sarah5

Just wanted to say that the ONLY toothpaste my ds will use is the sparkle berry one from Sainsburys, he goes absolutely ballistic if I get anything else! Not sure what I will do when he outgrows it, guess I'll watch this space and use any tips mentioned!

Had our 2nd paed appt this morning, he said that D most certainly has an ASD but obviously would need to see the ed phsych report and we have to complete some forms (connors?) before formal written dx.. .. BUT have received the ed phsych report this afternoon and it is basically unremarkable.. he says that D was unphased when he was talking to him and the fact that he was a complete stranger, his assessments were average, the only thing really mentioned was that D looked a bit lost during playtime. My question is.. will this affect dx as the ed phsych is basically saying he cannot see anything "wrong"????

Thanks for that Janey, I think I probably am going to be far more stressed than D. I am expecting the worst but sometimes they suprise us don't they! It is my understanding that the school (the child?) gets funding only for SAP but as you have probably guessed we are quite new to all this so I may well be wrong. Hopefully someone will be along soon to clarify. (oh, and you are not hijacking in the slightest !!!) x

Thanks hun!!

Hiya! Yes you're right they have offered a place at the "sister" school available immediately but we decided it's best to start at the beginning of term (so I guess it would be January). Things will have changed there since you were here (I think) as the Head has taken it over so the two schools should effectively run pretty much the same now (ie both should be excellent schools if reputation and Ofsted is correct). I am going to look round on Tuesday so I guess I will make a firm decision after having looked round. If that place becomes available at the main school we would snap it up immediately, but as it stands at the moment I am thinking we will move him to the sister school in January (as long as it seems as good as the other one, which I think it will). Seriously, the Head was fantastic! Speak soon xx

Hi everyone! I thought I would update this thread as I have been to view the other school this morning. Wow!! The Head was completely and utterly on the ball. The school seems fantastic and the staff very positive and helpful. Lots of TA support (more than current school). They have sensory room which is for all the children, it's a "quiet room" but also is aimed at children with Autism, there is one of those silver balls, lots of gentle lights, candles and touchy feely things. Fantastic! The whole place is wonderful and I got a fantastic feeling for the school from the minute I walked in. Downside is.. no available place at the moment.. there is a child that has had to go afar to visit a poorly relative and they might not be coming back, but until they have confirmation of whether or not they are coming back obviously they cannot offer us a space. They should know before Christmas, which is fine as I wouldn't want to move him in the middle of term anyway. HOWEVER.. this Head has taken over another primary school just down the road and they DO have spaces available. Their Ofsted report is "Good" and they have exactly the same ethos and school principles as the other one, and obviously the same Head. She assured me both schools are of equal standard. I am going to look round on Tuesday. I was amazed at how much this Head seemed to know about SEN, she just knew about everything, far more than me. She told me that Daniel should be getting up to 5 hours of special time (not necessarily 1:1 but perhaps tiny groups out of the classroom) as he is on School Action Plus. Daniel currently only gets about 40 minutes a week. The Head of Daniels current school has not discussed much with me at all. When I asked his teacher after school today, she basically just said that is all they can offer him. I asked how they decide how much time each SEN pupil gets allocated and she said (quite brusquely) that it all depends on their needs then said "ok then, see you tomorrow" and walked off before I had a chance to speak :shock:. Now the Head of this other school said that the school should now be funded to give Daniel up to 5 hours personal time.. so I am now wondering where is that funding going?!? Am I being too harsh towards Daniel's current school? The Head of the other school is going to let me know when they hear from the absent child's parents and has said that if they don't come back then Daniel will get first refusal. I definitely definitely want to move him now, I think I just want to hear you guys' opinions after writing this.. sorry I know I am coming across as really needy but I really feel this is quite a big thing and I don't want to make the decision on my own. Hubby is completely behind whatever decision I make but I feel I have to make the ultimate decision. Opinions pleeeeease!!!!

