isn,t working. He is returning with a full time statement including lunch and breaks, taxi to school leaving early to get the bus to promote independence, he is no longer doing history which has always been a problem for him and is being given extra computer time during a difficult maths lesson. In the time history would normally take place his LSA,s are doing a social skills course with him. Marcus agreed to this (in the meeting) with the promise of a reward every week for going to school on five days without a fuss (which i provide). I was waiting for him to come home from school to get his real reaction and sure enough the minute he came in he started getting stressed. I managed to calm him down eventually and encourage him to give it a go as in all fairness school are trying but to be honest don,t really have a clue. I am angry as we have found the perfect placement but the LEA won,t fund it and my son is suffering as are the entire family. The other thing that made me angry is that throughout the entire meeting they kept telling him that it was compulsory for him to go to school and we all know this isn,t true. Home education is perfectly legal and logical but they they made it sound like it was something evil. I didn,t argue as I was virtually told off at his review meeting when i mentioned HE and special schools as i was told i was confusing Marcus by giving him too many options apparently things should be made very simple for him and he shouldn,t be given choices, (what about independence). I also didn,t argue as although i don.t have a problem with HE and think all you HE parents are amazing it is not something that is viable in our family circumstances for reasons i have previously stated. So he is to go to school tomorrow and i am to wait for it to crash down and then pick up the pieces, I feel like i am waiting to go to the gallows. Is this really a good time to give up wine for lent.

JS mum it was meant in a lighthearted way. I agree that marcus is depressed at the moment and there is a lot going on in our world at the moment, but he is also very reluctant to attempt to do anything for himself and will often refuse to help in even the smallest way even it is something to help himself. This is what i meant by lazy. in some ways it is my own fault as i sometimes do things as it is easier so i suppose they all just think oh well Mum will do it. I am not offended at all i have asked CAMHS if the think he is depressed and they have said possibly. To be honest i always leave a CAMHS appointment not able to remember what was actually said as they just skirt around the issues and never give any firm answers. Lots of talking but nothing getting done practically if you know what i mean.

Hi Marcus 13 and asd is also exactly the same with the exception of 12 and 13 also. He definatley doesn,t have ADHD as he is the laziest person i have ever met and if he walked any slower he would stop but his organisational skills are appalling.

Hi we have had exactly the same things with our 13 year old can,t really offer any advice as struggling myself but just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. When on holiday last year in Cornwall Marcus was desperatley trying to ruin the holiday for everyone. i could understand the reasons why he was upset (it never stopped raining the whole time we were there, he was couped up in a caravan with another 4 people 2 of which were only just 4, he had a chronic ear infection and felt ill). After he had been really argumentative and moaned constantly for 3 hours about how he hated caravanning holidays, his whole family and the british weather we sent him to his tent outside. He was shouting to passers by to help him as he was being abused, we were hitting him etc etc. I have never been so embarassed. We got fed up of being inside and went out for a meal that wasn,t good enough and he had a meltdown in the pub. After 4 days of this DH had had enough and took him back to his grandparents house. I cried for about 4 days as i felt I had lost my little boy. things have continued along the same way and i am a loss as to what to do. I know he is having problems at school but it is me that fights for him so why take it out on me. Nobody understands what it is like and school have openly criticised my parenting skills when we are all trying to make the best of a bad situation. i love my son but hope things get better soon as we are all struggling to cope and it is beginning to effect his siblings too. I too have been on antidepressants but am trying to stay off them at the moment, just drink lots of wine instead. Lots of <'> and i hope it gets better for us all soon. Hope this makes some sense and sorry i can,t help more.

