Stella63

Hi Suzy, Thanks for the support. Your situation is so different but yet the effect it must have on your family is the same. Part of me wishes that AJ did exactly that and wanted to leave but he knows that life at home is easier than walking away from it but the rest of us are now victims and he feels that he is in control, which is scary. Having searched the internet for info about AJ and the whole Jekyl and Hyde thing the only thing I can come up with is Conduct Disorder which his psychiatrist is also agreeing with but with your daughter, are you looking at the schizophrenia/ bi polar scenarios with the hearing voices etc? And what does Abilify do and what is it prescribed for? I know I keep saying this but if it wasn't for this place I would probably not be the sane person that I am and it is only by being open about our problems that I feel I get any support (and lots of hugs!!!!) Stella xx

Well, we managed to get OJ to sleep over at his friends house and AJ to go and stay at a friends!!! We were going to spend a night in France and do a booze run but I didn't feel comfortable enough being that far away from home incase anything kicked off, so went out to our favourite Italian restaurant, ordered the most expensive items on the menu, a nice bottle of wine, didn't talk about the children at all!!! Came home and watched X Factor all evening - lovely!!!! Only interrupted by 2 phone calls from OJ worrying about going to sleep. So, all in all a good evening in the Joseph household!! Stella x

Hi Theresa, The name sounds really familiar but I can't remember if it was from primary or whether we do it in my secondary school - won't be going back now til after halfterm but will find out for you. To be honest any courses that you do that relate to the age group of kids you'll be working with is all good (unless its costing you money of course!!) What age group will you be with? Stella x

Well it happened again, not quite as bad as he didn't have a weapon! We had discovered that he had got into our safe and stolen money from my purse - the money was actually for his allowance so challenged him, he denied it of course and I told him he had stolen his own allowance and would only get the balance. He didn't make a fuss about this which we took as an admission of guilt. I then found the over ride key hidden in his room and we were going to just take the key and leave a note - no confrontation - but then last night he took a call from someone and then flipped and started demanding his money. We explained that we had already talked about that and it wasn't up for discussion, we then showed him the key. First he flipped cos we had been snooping in his room, we said no worse than him snooping round the whole house. He then said that we put it there to frame him and went ballistic, swearing and spitting on the floor. DH managed to get him out of the house and he stayed out there banging and shouting, I phoned emergency SS to log that another incident was happening and we passed the phone outside to AJ. He talked to the SS guy for a while saying we were framing him, accusing him of stealing, he was owed money and he had rights. The SS guy was trying to calm him down and then he swore at him and shoved the phone through the letterbox! The SS guy phoned straight back and said he thought AJ was totally paranoid and delusional. He now has to log all that info which hopefully will help our case week after next. I am now convinced that the conditions he already has plus the medication and almost certainly drugs are tipping him over the edge and we need serious help. Going to push for a full psychiatric assessment at this meeting - long overdue I think!! Great start to half term!! Stella x

CLARE!!!!!!! <'> <'> That is fantastic news!!!!!!! Iam so pleased for you all - what a lovely friday night present!!! Go and celebrate immediately Infact I will have one for you!!!! Speak to you soon - I want to hear all about it!!!

Hi Suze, Yes they try and find a placement that the pupil has an interest in so AJ said he likes IT and possibly landscape gardening - they then see what they have on their database that might work. They work with the school and the parents on this which is great. No, AJ is action+, never quite met the criteria for statement. I would just mention that the problem with reduced timetabling at his school is that his lessons are all over the place, so he wouldn't be able to have 2 or 3 days of his core subjects because they are spread over the week and the school are unable to accomodate a personal time table for him logistically it couldn't happen so I don't know how that works in reality. Having said that, we have reached the point where he is unlikely to gain any GCSE's at school and I think it becomes a legal thing - he has to be in school or on work placement until June next year and if at some point he decides that he needs the qualifications he will have to retake in college somewhere. The way I feel about him at the moment he is probably more likely to retake them in prison!! Sorry, I'm very jaded about him at the moment. Stella x

Hi Suze, This is one of the options we are looking at for AJ as he is already on a reduced timetable (core subjects and Business Studies) but is still bunking off, walking out and not doing any work and realistically at this stage in yr11 he's not even going to be entered for exams. I had a meeting with the work placement people this week and normally they start off at 2 days a week increasing it to 3 if it looks as though it is working - apparently there is a high chance of a job at the end of yr11. They have now gone away to see what options they have for him, bearing in mind he is currently on a referral order and not every company will take him! But she said they do have some contacts who like to take on kids who 'don't do school' because they understand that it is not the right place for everyone which sounds quite promising. I probably won't hear anything until after half term but will let you know what happens. Stella x

Thankyou so much!!!! Having a really bad day here and you have given me a little glimmer of sunshine! Stella

AAAgghh thats better!!!! All my early childhood memories!!! Lovely!!! Any chance of some Pogle's Wood - my all time favourite and Tales From Thr Riverbank - with GP the guinea pig - that was totally awesome!!! Thats made my day! Stella x

Big groan!! I must be too old - don't know any of them from my childhood or my kids!!! Stella x I need to go to bed now!!

