Rabbit

Hi Noogsy. Just wanted to say be strong. You are doing a fantastic job. You know your child better than any of the professionals. Don't be fobbed off by the head teacher. We had a really bad head master....he told my son he was a retard and then asked my son to repeat what he had said ....so he did and said "you are a retard"....head flipped because he had only done what he had been told to do. Head thought he was being cheeky. I only found out about this incident because unbeknown to the head my friend was in school early to collect her child and she overheard the b@st@rd. All hell let loose then and I removed J from the school. I have been home educating him for the past year and he has now been granted a placement in a special school from Sept. You will get excellent help, support and advice from everyone here. I have only been a member a very short while......but have acheived so much since joining the gang here....much more than I have over the past two years going it alone. Read what is posted here and take the advice offered......it really does help. Dont worry about spelling and all that.....I have ADD and I am Dyslexic....takes me forever to post....but I get there in the end.....just have to do things in my own way at my own time....just like my little man. take care. Rabbit

Thanks Guys....we are seeing MP at 11 am today....just looked at the time....I must go to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a HUGE list of questions to ask him.....he just better listen or else it will be time for us to take the action we have been delaying.....OFF TO THE PRESS WE WILL GO. Not good for him as he has taken quite a slating lately....not good when there is an election only a few weeks away!!!!!! Will keep you posted.

I have to laugh or else I will cry......GP has just phoned to ask if can help us in any way...... Refer us to CAMHS urgently......reply NO. Refer us to Dr Gillian Baird........reply NO. Refer us to another paed for second opinion.....reply NO. Refer us to Conty based diagnostic centre.....reply .....NO. He did however suggest I sit down, make my self a nice cup of tea and relax.......asked him if he was going to come and make it for me.......Reply......NO. Some ###### help he is....but as he said his hands are tied due to lack of funding.....

Just thought I would bring you up to speed....its been a busy week..... I have an appointment with MP on Saturday morning....he had a cancellation and has squeezed me in.....I'll be squeezing him if he doesnt pull his finger out and help us!!!!! I have secured a diagnostic assesment....the DISCO...with a CP who was referred to us by Gillian Baird....30th march...here at home....will cost...but hey whats money for???? LEA have referred our request back to panel and we will get a decission on the 1st March as to whether J will be getting link education at home.....HE WILL BE for 15 hours a week....it just has to be put through the motions....his link education starts in two weeks time and we have an appointment on Tuesday with his new teacher who will be coming to the house to teach him....she has ASD experience. So guys a big thanks for all your advice....its amazing how much help and support you have given me....I could not have done it with out you. Oh and just because I have sent of a few letters and the LEA are now playing ball....please dont think I have let things slide....I have not and I will still be taking action against the ###### for all the trauma they have caused us....they still havent agreed that my son can attend the special school before Sept 05 and the LHA are still refusing to provide J with the support he needs.....we will see about that........... Bunny is still battling....

keep up the good work......you will get there in the end.

Strange you should say that......my dear old pop used to say exactly the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!! Little Girl????????? You aint seen the size of my BUTT!!!!!!!!

Cheers Honey. Rome wasnt built in a day!!!!!!!

Update..... 1. have now enlisted help of local MP. 2. have written to a firm of solicitors whom specialise in SEN Law & Medical negligence. 3. have written to a few other professional bodies.....just hoping they will agree to help us......still waiting for confirmation from one person who would be the biggest help to us in every aspect......fingers crossed. 4. have written to LEA to requset Link Education for J.....this time giving them a deadline to reply by. 5. have spoken to IPSEA, NAS, Disability law Service, DofES and our adoptiuon social worker.......getting him back on board just incase!!!!!!! 6. Not eaten or slept much since.....havent had the time!!!!!!!! Oh & J is doing fine.....infact he has been a very happy chappie today....lots of snuggles and huggles......he even told me it was "time to get the dinner on" at the right time today...I am sooooo proud of him....he is such a cutie.....thats why I will not stop until I have secured him the educational and medical support he needs and deserves. Thanks for asking......