Thanks everyone for your comments and help. I have started a list of things I need to ask about, you have given me lots of ideas and thoughts, thank you. I think you are right, I will hopefully get a very good idea within the first ten minutes and I really do believe in fate I must admit! I will update you all on Thursday after I have viewed the school. Thanks again xxxx

Daniel is 5 and has just gone into Year 1 at primary school. He has suspected Aspergers and is not progressing at all well at school. The school have been quite good but I think he needs much more 1:1 and I know they just can't offer that at his current school. His current school is generally of average standard. Ofsted report is "satisfactory" throughout. He has an IEP but they don't really keep on top of it. He sits on the "naughty" table because they sit them according to educational standard, so is on the "bottom table" there are 3 of them and the other two constantly flash at each other under the table, mess about, shoving the table back and forth, using bad language (I am stunned at the words Daniel tells me they use , we are lucky he is mature enough to know that they are bad words), they also wet tissue paper and chuck it on the ceiling of the toilets.. seriously the things Daniel tells me about these 2 boys, I just can't believe he is shoved on the "naughty table". I am considering moving him to another school a couple of miles away, it is reputed to be the best primary and subsequent middle school in the whole of Milton Keynes and it's Ofsted report is "outstanding" throughout. It is another mainstream school but their prospectus states that they welcome children with special needs and currently have (I believe) 7 "special needs" children of which I understand there are a few with Aspergers. I spoke to the Headteacher at this other school today to find out if there was a possibility of transferring and she said that there is 1 space only in Year 1 and to go along and have a look round on Thursday. I am amazed that there is a space as it really is oversubscribed so we would be extremely lucky to get him in there. My big fear is that this change could really really upset the balance, as he has reasonably happy and settled at his current school. My reason for thinking about moving him is partly because he is simply not progressing but mainly because the middle school he would automatically go to after the current school is diabolical and he will absolutely without a doubt not fit in at all. SORRY this is SOOOO long! I am sooooo frightened to move him, obviously he HATES change.. but I think it's the right move for the long term. Plleeeeeease give me your opinions - would you stick to the current comfort zone (but not progressing) or would you transfer? Thanks for ANY comments!!! xxx

Thanks for all your replies. Well I had a word with his teacher and she said that when he starts humming she just says his name quite loudly and he immediately says sorry and stops doing it. But I know that he would start again within minutes because he does so at home (when we used to ask him to stop doing it - before we realised there might be more to it). They clearly don't really know much about AS so I have offered to email her a list of Daniel's "symptoms" so that they know what to look out for. Am kind of suprised that they have not looked into AS further, knowing that one of their pupils may have it, but perhaps my expectations are too high? Not sure I mentioned about the magic fairy dust they sprinkled all over the pupils heads on Halloween? It was only imaginary dust but of course Daniel absolutely FLIPPED, he came out of school screaming that they put something on his head then curled up in a ball in his little brothers' pushchair sobbing for the entire walk home Seems it is down to me to educate the teachers on AS *sigh*!

My son (age 5) has told me that people get very cross with him at school because of his constant humming. I know he does do it very loudly so I do understand why it might irritate people, but surely they could just ask him to do it a little more quietly? I have heard his friends yell at him so many times about his noise, which makes me feel quite sad for him as it's the only way he knows how to concentrate. He has not yet been dx and I don't really think his teacher knows much about AS. I read somewhere that you're not supposed to discourage them from their humming? I just wondered what people's thoughts are on this?