KezT, I fully understand what you have experienced - you have to protect your own and SS just aren't interested until something really bad happens - there is no prevention in place and that makes things really scary when you go through situations like ours. I know that this forum has given me more info and support than anything else and by sharing our experiences and knowledge we are helping each other and hopefully will enable us to access the 'system' with stronger arguments and a stronger morale that we are not alone - well thats how I feel anyway!! Stella x

OOOps!!! I meant the 6th not the 9th (thats OJ's singing comp!!) Ditto Enid, feeling calm and recharged, also got some great people coming to this meeting so loads of support - I can't wait to be honest - the battle commences!!!!! Stella x

Hi KezT, His take is he wants to be at home because he has all his creature comforts around him - no way would he choose to be somewhere else as he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong - it is all our fault and everyone involved!!! Interestingly, since the incident, SS have now read the file and realised that they have stuffed up, the original assessment plan written last december states that he was a child in need, at risk of offending (which he then did), the family was at risk of breakdown and needed immediate respite (which we do) and the effect he was having on OJ - nothing was done and they have now got to address that. There is an emergency meeting set up for 9th November so .....watch this space!!! Stella x

Hi, Oliver here, I am 12 and a half years old and i go to a state boarding school... I have Tourettes and asperges syndrome, and OCD, ( obsessive Compulsive Disorder) I understand these disabilities and try to deal with them as well as i can... but my tourettes can really cause me pain, and it does! I would explain all of this, but it would take WAAAAAAAAAAAY to long, and my hands would start hurting. Anyways, I like World Of Warcraft on my pc and have a level 70 Dwarf hunter on Dragonblight Alliance, I also LOVE, pokemon, i had pokemon diamond, but then my brother went crazy and sold my DS with my game inside of it......... wow my neck really hurts, anyway.. I had lots of level 100's and all of the legendaries apart from the Flight form of Shaymin, and dark form of ;;Giratina;;. I have lived a life of being bullied, and i still do, but not as much as i had been. I always get worried about my parents because they always get angry with my 'Brother' Alex.... I still get on with my life... Thats all for today folks!! Be sure to keep reading for Issue 2 of 'Oliver's Life Story!!!' I will write back soon about more stuff, but for now, i have to go From Oliver. Bye!! :)

Hi dogfish, OJ wants to talk to you about himself, it will probably be tomorrow sometime. Watch this space!!! Stella x

Hi Everything went well - not too long queuing although somewhat chaotic!! He was very nervous, had to stand on a white mark with a big camera recording him. He started off on the wrong note but corrected himself and then the backing track stopped (cheap cd!!) - he just kept going as though nothing had happened!!! The producer said he was a true 'pro' for keeping going, told him he had a lovely voice. BUT they don't find out until February whether they have got through so....watch this space!!! Stella xx

Hi OJ is auditioning tomorrow afternoon for Britain's Got Talent!! Got to go up to London for 4pm - don't know how long we will have to wait. He has invited his friend to sleep over and keep him company tomorrow, which is fine but they fall out all the time - they have already had one bust up over a fantasy game they have made up!!! Managed to restore order for the time being!! Anyway, please be thinking of him tomorrow afternoon - will let you all know what happens!! Stella xx

Clare, this is dreadful. Recharge your batteries over the weekend and then start fighting again on monday. Thinking of you. Stella xx

Ha! Ditto Clare and that makes us the same age!!! I haven't got a clue how to do my own avatar so the blowing up one best sums up life in our household!!! (not that anyone actually blows up our house!!) Stella x

Hi Bluefish, As others have said, things may change, or you are going through a process of understanding what your child is able to achieve at the moment. I can only give you my own experience - I can remember OJ in a xmas play where they were all dressed as dalmations - he refused to go on stage at the last minute. The next year he was playing a triangle and at the last minute he lost his (I don't know what you call it!!!) dinger and no one noticed except me and I was in the audience and he was traumatised because he couldn't make the sound - no one noticed or cared!! The next year he had a breakdown so wasn't in school for assemblies let alone schoolplays and in his last year at primary they had realised he could sing, built up his confidence saying he would have a solo in the year 6 leavers play and then let him down because they didn't trust him - he boycotted the play and since he has been at secondary school has had singing lessons, been given numerous solos, including singing to Prince Edward the other week and he is auditioning for Britain's Got Talent on Sunday. I'm not suggesting that things are the same but I can remember so well that feeling of 'why is my child doing this when everyone elses seems to be behaving normally' - there are still many things that are not right and OJ will struggle but we have seen that light at the end of the tunnel, a slightly tenuous light, but it is there and that is what you have to focus on. Hope that helps. Stella xx