Thanks everyone......taking each day as it comes......will push past each obstacle as it crosses my path..... I love my boy and will till the day I die.....nothing is going to stop me now. Loulou......your situation sounds exactly the same as mine......we have a special school placement.....from Sept.......thats just not good enough!!!!! Have lots of info to digest.....will get the solicitor on board.....seeing MP in a couple of weeks time.....I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE......just need to stay focussed. Rabbit

Firstly I would like to say a massive thanks to all who have given me advice and support over the past few days.....I have acheived more in the past two days that I have in the last year........THANK YOU ALL. Last night Hubby arranged for us to go out.....A Valentines Surprise J had been pre warned over 4 days that we were going out......neighbour who has a fantastic insight to ASD was sitting for us.....she adores J and he her. N has previously worked with Autistic children at the local NAS Residential Centre.....so her expertise means we can rest assured that J's reactions and behaviour is well understood. Things did not go well......poor N has the bruises to prove it!!!!!! J ran away from home....N was getting him a drink and whilst out of the room he climbed through the window and escaped.......she finally found him.....curled up at the bottom of our garden.....he wanted Mummy to come home......several episodes later....which included J hitting his head with a hammer!!!!.... he was so distrught that she phoned us to go home....... J was awake most of last night......just had to keep checking we were around....I climbed into bed with him...I needed my sleep!!!!! This morning I had to get up very early as we had a builder coming.......I left J asleep.......an hour later I went up to find my little man in a pool of blood.....he had taken his plastic ruler and snapped it.....he has scratched and cut both of his arms very badly......he has needed butterfly stitches in two of the cuts..... I asked him why he had done this....."it didnt hurt Mom....I thought you had left me again". I spoke with our GP at length this morning......the only solution we now have is to get a referral to CAMHS for support.....problem.....there is a 9 month wait to be seen...... GP said that even though J has threatened and talked about wanting to die.....nothing will be done until he actually attempts to do so.....what am I supposed to do in the meantime....sit and wait until he hurts himself so badly or even worse......... In J's statement it states that J needs intervention grom CAMHS.....I believe that he has never seen anyone from this dept....only a CP from the Joint Agency Team/ Family Consultancy Team.....and she doesnt believe J has a problem.....it US!!!!!!! We adopted J and CP believes that we have underlying issues that are connected to this fact.....TOSH....I believe this is her excuse for not having to do anything to help us......If I hear the word FUNDING one more time I WILL SCREAM We have had various sessions with our adoption social worker.....he wrote a lengthy report telling CP how very wrong she is!!!!!! GP's advice.......GET YOURSELF A SOLICITOR.......GO FOR NEGLIGENCE FROM BOTH LHA AND LEA......YOU HAVE NO OTHER OPTION. GP is very understanding.....his son is on the spectrum....but he can afford to send his HFA son to private school....which has an ASD unit attached.....I CANT!!!!!! J is on the ASD Assessment waiting list.....currently a 3 year wait for assessment......we are paying privately to undergo the DISCO assessment in May. I have to stay really focussed.....I have to get this sorted......I have to find a solicitor who can act for us.....I NEED A SOLICITOR WHO KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT........I need to raise funds to pay for this....... So if Im not posting much.....dont think I am not around.....I will be looking in and going through some of your old posts.....trying to find the answers I need to get me through this........ Good Luck to you all in everything you are trying to acheive for your children.....NEVER did I think I would have to do this when I so desperatly wanted to be a Mom. Rabbit