The ed psych came to see Piers at home today and he was his usual hyperactive, awkward self so she got to see him warts and all. I mentioned to her that some days he is very good and i wonder if i have got it all wrong and he is just a normal little active boy but on other days I am sure their is something amiss, she replied that she is sure their is something and i am not just imagining it, I asked her what she thought the diagnosis might be and she said that although she knew in her mind she had to discuss him with the other professionals invoved and i would get to know at the meeting whenever that is. Why can,t she tell me i am his mother but i have waited this long. I can,t help but hink she will go away and change her mind anyway. Whilst she was here i mentioned we were having a difficult time with DS1 (she saw him in the past as well) and she asked me in what way, I explained about the school problems and trying to get him into a special school and she said we were being treated unfairly and Marcus should be in a specialist placement she is going to have a word with Ms ed psych to see if she can get things moving. so hopefully it is all coming right but I won,t hold my breath. Will keep you posted

Hi all i agree with you about the complete break from my mum as she has in the past caused so much heartache. she stopped talking to me for 3 years when i moved in with my DH because i had moved to village 19 miles away and taken her grandson and she had lost control over both myself and her grandson. Since we have made up (and i might add this is only because of the twins she can,t stand to not see her grandchildren) I have been stronger and not allowed her to interfere as much as previously but she does still interfere mainly with Marcus. However at the moment i don,t think i am strong enough or brave enough to cut ties with her, the last time was horrible and i lost nearly all my family as well as her and almost had a breakdown not good times don,t want to go back there, (imagine being at your Nannas funeral and nobody acknowledging you are there that kind of thing hurts). Marcus is there now and to be honest i am glad of the break although as i was leaving i asked him to think about how he had behaved today and could he change anything so we don,t fight when he comes home but he replied i don,t want to come home, I cried all the way home. My Mum told him off but i can,t help but think she is happy as she has now won. My Mum and DAd think the sun shines out of his derrier and he can do no wrong at all and vice versa. My sister is a little more supportive and we had a long chat tonight. She has been through the same thing with my Mum she openly criticises her eldest daughter who incidently is very much like me and showers gifts on her youngest. Happy families I don,t think so. I wish I could afford that little farm house in Wales. Thanks for your help and advice, willl let you know how it goes.