We are currently going through assessments with DS1 who is 5. We had his first paed appt in August and had meeting with the Ed Phsych at school this morning. I feel quite the nervous wreck to be perfectly honest. Deep in my heart I know that my son has Aspergers but noone will (obviously) confirm this and I find my life is dominated by reading up on it, trawling the net for more clues, etc. I can't really talk to my friends as they don't really see the true side of my son so I just don't feel that anyone really "believes" me and feel like a neurotic parent most of the time (even though I'm not iyswim!). If DS1 is diagnosed with Aspergers/HFA it will be an enormous relief, SO much will make sense. If, on the other hand, they say he does not have an ASD I might find that very difficult to accept as I KNOW there is "something". I know I'm not really explaining myself very well, I feel in turmoil today after the Ed Phsych meeting. I just don't feel like anyone is really listening to me Good luck hun xxx

Sorry Lucas I didn't mean to offend anyone. This is all so new to us and sometimes I get my wording slightly wrong. I do apologise x We are so desperate to understand our little boy, the last 5 years have been terribly difficult and it seems there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a reason for everything, and everyone is so helpful here. Must chose wording more carefully

That's very interesting to hear paula, my son also rarely misbehaves at school. The Headteacher does not truly believe he has AS because of what SHE sees, she does not really see his AS traits. The only people that really see the real D is his close family and friends. Oh and of course anyone that give him "a look" lol!! Got to laugh, have cried so much!

DS had his paed appt a couple of months ago. At the time the paed said that all his symptoms that I described would definitely point towards Aspergers and he agreed that without a doubt (if all the symptoms I described were true) DS may have AS. HOWEVER in his report he mentioned a number of times that D's behaviour was "unremarkable" during our meeting. Typically, D was good as gold throughout the meeting, he had new toys to play with, pens and paper to draw with, he was a happy little boy during the meeting and displayed no signs of AS at all. We have the Ed Phsych coming to school on Thursday, he wants to meet DH and I first, then will observe D during the morning. Thing is that D is generally very "good" at school, he builds up all the stress and tension until he comes out of school and then that's the HUGE release for him. Basically D only really displays his AS behaviour when not in school. So my question is - will the professionals take my word for it? Or will they have to witness the behaviour before they would contemplate dx? I suspect it's the latter.. so how on earth can we move forward with the dx?

Oh thank you everyone for your replies. Thinking about it, I think SarahSH hit the nail on the head, to be honest it had not really occurred to me that it could be the sensory overload but the more I think about it, the times that he does do it is precisely when there are lots of sensory issues all around him - swimming, McDonalds, school playground, etc. It makes much more sense now. And thank you for all the suggestions on how to overcome it. I like Nic m's comment about the 70's cop show looking around hehe that made me chuckle! I will certainly try out your suggestions as at the moment I am (very wrongly) getting cross and frustrated with him. Everything is so difficult at the moment, because we do not have a diagnosis yet. I'm not saying it gets easier once you have a diagnosis, but I think it must be very slightly easier KNOWING there is a reason for whatever behaviour you are dealing with at the time. I am SO glad I found this forum, thank you for all your help xxxxx

Mel thanks for your reply. Yes D says the same, he really doesn't "get" it, I KNOW when he knows he has done wrong (if that makes sense?!?) but he just looks blankly at me with these kinds of scenarios. I think you are right, a diagnosis will help. Thanks again xx

Thanks for your reply farfalla, gosh I'm getting used to saying "sorry" I have to apologise for him all the time, this is going to sound terrible but I am being very honest when I say that I get terribly embarrassed and really don't know how to deal with it. I love my son to pieces, please understand that, and I am starting to accept some of the (possible) AS traits, but I really struggle with this one.. well and the one where he simply cannot walk beside me and stay next to me. I get stern looks and disapproving frowns all the time. The other day in Pets at Home (had to do a one-off trip to the shop, never ever go shopping with D!!) and he was running all over the place and some pesky woman said "oh they would never have done that in my day, they walked with mummy in my day" *sigh*. AAARGH Perhaps it will be a little better when we actually have a diagnosis, at least then I will know there is a reason for it?