Simon....with regards to the review....In october 2004 we recieved J's proposed statement...despite us asking for the special school to be named in part 4 the LEA had gone ahead and named J's current mainstream school as the provider.... Not a happy bunny so off I trotted to see solicitor chappie.....IPSEA told us to get statement finalised so we could go to appeal....Solicitor agreed, but in the meantime we got solicitor to write a letter requesting the placement at the special school......now I know I shouldnt have got the statement finalised.....I should have battled on to get the special school added as the provider or gone to tribunal. Once we had the finalised staement the solicitor said he thought we would be unlikely to win a case at SENdist because by the time we would get a date for a hearing it would be March/April time and possible argument would be that J would not be missing out on much school time, between then and Sept. Solicitor wrote just one letter to LEA stating that if we did not get a placement for J at the special school then we would be preparing a case of negligence....did the trick and three days later we had the confirmation of placement at Special school....but not until Sept 05!!!!!!! When we received the notification that the finalised statement was being prepared, the LEA told us that if we gave it a period of six months and if J had not improved at his mainstream school.....then the school could request a review and possibly new measures could be drawn up.......what ever that is supposed to mean!!!!! I made a comment to LEA officer about J fitting into school.....not school fitting into J.....J cant cope with mainstream....and mainstream cant cope with J.....why was it about school not coping with his behaviour....it should be about J not copeing and his needs not being met!!!!!! Should have saved my breath.....they dont care about anything but their ###### budgets!!!!!! Just after we had told the lEA to finalise the statement I had no choice but remove him....he was so depressed....his LSA knew nothing about ASD....thats not strictly true...she informed us that she had read "curious incident of the dog"....but didnt understand it!!!!! J was being tormented,beaten and bullied. The Head had told him he was stupid and silly and he should grow up....stop wrapping your Mom around your finger....I am no fool....you are playing games with everyone!!!!!!!ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Did not actually get a copy of the fianlised staement unti Jan when I phoned and requested one.....LEA officer who wrote it has had a nervous breakdown and left....."so she must mistakenly forgotten to send it out to me".....but as the new officer said "highly unlikely"....more like "it got lost in the post"....or "you have misplaced it"!!!!! So thats where I am at...no school placement....have got a statement....18 hours 1:1...not bad for a child who according to school SENCO has no educational difficulties what so ever!!!!......cant get a review....checked out the Cof P and J has to be in the provision for 4 out of 6 weeks so that his educational needs can be assesed....and I have one little man sitting here desperate to go back to his new school....in the classroom with the "loo alls and bish"...bue walls and fish. I will be sending off my letter to LEA highlighting section 19 of Education Act....just keeping my fingers crossed.......

Helen....busy day for me....thanks so much for your advice.... I have just gotten of the phone from talking with the Dfes..... Basically they said the same as IPSEA....J is entitled to access Education and his needs should be met. Now adding to my letter to LEA the fact that J's statement clearly states his SEN and how these needs should be met through a differentiated curriculum..... Exactly HOW are the LEA proposing to MEET the NEEDS of my child???????? What educational provision are THEY going to PROVIDE?????? Will keep you posted....and might just need to call upon your support a few more times along the way.....Cheers. Rabbit

Simon....I understood what you meant......I'm not very good with words.....I have ?ADD and am waiting for assessment myself....makes life interesting in our house!!!!! At no point have I ever told school or the LEA that I have officially withdrawn J from school.....I just walked in to school early one morning and plonked copies of the GP's letter on Head Teachers, SENCO's and class Teachers desks.....ran like hell then because I didnt want a confrontation. NEVER have the school asked me how J is....if we want school work for him....NO response from them at all....strange since J's older brother is at the SAME school!!!!! The LEA have obviouly worked out that I am not returning J to the school....I have discussed the incidents which led up to J's breakown.....the running away from school....the being called stupid and silly by headmaster....the physical restraining. The LEA contacted me to say they had been in touch with admissions to find another mainstream placement for J....no school in our area will take him because they have no knowledge of ASD and can not see how they can offer him the support he needs in school. The only school whichis prepared to take J is his old one!!!!! Yeah Right!!!!! So if I have never said that I have withdrawn J from school....he is off sick....how come I can not ask for an early review???? Is it because J has been absent from school for 4 weeks out of a 6 week period....I can remember reading something about that when we first tried to get J's statemented. Oh poo my head is spinning.....and the hose work is piling up around me....must go and do some work!!!!! Rabbit

Forgot to add we already have a GP's letter which states "J is to remain absent from school for the foreseeable future due to the psychological damage that is being caused by being in an inappropriate school provision." Thought that would have doen the trick......how wrong was I????????