Hi I really don,t know where to start but some of you will have read my other posts and have given excellent advice. Marcus is at present being flexi schooled due to difficulties with coping at his local mainstream secondary. We want him to go to a special school but LEA won,t fund we are in negotiation. Currently he is attending school 3 days a week and home 2 days. To begin with this this went well I was very chilled about the schooling and concentrated on the PE aspect which he does none of at school so we went to the allotment and swimming and did some things on the internet in between times. It has been very difficult as i work and Marcus has been falling behind at school as he is missing large chunks of lessons particularly English and Maths. He is reluctant to sit down and do any formal type school work at all which I am not really worried about as he is still attending school. We had his review at school on Friday and due to the above reasons and a few others it was decided he would go back to school full time with full time support. Marcus hasn,t been told this and will not be happy, he says he is never back full time. Ever since Friday his reluctance to do any work at all has got worse. The weather has stopped us going out as much and today his brother is off school ill so not able to leave the house. I think he has a feeling he is going back to school full time and is rebelling. We have had meltdowns every night before school and his behaviour has been far worse than usual. He doesn,t get on well with his stepfather and has never accepted that he is now part of his life although DH doesn,t always deal with matters in the best way Marcus appears to deliberatley push him to the limit and This has resulted in them either not speeking or having a major screaming match. I appreciate DH is the adult but I can also appreciate he is in a very difficult situation also. M also resents having siblings around as for the 8 years prior to them arriving he had my undevided attention. My mother also compounds the problems she doesn,t like my DH (the feeling is mutual) and if Marcus and Miles have an issue he immediately telephones his nanna who threatens me with social services on the grounds that my husband is mistreating my son. This has led to a situation where DH can,t even disapline DS1 for fear of interference form my mother. She is always trying to get me to leave DH and go home to live, my Mum is a real family person but also a control freak and has told DS1 that I will untimatley do what she says as she controls me (I am 37 YO) She denies saying this of course but it is the kind of thing she says. Her latest thing is that if any problems occur at home Marcus is to tell me in front of her so she can tell who is lying. Today Marcus woke up (usual day off) DS2 vomiting everywhere and asked where we were going today I explained we couldn,t go anywhere as Piers was ill and attempted to try to get him to do some maths on bytesize which he normally enjoys. He immediately kicked off saying he wouldn,t do any work and would make my life a misery until I took him somewhere, which obviously I can,t do. I tried to reason with him, telling him he needed to do something and that i was concerned he was falling behind, but he wasn,t listening this turned into a 4 hour long meltdown with him throwing things, swearing shouting at his brother and me. DH tried to stay out of it but when I dissolved in tears he stepped in and this made M worse. He started saying that he wouldn,t rest until me and his stepdad were divorced and he didn,t care how many lies he had to tell to get this to happen. He told me he hated me and wanted to live with his Nanna as he has unlimited access to the internet there and can do as he pleases. I tried to explain that it is me who has been doing all the hard work negotiating with school and generally looking after them all but he said he didn,t care and didn,t love me anymore as i am there to ruin his life (I am afraid things became a little emtional). I know he is having a rough time at the moment and can see his anxiety but I am fed up of being treated as a punch bag sometimes literally and being told i don,t need to take this. On the other hand he is all sweetness and lite at his Nannas and in front of others and no one believes the behaviours we deal with on a daily basis. He is destructive, has scratched his bedroom window with a chrystal, he has screwed a hole in the bannister hit the bannister with a metal pole until it is all dented, smashed things, and his latest exploit is to pass urine down the wall in the middle of the night because he cant be bothered to get out of bed. I am sure he is depressed, self harms and is under the care of CAMHS. I love him so much but i am becoming increasingly concerned about the effect of all this on my other 2 children as they are so little and they live in fear of there brother and his moods. For the first time ever today when he was threatening me with living at his Nannas I told him to go and said he would find it is no better there (this will all be reported to his Nanna when he sees her tonight). Of course i don,t want this as I am sure my parents won,t cope when they find out how bad his behaviour can be and also i am conerned DH won,t have him back if he goes but i am being torn in 3 ways and don,t know what to do any more. I feel such a failure and as if all this is my fault but it doesn,t matter what tactic i use he is still out of control and I am seriously concerned for the future as he is very dependent on us or anyone who can provide for his needs and has no inpendent living skills at all. He is becoming increasingly isolated, refuses to eat with the family, come on holiday with us and is now talking about leaving us all together I am losing my boy and don,t know what to do about it. He is very selfish (yes I know he has ASD) but if his needs are not met immediately he starts screaming, self harming and hurling abuse at us. After the event he says he is sorry but obviously isn,t and continues to argue his poiunt or just goes straight into another meltdown, I can,t live like this anymore and spend a lot of time in tears. My marriage is falling apart, my daugher has no self confidence and looks terrified a lot of the time and my son is being assessed also DH thinks he is copying Marcus behaviour. I feel so alone despite seeeking help from everyone I can think of and feel physically exhausted all the time. I have had a cough since new year and feel sure my ill health is due to stress and not enough sleep. Work is my only sanctuary but even that has become a chore to get myself there. Sorry for the long moan but I am at my wits end and thought you might understand and may even be able to offer some advice or organisations i have not been in touch with. Thankyou for listening.

Great news, hope all continues to be rosy.

Hi Piers one of my twins is undergoing assessmant at the moment and if I thought getting Marcus diagnosed was hard it was a walk in the park compared to this. Piers has caused me concern from very early on. As a baby he was colicky, lactose intolerant and a poor feeder. He lawys needed far more attention than his twin sister. As they got older Lydia remained placid but Piers became highly strung and at times very nasty. He would bite and scratch got easily frustrated and took it out on his sister and older brother. i asked my health visiotr who politely told me i was paranoid because of Marcus dx. The worry was always in the back of my mind and i confessed my fears to my friend who is a health visitor she said she suspected aspergers I didn,t think so as he is very loving and very intuitive about peoples feelings even if he doesn,t alwyas reesond appropriately for example he may notice you are crying hug you bet then headbutt you and run away laughing. Telling him off doesn,t help. When they started school (same class), Lydia quickly left Piers behind academically she is very keen to learn he has no attention span at all and no interest in learning. He also has obsessions with things but mainly with people other children in his class. He tantrums easily and cannot be cajoled into complying. He knows none of his letter sounds, key words and very few colours, he cannot colour in properly and only occasionally recognises his written name. I asked my GP for a referral he was reluctant as he said he didn,t think their was a problem (in the five minute we were in his office he decided this). We saw a paediatrician and she decided he was naughty and attention seeking and i needed a parenting course, Marcus ed psych thinks he shows classic signs of ADHD but the ed psych for his school believes he has attention problems but is passive rather than hyperactive, she is coming to assess him at home next week but has so far said he appears to have developmental delay, his teacher thinks he is just immature, his Dd thinks he copies the behaviour of his older ASD brother. Why can,t these children present themselves the same to everybody it is so frustrating. On the day the ed psych went to see him he was passive and appeared very shy bu that afternoon when I went to collect him he was laid on the floor kicking the NTA and refusing to cooperate with anything. Anyone else had this problem.