Hi Thanks for all your support, things are quiet at the moment but I still feel absolutely shattered and I am walking on egg shells around him - it's not fair and its not right. Chris, you're right and I think what also went against us is the fact they were not shouting and swearing down the phone at SS so they make a judgement that we are in control! It infuriates me that they didn't do any kind of risk assessment, no one came to see us face to face, we could have shown them all the damage he has done to our house. And we were advised by the police to contact SS, which is why we got in touch with them - its very difficult when you don't understand the system and my state of mind on the day was obviously not good. Jsmum, thankyou for the link, I have printed it off so i can have it as a resource for the next time, cos I know there will be! Stella x

Hi, Following on from the events of last weekend, things kicked off big time last night. AJ 'persuaded' his brother to buy an online World of Warcraft account off him for �25. OJ wasn't sure he wanted it but AJ was being really nice to him so he agreed but said he wasn't due pocket money til saturday. AJ then demands the money from us, even told dh to go to the cashpoint to get it! Dealt with him in a calm manner explaining that he wouldn't get it til satureday and why did he need it so urgently. He went completely off on one, went upstairs, got a metal curtain pole and went outside trying to smash a hole in our garage. We called the police, before they came he came back threatening and intimidating us. DH wouldn't open the door and he left with the pole. The police got the helicopters out looking for him and eventually found him and arrested him for criminal damage. We said we wanted him charged, we wouldn't be with him as appropriate adult and we didn't want him to come home. I know that may sound really harsh but we are at our wits end with him - we have reached the point where we are victims in our own home, everything locked away, worrying whether he will start taking tv's, laptops etc to feed whatever he is needing the money for. I am scared of him and OJ is terrified - this is not the way it should be. Today, I told the police we wanted him put in short term respite foster care and advised social services the same. His social worker is off sick, her manager wasn't available (and bear in mind I had no response or call regarding my phone call on monday!) I was warned by my parent support worker (youth justice service), who is fantastic, that they would try anything not to take him into care and, boy, they did!! I spent the whole day arguing with them, saying I was at breakdown point, OJ has special needs, we needed at least a weekends respite, but no, the manager made a decision that it wasn't available and we could have a sessional worker come and take AJ out tomorrow afternoon to give us a break (as if AJ would go along with that!!) . When I asked what would happen if we still refused to have hime home I was told he would be classed as an abandoned child and therefore if he got into any trouble it would then be our fault. DH brought him home and he is angry with us (its all our fault), no remorse at all and nothing has changed - not the outcome we wanted. I feel so angry and let down with SS, they have dumped the whole thing back on our doorstop, we have no respite and I feel that I have just fought WW3 singlehanded, OJ is completely traumatised by it and AJ has 'got it away with it' again. We will be putting in an official complaint about SS but it probably won't change anything - we have to wait until he actually physically attacks one of us, preferably with a knife and then we might get a day or so's respite - I don't feel that I can carry on with these battles, I love my son but I don't know who he is. Stella

Hi Karen, My own experience has been mixed. AJ has not dealt with the whole school experience but that is more to do with the ADHD and ODD than AS and I am convinced he would have hated school wherever he went. OJ has been a real success in mainstream (and we really didn't think he would cope at all) the support is fantastic and as the school takes more and more AS kids the levels of understanding is increasing (partly due to the fact that I work in the department and provide more practical strategies than maybe you would get from going on a course). Obviously there are problems, and for OJ, PE was a huge issue last year but things have calmed down now and he is flying high! Ultimately it does depend on the child and the teachers and support staff and a whole host of other factors and it is really difficult making those decisions for your own children. Hope that helps! Stella xx

Claire <'> <'> <'> <'> Just caught the thread and i am so so pleased for you guys!!!! It just shows that perseverence and all those other things that we do every day, all the time do have an effect - when can he start? Claire, we must get together, give me a call ASAP!!!!!!!!!! Stella xxx

Enid <'> <'> <'> We haven't had any suicidal thoughts with AJ on strattera BUT he had his meds increased 2 weeks ago and I am not sure whether the current awful behaviour is related to that or to the possibility of other recreational drugsbeing used along side. I am also starting to keep a diary to record all this as it seems a logical way of recording patterns. Enid, I'm with you all the way!!! Stella x