Crafty.... I didnt think of that!!!!!!! Just worried though as to what it would do to J......he really was so bad....and after all avenues had been exhausted I removed J because he was asking how he could kill himself.....so sad to hear a boy of 8 say he wants to hang and die. I really do not think our relationship would be repairable if I told him he was going back to his mainstream school........ He hated me because I was the one who sent him to his daily dose of torture!!!! It has taken us 4 months of real family bonding time for him to realise I sent him to school because I thought it was the right thing to do.....now I know different..... Oh poo now I am confused.....as much as I would love to send J back to school just to prove my point that Mainstream is not for him......I dont think I would be fair using him as a pawn.....just me telling J he would be going back would be enough to send him into a jibbering wreck...... feeling very muddled.

Ummmmm. the LEA might just have me backed into a corner.....AND I DONT LIKE IT!!!!!! Thanks Helen....I spoke with John Wright at IPSEA.....he didnt feel that a scrutiny review would be that helpful at the moment.....but certainly something we look to doing in the future. Basically by me taking my son out of mainstream to protect his mental welfare I have now become responsible for J's education. The LEA are duty bound under section 19 of the education act to provide some form of education for J....be it 25 hours home tuition or a placement at the special school. If I hadnt taken J out of school I could have asked for an early review.....not able to do so because J has been home since Oct. If we had had an early review I could have insisted the specail school was named on his statement......if they refused then I could have appealed. Now I have no other option but to plod on....keep bashing out the letters....keep banging on the dooors. I'll write ANOTHER letter to LEA asking what educational provision they are going to provide J under section 19 of the education act......put in a few we are concerned's etc....give them 10 working days to respond and if we hear nothing.....then hey ho back to the solicitor we will go..... They WILL NOT BEAT ME DOWN...... Warrior Bunny is out and on her mission....nothing will stand in my way....LEA beware!!!!

We had this problem.....whch I am glad to say we have conquered after an intensive Sensory Integration Dysfunction Therapy programme, put together by an OT who specialises in SID. Basically we were told to go out and by a massager....like the ones you seen in Argos.....waterproof ones that can be used in the bath.....We then let J play with it for two weeks whilst he was in the bath. After the initial "lets play" period we began to use the massager all over his body paying attention to his head. 4 weeks later J would get his massager and ask for "rub dubs". He enjoyed the sensation of the bristles over his body.......very relaxing. J actually asked to go to the barbers and have his hair cut.....a first ever. I was apprehensive because we have always had meltdowns before...... Of we trotted and apart from some inexcusanble comments from the Barber, the haircut went OK. A good book to get hold of his "The Out of Synch Child" by Carole Kranowitzc...explains SID well and offers loads of desensitising therapys to try.

My hubby and I adopted our boys. They are true biological siblings. R our oldest came to us at 18 months old. J followed on 11 months later and was 8 months when we welcomed him into our lives. Both boys settled very well and life was so perfect for all of us. For the first time in my life I felt complete. When it came time for us to have J's MMR vaccine we decided that we would hold off....there had been at that time so many news bulletins about the possible connection between MMR and Autism. J was developing well apart from his speech....he did tend to babble and not form words....he also liked to watch the same film over and over again.....The Wizard of Oz. When J was 2 years 7 months old I took him to see the HV for his weight/height check....she persuaded me to let her give J his MMR......that night he was rushed into ICU because he was fitting and became unconcious. His body was so swollen all over and he was turning purple. Of course because I had been so worried about the MMR I was convinced this had caused his sudden problem. The Paed gave J a massive dose of augmentin via IV and told us he had a bad viral infection....it was nothing to do with the MMR. Things went OK and J came home after 10 days. My family live away and they all came to visit J a few days later. All my family members commented on how insular J had become....what did they expect he had been ill. Within a month of J's mystery illness he had completely changed....he stopped talking and locked himself into his silent world. Years of going backwards and forwards to see Paed after Paed...SALT after SaLT...we still have no confirmed DX of Autism....J is 9 in three weeks time. He is presenting with "Autistic Traits and has Semantic Pragmatic disorder" is the closest we have gotten to a DX....along with ADHD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia....Oh and don't forget the severe learning difficulties....and the poor parenting label we have been given along the way.....and the "well he's adopted" remarks!!!!! I really think he is so complex that he is undxable if thats possible????? We have always said that we lost the J we adopted, the day we gave him the MMR....I have cried for my giggly, contented baby....I have wanted him back so much....where did he go???? That was before we did some routing around....luckily we have an excellent relationship with the birth parents and their socail worker. We managed to discover that both parents have a history of mental health problems in their families....some diagnosed with szycophrenia (is that how you spell it????), some with social communication difficulties and COD. So now we are not so sure....was it the MMR....was it the Augmentin...new research is showing a link....or is it down to genetics????? Personally I believe I was so ignorant and did not recognise the traits when J was small...he loved repetitive motion....the washing machine was his toy....the constant watching of The Wizard of Oz....the spinning....the babble instead of speech..... Maybe he had mild traits and the MMR/Augmentin triggered those traits to become worse....I dont know....Im not the brightest of the bunch....all I know is I love my little man and I wouldnt change him for the world....but I would change the world for him. Rabbit