Tell her well done from me too. You are right to be so proud.

Hi my son is year 8, did really well in primary and junior school (same school) and Ok first half of year 7 but then things got progressively worse. Their have been some issues of bullying but on the whole well dealt with by school. To begin with school listened, were supportive (I thought) and tried to help. i then realised they don,t really understand the issues regarding ASD. The problem is Marcus is very happy and smiley at school and if asked tells everyone he is coping but then he comes home and has a meltdown. Things came to a head just after christmas when i got fed up of putting him and myself through all the stress and kept him off school. This lasted a week and then he went back on a part time programme, 3 days at school 2 at home. To be honest this hasn,t worked either for many reasons, 1, he is missing large amounts of school work and is gradually falling further and further behind, 2, It is causing confusion for him as he doesn,t want to do school work at home or anything remotely like work and is still highly stressed i have tried everything to engage him but he won,t, 3, I am constantly shattered as i work shifts and I am often on nights the night before he is at home so i am often awake 36 hours this has led to my ill health, 4, DH thinks he should be in school full time and we are always arguing about this, this has led to us nearly separating but we are trying to work through our problems. We had his review of his statement at school on Friday and despite the fact i had a long list of evidence as to how is not coping at school they still totally diregarded everything i said and have said he has to go to school full time. The ASD team and his LSA,s all said he wasn,t coping and was wrongly placed but this also was largely ignored, apparently he can be made to fit in. Parent partnership have advised that i try this as it gives me more power when it fails, and it will. The reports from school had comments like Marcus can cope but refuses to try, Marcus has no interest in fitting in at all. What part of ASD don,t they get . The report from the SENCO largely blaimed me apparently i give too much attention to the little ones and not enough to Marcus so he is just attention seeking, he has found a way to get my attention. Also i am wrong to have discussed HE with him as we don,t want to give him ideas, I though we were supposed to encourage independence. They also said they had seen no evidence of self harm (what do they want him to cut himself in front of everyone). The blaim was also laid at my 4 year old sons feet apparently Piers "issues" (he is being assessed for ??ADHD??PDA) are upsetting Marcus and Piers is so demanding i spend all mt time on him and leave the others to fend for themselves. So if i am such a substandard parent how come my daughter is bright , funny and well bahaved if I give her no attention. Last night i was again in his room till after midnight trying to console him and give him ways of coping with the pressure of school, I have tried to convince him he needs to tell his LSA,s how he is feeling but he doesn,t want to get into trouble he just wants to get thorugh the day and get home. He hasn,t been told he is going back full time yet and I am not brave enough yet but I am sure he knows, schoo, the ASD team and myself are telling him on the 25 of Feb. The crazy thing is I have found the perfect school but he LEA have said I won,t get funding as it is a private school and they can,t afford it and i have to try all the other options first. He is going back on full time support including breaks and lunch , taxi to school in the morning and email contact with his head of year. I had considered HE but after our experience with flexi schooling don,t think i can do it, don,t think it will work for Marcus and don,t think my marriage will survive it not quite as strong as some of you out their sorry . Sorry to hijack your thread and sending you big <'> as I know what you are going through. I am determined to get Marcus into the school we have found but feel as if I have no energy and very little fight left. It is parents evening and am not sure i can keep my temper with some of the teachers so i am absolutely dreading it, I also have no appointment made as Marcus couldn,t cope with making them and nobody has bothered to help him. As you can tell I am becoming very bitter and cynical. Looking forward to seeing my hairdresser tomorrow so I can have some me time. Sorry again for the long moan.