DS1 (age 5) has not yet actually been diagnosed but is going through the process. His list of "symptoms" seems endless but there is something else I have noticed and I wonder if this is another part of Aspergers: D can sometimes suddenly be extremely aggressive verbally to other people, normally other children. For example, if he notices another child randomly glance over at him and he'll lash out verbally "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? STUPID BOY/GIRL" extremely loudly. If we're walking home from school with a group of mums and their children, he might just suddenly say "I DON'T LIKE JENNY, WHY IS SHE WALKING WITH US, SHE IS STUPID AND I HATE HER". He does this often and I have noticed it is getting much worse (a daily occurence).. to the point that I dread going out with him sometimes. I absolutely dread the playground as he almost always comes out of school extremely stressed (I think immediately after school is the time that he releases all his stress), I feel I'm walking on eggshells, dreading what terrible thing he might say to someone. In McDonalds the other day he was in the toilets on his own (I was waiting for him just outside the toilets) and a couple of older lads walked in and my heart sank, I knew this would stress him. I heard him (through the door) shouting "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME, GO AWAY YOU HORRIBLE IDIOTS". I saw the boys come out looking completely baffled.. they had just walked in to go to the toilet! So.. why does my little boy do this? Is this something that is typical in a child with AS? I would really appreciate any comments and help with this, I am getting so worried about children lashing back at him. Obviously I tell him that what he says is unacceptable, I have tried the naughty step, reward chart, etc. But still he does it, I am so worried.

OOOOOOH Look at that, I can see a load of FREE pecs - thank you SO much for that link BRILLIANT I am soooo pleased !! And thank you everyone else for your brilliant suggestions, I know exactly what I'm going to do now, I think this is really going to help our little boy (and us!). BIG THANKS!

*SIGH* Yep my DS1 would have been the same. Sorry I know that's not helpful. I guess I'm just saying "I know how you feel" ((hugs)) xx

Thanks that is really helpful, I am going to put my creative "talents" to work now! Although DS has not yet been dx I know that this would help him REGARDLESS of the outcome. Thanks again.xx

Oooops I am so sorry about the ebay link, I won't do it again, promise! Thanks for your advice, I will do a search of the forums. I noticed that DS's school also have VT's on the walls of each classroom, I thought that was brilliant. Thanks again and my apologies again for the ebay thing xx

Forgot to say that Daniel also can be quite graphic and aggressive both physically and verbally.. he often tells me that he is going to make the sharpest sword and kill me with it, then he'll never have to see me again

Well I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I don't really know why, I guess it's because it is SUCH an enormous relief to hear that my son is not the only one that will not walk with me anywhere. cattubb reading your post was like reading about us and our life. Daniel does not walk with me, it's like he is simply unable to stay with me. The shops are a complete nightmare, every single time we go to any shop, regardless of size or length of visit, he wanders off and gets lost. I can't tell you how many times I have had to leave my 2 year old to search for my wandering 5 year old Even when I pick him up from school, it is impossible to leave immediately as there is always someone to say hello to or I need to have a quick chat to the teacher, etc. I don't mean that I'm standing chitchatting in the playground for half an hour, I'm talking about 5 minutes! But Daniel NEVER EVER stands with me, he either wanders back into school or worse still - and the norm - is for him to just start walking home alone.. often getting halfway round the corner down the street (out of sight aaaargh) before I realise where he is. Luckily one of the other mums normally rounds him up before I come rushing panting and out of breath in a major stress. I guess you know exactly how I feel but I am just at the end of my tether, I just don't know what to do about it. He hasn't even been diagnosed yet, has only had one appt with the paed (got the ed phsychs coming to school next week) but I am convinced, I now have a huge long list of "symptoms" including this wandering around thing. Sorry I really have waffled on

This is an interesting thread, and an interesting forum too (just come across it!) My DS has just had his first paed appt, I am convinced he has AS. He often sits chewing the collar of his top, or a bit of his duvet, there is always a wet slobbery patch! I often also notice him licking things, like the window when we were on a train once, the side of a table in a cafe (yuk!!!!). Interesting, I just always assumed all kids did it till I started researching AS. DS gets a lot of hand me down clothes from cousins, older friends, etc. and he can always tell who has handed them down to him, simply with a sniff of the garment (even if it has been washed and rewashed by me!).