helenl53...... a quick question if you don't mind.......are the schools SENCO's supposed to be in school just as a SENCO or are they there as a teacher with SENCO responsibility???? The reason I ask is because at an emergency multi-agency meeting the EP told the SENCO to submit a request for Statuatory Assessment as a matter of great urgency......it took her 19 months to do so and then she sent it to the wrong dept!!!!!! Her excuse to us was that she has 34 children to teach in her class full-time, 70+ books to mark each week and she didn't have enough time to do her SENCO job!!!! This is the same SENCO who did not have a copy of the C of P....well not until I got her one and gift wrapped it for her!!!!!

By all means you can use anything that I have posted so far......I could give you a whole host of other stuff to use......some of which would make your blood boil...... Will PM you...... Rabbit

Thanks for that Helen.....will get stright on to it.... I am just NOT going to let the LEA beat me down...... J will be in the school asap and NO ONE will stand in my way.... Time to become more assertive and start kickin some ass.....

What a fantastic idea....how many of us Mums have sat in our head teachers office pouring our hearts out explaining how difficult things are at home, to then have the head dismiss what we have said as the ramblings of some neurotic mother. I certainly know that I sat once....cried my eyes out....telling head how J was really having bad melt downs at home and was finding it really difficult to cope with his home work etc.....for the head to then tell me he had NEVER heard of this before and maybe J was playing me for a fool as whilst he was at school he never, at that time, had had a meltdown!!!! A couple of months later I bumped into a friend who's son had attended our school...he has a dx of Aspergers....I told her what about my discussion with the head.....she then told me that just 6 months before she had done the exact same thing and had gotten the same respoose!!!!!! Our School Doctor told hubby and I that J could not possibly have Aspergers because everytime he walked through our local shopping centre he did not lick all the windows he walked past!!!!! It was only when J started to have daily meltdowns at school did they begin to realise I was not telling lies and that my son was experiencing some real difficulties. Ignorance is a killer.......the only way these professionals will ever learn is if they really listen to us.....we live ASD daily....they only read about it in the books they pick up or the research they read. Standing together as a united front gives us families the power to make the authorities listen.....understanding might take a bit longer....but we have to be patient!

I will make an appointment to go and speak with new head.....she is very new to the school and is full of enthusiasm at the moment. What really annoys me is because I have not removed J's name from his old school register his LSA is still being paid for by the LEA as well as his school placement there......surely the funds could be transferred to the special school and J could get a place quicker. I asked if the LSA could come to our home and work with J following lessons planned by his old class techer....Head from Hell refused this because he said LSA was not insured to be in my home!!!! The LSA is now working with another child who has not got a statemnet because the childs parents refused for him to be assesed.....whilst I am glad the child is getting the support he needs.....I am miffed at the fact I worked so very hard for 2 years to get J his statement and his LSA..... and now someone else is reaping the benefits whilst my son is getting no support from the authorities!!!!!!! But then thats all my fault because I took him out of school......they seem to forget I HAD TO DO THIS TO SAVE MY SON FROM SELF HARMING HIMSELF!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh Not a Happy

I have been asking them to ammend his statement and they keep saying they will do it closer to the time he is due to start school in Sept!!!!! His statement was written on 1st october 04 and we received a letter from the LEA dated the 10th October to say he has a place at the special school in Sept 05. They will not ammend the statement because then they know I will have them by the short and curlies and my godness wouldnt I give them a good twist!!!! I am just so ###### angry that the men in grey suits forget that at the bottom of all this there is a little boy who wants to go to school.