Hi can,t really give any advice but just wanted to send <'> as we are in a similar situation ourselves. My DS is currently being flexi schooled as he cant cope in mainstrem secondary. He can just about cope part time but still struggling at times. At home he is very anxious and this is very hard on everyone. My concerns regarding flexi schooling are that Marcus is currently missing large chunks of the work the rest of his peers are doing and I worry what the long term effects of this will be. I have decided if he continues to be stressed i will home educate him but probably only until I can get him in the special school i want him to go to. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Marcus is in year 8 at school and currently going part time to school. we want him in a special school but it is out of area and the LEA won,t fund it. I am fed up of being told he is bright and he can cope in mainstream but as i said to the EWO and the Ed psych it is not the curriculum he has a problem with it is the environment. Last week he had to be persuaded to go to school and I had made the decision to deregister until they agreed to fund a special school but that night he came home and said everything was fine today I want to try a little bit longer. However it is only a matter of time, I am currently taking him to school late to avoid the crowds and today he refused to walk down the drive until a group of pupils had gone and yesterday at his siblings school he saw a boy he has problems with and jumped away in obvious fear. He also leaves school early so he can get a quieter bus. According to school he is coping, I have mentioned to them he is self harming and they say they see no evidence of that and he is happy and smiley at school. i have had to resort to taping our conversations to prove he really isn,t coping. Things were really good for him in primary and juniour he was very well supported and he still has a goos statement now but he still can,t cope. Hope it all works out for you.

Ours is coming to us tomorrow along with the ed psych. Marcus had 5 days off and then it was decided that she should have a phased return to school, but it is not going well and Marcus is very stressed by the whole ordeal not sure how much longer he will be going. To be honest i called them as I wanted to be honest with them I wish i hadn,t bothered because she wasn,t very supportive saying i should make ammends with school and send him back. She was also very nosy regarding our personal life. Will see what tomorrow brings and will let you know.

Thankyou all. My GP said she couldn,t sign him of sick as it was only for working adults , but she did after much persuasion write a letter stating there were ongoing issues regarding stress and anxiety to do with school and that she had advised me to keep him off school. I handed this letter to the SENCO at the meating on Thursday and they still advised me to let him return to school part time. If he remains as stressed as he was today though I will not let the ASD team take him and will seek further advice. We have a CAMHS appointment on thursday so will dicuss it in more detail with them. I had a sick note myself and my manager told me it was unnaceptable i was off work and advised me to return which stupidly i did. I am supposed to be working tomorrow but M is off school so my choice is 40 mile round trip to my parents and then again tomorrow night to collect him or ring in sick, Still havn,t decided which to do.

Hi all, anyone who has been following my" Marcus having a rough time at school thread" will know he didn,t return to school after christmas. He seemed a lot calmer not perfect but much calmer. We looked around a special school in that time (School name deleted by moderator - pm poster for details)) and thought it was fantastic. ,Marcus would really fit in there, my parents who are very against special education loved it, and even Marcus who said he was never going back to any school at the end of looking around it was sure he could cope their. So came away feeling very confident and happy had a meeting at Marcus current mainstream secondary the day after and felt confident, knew I would have a battle on my hands to get him in but willing to fight. That afternoon i recieved a phonecall from the Education welfare officer who started asking all sorts of questions about our home life, was his stepdad supportive, what was the behaviour of the twins like, did I work etc. When I explained Piers was undergoing assessment for special needs but the consultant thought he was just naughty and attention seeking (a whole other story) and offered me a parenting course, she too strongly suggested i attend a parenting course. She also said she would refer to the local childrens centre for someone to "take the twins of my hands" for a few hours a week. This is neither what I need or want and it maddens me that again it is being suggested that all this is my fault for being a substandard parent. I could understand it if I left my kids alone all the time to get out my face or if they were unkempt or whatever but how dare they judge me and our lifestyle. She said that no way would i get funding for the special school as it is out of area and too expensive �7,500 a term. She suggested i make ammends with school and send him back and is coming to see us at home with the ed psych this week. The LEA SEN officer said it would be difficult to get funding but would look into it. Then we had the meeting at school, the SENCO sat there and said how she though Marcus was coping well and she couldn,t understand what the problem was. I asked if she though a child who was coping would be self harming, literally eating there clothes and crying till 01.00 hours due to fear of going to school. She didn,t have an answer. CAMHS, Parent Partnership and the SPED team were all present and on my side and put forward some good arguments for why the school wasn,t working. The school hadn.t bothered to invite the LEA as they said it was an unnoficial meeting and at the time the meeting was arranged Marcus wasn,t refusing to got to school. The SENCO also sat their saying how funny my son was with his ASD quirks, (it might be funny to you but it is certainly not funny to him the issues are very serious problems). Anyway the upshot of the meeting was he has to go back to school on a part time basis with the SPED team taking him and he is allowed to leave 15 minutes early so I can pick him up before I get the little ones. This is allowed to happen for 4 weeks and then it is his statement review but I have been told he will then after go full time. I am not happy about this but have been advised by parent partnership and the SPED team that it gives me more power if I go along with the schools suggestions because when they fail at least I have tried. The problem is they don,t have to deal with an anxious boy who did everything he could do to delay walking out the front door today despite the fact 2 people had come to collect him. He was in right state, has hardly slept and said he felt physically sick, I too havn,t slept, been ill throughout the night and feel like such a traitor this morning. I can now understand why people deregister and HE but the 1 week of having him off has made me realise that if I did this full time i would be ill or on a psychaitric ward, just because I work and the lack of sleep would kill me. I missed 2 days of sleep last week trying to work and teach Marcus something and I was right grumpy c*w sp probably not good for the whole family. Sorry for the long moan but really not sure where to go. I have always felt very lucky and privelepdged that the support has been there for Marcus and now find myself very angry that the support is no longer there. I find myself in the position of having to fight for my 2 boys. To get 1 diagnosed in the first place and the ther the education he deserves. I feel we as a family are being let down by the system. I feel as if they have to break Marcus completely before they will sit up and listen to me, whatever happened to parents know there child best. I feel they are just trying to penny pich and we are suffering.

No need to apologise i am happy to hear all sides of the argument and will loolk at every option with an open mind as we are at the moment desperate.

After talking to IPSEA and looking around the internet for ever. I have contacted my GP and had Marcus signed of sick with stress and anxiety. IPSEA said he sounded far too stressed to go to school nad that they were concerned regarding his mental health, (tell me something I don,t know). So as of tomorrow he isn,t going to school. I have to say though i am now terrified don,t have a clue regarding HE tried to think of something to do with him earlier and just ended up sending him on bitesize. Where to I start can anybody suggest any good HE advice. I have spoken to the NAS who are sending out the info they have on HE. Have also orderd the book home eduacting our ASD kids or whatever and also freerange education. Havn,t been able to contact parent partnership or the SPED team and will ring school tomorrow. I feel so sick now can i do this, am i prepared for the fight ahead. Also DH not happy suggested i send him to his Nannas while i work. Help

Hi and thanks once again for your excellent advice. I know that HE and getting him signed of sick are 2 different things but what i meant was while he was off sick i would have to do some form of HE with him until suitable provision could be found. I am not going to deregister yet as I need to keep my options open. I have to make lots of phonecalls today and Marcus is really pushing me for a decision as to whether he is going to school tomorrow or not. It is such a daunting though to be doing something so against what everyone percieves as the norm. Even CAMHS told Marcus he has to go to school because it is the law and their is no other choice, I really had to bite my tongue as I didn,t want M to lose faith in them. My Mum said yesterday that I know Marcus better than anyone and if i feel he is too stressed to go to school then get him signed of, the trouble is i know that if we had the same consevation today she might tell me that i am giving into him and he is just trying it on as he wants to be at home. The other consideration is i am back to work tonight for 3 nights and don,t relish the thought of no sleep although if i put him on the computer i could probably grab an hour or 2. The twins are back to school today and it was a struggle to get them up and ready as neither of them would sleep last night but at least now i have time to sort all this out. M is happily on his Wii for now. Let you know what i decide.