WARNING LONG POST WRITTEN BY A MUMBLY OLD FOOL!!!!! I removed my son J from his mainstream school because he was suffering so badly at the hands of a bully. This bully would constantly tell my child he was being stupid and silly. He would physically restrain my son and on one occassion did this so hard my son was bruised. This bully was the school Head Teacher!!!! The Head Teacher used my sons lack of understanding as his tool to control what was happening with regard to his education. Head would tell us that J had spent the whole morning reading and writing.....yet our son could not read to us at home and we saw no evidence of him being able to write his name let alone a story at school. Head would say that J was playing us for fools....that there was nothing wrong with him and that we were neurotic. Final straw was when Head told J that if he didnt stop being stupid he would remove the LSA from the class and then J would be alone with no one to help him....bummer for the Head was that another Mom over heard him say this and told us immediatly. Head did not deny that he had said this and told us that J just needed to be told the truth sometimes.....he does do stupid things so he should be told so!!!! When I think that my son was subjected to the abuse he received at the hands of this man for 4 years it makes me shudder and cry buckets. J never went back following that incident. We sought help from our GP because J was asking to kill himself. GP wrote a letter to school to say J was experiencing psychological damage caused by an inappropriate school placement. We had a solicitor on board fighting our battle to get J a placement in the local Special School and when the LEA got a copy of the GP's letter from our solicitor chappie, they backed down and gave us the placement....in Sept 05!!!! Solicitor was costing a small mortage and he felt that we would not win if we went to appeal because of time frames.....this all happened in Oct 04....by the time we would get to appeal it would be March/April 05 and he felt SENDist would say that Sept is not so far away.....so bye bye Solicitor and heres your Cheque!!!! So J has been at home since...Im educating him and he is doing well. I have requested Link Education of 5 hours a week....this was refused on Tuesday of this week because J does not have any physical difficulties which are keeping him away from school....have written back to LEA informing them that J is physically fit....mentally he is not and therefore we wish to pursue Link Education on the grounds of phsycological difficulties. A while ago our LEA officer said we could contact the special school to arrange one afternoon a week in the school for J, so he could at least have some social interaction in a classroom environment. This was arranged and J went yesterday for his first afternoon. The LEA officer phoned me to see how it went and I told her he was really happy and had enjoyed himself, so much so that the class teacher had said he could go again today for the afternoon. I asked the LEA officer if there was any chance at all of J starting full time at the school before Sept.....definatly not due to funding issues etc.... When I collected J from the school today his new class teacher said J really needs a lot of input and assistance in all table top activities. She thought he was a little poppet and was glad to have him on board. She said it may be possible for her to have J more often in the class as he has appeared to settle so well. I explained that I have asked the LEA if he can start full time sooner and they have said no....to which the class teacher replied "well it's not up to them". Now I am really confused....LEA say NO WAY to schooling before Sept and yet teacher says possible..... What do I do???? Do I start another long battle with the LEA to get J in before Sept??? He is entitled to an education....if I said yes to mainstream he could go next week....if a school in our area would accept him because according to all the heads I have contacted, they feel they could not manage him as they have no understanding of ASD!!! The only school who will have him is his old one and hell will freeze over before I would subject J to the hands of the Head from Hell again. Hubby and I just dont know what to do anymore....Sept seems so far away and J is so happy about being back at school....he wants to go tomorrow and has taken his uniform out of the washing basket three times because he wants to wear it tomorrow...BLESS. I have tried to phone IPSEA tonight for advice, but no one was there....staff shortage due to illness!!!! Will phone them on Monday, but if anyone here has any ideas....they are needed. Sorry for the long ramble.....but it's a long time til Monday and contacting IPSEA!!!! Rabbit