My son ASD also does this he laughs very loudly anyway. we went to the cinema yesterday and he laughed much louder than anyone, it used to embarrass me but now it doesn,t. He also laughs innapropriatley, when he is being told off, when he is finding things difficult or stressful and even when being bullied. He displays most of his emotions innapropriatley. i remember when he was about 5 he used to ask you to squeese him really tightly bertween your legs and howl like it hurt him but when you stopped doing it he would say why have you stopped that feels nice, we would ask why he cried and said "OW" but he just looked confused. The laughing has got him into lots of trouble mainly with his stepdad who doesn,t get it at all. I try to explain to him why it is innapropriate, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn,t.

Another question. If i get him signed of sick are the LEA more likely to find him a place in a special school or they will just think she appears to be coping leave her to it. Also am i ever likely to get him back to school. my fear is he will like being HE and refuse to return to school. I want whats best for him but also have to think about the rest of the family and i know DH is against HE and so are my parents. DH because he doesn,t think i can cope with work and everything (we can,t afford for me to leave work) and my parents think he will have a lack of social interaction and it won,t be good for M to be at home all day with me. Has anyone any personal experience of this. It is his 13th birthday today and he is still stressing about school despite the fact we have a big day planned with all the things he loves to do. Any advice anyone.

Hi all just an update. We managed to get Marcus to the end of term by cajoling him and encouraging him. Had lots of meetings in the meantime, CAHMS, parent partnership. SPED team and it was decided that we would have a MDT meeting on the 8th Jan. i am going to look around Dawn house school in Nottingham on the 7th which sounds like a perfect school for M if i can convince the LEA to fund him. We had a good christmas but for the past few days M has become increasingly anxoius about going back to school. we are having repeated temper tantrums and lots of tears and worries regarding going back to school, Their is a teacher training day on Monday and then back to schoool on Tuesday. He has said he doesn,t want to go and has said in a round about way that he won,t actually go to school. This causes me concern as he is certainly not streetwise and i would be worried as to what he was doing. He has said that on a few occasions he hasn,t gone to class and hung around the corridors, I said to him that surely the teachers notice he isn,t their and he said they are not bothered they just assume they are ill. The trouble is he has spent a few nights at his Nannas and never mentioned school the minute i picked him up he started. My Mum thinks he is winding me up but my instinct is telling me it is genuine stress. I don,t know whether to send him on Tuesday and see how it goes or see my GP and get him signed of sick and see what the outcome of the meetings are. Any advice appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Thankyou all I am really enjoying doing it so far. It is therapeutic. My hair isn,t like that anymore. They are hair extensions and since then I have had blue ones and bright red ones, think little mermaid. At the moment my hair is kind of a purple but not as bright as i would like, trying to decide which colour to have next. Possibly orange like Lydias Bratz doll.

My son never directly shows his anxiety at school which is downright annoying to be honest. He does all the chewing of his clothes, easily frustrated etc, but always has a huge smile on his face and generally appears to be coping. this is agreat disadvantage to him. He takes all his frustartions out on us his immediate family, even his grandparents don,t realise how unhappy he is at school. This is a disadvantage as school genuinely think he is coping and cant understand why I am on the phone all the time. Also we have been looking into special schools and his grandparents are dead against this as they think M is coping just fine, when they ask him about it he says everything is OK as school isn,t a concern to him when he is at their house so it doesn,t occur to him to mention it. I am seen as an overanxious mother who is being led a song and dance by her son, nobody believes me that he is genuinely stressed out by school. We have considered home education and I am downright irresponsible as far as everyone else is concerned. We have a meeting at school on the 8th to discuss everything with parent partnership and CAMHS as well. I hope CAMHS can make it they are the only other ones who see how stressed he is.

The link doesn,t work not sure why but you can get it on that address.